I will be having my surgery just 2 weeks before Thanksgiving. I guess I will still be on pureed or soft foods then and likely not eating much at meals at all. We weren't planning on doing anything special - we usually don't do the whole big turkey dinner since none of us really even like it and I have one kid who is a vegetarian, one who is lactose intolerant and one who won't eat any carbs and another who is just picky as hell. Yeah, holidays are always fun! Usually I just make a variety of appetizers and we graze all day.

But, I got a call that my son who lives far away that he is coming and bringing his girlfriend who we haven't met! So, now I don't know what to do? I don't know if she will be expecting a full traditional dinner or not. I don't even know if I will be up to cooking anything, much less a huge spread. I also haven't told my son about my surgery - he's always been critical about my weight and I expect some snarky comments from him that I just need to eat like him (he's always been naturally thin) or other ignorant remarks. But I guess that will be a bit hard to hide two weeks out, right?

I don't want to make things awkward for his girlfriend. So - what would you do? Would you tell him ahead of time? Would you plan on cooking a big traditional meal and trying to fake your way through it? We have also been invited to friend's for dinner that day if we all want to go there instead - in a way that would be nice since I wouldn't have to do all the work. Eating out isn't an option since there aren't any restaurants in our area that will be open. And I also worry I won't even know at that point what I can keep down and I don't want to chance losing my dinner in front of everyone!

Arrrggghhh!! Thanksgiving is really stressing me out!! Any advice would be highly welcomed!

I'd take up the friend's offer if I were in your shoes!

Amen ....go to the friends house u don't need the stress of a huge dinner at this time and trying to manage your new situation with a new person in the mix picky kids/diets and and snarky comments from the other kid u need time to heal and deal with adjusting not catering to others right now bring a dish to share at the friends dinner better yet let the picky kids choose what to bring and let them make it! Good luck

I would tell him that is NOT a good time to visit.

I am on a special diet, and having visitors is stressful. That I Am going to be just two weeks out of surgery and still recouperate from surgery. That you can't really entertain or have Quest. I will say while I appreciate his wanting to visit this is not a good time. BE direct.

Edited October 19, 201411 yr by MsUjima

I would do the appetizers at home like usual but have the fam help out with the cooking process so it isn't all on you.

Or

I would go to the friends house.

I wouldn't let wls stop your son from coming to visit. I would tell him to inform his gf that you aren't very traditional so she can make her choice to come or not if its a big deal.

Make sure girlfriend knows how you normally have thanksgiving

Maybe make a small turkey breast

Then mashed potatoes - voila for you

Creamed corn should be ok for you and the vegetarian.

Have a bunch of appys and sneak in some for yourself and no one will even notice.

You are stressing it but I bet no one will even notice. If they do, holidays are stressful especially when you bring a special friend

Sounds like it's not the food that is the mitigating factor here. Sounds like you have the ability to let your son make you feel small? ashamed? inadequate? And like the actual food isn't really a problem at all....If you didn't trust him enough to tell him about the surgery, I would say it's pretty clear that having him around while you are focused on healing and recovering is not going to be the best idea, especially with whatever residual baggage/obligation that comes with holidays... Use this as a TEST to take start taking care of YOU first for once!...Everybody else sounds old enough to be OK...do what you would normally do and be OK with it, go for a family walk and then hit the movies or something else fun.....Tell your older son that this is what's going on and nothing more..give him the option to take it or leave it, but let him know ultimately, it's not the best time and you not up for visitors this year. He needs to see you laying it out there. Make it plain. This is a test of the emergency broadcast system....this is only a test! I know you can ACE this! :-)

I kinda echo what others say. I am 4 months out. In the beginning I didn't tell my family only my hubby of course and my BFF's because one had the sleeve a year prior and provided me with wonderful support. After several months I had come to the realization that I need to own my decision and anyone who didn't support me I didn't need to be around. For the first time I was putting myself first. Once this happened I told many people and was pleasantly surprised at how supportive they were. Shockingly so.

You don't mention what type of surgery you are having so I am using my knowledge of my medial gastric bypass as advice.

Right after surgery you will be on Clear liquids....sugarfree popsicicles, SF Jello, clear broth (low sodium). DO NOT eat creamed corn!!!!!!!!! My Dr. Advised corn is a never ever again food because you can not digest it. Please please do not try it esp. 2 weeks post-op you can tear something and cause damage. Secondly milk is a never ever again as well unless it is soy so cream corn is out!

I would have a conversation with your son and explain what you are doing and that while you would love for him and his gf to come visit that you won't be doing "your" traditional turkey day and that you might be going to a friends house. Do not push your self. Rely on your grown kids to help you.

Best of luck to you!!!!

I see now that you are having gastric bypass. Please undersand that people who have the sleeve have quite a bit different recovery and meal plan than us who have/had the gastric bypass. Be sure when taking advice that you make sure to check with your Dr. first. S/he will tell you what you can and can not eat.

I would do the appetizers at home like usual but have the fam help out with the cooking process so it isn't all on you.

Thanks all for such great feedback! You've all given me so much to think about. I think I am leaning more towards this suggestion of doing our regular thing with the appetizers and have each of the adult kids make their own favorite so everyone has something they like and will eat. Telling my son & his girlfriend not to come isn't an option since they've already got their plane tickets and I really do want to see them (just not have the snarky remarks about my weight.) I am hoping he will be on his best behavior since he is bringing the girl. If she is smart, she would be highly appalled at any guy who treated his mother badly in front of her.

I think planning to stay at home sounds like my best bet too since I really am not sure what I will be feeling like and I'd hate to plan on us all going to the friend's and at the last minute have to bail out (and then not have any food planned for at home.) If it were just my husband and I, it wouldn't matter. If we stay home, then if I get wiped out, it will be no big deal to go take a nap. Also, with the very informal finger foods, what I eat or don't eat won't be so obvious and hopefully won't be the central topic of conversation.

Doxie Mom of 3 - yes, I am having the RNY and our diet packet says no corn. It does include milk in a lot of the daily menu examples, so I think it is okay as long as we don't develop any intolerance.

MisforMimi - you are right that I need to take care of myself first and simply not put up with rudeness from anyone. I am thinking I may go ahead and tell my son about the surgery before he comes. Who knows, he might even surprise me with some new maturity. (One can only hope!)

I think this is a very good topic for ALL of us, @@ready2B! This time of year our celebrating revolves around food, which is something that we each need to deal with no matter where we are in our journey. Whether it's stress about the food itself (what can I eat?) to how other's might view our new eating habits to feelings of missing out on "being part of the tradition." I'm sure there are even aspects I've failed to think about yet.

I'm pre-op and I hope to have surgery mid-November but it could be December before I see the OR. Here's what's on my mind, maybe some of you have suggestions or ideas for me too!

I have a big family and we have lots of young kids and we focus on making memories for them. Our home is usually the hub of all the activities and it's usually a pretty laid back time. I know I can't eat regular food post-op but I'm already wondering how I'll feel engaging in food-related activities that are special to me. Baking bread with my teenage daughters, enjoying a slice of pumpkin pie from one plate and feeding lots of hungry toddlers that gather round with their mouths open like little birds, taking my 10% fee of Halloween candy from the little ones, making gingerbread houses and cuddling up with hot cocoa in front of the fire, making sausage balls for Christmas Breakfast...

The dietician and psychologist were both surprised when I told them the degree food has in my life. I make 3 full meals a day and feed 7 people at each meal. Since I'm the kind that really enjoys being a homemaker, I'm already thinking about how I can still make the meals I enjoy serving my family and still be part of the traditions of the season without putting myself in a bind. I'm afraid the truth will be that we will forgo a lot of the activities (especially if I'm not feeling 100%) and my family might be let down.

@@Algae, I'm glad some one is speaking out about this. I am the chef for the family. We bring our lunches to work/school and I cook dinners ava breakfasts at home and it's a real treat for us to eat out. I've been on crazy diets before like not eating solids food for 60 days at a time but it's still hard and requires Iron will. I too have thought about ideas and recipes that I could serve for my family and myself without breaking up the program too much. But it sounds like you and me are similar in that it's enjoyable to figure out food quandaries!! We host a lot of parties and I have friends who are gluten free, vegetarian, vegan, paleo, lactose intolerant, no nightshades etc etc etc. Most ppl would scoff but I love a challenge!! Lol :-)

I would say that when I've made a separate dish or dessert for myself that is in keeping with whatever the DOM (diet of the month!) is ppl usually really liked it when they taste it! I thinking some sort of bariatric no crust sweet potato souflee might work for dessert in the pureed stage during the holidays..sweet potatoes, Protein powder, sf egg nog syrup, egg, milk...baked and chilled...in a teeny tiny ramekin....yum.

My concern is establishingunrealistic expectation. You should plan around the "worst" happening. What if your recouperaion doesn't go well. What if you have complications? If you plan for them - then if they don't happen, you will have a nice quiet thanksgiving. If you don't plan for them and they do happen, you will have an unbelievable stressful thanksgiving. Tell everyone there will absolutely be no thanksgiving at the house. If they want to go out for thanksgiving dinner - but you will not be playing host because you will be recuperating from surgery. Don't set yourself up by keeping your surgery a secret. and by having unrealistic expectations.

2 weeks post surgery. -- rest and relax.

My concern is establishingunrealistic expectation. You should plan around the "worst" happening. What if your recouperaion doesn't go well. What if you have complications? If you plan for them - then if they don't happen, you will have a nice quiet thanksgiving. If you don't plan for them and they do happen, you will have an unbelievable stressful thanksgiving. Tell everyone there will absolutely be no thanksgiving at the house. If they want to go out for thanksgiving dinner - but you will not be playing host because you will be recuperating from surgery. Don't set yourself up by keeping your surgery a secret. and by having unrealistic expectations.

2 weeks post surgery. -- rest and relax.

Glad to hear you are going to see your son! And that you are going to stay home. I am 3 weeks post op from gastric bypass and I have to tell you, I cannot imagine going anywhere for dinner two weeks out. I still am tired in the afternoon. Hopefully your son will be happy that you made a positive change that is going to extend your life and will be very supportive! I know mine is. I am Italian and a very good cook and my family comes over to my house every Sunday for dinner. I have not cooked for them since starting my pre op diet on Sept. 19th. Even my hubby started Jenny Craig in support of my journey until I get through this first phase. The last two Sunday's I started making light Sunday suppers for them but it is a change for them too! So far they are missing my usual cooking but they are going to have to get used to it. I know they will, and I know I can deliver much healthier versions of my cooking. In terms of Milk, I found out right away that I was lactose intolerant however lactaid is an excellent choice and it is delicious and sits very light in your tummy. If you should have that problem give it a try. You will know right away. Good luck and have a fabulous Thanksgiving!

I think this is a very good topic for ALL of us, @@ready2B! This time of year our celebrating revolves around food, which is something that we each need to deal with no matter where we are in our journey. Whether it's stress about the food itself (what can I eat?) to how other's might view our new eating habits to feelings of missing out on "being part of the tradition." I'm sure there are even aspects I've failed to think about yet.

I'm pre-op and I hope to have surgery mid-November but it could be December before I see the OR. Here's what's on my mind, maybe some of you have suggestions or ideas for me too!

I have a big family and we have lots of young kids and we focus on making memories for them. Our home is usually the hub of all the activities and it's usually a pretty laid back time. I know I can't eat regular food post-op but I'm already wondering how I'll feel engaging in food-related activities that are special to me. Baking bread with my teenage daughters, enjoying a slice of pumpkin pie from one plate and feeding lots of hungry toddlers that gather round with their mouths open like little birds, taking my 10% fee of Halloween candy from the little ones, making gingerbread houses and cuddling up with hot cocoa in front of the fire, making sausage balls for Christmas breakfast...

The dietician and psychologist were both surprised when I told them the degree food has in my life. I make 3 full meals a day and feed 7 people at each meal. Since I'm the kind that really enjoys being a homemaker, I'm already thinking about how I can still make the meals I enjoy serving my family and still be part of the traditions of the season without putting myself in a bind. I'm afraid the truth will be that we will forgo a lot of the activities (especially if I'm not feeling 100%) and my family might be let down.

Algae maybe it's time others took the torch this year. Time to test the theory that what you have instilled over the years has been appreciated and they can carry on for you and with you.

Let them spread their wings a bit. Sit relax and appreciate what you have spent years instilling - a sense of family, love and home.

Try it. You may be surprised. Happily