Haters!

[Heather_Feather 24]

I know there's been a number of posts very similar to mine, but I need to vent. I'm almost 5 months post-op, and everyone in my life has been super supportive! It's truly been a blessing. I've lost about 75 lbs. and at first, got plenty of compliments. Now, I'm still about 10 lbs. overweight, and I'm really working hard to lose it. However, people are starting to sip on some serious haterade. I've always been overly sensitive, and secretly it's hurting my feelings. They'll say things like, "You don't plan to lose any more weight, do you?" (and give me a stank eye) or "You don't want to get too skinny." HELLO!! I'm still overweight. What gives, and how can I still keep my motivation and spirits up? Thanks for any advice, or if you just want to make me giggle, that's cool too!!

[mick 99]

Just curious to know who is telling you how much you should weigh?

How to keep your spirits up? Work on not being over sensitive.

I have some friends that look seriously sucked up! I am losing weight but I do not want "that look". You know, like "dead man walking" kind of look.

I laugh when I see what some website says I should weigh according to my height. How silly! I have always been large in my chest and shoulders since I was 13 yrs old. Then I started working out with weights. I hate that I have lost a lot of muscle in this journey but on the other hand I don't have all that pride to deal with at my age so... it is what it is, but... I do not want to weigh 135-140 either.

[woo woo 872]

Is it possible that they are trying to compliment you in an odd way? Maybe it's meant in a nice way but it just coming across weird.

The best thing is just don't take stuff personally.

Science has shown that, in general, 99.99999999% of the time this kind of stuff is not meant as an insult to you. :P

[HaddocksEyes 205]

I know there's been a number of posts very similar to mine, but I need to vent. I'm almost 5 months post-op, and everyone in my life has been super supportive! It's truly been a blessing. I've lost about 75 lbs. and at first, got plenty of compliments. Now, I'm still about 10 lbs. overweight, and I'm really working hard to lose it. However, people are starting to sip on some serious haterade. I've always been overly sensitive, and secretly it's hurting my feelings. They'll say things like, "You don't plan to lose any more weight, do you?" (and give me a stank eye) or "You don't want to get too skinny." HELLO!! I'm still overweight. What gives, and how can I still keep my motivation and spirits up? Thanks for any advice, or if you just want to make me giggle, that's cool too!!

LOL - I was good until I got to the "stank eye" part. Yeah, the Decaf on the keyboard due to my uncontrollable laughing.

I'm only two months out and have lost 30 of the 140 pounds I need to lose, so unfortunately, I don't have any advice as the people around me (at work primarily-those who would possibly come up with comments like that) haven't really paid attention to the fact that I am thinner. However, I saw your fun personality shine in this post and had to respond. You sound like a really neat person!

[Rogofulm 2,440]

Yep, I'm down 74 pounds, which just happens to be 2/3 of the weight I want to lose. People are already telling me that I don't need to lose any more. HAH! Technically, I'm still obese for another 6 pounds! But I realize that they mean it as a compliment, so I take it that way and don't let it bug me. And regardless of how we feel individually about the BMI calculations, the fact is that they are the standard that the medical and insurance professions use to determine weight-related risk factors. So I have targeted a goal weight that puts me exactly one pound into the NORMAL range. My wife says, "I didn't marry a skinny guy", and I answer, "Too bad, cause your gonna end up with one!" So, family aside, I'm going to try not mentioning how much I have left to go. If somebody says, "You don't need to lose any more weight," I'll say, "Thanks for the compliment!" and leave it at that. We'll see how it goes....

[sleevie.wonder 306]

I'm in the same boat... so let me know what works for you . People tell me I look good where I am at right now, but I am at the top of the overweight category still. I need to lose another 25-30lbs to be in a normal weight range. It's very frustrating, but I just tell them I'd like to get to a healthier weight still, even though they don't agree.

[katesuccess 990]

I've had similar stuff with people commenting on the rapidity of my loss, and that I shouldn't lose too fast or too much. What I've come to myself is that this is SO personal and it is NOT a conversation I want to have where I feel any need whatsoever to argue or engage their option (unless they are my doc, nut or pt anyway!) that I say something like, "Thanks for noticing - I'm working hard on my overall heath even more than any weight target. I'm feeling really good, and plan to keep on improving in lots of ways!" and then the ever-necessary forced conversation change.

As for the weight number we aim at - and who does or doesn't like it. Phooey on them. I had to laugh this last weekend since both of my wonderful daughters did the Tough Mudder together with a team of buddies. My younger one is a personal trainer and is super-fit. My older one is very laid back and loves to enjoy good food and wine and parties. They're in very different shape and had very different reasons and goals for the run, and although the younger one is only about 2" taller than the older, they both weigh exactly the same! Of course the part where you have to carry someone was WAY easier for stronger one who works out daily--and the less strong one wasn't much helped by the fact that they were both laughing hysterically, but really, I was shocked to find they weighed the same. I'd have figured about a 20 pound difference at least! So phooey on other people's ideas of OUR numbers! In the nicest possible way of course.

[Bufflehead 6,358]

Kill them with kindness: "aww, it's so nice of you to take an interest in my health! Thank you!" repeat until they shut up with the stupid comments.

[Sleeve_Sistah85 193]

And next time you see them you'll say.."You dont plan to wear that shirt again do you?"...lol...Nah Im kidding.

I am also a very sensitive and emotional person so I totally get where you are coming from. But as I got older I had to learn to have thick skin and be mindful of how I carry myself. I guess the others above are right. Say thanks and keep moving or change the subject.

Good luck on your weight loss and thanks for sharing.

[Babbs 14,680]

I said it here before and I'll say it again...

When my hubby who had RNY 8 years ago complained to his doc at close to his goal weight about people telling him "You're too skinny" and "You're not planning on losing anymore weight, are you??" His surgeon said this:"There are so many overweight people these days, nobody truly knows what "normal" weight looks like anymore.Just ignore them".

[MommyMeghan 92]

People are always going to want you to do good, just not too good. They get threatened when you do too well. Don't let them discourage you

[Forsythia 882]

In the words of Taylor Swift, shake it off.

You do not owe these people any sort of explanation or apology on what you are doing to your body. However, I will say that these people are used to seeing you be obese. They have no concept or idea as to what a proper weight for you is. You can go all clinical on them and say "Thanks for your concern, my BMI is still over 26, which is considered overweight. I'd like to get into the normal range of 20 to 25". You can also be polite and say "I appreciate your concern and I will take your advice into consideration". You can be that person who gives zero effs and tell them to "Eff off". (maybe save that one for people you don't like). But don't let it get you down. These people have no idea about your personal needs and are just reacting to seeing you thin.