just a lot of grief

[LindafromFlorida 1,542]

So, I have been doing better in better in spite of some difficult things in life, but recently I have had some very sad events. It is not causing me to reach for food, but it makes me hyper aware that for DECADES food would have giving me solace during these times.I am running like hell to find healthy substitutes - my friends, my family, my dogs, my horses, keeping moving.

Okay, my little sister passed after a horrible horrible ending of breast cancer that spread to her bones 7 years ago - she was 39. It was traumatic and horrific for so many of us - but she and I had a special bond as we were raised "like twins". anyway, she left behind a devoted partner who returned to her old nemisis - booze - as she could never get over losing her. The partner she left behind alienated many family and friends with her drinking and irresponsible behavior and frankly also just didn't return calls etc too so many of us lost touch. I hadn't seen her in nearly a year when I got the call she has an inoperable brain tumor and was found lost in her own house. It is sad and tragic and intense and she just turned 50 - we are practically the same age. There are alot of dimensions to this - an extended base of family (hers and mine) and friends who feel guilt and just awful for her. She hasn't long to live so many things have to be figured out. Her family is out of state so of course I am in the middle of this sh*tstorm.

then, today, I got the message that my niece who would be early 40s passed last night in her sleep from "natural causes". She has been super morbidly obese her whole life. I don't know her weight, but I would guess at least 350-400# and she is maybe 5'4" or so. anyway, I don't know what is so "natural" about dying so young but I of course suspect obesity related heart failure or perhaps even undiagnosed sleep apnea.

I feel just awful. I am working hard to not let it bring me down, but so much tragedy so close to home. I know others have lost loved ones too - it is not unique to me - but I feel like I hardly know where to turn since so many turn to me.

On top of that, my state of mind basically caused me to not be as sensitive to someone close to me (he is high maintenance and I just could not deal with it) and so right when I need a friend I have chased one away.

I am dedicated to remaining clean eating through all this because I think we all know that over eating doesn't solve a damn thing and just makes you more miserable.

I am so very sorry for all this heartache you have suffered. Please find the friend you think you chased away......Your friend has not run far I am sure. I have suffered much tragedy and loss in my life, and there is nothing worse then losing our precious loved ones. It is the most profound pain in the world, as we try to deal with it. God Bless and God's Grace as you carry on. That is what we have to do. Be strong and carry on. You will do it. Just take care of yourself.

Linda

[swimbikerun 1,039]

CGJ please know you have people online who care and will listen. We can't give you physical hugs but we could pray for you or let you know that we care and want to see things work out for you.

[LivingFree! 478]

CGJ and feedyoureye,

The two of you have no idea what an inspiration you have been to me in my WLS adventure these past three years--and for that I send a very special thank you. Please accept my heartfelt thoughts and condolences for the trying times you are facing in your lives right now. Wishing you strength and peaceful healing.

[lsereno 2,525]

Jane, make sure to make time every day to take care of you. Eat well, and get out in nature. It really helps. I just lost my mom yesterday. We could see it coming for over a week, but still, it is hard work to take care. Im so glad I could be there for her. Sending (((Hugs)) your way.

So sorry for your loss. I'm thinking of you.

Lynda

[Chelenka 827]

GCJ - i don't know what to say in the face of so much loss. You are an amazingly strong person and I know you will find your way through this difficult time and thru the grief. There seems to me to be many, deep, psychological reverberances to these events which will take a long time to unravel. Please be loving and kind to yourself and try not to "fix" everything or take on more than you can handle.

Sending you love, light and a big cyber hug ((()))!

Helen

[CrissyRing77 232]

Oh man I'm sorry to hear all of this! Yes we all go through loss at some point but this is extreme and anyone would have difficulty handling it all! You are a strong one girl I know from seeing your success! I don't speak up much, but you are and have been an inspiration! Hang in there and friends who are true will see you through this even when you aren't at your best and if he is resentful that his needs may not come first right now, then he's got some learning to do! Big hugs and prayers for you!

[It's all new 453]

CGJ - it is with sorrow that I read of these things going on in your life, and to the people you love. I hope you lean on others, find strength in the things you love most (perhaps spending time outdoors, your horses, etc), and just put one foot in front of the other for a bit. Fueling your body so that you can tend to so many important issues is a requirement - hydration and food both. I have experienced a total loss of hunger under stress and didn't fight it properly... it sounds as if you are acting in a responsible and mindful manner. With caregiving, loss, and related issues, you will probably need time to recover, and possible more time than you expect. Be good to yourself. You deserve it.

Mary

[Oregondaisy 2,019]

I'm glad to hear the stress is not causing you to turn to food, which is probably exactly what I would do in your situation.

I really admire you. You're so strong, and you have so much going for you. Keep hanging in there. I know you know that we're here for you.

Edited August 19, 2014 by Oregondaisy

[moonlitestarbrite 902]

how are you coping now?

[CowgirlJane 14,259]

I am doing well. I have developed a mantra or personal slogan " I am not so much afraid of dying as I am of not living." So through all this I continue to make sure I am living and not just zombie walking through it...not numbing my feelings etc. I lost a friend over it in truth but it was a friend that needed to go anyway. I am a happy cheerful and fun person much of the time but anyone who can't handle authentic grief and deep feelings loses their place in my daily life.

[Fluffnomore 1,235]

Sounds like a good mantra. You're in my thoughts!

[scootergirl 118]

Cowgirl, you have been a voice of reason and sanity to me through this past year of my VSG journey. I wish I could be there for you right now. I'd stay up all night to listen to your stories about your recently lost loved ones. Know I am with you in spirit.

[CowgirlJane 14,259]

Thank you all for your support. Betty, the young 50 year old woman with brain cancer, passed last night.

She is free from the pains and cares of this world and re-unitied with the person she loved the most - my sister, her life partner who passed 7 years ago, also from cancer.

I am sad, but doing okay. I wish I could take time off from work because I feel unfocused. I have been doing alot of snacking the last week or two and I am sure that feelings of stress and grief are part of it. I shared a post in another forum about my reminder to be grateful for what I have in this life and I am reflecting on that today.

[moonlitestarbrite 902]

hang in there.

[Fluffnomore 1,235]

Aw, crap. So sorry for your loss. Happy she is free from pain and suffering.