Closet eating

[ljperez 87]

I've always been one. I feel I am worse now. I feel more judged than ever. Does anyone feel this way. I'm sliding back into eating when no one is around. I constantly get WOW you can eat more now and can you eat that and I feel like everyone is looking at what I am eating. I wish no one new about the surgery I'm struggling I still haven't gotten to goal but I still don't eat much but I'm starting to hide when I eat and I know it's bad but I don't want to eat in public or around my family and friends. Is it me or do others feel this way?

[swimbikerun 1,039]

I didn't mind eating around others, but what's wrong with closet eating (or any eating) when you eat healthy?

DON'T EAT ANY food THAT HAS A COMMERCIAL. That includes drink too. As long as you stick to that, what does it matter if you eat in the closet or bedroom or car or garage or the balcony of the Empire State Building. Stick to eating healthy things: broccoli, cauliflower, lettuces, spinach, chickpeas, peas, Beans, celery, carrots ... a few berries.

Dates if you want a snack (they are my DOWNFALL).

[RJ'S/beginning 5,357]

I used to feel this way...But now I just go about my business and they can stare all they want and say dumb things all they want....Usually though they are waiting for me to push my plate away from myself so that they can dive for it.....

Don't feel ashamed of making healthier choices and looking out for your health...It is about you girl and no one else. You are in control..Take and run with it.....And stop the closet eating because you may find that you will pick up those bad eating habits again and you will feel even worse.....Stick to the 1 cup amount and 2 Snacks......

You've got this kid!

[DarbiMolly 188]

I've always been one. I feel I am worse now. I feel more judged than ever. Does anyone feel this way. I'm sliding back into eating when no one is around. I constantly get WOW you can eat more now and can you eat that and I feel like everyone is looking at what I am eating. I wish no one new about the surgery I'm struggling I still haven't gotten to goal but I still don't eat much but I'm starting to hide when I eat and I know it's bad but I don't want to eat in public or around my family and friends. Is it me or do others feel this way?

Could you speak to those people and explain to them how it makes you feel?

[CowgirlJane 14,259]

I was never a closet eater so I am coming from a different perspective. I get alot more of the "I can't believe you eat so little" and 2.5 years out from my sleeve surgery.

I believe that people who make these comments to me are genuinely worried about me (or think I don't like their food...haha). I frankly tell them that I am one of those people who can't eat much and maintain a normal weight, it sucks, but my reality! Basically, I make a joke out of it. If someone pushes me, I get firm that I do what I need to do and am working with physicians and nutritionalists.

What puzzles me about your statements is... who thinks you are eating too much? How do they know? I mean, what kind of expertise do they bring to this table?

this weight loss journey requires a lot of mental toughness, including standing up for your own needs and wants. I think you should feel just fine eating alone, but you shouldn't feel you need to hide it. It is your body, your choice, your journey. I know that is really tough but I also think it is part of the growth needed.

[NMJG 1,266]

I was a closet sweets eater and still am to some extent. For nonsweets, I eat whatever I want and don't bother with others, but I am at goal so no one really cares. Mostly I hide the sweets because my family gives me a hard time about it.

[ljperez 87]

Thanks guys I've just been worried that I'm going to fall into bad habits. It comes from mostly family that haven't been very supportive (maybe they are waiting for me to gain) they compare me to other WLS patients "they know". I tell them I'm 1 1/12yrs out and I can eat more than I did in he beginning. Then I second guess myself am I eating to much is this why I haven't gotten to goal. It's the crazy in my head that I close up and don't want anyone to see me.

[lsereno 2,525]

Try this line: "My doctor's happy with my progress and the amount I'm eating." People who argue with your doctor's advice are at a disadvantage.

Eat what you like in the open, so you feel better about it and yourself.

We can all eat more than in the first few months. People who haven't had WLS don't undertand a lot about it. I had to laugh when someone told me a week after surgery, "but I thought you had WLS last week?" I guess they thought the doc was gonna cut all the fat off of me.

Anyhow, try to work on accepting yourself and understanding other's comments, while hurtful, are a reflection on them, not you.

Lynda

[BeagleLover 1,020]

Thanks guys I've just been worried that I'm going to fall into bad habits. It comes from mostly family that haven't been very supportive (maybe they are waiting for me to gain) they compare me to other WLS patients "they know". I tell them I'm 1 1/12yrs out and I can eat more than I did in he beginning. Then I second guess myself am I eating to much is this why I haven't gotten to goal. It's the crazy in my head that I close up and don't want anyone to see me.

Egads! Nobody needs or wants to be compared with anyone else!

I think a good nutritionist with bariatric experience could help you with these questions. Therapy may also help.

Best wishes!

[MichiganChic 3,262]

@@ljperez I understand that. I was a closet eater, in addition to an out in the open eater. I still find myself less willing to graze or put things in my mouth when my family is around. In my case, being a closet eater might be a good thing, lol. I'm also about a year and half out, and my family is also surprised at my capacity. I think they are comparing it to the 2 oz max I could consume the first month or two, and not to the 4 quarts they consume! I just explain this is how it is. I've lost a lot and I'm not gaining, so there's not much for them to say. They are adjusting

I really can't blame my closet eating on them, though. They never judged me for my weight or my intake before surgery. It's all on me, and I just have to fight that demon best I can.

[Chelenka 827]

Closet eating is an old MO of mine thanks to my well-meaning parents who scrutinized what I was eating from a very early age. Your post has really got me thinking. When eating becomes connected to feelings of shame and you feel like you have to hide then you have a potential problem. It can quickly spiral into a cycle of self-defeat. It's great that you have realized it and are bringing it into the light. Your family needs to be told gently but firmly to MYOB when it comes to your food choices and food amounts. I also am struggling with getting to my goal weight and some of my old food demons are messing with me. I can eat more now and also don't seem to have any adverse reactions to anything like I did in the beginning. One of my students gave me a small box of chocolates which I ate over three days (hubby got a few pieces) and it didn't upset my system at all. However, I couldn't stop thinking about it and put it in the freezer but then got it back out, put it way in the back of the fridge, thought of throwing it away but it was such good, high-quality chocolate that I couldn't bring myself to do it, total sugar addict here. A better choice would have been to leave the chocolate in the break room at the school since I know that I don't have good control with that sort of thing. I'm mad at myself for allowing my addiction behavior to run me. It makes me feel badly about myself which just makes me want to eat more. Letting go of shameful feelings around food and eating, especially when I choose poorly, is part of the learning process for me. I have to take ownership of what I choose to eat but not shame myself.

[RJ'S/beginning 5,357]

No sorry there is no benefit to being a closet eater....This is your life now. you are the leader of your own destiny and what you do with your body and life. If you are made to feel bad for how much you eat. Little or more because today you actually have a bit of an appetite is not their concern it is yours.

Would they want you to start to comment on their food intake or habit of eating a little bit....Hang it and hang them...This is you and even though your brain is working hard to change it will always be an up hill battle to maintain our new you....

Please for your own well being..Tell them to buzz off and be the person you know you are. You had to be some strong lady to do this in the first place.....Stand up kid and let show them you got this with or without them.....

[LivingFree! 478]

Do you feel they are critical that you are eating TOO MUCH or are they critical of WHAT you are eating? Or Both?

This is NOT a question for you to answer on the Forum--just a question for YOURSELF if you have not already asked it.

"Are the foods I am eating, the foods that are on my eating plan? Are they in the appropriate quantities? Am I consuming them within my new lifestyle guidelines (i.e., 3 meals, 2 Snacks if that is your plan)? WHY am I hiding what I eat?"

Those are the questions I would ask myself if I started being a closet eater again. I hope I am not offending you--I certainly do not want to do that.

When I was a closet eater it was because I was this obese person and I didn't want anyone to see me eating anything unless it was either a piece of chicken or a vegetable. I never ordered dessert, or didn't eat the chips and salsa in a restaurant for instance because I could just hear all the people judging this fat person for eating fattening stuff. I couldn't wait to get home so I could make up for what I couldn't eat while I was out in public.

People are always going to think they know more than you about what YOU should eat no matter what! As long as YOU are in control of and are totally confident in your eating habits, they can say whatever they want--it doesn't matter-- and it should not drive you into the closet.

Think of all you have accomplished in your almost two years since your surgery, and let that keep you strong.

As you know, you're in the right place for lots of support with this. Please let us know how you are doing.