Spouse not on board with WLS

[moonlitestarbrite 902]

i havent read all the replies, but my H was not happy about the idea... but any surgery scares the hell out of him. so i took him to the weight loss surgery seminar my hospital does. they lay everything out... the diet, risks, possible complications, outcomes, everything. and then he wasnt happy, but he was supportive. he understood, there was no more confusion, and it really helped him understand what i needed. and he's been great. it helped that he had very painful surgery 3 years before and i took care of him, so he was able to use that experience to guide him.

[Georgia Pritchett 53]

My husband wasn't keen on the idea at first--but I told him the stats of success from dieting versus surgery. I've lost weight 4 times in the last 15 years (more than 40 lbs each time) but never been able to keep it off. Losing isn't the problem--keeping it off is. And it's hard to argue when I have HBP, sleep apnea, painful joints, high cholesterol, etc. He's worried because I have Migraines and fibro (although there are studies that show migraines improve for WLS people, too). But healing from the surgery may be more difficult for me. That means I'll need more help the first couple of weeks. Now operation Get the Operation is a family event. I don't know if it was the surgeon or I finally just got through to him.

[LilMissDiva Irene 3,281]

@@eyemama5 The main reason spouses or loved ones are not usually on board with WLS is because they probably only hear the horror stories about them. They are ignorant to what it is really all about. I always tell people to educate their naysayers by bringing them to appointments or dietician classes or WLS seminars. If possible bring them to a support group so they can see the positives AND struggles of people WLS.

Good luck

[InfiniteButterfly 438]

My bf was against it. Mostly because of worries about surgery (he's seen how hard I've tried to lose and keep it off, and nothing worked). But he always took the position that although he was against it, it is my body and my choice.

[Destiny Star 15]

My husband is supportive but very concerned about the surgery.

[angela.spradlin 9]

Wow, it sounds like lots of you have had the same conversations that me and my husband have had, glad I'm not the only one... My husband tries to be supportive but he is so worried about the surgery and the potential complications...that he usually explodes with the eat less, exercise more, you're giving in tooo easy conversation...I let him get it out of his system and then tell him the benefits out weigh the potential complications by a long shot...every time he calms down but he is still worried..good luck everybody!!!

[TBodmer71 245]

I am 9 months post-op. I started this journey in November of 2012 with an appointment with my PCP who gave me the referral for WLS. Soon after that my Husband saw me reading "Weight loss surgery for dummies". He went ballistic. For months I listened to him Bit@h. He yelled at me, threatened me with divorce and wouldn't listen to me when I tried to explain anything about it.

Things finally came to a head and I (verbally) fought back. I told him (screaming of course) that as his wife I have always "had his back" regardless of whether or not I agreed with him. I told him straight out that as my husband it was his responsibility to do the same and "have my back". I was going to have the surgery with or without his support. After that I tried not to mention anything about it.

As the months went by and my surgery date got closer he did try one last time to convince me not to go through with it. His theory was that that if I was able to lose the weight that I did pre-op, I didn't "need" the surgery.

Now here I am 9 months post-op. I am down a total of 106lbs. I am now 30lbs thinner than I was when I met him years ago. He is now super proud of me and my accomplishments and has conceded to the fact that I was right and he was wrong. The whole point to all of this was my goal to be healthier than I was. I have achieved that. And now he reaps the benefits of an active wife.

[moonlitestarbrite 902]

I am 9 months post-op. I started this journey in November of 2012 with an appointment with my PCP who gave me the referral for WLS. Soon after that my Husband saw me reading "Weight loss surgery for dummies". He went ballistic. For months I listened to him Bit@h. He yelled at me, threatened me with divorce and wouldn't listen to me when I tried to explain anything about it.

Things finally came to a head and I (verbally) fought back. I told him (screaming of course) that as his wife I have always "had his back" regardless of whether or not I agreed with him. I told him straight out that as my husband it was his responsibility to do the same and "have my back". I was going to have the surgery with or without his support. After that I tried not to mention anything about it.

As the months went by and my surgery date got closer he did try one last time to convince me not to go through with it. His theory was that that if I was able to lose the weight that I did pre-op, I didn't "need" the surgery.

Now here I am 9 months post-op. I am down a total of 106lbs. I am now 30lbs thinner than I was when I met him years ago. He is now super proud of me and my accomplishments and has conceded to the fact that I was right and he was wrong. The whole point to all of this was my goal to be healthier than I was. I have achieved that. And now he reaps the benefits of an active wife.

i am surprised you stuck with him, those kinds of threats would have been a deal breaker for me.

[Teachamy 1,042]

For me, I could name all of the syndromes and diseases I have, and all the doctors I had on board with me. I gave him some time to get used to the idea that it was happening, period. He eventually gave me his support, because it wasn't his choice to make. He was fearful of what would happen to me during surgery, but I am fine today, thanks to my decision!

[Forsythia 882]

My husband was supportive about my choice to have surgery. When we met I was not diabetic. Maybe a year later I was. I just didn't relish the idea of being on pills or insulin for the rest of my life. But still, I was very secretive about the whole process. I only told my boss at work to let her know I would need time off and two close friends. Sadly, I am not talking to one of those friends anymore. People are so judgey about it. "Oh, just eat less, put down the fork." I can't not eat. Gamblers can avoid a casino and drinkers can pour all their vodka down the drain, but every day, I have to eat. I lost 70 lbs by diet and exercise and it all came back. In turn all that weight gain just made me depressed and I ate more.

I no longer take my diabetes pills, my blood sugar rarely gets up past 130. I don't wake up with blood sugar at 210 no matter how healthy my meal was the night before. It's my body and it was my decision. I don't regret it at all. Life is too short to not be happy.

[Crosby 303]

My husband didn't want me to have surgery at all because any surgery can be dangerous. I gave him a few weeks to adjust to the idea and then approached the idea again. The bottom line is that it is my body, my choice and I expect support. My husband has risen to the occasion and has educated himself. He's still worried but is also supportive. I'm thankful for that.

Exactly the same with me. It really depends on your relationship, your ability to communicate honestly and his willingness to listen and understand. My husband, like most men likes to fix things. Not being able to help "fix" me is a blow to him so he had to adjust. Also I have to realize this will impact him too..in several ways and be considerate of that. But bottom line it is my body and health. I know ultimately he will be pleased.

[crazzeescrapper 125]

When I started this process my husband was not happy about it. He even offered to join weight watchers with me to help me lose weight (he needs to lose some too). Now I have done W.W. At least 4 times and always gained it all back so I said no. I have a friend that had this surgery in January and she has lost almost 80 pounds. He saw her a couple weeks ago and was shocked by her weight loss and the fact that she no longer is diabetic and all the other good things that has happened with her health. He is now 100% for the surgery! He even went along to my last nut appt to hear about what I'll be able to eat after surgery. I feel much better about doing this since he is on board.

Start showing your husband people's success stories on here and hopefully he will come around.

[TBodmer71 245]

I am 9 months post-op. I started this journey in November of 2012 with an appointment with my PCP who gave me the referral for WLS. Soon after that my Husband saw me reading "Weight loss surgery for dummies". He went ballistic. For months I listened to him Bit@h. He yelled at me, threatened me with divorce and wouldn't listen to me when I tried to explain anything about it.

Things finally came to a head and I (verbally) fought back. I told him (screaming of course) that as his wife I have always "had his back" regardless of whether or not I agreed with him. I told him straight out that as my husband it was his responsibility to do the same and "have my back". I was going to have the surgery with or without his support. After that I tried not to mention anything about it.

As the months went by and my surgery date got closer he did try one last time to convince me not to go through with it. His theory was that that if I was able to lose the weight that I did pre-op, I didn't "need" the surgery.

Now here I am 9 months post-op. I am down a total of 106lbs. I am now 30lbs thinner than I was when I met him years ago. He is now super proud of me and my accomplishments and has conceded to the fact that I was right and he was wrong. The whole point to all of this was my goal to be healthier than I was. I have achieved that. And now he reaps the benefits of an active wife.

i am surprised you stuck with him, those kinds of threats would have been a deal breaker for me.

My husband is a very gruff man that I love very much. His anger about the whole procedure was more about his worries of me taking what he thought was an unnecessary risk of my life and he just didn't articulate it in a more politically correct fashion. He was this way when I met him, fell in love with him and married him.

I did finally confront him about it and it did take a little bit of time and patience but he has been very supportive and proud of me since. His biggest relief was when the surgery was done and I made it though without any complications. It took a huge weight off his shoulders.

I went into this marriage for better or worse. He has been worse and now he's behaving better. He could say the same about me.

[RedWolf 11]

Screw any spouse who won't support you. They are selfish and feeble minded. The notion that they are concerned with your safety is a subterfuge for their own fear of how it will change their life. They may be scared that you'll leave them in the dust if you better yourself, or be afraid you'll stop buying their Cookies and Soda. Or worse, expect them to go to the gym and drop some too. Get healthy and shed your weight and them too if they won't support you.

Edited December 22, 2015 by RedWolf

[amytheobald 1]

Have him attend a dr. Appt with you, explain the success statistics between diet and wls... My hubby was skeptical but supportive but after speaking w surgeon he feels it's a no brainer. The statistics of success w/o surgery are sooo low and he wants me around as long as possible