One of my best friends recently found out that I'm in the process of getting bariatric surgery and is vehemently opposed to it. I have to do 6 months of medically supervised weight loss, and I'm hoping to get the surgery in October. She wrote about me on her blog AND emailed me a list of 10 reasons why I should not get the surgery. She calls it "cosmetic" surgery. She no longer wants to be friends with me, and I hate that I'm losing her friendship, but I'm doing this for my health, well-being, and quality of life, NOT to become thin. I have many health problems including obstructive sleep apnea, high cholesterol, high blood pressure, back pain, knee pain, hypothyroidism, prediabetes, fatty liver, etc that I want to get rid of. I also have a family history of stroke, heart disease, and diabetes, which I want to prevent. Those are my reasons for getting the surgery, NOT cosmetic. I know I'm much better off without her negativity, but it's still painful losing a close friend. I've been pretty depressed lately because of this loss.

Here is everything she wrote:

My heart is heavy today and has been since Saturday when my best friend dropped the bomb that she's getting weight loss surgery. The betrayal, hurt, and anger that I've felt since then is mind boggling. Since becoming involved with fat acceptance I've cut body negative people out of my life. I've surrounded myself with people who are positive and work hard for a wide variety of human and animal rights issues. In other words, good people. Positive people. People who make a difference in the world. So my world was rocked when my best friend, after hiding it from me for months, told me that she was getting cosmetic surgery to become thinner.

My friend is the captain of her own underpants and she can get cosmetic surgery if she wants to, of course, but I'm captain of my own underpants as well and I have the right to cut out people who compromise my mental or physical well being. Having gone through a decade long eating disorder where I was constantly praised for starving myself, over exercising, and abusing diet pills, I can't watch someone I care about put themselves through a medically induced eating disorder.

I look forward to the day when weight loss surgery is banned as medically unnecessary, dangerous, and bigoted. Weight loss cosmetic surgery represents the extremes that our society will go to to eradicate fat people. For all of the horror that a person feels when they see a very thin person with an ED, it doesn't seem to hold true for fat people with ED's. While I have a lot of personal experience with that, this experience seems to hit closer to home Perhaps because my friend was involved in the fat acceptance community. I thought better of her. Not brainwashed by society's standards.

Internalized fatphobia is a horrible thing.

The bottom line is that we applaud fat people for doing dangerous, irresponsible, unethical, things that put our lives on the line in the name of thinness. But how would the world react if the opposite were true? If thin people literally risked their lives to become fat because they thought it looked prettier? I have a feeling I know the answer.

So, I suppose I've finally experienced a personal casualty in the War On Fat. During my own struggles I came close to losing my life, but this somehow feels so much worse.

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ten reasons why you're perfect the way you are and you don't need cosmetic surgery.

1. you're beautiful the way you are: cosmetic surgery can change how you look,but it doesn't change who you are.

2. cosmetic surgery won't fix your self esteem: too many people have thought that it would, but losing weight and looking different won't automatically make you feel better about yourself. you need to do that from the inside and you can do that at any weight.

3. you can be healthy at any size- you have to change your behaviors, not your appearance. currently you don't eat well or exercise and if you lose weight but still don't change those behaviors then you're still going to have issues. Remember that studies show that health problems initially go away during weight loss but very often return because weight does not equal health.

4. this particular type of cosmetic surgery is dangerous. The sleeve is less dangerous than some other methods, but they're all dangerous. There's a laundry list of side effects that i'm sure you've seen, including death. is it really worth it just to look more socially acceptable?

5. you're making a statement: when a fat person decides that being thin is better than being fat and actively tries to change their bodies it makes a statement about all fat people and it makes a social statement. and that is that being thin is better than being fat.

6. people already love you just the way you are: this needs little explanation.. people already care about you, you have no problem finding dates or hook ups. your life isn't hindered by anything except your lack of confidence which won't be fixed by cosmetic surgery.

7. body hate poisons you: work on loving yourself instead of blaming your body

8. your body works hard for you- why abuse it? I apologized to my body a long time ago for the eating disorder I put it through, for the self injury I put it through, for the abuse I put it through. No body should be treated that way. you're willing to mutilate your lovely body and put it through a medically induced eating disorder. why do you feel it deserves that kind of hatred and abuse?

9. it's fatphobic: you know enough about fat acceptance and body politics for me not to need to go into too much detail here. It's related to number 5- you're becoming part of a society that favors thin people over fat people and giving it your seal of approval. that society is not only fatphobic but misogynistic and classist as well. You're choosing to stop fighting against that and to give into it instead.

10. You'll be losing a friend: Because I find WLS to be completely unethical and because I struggled with my own eating disorder for ten years, I can't watch someone purposefully do that to themselves. The body hate, the negativity, and the triggers are just too much for me. Maybe that's not even close to enough to keep you from doing this surgery, but at least I can say I tried. You know that body hate and intentional weight loss go against everything that I stand for. I can't just sit by and watch it happen to someone I care about. I can't do it and I won't. So, while it's your body and your choice, realize that that choice comes with consequences. I'm also allowed to make my own choices for my own mental well being. Literally every time I talked to your or hung out with you it would be heartbreaking and triggering. Friendships shouldn't be a negative experience which is why I would have to end this one.

Edited May 26, 201412 yr by Sharon C.

At the risk of sounding a bit brash...f**k your "friend". She sounds as if she's dealing with her own "fat acceptance" issues. You don't need those kind of people in your life. She's selfish. She created a whole blog post about YOUR surgery and made it about HER feelings. She doesn't care about you. She was never a friend. Cut that dead weight loose now. You'll feel much lighter when you do.

AMEN!!!

I can't sugar coat this..... Your "friend" is a real piece of work; completely narcissistic and delusional. I hope she doesn't drop dead from a stroke or heart attack, while she's feverishly working toward "fat acceptance". I've never read a bigger bunch of b-shit in this forum. She is the poster child for narcissism, and you will be so much better off without her.

Your "friend" makes simply ludicrous claims in her blog, which are centered on her own appearance and self-loathing. She seems to believe that WLS is akin to an eating disorder, which leads me to believe that she has done her own research on the diet. Clearly she has no knowledge about the health benefits of this surgery. I had high bp, sleep apnea, high cholesterol and I have perfectly controlled Type I diabetes. (Which as close to cured as it can be.) I am off all medications (except for insulin and simvistatin for 2 autoimmune diseases) and I am off my C-Pap. So you are justified in believing these issues will be aided by your very brave decision.

Your friend needs to work a little harder on her research. Her eating disorder was not monitored by doctors. Bloodwork was not done to ensure her health needs were being met. To be frank, she is worried your weight loss and beauty will eclipse her and that you would leave her eventually. She has done you a great service by showing her self-involved, selfish and petty nature now. You don't need her. But if I were you, I'd post a response on her blog. I wouldn't be able to hold back!

The very best luck to you!

This is really a sad situation. She sounds jealous, that her friend is going to be thinner than she is and therefore has lost her reason to be comfortable in her own weight. I feel sorry for her and pray that she will see the real reason for your weight loss. My knee jerk reaction was to think...UGH...she is NOT your friend and just write her off. However, that is not right either. Still be her friend even if she is not yours. You will be a better person for standing your ground and being ready to be there when she realizes that your friendship really does mean a lot to her. You are hurt and she is hurt. The one who really knows what a best friend is will the happier. God bless both of you.

@@Sharon C. I'm happy you've gotten so much support and encouragement. I just went and read your former friend's blog. From her writing, it sounds like she is very insecure about herself and she would rather hide her head in the sand and say she's healthy and happy at her weight than have someone around who might topple that giant house of cards. She says she's fighting with compassion and science but her post about you doesn't do any of that.

She believes in fat acceptance but won't accept you if you don't. She spouts all this stuff about being healthy at any weight while science proves exactly the opposite.

I think it's really sad you got dumped on this way but you can surround yourself with people who will support your health.

Best wishes!

One of my best friends recently found out that I'm in the process of getting bariatric surgery and is vehemently opposed to it. I have to do 6 months of medically supervised weight loss, and I'm hoping to get the surgery in October. She wrote about me on her blog AND emailed me a list of 10 reasons why I should not get the surgery. She calls it "cosmetic" surgery. She no longer wants to be friends with me, and I hate that I'm losing her friendship, but I'm doing this for my health, well-being, and quality of life,

With respect, she doesn't sound like much of a friend to start with. Either that, or she has her own demons to deal with regarding her own weight or self-image. There are a million potential reasons that she's being a jerk, but your decision is your own, for your own reasons. She just has to deal with her own decisions.

Either way, it's not your fault, and don't let it be your problem.

Good luck,

Wayne

I am sorry that you lost a friend, but if this is the way she feels then you are better off without her. Obviously she can't see the bigger picture, that WLS surgery isn't about changing the way we look. It is solely about getting healthy, becoming thinner is just an added benefit. Is it so wrong that you want to extend your life?

In the end, after all these heartfelt responses, who carries this burden is totally up to you. I think of the Cherokee story of feeding the right wolf, as well as the stories from the far east about who carried the woman over the river...

In the end, it doesnt matter who was injusticed, who was a bad friend, who is the person who has some life lessons to walk through before finding their power... at the end of the day, you can choose to carry the hurt, or to acknowledge the hurt and move on.

Shedding the emotinoal baggage is must like shedding the pounds. We are happier and healther if we do not carry extra baggage.

Bless you on your journey as you continue to walk within your Power and find your life balance.

Hopefully your friend (they were your friend at one time, so I refer to the time things were good) will make the right choices when the universe places learning opportunities in their path. But that is not on you, nor is it your lesson to learn at this time.

What matters is what you see in the physical and proverbial mirrors of your sanctuary.

What matters is that you smile with what you see, with gratitude and grace.

Edited May 27, 201412 yr by cryss

To me, this sounds like a classic method of one person attempting to exercise control over another. It also reminds me of classic playground tactics of control. "If you don't play jump rope with me, then I am not going to be your friend!" We all have that craving for friendship and question ourselves if we are made to think OUR behavior is the issue, when, in fact, it is the other person's insecurities.

This is her issue, so don't make it yours. I think you will find, over time, this was a good move for not only you, but for her as well as she begins to see the costs of her behavior. If she truly has any love for you or your friendship, this will pass, but it will take far longer than you expect.

Wow!!! Again, there is nothing I can write that you've not already heard. However, i felt the need to encourage you once more. Clearly, your friend has snakes in her head and does not understand the first thing about unconditional love. She wanted to be your best friend when you allowed her to control you. Once you decided to make a decision you needed to make for yourself and your health, she bailed. Thank God she did. He is protecting you from something…..Try not to look at it as a loss, but a gain. There is something better out there for you and you're being prepared as you read this. It's obvious that if your friend got so bent out of shape and jealous over this…you health and life, then she get's upset over smaller things as well. She did you a favor. It's her loss, not yours. You're an amazingly beautiful young lady. I wish I had done this years ago. I can't get stuck on that though. I did it. I'm happy I did and that's that. I pray you will have a wonderful weight loss journey. When you get to missing that friend, just sign on here. We all love you!

So sorry SHE made a very bad choice in discarding your friendship. You should email her the definition from the dictionary.

You do not need people in your life that is going to bring you down due to there own lack of self confidence. She obviously has issues and your health and well being is more important. There are plenty of people willing to be your friend. If she really was a friend she would understand the health risk of being over weight.

Holy Sh*t balls!! That girl is off the hook jealous and in denial. I've been morbidly obese and I have been thin, there is NO comparison thin is better. I was happy as a fat person but every fat person wishes they were thin. It's a disease! I am so much happier being thinner.. I feel confidant and I know no one is judging me or laughing at me.. People actually are excited to meet me. Any fat person who thinks they are perfectly fine are lying.. They have just given up. I know. It's exhausting.. I was 300 pounds. I thought I was fine. I knew I wasn't. You need to surround yourself with positive people and babe she sure isn't one. Sorry you had to get such a nasty email I am sure that had to really hurt. Be proud of the choice you made! You will look back on that email and look at your new life and laugh at how ridiculous she is.. Good luck and pm me if you need any help! ❤️

I am sorry that u have such an ignorant person in your life. I am about 4 months out from having gastric bypass. I have lost over 70 lbs from when I started. I was unable to play with my son but now can and LOVE IT. I was in perfect health other than having a BMI of 50 and knees hurting all the time. I would have to say this is to make u better and if she cant be there fir u she never was a real true friend to start with.

Holy Sh*t balls!! That girl is off the hook jealous and in denial. I've been morbidly obese and I have been thin, there is NO comparison thin is better. I was happy as a fat person but every fat person wishes they were thin. It's a disease! I am so much happier being thinner.. I feel confidant and I know no one is judging me or laughing at me.. People actually are excited to meet me. Any fat person who thinks they are perfectly fine are lying.. They have just given up. I know. It's exhausting.. I was 300 pounds. I thought I was fine. I knew I wasn't. You need to surround yourself with positive people and babe she sure isn't one. Sorry you had to get such a nasty email I am sure that had to really hurt. Be proud of the choice you made! You will look back on that email and look at your new life and laugh at how ridiculous she is.. Good luck and pm me if you need any help! ❤️

You had me @ Holy shitballs