what is the real reason I became obese?

[InfiniteButterfly 438]

At least part of mine is genetic...every woman in my family (with very, very few exceptions) have the same body shape and size: too big. Whether it's actual, physical genetics or just the 'way we were brought up'...unhealthy food, unhealthy lifestyles, unhealthy coping mechanisms. That got me to around 200 lbs. My horrible first marriage took me the rest of the way. He was an emotionally crippling and abusive SOB, and I ate to deal with his BS. I ate because I didn't want him to touch me, and I figured the bigger I was, the less likely he was to come near me.

I divorced 14 years ago, but more of the damage was done at that point. I couldn't get back on track. Even with a healthy relationship or two, and the support of both hubby and bf, I could eat healthier and be more physically active, but the lingering baggage from that first marriage still held me back. I started counseling shortly prior to making the decision to have surgery, and she suggested that in order to get out of the morass I was in, I needed to take charge of my life. I stepped out and started doing volunteer work and discovered that I actually am a valuable person, and I do matter to people. That I could contribute in a positive way. And that realization made me take charge of more areas of my life. I realized that I needed more tools in my belt to achieve better health, and I started the journey toward surgery.

Midway through taking the classes, I also started talking about going back to school...which hubby encouraged me to do (I've been an artist most of my life, but I was very, very limited in my work. I've always wanted to go to art school). I started my first semester at the same time I got my surgery date (handy enough, the online courses are split into eight-week segments, and my surgery fell during Week 7...with the instructor's blessing, I was able to easily finish my work early that week so I would miss nothing for the few days I was in hospital). So..getting healthy, taking charge of my life, moving in a new direction. Becoming the person I was meant to be It all goes hand-in-hand.

And even though I'm not seeing the original counselor any longer (I switched to one who specializes in bariatric patients and their special needs), I do credit her with giving me the advice and push I needed to get out and take charge of me.

[relief57 53]

• piercedqt78 good for you in taking control of your medical situation. Doctor's go to school to diagnose and teach not learn how to be god. So if they attempt to act like time to move on.....

[AuriP 420]

I think, although I havent gone into great therapy to discuss this, I had a host of problems in my childhood that helped contribute to me being obese. I was also like Leann 71 abused as a young child for 4 years, I took courage and told my mom. She has self esteem issues within herself as well and a year after the abuser went to jail and was then released, she let him back in the house with me(unsupervised). I was also bullied as a child in many forms, I was sensitive, quick to cry, and very socially ackward(still am to some degree). I didn't have a father figure in my life and I think all these things combined with hormonal changes with using birth control put my body over the edge. I also internalize a lot of stress, gulit, and other various things until I almost have a panic attack or begin to shut down emotionally. Honestly I am a wreak!

Edited May 27, 2014 by AuriP

[gowalking 10,790]

I think, although I havent gone into great therapy to discuss this, I had a host of problems in my childhood that helped contribute to me being obese. I was also like Leann 71 abused as a young child for 4 years, I took courage and told my mom. She has self esteem issues within herself as well and a year after the abuser went to jail and was then released, she let him back in the house with me(unsupervised). I was also bullied as a child in many forms, I was sensitive, quick to cry, and very socially ackward(still am to some degree). I didn't have a father figure in my life and I think all these things combined with hormonal changes with using birth control put my body over the edge. I also internalize a lot of stress, gulit, and other various things until I almost have a panic attack or begin to shut down emotionally. Honestly I am a wreak!

You are not a wreck. You are amazing. The fact that you are still here after such terrible experiences tells me that you are strong. I am in awe of your strength. Losing weight is going to be a breeze for you after having made it through so much. You are a wonderful, strong, beautiful woman. Wishing you the best.