Just wondering if anyone has figured out there reason for being obese?

As for me is was alot of abuse when I was very young. I had always felt that if I was large no one could ever hurt me again because I felt invisible.

What are some of your reasons for the weight?

Eating to numb myself from Stress, or hurt, or anxiety ..food was my best friend that helped me cope with life. I was sexually abused as a young girl..I don't know how it effected me with food,, but I know it effected my body image.

For a long tine , I felt it was my fault that this old man who was a family member seeked me out to abuse me and no one would believe me. I had to deal with guilt that was not warranted. Of course, I was too young to realize that I was a victim..I worked this issue out with a psychologist.

I am now very aware of my eating triggers .. I now check with my stomach and determine is this head hunger or real hunger. If it is head hunger,I get away from the situation that I am in.. And I prevail.

I used food to shield me from all kinds of emotions and obstacles. In my generation it didnt seem like anyone was talking about nutrition cleaning your plate. I didn't really know much about why i was obese until it was too late. I am also convinced that genetics loaded then gun too. My daughter studied nutrition and said that and the other half of the problem is environment. My son was starting down the path as an adolescent and took control of it and looks great. It was his transformation that prompted him to take me to a consultation (really an intervention because i was stuck and scared) and he brought his sister . So i gave birth to him and he helped save my life. I hope that more young people get this under control early. However it is worth many discussions and reflections....

I think I used food to reward myself and to deal with emotional overloads. It was a great comforter and numbing device, and kind of a bizarro hobby and thing to look forward to doing for me. Also certainly anything worth celebrating was worth celebrating with lots of bad-for-me food, right?! Being the one who thought they had to make everything work in my family also meant feeling entitled to a reward for doing it all, being perpetually nice, competent, self-less, able, etc. That's exhausting at some level, and so food was also a way to gen myself back up, give myself a little break from life, and give myself some pleasure. Sadly my body now is so big it's not much pleasure!

But i'm dealing well now and continuing to work through stuff like the above. I'm also excited about my own life now; surgery next week, walking daily, losing weight and feeling so much better.

The first time I put on more than 100 lbs I was 30 years old. I didn't get on well with my husband, but I did not have the courage to divorce him.It was more than 30 years ago and here in Italy living as a divorced woman was not so easy.Then I plucked courage and divorced and lost the 100 lbs I had put on.

The second time I became an obese was about 15 years ago. I had just met the man who would become my second husband.I was not love, but he was (and is) an honest and reliable person. The man I needed (???) because I wanted a quiet and serene life.

The problem was that the man I had been passionately in love (love and passion that were reciprocated) kept trying to have me back.He was an unreliable lier,..passion is not enough to make a sound relationship work..And I did not want to cheat on my new partner because he was faithful and honest .

I found the solution to the problem.I put on a lot of weight.I wouldn't have dared to meet him ..I was ashamed of my physical appearance..

He's dead now.

I had my lap band surgery 3 years ago and I have no reason why I should become an obese again

i became super morbid obese because i sat on the couch and ate and ate and drank more calories than i could possibly burn off.......and the bigger i got, the more i ate and drank and the more depressed i got....it was ME who did that to myself and it is ME who is fixing it..

I used food as a reward and a comfort. So...if I was happy, I ate. If I was sad or angry or depressed, I ate. Plus...I felt entitled for some reason so I ate to excess. Add all those things together and you get someone morbidly obese.

I've learned a big lesson over this last 15 months. You can still enjoy food. I love love love good food. I just remind myself that eating more of it than I should, does me no favors. I gain weight, I feel bad for losing control, and like my dad said...not realizing how profound it was....'Why overeat? It's just more of the same'.

EXACTLY!! That is how a thin person thinks. I love this observation. Yes...the food is wonderful, but why eat more of it than you need? That is my mindset these days and I don't mourn what I don't eat, I just enjoy what I do eat.

I hope that makes sense. It does to me.

Edited April 23, 201412 yr by gowalking

leeann71,

I'd say the root cause of my obesity was the sexual abuse in my childhood. Only happened once but what a profound, deep scar it imbeded on my spirit. I turned to food to soothe me in my alcoholic, dysfuntional home. Food was my friend and was AlWAYS there for me. It never turned away from me, called me names, made me feel unloved or inadequate. It was readily and easily available. Overeating put me in a stupor and buried those emotions I didn't want to deal with. I think food was the way I survived my "childhood". I put it in quotes because at times, it wasn't much of one.

One of the results of this is I live in South Texas, a few thousand miles from my family.

I'm going to Michigan in July to attend a wedding. I'm actually not looking forward to being in that environment again. I wish there was some kind of "brain cleaner" so I could flush those memories out. God, why is it so hard to put the past IN THE PAST and just move on? What I wouldn't give to flip a switch and just get on with my life without the past.

I guess I need to see the flipside and realize--that very past which was so difficult at the time, has made me the strong, independent woman I am today. It also gave me the absolute determination to loose 75 pounds and join the Army so I could leave that small town and get an education, in both the world and at college.

Got out of the Army and quit smoking--weight came back with an absolute vengence. That's what brought me to weight loss surgery. Took the same determination to escape that small town I had in my twenties and applied it to the surgery. Now here I am, strong, independent and a smaller size to boot! Clothes are falling off and a regular thrift store shopper--out of sheer necessity.

Sorry to go so long and off on a tangent.

Blessings,

Kathleen

I, like many of the others, have been a stress eater and I used it to numb feelings. I can also trace it back to childhood issues.

The thing is, I think that (in a twisted way) I was trying to care for myself by the overeating. That is a good instinct and I don't want to lose it. I am trying to find healthier ways to nourish my mind and body and to manage my feelings.

Here is my list:

1. I'm a stress eater with a child with special medical needs (rare bleeding disorder)

2. I had thyroid issues in my teens and that started my weight gain, this resolved with pregnancy, but the weight remained.

3. I did too many yoyo diets, and wanted to be Barbie when I was in high school, with thyroid issues that never works.

4. I have an autoimmune disease that causes soft tissue damage, I have had 2 knee replacements, 3 (getting ready for #4) rotator cuff repairs. And can't workout without doing major damage to my joints.

5. I spent 17 years living in Chicago, and the cold weather caused me so much pain I was a hermit for 7 months a year, just packing on the pounds.

6. I was raped when I was 16 by my former step father, and didn't tell anyone until I was in my 20's. I think I ate to silence the scared hurt little girl that was inside my head. food didn't keep me safe, but my mom always equaled food to love, that's why under my user name it says "Food in NOT love". I learned with counseling that feeding people, and overeating myself didn't fill the void in my life, or make me feel any more loved. That was a HUGE step for me.

7. Genetics just about everyone in my family is obese. My grandfather was over 400 pounds, my mom is the oldest of 10 kids, all but 3 are morbidly obese, and those 3 are still overweight, one has a lap band and is getting healthy, the rest seem happy just the way they are.

*I was just diagnosed with the auto immune disorder, in the past my pain, joint damage and soft tissue injuries were ALWAYS blamed on my weight. When I lost the weight and still had issues my new doctor started looking for answers. She said weight doesn't cause rotator cuff tears, and that I shouldn't have been dismissed because of my weight. I started seeing a new doctor when my previous md was not on board with my being revised from band to sleeve. She said just remove the band and do it the old fashioned way.

This got me to think, I would say my root cause to my obesity is both genetic and that I am addicted to food. Ever since I was little I have been the big kid. I come from a family who was obese. My grandpa was 500 pound man, my mom was overweight, and multiple other family members as well. Also addiction runs in my family, so the whole addiction part is what gets me today. I love food like an alcoholic loves liquor. It has always been that way up till now. Addiction runs in my family as well with many different vices. My vice and my downfall is food. It is a comfort in all of its glory. I saw my grandpa with the same addiction tragically lost his battle back when I was a sophomore in high school because of his obesity. I thought I was ready to change my life outa high school and had the lap band put in place. Then life happened and that addiction came back stronger than ever. It took me five years of soul searching to finally tell myself "hey, its time" and get healthy. I fight this addiction and the obesity factor everyday. What keeps me going on this path of my new healthy self is knowing that in the future when I have kids I will be around for them, I will be able to live longer than my grandfather, also I am finally happier than I was 100 pounds ago.

What a deep and insightful/honest post...congratulations to all of your that have worked to overcome .... blessings be with you all!

*I was just diagnosed with the auto immune disorder, in the past my pain, joint damage and soft tissue injuries were ALWAYS blamed on my weight. When I lost the weight and still had issues my new doctor started looking for answers. She said weight doesn't cause rotator cuff tears, and that I shouldn't have been dismissed because of my weight. I started seeing a new doctor when my previous md was not on board with my being revised from band to sleeve. She said just remove the band and do it the old fashioned way.

What an amazingly strong woman you are. I'm in awe. That is why it's so unfair for others to judge based on what they see. I've met so many fabulous folks on this site and we all talk about our challenges and struggles and not giving in to them yet others see us as fat and lazy. It just makes me mad...

Oh and your auto immune disorder....same here. All this time, I was told to lose the weight and my knees would feel better. Well...I lost the weight and got worse. Finally I went to the surgeon who was convinced I had hip trouble, not knee trouble and oh boy was he right. Turns out I have osteo-necrosis which is compromised blood flow resulting in dead bone. It's likely a combination of some auto-immune disease that they are still trying to identify along with genetic pre-disposition. So much for being heavy. Yes...I'm better and healthier at this weight. I'm not sorry I had the band...not sorry at all. But same as you, this was not all obesity related. Though all of my doctor are very supportive of my getting WLS. Your doctor is just showing how ignorant he/she is by telling you to do it the old fashioned way. No sorry...it's not ignorant. It's stupid.

Good luck to you. We are here to support you.

You're asking the right questions! I was raised by parents who demanded perfection and when I couldn't meet their expectations ("failed") I ate. Of course the great irony was that my biggest failure was to weigh what they thought I should, even though both of them were overweight. So the cycle began and continued till I chose to ignore the pressure and make it stop. I've lost more than fifty pounds in two months and my mom is still recommending diet shakes, magic pills and other "weight loss secrets." It's only background noise now. Stay with the program is my new motto, and I just passed through the three-week post surgery plateau.

Very good question to ask! I think about that often, and I wonder what it was that flipped that switch in my mind and in my body to the on position?

I wasn't a big kid, in fact I was a bony kid. I wasn't a heavy teen in fact I was healthy and fit. For me it was having kids that changed my body composition and nothing has changed since.

The only thing I do know is that it was me who ate the food, and me who will change that. I have used food to self medicate. When you're young that's all you have, it's what you can "control" to some extent.

From the stories I have been told from all my family, food has always been an issue for me. From the very young days of bottles, thru the toddler days I was force fed.

They would sit me down and squeeze my cheeks for me to suck from the bottle. When I got older and wouldn't eat they would pinch my nose so I would open my mouth so they could shovel food in.

As I was older still there would be hour long battles in the high chair I'm told to get me to finish a meal. Finally when I was three years old my mother gave birth to my brother, and I was left with my Aunt. Who told me I will NOT be feeding you. You will pick up the food and eat or you will be hungry. She had 2 older daughters, and not to be made fun of by them, for being a baby who had to be "fed" after a few minutes of not eating I picked up my fork and started eating my dinner. When I had enough and I was done no one forced me to eat more or finish my plate. My aunt took it away and that was that. We did that every day while I stayed with her until my mother and brother came home.

My issues with food and control are very deeply rooted...and I'm trying to work them out now 43 years later.

Edited April 23, 201412 yr by lisacaron

Just wondering if anyone has figured out there reason for being obese?

As for me is was alot of abuse when I was very young. I had always felt that if I was large no one could ever hurt me again because I felt invisible.

What are some of your reasons for the weight?

Interesting you should ask. I actually just made an appointment with a bariatric mental health doctor. I have been going through some issues now that I am close to goal. Bad habit's are comeing back like too much wine etc. I always seem to need to have a goal or something so now that it is not loosing weight I seem to be saying "now what" " I cant eat bad now that I am close to goal so maybe I will splurge on wine and shopping. I really need to face what is causing all this my whole life. So what caused me to be obeese? I hope to find out.