Advice to be supportive?

[ItsPronounced_Abear 13]

Hi all, my best friend just had gastric sleeve surgery today. She's 29 and struggled her entire life with obesity and is finally doing something about it. I was wondering if you had any advice for being a good supportive friend? Her house is right across the street from my work so I'm planning to see her during my lunch break while she's home recovering. Her husband works 2 jobs and her parents live down the street (though they are aging and have some health problems of their own) so she has a good support network but I still worry about how hard a road this will be for her.

Thanks in advance for any advice!

Edited April 1, 2014 by ItsPronounced_Abear

[ItsPronounced_Abear 13]

Hi all, my best friend just had gastric sleeve surgery today. She's 29 and struggled her entire life with obesity and is finally doing something about it. I was wondering if you had any advice for being a good supportive friend? Her house is right across the street from my work so I'm planning to see her during my lunch breaks while she's home recovering. Her husband works 2 jobs and her parents live down the street (though they are aging and have some health problems of my own) so she has a good support network but I still worry about how hard a road this will be for her.

Thanks in advance for any advice! (I posted this in the new Friends and Family forum but it didn't look like there was much activity there.)

[StephanieRR 131]

What a good friend you are. Just remind her that any discomfort she may have during recovery is temporary. Just being there for her and encouraging her is huge!! Make sure she sips enough liquids, and follows the doctor and nutritionist instructions and she will be fine. Make sure she has GasX strips that first week. They will help with the bloating from the surgery. Just tell her you understand how hard this is and how proud you are of her. She has just made a lifetime commitment to a new lifestyle. A healthier lifestyle. Support is what comes to mind foremost. I know she has family, but a good friend will be good mentally. May god bless you, and look over her. I wish her great success!

[taylor_holt 33]

Hi! I had surgery march 24th, so I can tell you from her point of view! As I got home from the hospital I was very down on myself and crying a lot! Better now but the first week was the hardest, just make sure to visit her and make her feel like you truly care about her well being. A very few of my friends came to see me and I felt as if everyone else besides those few and my family could care less. This is a very stressful but exciting time for her so it's the little things for me that helped a lot! As long as you make an effort to see her maybe a card? Flowers? Anything to make her feel loved at this phase of surgery is awesome!! I'm a little younger then you guys so I was dealing with my friends wanting to go and party instead of seeing how I was doing which crushed me, but now that I'm feeling better physically everything's going smoother! Hope my advice helps ya! Good luck to your girlfriend!

[Mikee57 699]

I haven't had the gastric sleeve, but I think that it is so honorable of you to be supportive of her. She will just need to have a good friend that is there for her ups and downs...and tell her to use this page to get answers or suggestions from fellow wls members. It is just nice to know you are there for her...that is just one of the most nice things I've heard in along time. Wish I had such a support person.

Edited April 1, 2014 by Mikee57

[ItsPronounced_Abear 13]

Thanks for the replies! I actually have a spare key to her house for emergencies and I asked her husband (who is also one of my and my hubby's best friends) if I could sneak in and leave some flowers on the day she comes home... Thursday I think. Plus we'll be over to the hospital after work this evening. Our version of 'go and party' is to sit around each others' houses and watch movies, so she won't feel like she's missing out, I hope. Glad to know I'm on the right track!

Any idea how long before she can take long walks? (eg. around the mall for an hour?) Hitting the mall isn't something we do too often, but I thought it would be a good way to socialize and get some movement in at the same time.

[hopeful2 be slim 121]

she may feel weak for 8 to 10 days....she must walk a lot...every few hrs...to get rid of the gas...since we are on a liquid diet for long...energy level might be low.

all the best. its wonderful she has a caring friend like you.

[StephanieRR 131]

I have bad knees and it was a snowstrom in January when I had mine, so I couldn't walk as much as I wanted to. However, I made it a point that first week to just get up and walk around the house. Even though it was slow, it was movement. By the end of the week I went to the grocery store to get my walking in!! LOL Just doing something, but nothing too straining. Slow and gentle. She will know as she listens to her body. I still can't go to a gym with my knees and back, but they are doing sooooo much better. I use a 6 pound medicine ball in my living room and 2 pound hand weights at my desk at work in addition to just walking. It sounds very low impact, but it is working wonders for me. This is just my expirience. I read where others are at the gym and jogging. That's just not my thing yet. LOL She will know what she is capable of as she listens to her body. I have never felt so in touch with what my body is saying as I am now. Getting your eating under control is enlightening and empowering!! You are doing an awesome thing!!

Edited April 1, 2014 by StephanieRR

[BryBro63 410]

I think it's a great thing you're doing!! I'm sure she'll be that much more successful with such a supportive friend as you!!! Right now I'm sure what she needs the most is your company and your motivating moral support. At first with many of us, we get that 'buyer's remorse' feeling, wondering if we did the right thing...this is where she may need to lean on you for a bit. Once she starts feeling better and the weight starts dropping, that feeling quickly fades, and then on to success!! With you by her side, I'm sure she will indeed be quite successful!!

[PrettyThick1 1,860]

First off, you're a great friend to be so concerned with her well being and recovery - we should all be so fortunate to have someone like you in our lives. She has been through quite the ordeal and has a delicate road to recovery ahead and by far the best thing anyone can do is to let her rest and recouperate on her own time. She will let you guys know when she needs something, but I'd safely bet that what's most important now is that she's comfortable. There isn't much you need to do for her now in terms of being an emotional support other than when she is in pain, remind her of why she went through with the surgery - then follow up with all of the rewards she will begin reaping very soon. Lastly, let her know that she has some great surprises in store...no one can completely prepare you for the "evolution" that takes place as the weight begins to drop, but that would take the fun out of the journey. It's the little discoveries that will make it so much more worthwhile.

[M2G 1,836]

Thank you for being a support system for your friend. Just knowing that you are going to be able to check in on her will mean a lot to her. The first few weeks are the toughest from a physical standpoint, but hopefully she will be able to get through that part without any major problems. The mental part is a harder part of the journey and takes a lot longer. I would just ask her where and when you can support her and if you guys have a great relationship hopefully she can communicate when she needs something.

Just having a cheerleader can make a tremendous difference for someone!

[ItsPronounced_Abear 13]

I visited her in the hospital both Tuesday and yesterday. She was pretty out of it and dozed off quite a lot, but as I said her husband is my friend too so I hope it helped that I gave him some company too. It can't be easy to have your spouse in the hospital. He had to go to a class so I stayed with her as long as I could after he left. I knew she was sore, but I wanted to see how she was doing emotionally. She said she couldn't remember why she put herself through this. I hope I did a good job offering encouraging words. We both watch biggest loser so I reminded her how the 'before' contestants record a video for their future selves, and how the 'after's always respond so emotionally. Also I reminded her that she's really doing this for her future kids. Her doctor said at her current weight (somewhere in the vicinity of 280-300 lbs) that it could be dangerous to get pregnant, and she really wants kids. I think her looking at it in that light helped.

Captain America 2 comes out tomorrow, so offered to stay at her house with her while our husbands go see it. Her husband was very grateful, and I know mine wouldn't mind seeing it a second time with me.

By the way, good luck to all of you on your journeys! It's a very brave thing you're doing.