I feel like a liar

[LynRN 294]

So I have chosen to keep my surgery secret. Only my husband, mother, sister, and aunt know. I did, which I am regretting, talk to a few coworkers who have had the surgery by the same surgeon, so they know. I am an OB nurse and I work with my OBgyn, so she and one of her partners know. It's not that I am ashamed, but I am private and I don't constantly want questions about my weight loss. Well, it's starting to show and the questions have begun. I just usually say that I'm eating a lot less and exercising a little more, which is true. But I feel like its only a matter of time before someone spills the Beans and then I'm going to look like a liar. Why do I feel obligated to tell them the whole truth? And why don't I want to? Why do I care so much? Help?

[one_more_time 145]

Well everyone is different....and we all have different perspectives when it comes to bariatric surgery. Although I am a VERY private person as well...I am very proud and resolved in my decision. Therfore...I dont have a problem with telling the world. Are you afraid people will judge you? I know some people can be critical about the situation while others are curious and considering and you could be helping them make an informed decision if the have health/weight issues.

I already know coworkers will know...I mean Im missing from work for the next month and when I get back and the weight starts to come off...im sure it will be obvious why I was out. At the end of the day its your personal choice...but I dont think you should be feeling guilty. Im excited...and at this point I dont care about sharing with others.:-)

[Gburto3 15]

I personally kept it from most people for 6 months. I didn't lie per-say but more or less told people this: I started to exercise more, did a high Protein, low fat and carb diet and reduced my intake. Also supplemented a meal with Protein shakes. This in itself is not lying. I am now just about a year out, and am finally telling people who ask how I lost the weight. I wear it as a symbol of strength not weakness that I had surgery to help me lose weight. I think of it as I took the best decision to save my life. If people look negative on this, you do not need them in your life anyway. This is the NEW you. Enjoy it! Be proud if it and your accomplishment

Also, if they find out, just tell them while laughing, "well, I did have a little extra help" =]

[ad1203 85]

This is a topic I am struggling with myself. I haven't had the surgery yet, but each day I change my mind about telling people or not (really just my mom and sister). Obviously, my husband knows because - well, he is my husband (lol). He is very supportive of whatever I decide. I, too, am afraid of people judging me. Some things are just very personal. I think we feel guilty about not being totally honest about it because that is the way we were brought up. We think of it as "lying" and so we feel guilty because we are "good girls". I won't be having surgery for a couple of months yet, so I have really been checking out the forums to hear what other people's views are. I think if I came across someone who struggles with their weight as I do, I would feel that maybe I can help them by telling them. I really don't want to mislead anyone, but it really is a private and personal thing. Let us know how you do with this. I really look to all of you for support, especially on this issue. Good luck!!

[Sboulie 90]

Hey ad1203, I'm in the same boat as you. I am lying too b/c I am not getting the support I am looking for. Everyone has an opinion on the subject, and mostly when I tell people I'm thinking about it, they say, "What? Can't lose the weight without cheating?" There are some very insensitive people out there. It is only your business what you do to your body. Best of luck to everyone! I"m nervous as hell and change my mind on and off too...my husband says I'm being selfish and not considering our 2 children (ages 4 and 1)...very torn too...

Edited February 12, 2014 by sboulie77

[LynRN 294]

I think you hit the nail on the head. I am a "good girl." I kind of have that reputation at work. It seems silly, but I don't want people to think I'm a liar if/when it comes out. But I'm just not ready to tell people. Mostly because so many of my other coworkers have had the surgery so I have heard some whispers and judgments. One coworker

In particular had surgery about a year ago and had some success initially but has appeared to already put most of her weight back on and she was very vocal about her surgery. Another coworker had a pretty bad leak. So I really am just not in the mood to be under a microscope. I even heard one of my coworkers call it a fad because so many people were having it done. Nurses and doctors can be a really judgmental bunch and surprisingly ignorant when it comes to weight loss surgery.

[DianaE 128]

Those people who judge have not walked in our shoes and I personally could care less what they think. You have to do what you feel you need to in order to get healthy.. I know if something happened to you because of the weight issues they would have wished you had tried something to get it off.. My sister died when she was 39 (15 years ago) due to obesity complications. They would not do the bypass because she didnt pass the emotional eval.. So 5 years later she died. I am pretty bitter about all of that.. I miss my sister and I wish they had taken the chance. It might have saved her. Anyways, my point is, it is about saving yourself. Nothing else matters.

Edited February 11, 2014 by DianaE

[greensleeve 457]

I've noticed those of us who need the surgery tend to have bad boundaries and want to please people.

Honestly I'm not going to tell many people because I have enough to think about and worry about. I don't need to have other people questioning every thing I eat and do. Or keeping track of how much I lose; or asking a ton of questions.

You don't owe it to anyone to reveal your medical history, just like your coworkers don't owe it to you to tell you that they had their tubes tied or their gall bladder out. It's none of their business!

[LynRN 294]

I'm a nurse so I am kind of a people pleaser by profession. I need to work on it in my personal life, though.

[re14768 72]

I'm having issues telling people also. Only my hubby, sisters, mom about it..I don't feel comfortable telling coworkers. Especially since I work with nurses (not a nurse myself) .I hear what they say about patients when they come to our department post op. I don't even know what I will tell my manager yet when I have to request time off..should I take FMLA. I was thinking I should tell them I'm having hiatel hernia repair? Which is also try I was told after my upper GI..doctor said he will repair while his doing the surgery. Realllly don't want to say ANYTHING til maybe when I return to work.

[re14768 72]

*True

[gowalking 10,790]

I'm banded so I hope you don't mind if I comment. We go through the same thing us bandsters...to tell or not to tell and for me it was my embarrasment over needing surgery to lose the weight that kept me quiet. Even as the weight has come off, I find that I am more upset with myself for getting into a situation where I needed the band to make this work than anything else. I've lost alot of weight in one year and some of my coworkers know I've been banded. I suspect alot more presume I had surgery again, because I'm literally half my size. They are just considerate enough to not ask me directly. That and they're also not supposed to ask anything personal or they can get into trouble with HR. At this point, I'm just hoping no one else asks and a year from now, no one even cares because they will just get used to seeing me this size.

Edited February 11, 2014 by gowalking

[greensleeve 457]

I'm a nurse so I am kind of a people pleaser by profession. I need to work on it in my personal life, though.

Just tell them due to Hippa laws you weren't allowed to share!

I think if someone I worked with was off and started losing weight I wouldn't want to pester them and honestly it's none of my business.

If they don't have anything better to worry about than your surgery then their lives must be really boring.

[Miss Mac 6,261]

1. You don't have to lie, but you don't have to tell everything you know.

2. I am retired from healthcare environmental services management, and I know from experience that the HIPPA laws are a joke. Medical staff does discuss your business everywhere, including the cafeteria line and the elevator. Also, they have no regard for the HIPPA privacy laws for their co-workers either. Except for the FMLA coordinator in HR - nobody has any right to know your private stuff. And you can tell people just that your weight loss is a personal concern which you choose not to discuss.

[greensleeve 457]

Another reason not to tell, at least for me is this. The one time in my life I was open about losing weight I was on Weight Watchers and the meetings were at work.

We tend to have a lot of good days here with really tempting food. One day I just really felt like I couldn't stay away and so I declined going to the food day lunch they had.

My boss asked me and I said I was just not in the mood to be around a lot of food I couldn't have. She tried to argue jokingly.

She is overweight.

So almost everyone went to the room on their lunch breaks except me. She called me at my desk and told me to go up there.

It's sabotaging stuff like that and all jealousy and cattiness that I want to avoid.

You have every right not to share this and it's not lying.