Starting over after loss of Son

[StarsZie 3]

Hi there so I'm finally ready to reach out for help. My 24 year old son was killed by a drunk driver on April 29th 2012, and only 11 months before losing my son I lost my father. I had wls (band) in 2009. Needless to say my weight loss journey fell way off the wagon. I have since gained most of my weight back and I have no idea how to start over again. When I went to the doctors they had made a suggestion that maybe I might want to have a revision... no I don't want any more surgery I want to try to work with my band but I need much more support than what I'm getting from them! I am very scared that I stretched out my pouch but the odd thing is is that I still do feel restriction so maybe I didn't and I just got used to eating slider foods. I think I'm going to try the 5 day pouch test, has anyone done this before and been successful? Has anyone else fallen so far off the wagon and been able to pick themselves up and start over??? Oh and did I mention I also got divorced and had to buy a house by myself? Yep you can say I'm depressed and feel helpless and trying how to figure out how to start over again and again... I could sure use some help, support and ideas. Anyone?

[☠carolinagirl☠ 18,721]

so sorry for your losses

i am so sad to read this...

you just start...get back to band basics (eating Protein, veggies, fruit, drink to stay hydrated)

if you hadnt been to your lapband dr, def a visit is in order to get your band looked at and a fill if they advise

use your mental want to and get back on program..

Edited January 12, 2014 by ☠carolinagirl☠

[chasingadream 1,311]

I am so sorry to hear of your tremendous losses...but you are acknowledging that now is the time to get yourself back on track and maybe that is the biggest hurdle right now.

I agree with Carolina Girl....get your band checked and make sure it is all good and then you can make a plan from there.

One day at a time....one day at a time....

Wishing you peace and much success.

[StarsZie 3]

I'm sorry I thought I mentioned in my post, I had been to see the doctor right before my son was killed, my band looks to be OK. Time for me feels like it stands still. Things are so hard to believe even now thinking that its been almost 2 years already! I called them a couple months back and spoke to them about everything that happened that's when they recommended a revision! I was kind of annoyed that they jumped right to "revision" instead of trying to help me through this. I'm reaching out for hand holding I guess...

[Leepers 1,195]

Maybe you could find another doctor or bariatric program that would be more in tune to your needs. If not, then tell the one you have, what you want. Unfortunately there is no one really watching out for you in healthcare.

I am so sorry that you have had so many trials. Getting back on track with your health could maybe give you something to focus on. I can't imagine how hard it is for you. But you CAN do it.

I say, try that 5 day pouch test or start with the preop liquid diet again to cleanse your system. And come to this site for lots of support!

Best wishes.

[lisacaron 5,075]

StarsZ. You need some handholding and lots of love. You have been through hell and you are still here and reaching out.

This group is here to help you as you need us. Vent cry blog whatever form you choose is cathartic and healing.

Your doctors office may not be thinking of the stress and psychological effect that you have been under these few years and are only thinking the band is not working for you.

You have taken a huge step and shared your story with us. Your next step needs to be getting some counseling if you are not already. Incorporate with grief counseling some dietary and life affirming counseling to help you get back on track to you again.

Going back to basics is a way to start. Always remember that your doctors office works for YOU. you are the consumer here. Call them back and tell them what you want.

You want an assessment on your current band status. Is it sitting right how much Fluid is in it and maybe a tweak of that amount.

It is not day by day Star. It is moment to moment and we can't ask more from you then that and you should not ask more right now either. Every breath is a step forward.

Start now take a deep breath and make the plan for the next one and the next. Follow along and you will be in a groove. From there you can make the choices to get your band rocking again.

Sending out positive vibes and support your way!

You can do this!! Have faith one moment at a time.

[Bandista 7,466]

Hi there, western medicine is all about drugs and surgery so it doesn't surprise me they would recommend a revision. It sounds like you know what you need to do and you're doing it now -- recommitting to your health following a horrific time of grief. You have tremendous determination -- I can hear it in your writing. A few days into whatever method you choose -- 5-day pouch test has always sounded interesting to me and many people do periodic liquids to reboot. You can do this and you're not alone. We are here for you. You'll be feeling so much better when you're eating clean and getting some exercise. That should help with the depression. Choose yourself and your health first, above all, and the rest will follow. Best wishes for this coming year!

[rosettag 122]

I' m writing with my eyes full of tears. I cannot even imagine what you have experienced, because the suffering of the loss of a son is something unbearable . You are so brave..you are going to take your life back into your hands.

You can start with any method you like anf feel is good for you.

I think Bandista is right "Western medicine is all about drugs and surgery"

But our soul ( or heart) need more and different solutions.

You are brave, too brave. That must cost and have cost you a lot .

I would hug you if we didn't live so far.

I'm Italian and live in Northern Italy.

[Sherlock1969 231]

I will hold your hand. As I am sure many on here will. And after all you have been through...including a parent's worst nightmare, good for you for reaching out. I am (we are all) only a keyboard swipe away.

After the holidays this year I had become, umm, irregular...I HATE not going to the bathroom properly. So I went on a liquid diet for a day (liquid in liquid out...thought it would help), it didn't really help THAT problem, but I did learn that my band felt tighter once I went back on solids. So I would recommend maybe doing a liquid diet for a day or 3. Go to mushies than solids and see if that helps you get back on track.

Best wishes and keep in touch.

[Sharpie 3,306]

Bless your Heart... My Husband has lost two of his children.. There is nothing worse than to lose a child.. He also was diagnosed with Cancer after losing is son it was a double punch... The good news is, he survived and is living life day by day... You are ready to get your life back on track.. You will have good days and bad but remember that your Son would want his Mom to take care of herself first and foremost... You do not know what God has in store for you, be ready for the rest of your life and with a healthy new outlook.... I will keep you in my prayers and please reach out to any of us here.. We all have our own crosses to bear, none of us have a perfect life and the desire to get healthy can be your life saver.

[Corridor72 518]

Wow. I can't even begin to imagine your pain. I agree with what the others have said. The pouch test sounds like a good place to start BUT, I would call the surgeon's office and ask for an appt with him. At the appt., I would explain to him what all you've been through and tell him what it is YOU want. If that doesn't work for him and he keeps pushing you toward a revision, I would find a different doctor and go from there. My surgeon actually told me from my very first visit with him when I first started this whole process that he NEEDS to know what's going on in my life every step of the way for the rest of my life so that he can help me through it. He even talked about some of the stuff he had recently been through and how the "old self" came out and he began to binge on things he knew he shouldn't be eating but that it was how he was trying to cope. He said he had to pull himself out of that and remind himself how to cope with things without using food for comfort. He went on to say that from now on, any major life events warrant a phone call to him so that he can help get me through those rough times without sabotaging myself. So please, call your doctor, demand a visit with him, and ask for his help. Ask him to help you with the tool you already have. A new tool won't change the pain you've suffered through so it isn't going to fix the problem. What you need is someone who is willing to work with you and help you use the tool you have to get to a better place. (((HUGS)))

[Nikki-Anne 13]

I am sorry to hear this you must be in so much pain. My best friend recently killed herself and I went off the wagon as well but with the support around me I got back on there.

It will be hard but if your so determined to get back up there make it happen. I love this forum there's so many people who will help you and give you support if you need it and there aren't any judgemental people.

Do what's right for yourself and get back on it, you feel soo much better and your confidence will go through the roof.

I honestly am so sorry hear about your loss I hope you find peace.

Good luck

[pink dahlia 2,513]

I dont come to this forum very often anymore, but im sending hugs your way, I cant even imagine what you' re going through. I agree with every bodies advice, but you also might try grief counseling to get you on a game plan to allow yourself to move forward. It sounds like you' re treading Water right now with no sure direction of which way to go. Now that you know a little bit of what you want to do ( work with the band), you might want to have help in other areas too. Years ago a therapist was a godsend for me to help me deal with my own grief and loss. I hope you find some comfort here and know you have lots of support.