Feeling Guilty

[Meltzy 11]

Please don't hate me....

My best friend is looking into wls, and has been involved in the local bariatric clinic for the past year going to her classes etc. She encouraged me to look into wls as well, knowing that I would have to join the clinic and I would be far down the road behind her...

Well, I work in the operating room so I asked a surgeon one day if he would accept me as a pt for wls and he said sure he would watch for my referral. Well, surg date was booked within 2 mos of our conversation.

Yup, jumped the line. But in my defense I work very hard for my surgeons and they appreciate this fact, and I feel this perk had been a gift from my surgeon for my dedication. Kind of like a Christmas Bonus lol.

Now...my friend is pissed. And yes she definitely has a right to be. Things are strained and I feel really bad about it but once the ball started rolling it was really out of my control.

I've now been sleeved for almost 2 weeks and I really don't want this guilt to sabotage my weight loss efforts!

[newat52 1,612]

Not a thing to feel bad or guilty about. When you work in a retail store, you get a discount. When you work for the airline, you get free flights. You wouldn't feel guilty about that. You have a perk at your job and it was offered to you. It's the long and short of it. So what? Sorry, but your friend is way out of line on this. If she is that upset about this, I would be rethinking how good of a friend this person really is.

If this person is really your friend, she would be happy that you are on your way. You will be able to support her as her journey progresses. Why on earth should she be pissed that you are sleeved first? WLS is not, I repeat, NOT a competition and should not be treated as such. I would just tell your friend that you should both be happy and supportive of one another.

Don't feel guilty. It should be a non issue.

Good luck, you will love your sleeve!

[planetheather 137]

Hmm. I'm trying not to judge, but I'm not sure this is a "friend". A real friend would be happy for you and supportive. And be excited that she will one day be joining the journey with you. I would have been thrilled to have someone walk in front of me so I could learn from her.

I don't think you have anything to feel bad about and your last sentence was the most important. You did this for you and you should be focused on making yourself healthy and reveling in your successes. Despite the image that some people have that we have "taken the easy way out", we all know that this is work and will require a lifetime commitment. Again, no judging, but I think you can start looking for new friends along with new clothes. Both should support and compliment you.

[BryBro63 410]

Exactly...it's NOT a competition. So if anything, you should be able to share your experience with your friend as far as what they should expect.

If they are a true friend, this will certainly pass...I wish great success for you both!!

[Ballermom 803]

Don't feel guilty! Please don't let this sabotage your day. Concentrate on following the program. Sometimes ive spent time worrying about people who have spent little to no time with worry for me! Move ahead with your Journey. This WLS is a funny thing and that some people around us respond in unexpected ways. I just accept that can only change me. Maybe it's a small lost for them I don't know. But don't spend a moment worrying. I get stuff said to me everyday at work. It doesn't bother me anymore! Learning that I am stronger than I thought I was. I know longer need food to control me. I know longer need permission from others to heal and be Healthy. Congratulations we Celebrate with you!

Edited December 21, 2013 by Ballermom

[Ballermom 803]

You are an Overcomer. You made. To your Success!

[Nicolanz 1,484]

What?!?! First of all, congratulations! Second, your friend should be happy for you! I would be totally jealous if I was your friend too, but I'd never let you know that! Lol. Please don't feel guilty. You had resources that you utilized. Anyone, including your friend would have done the same thing!

[gamergirl 4,609]

As others have said, you did what was right, and your job offers you a perk that it is perfectly okay to take. Hopefully your friend will get over it.

I also think you could help your friend to overcome some of it. I know that I went a few weeks ahead of some people I "met" on the forum, and they liked reading my blog or my posts because it gave them an idea of what was to come. Maybe in time, your friend will see that she can learn from your experiences?

You did nothing wrong.

[southernsoul 773]

I totally get why your friend is envious, but that's her issue. You certainly don't have to make it your issue! We all compare our preop processes on this site & there are so many differences! Some are required to do 6 months, some 3 months, some don't have many preop requirements at all, and the self-pay folks usually zoom right through faster than the folks using insurance. She may be trying to hand you a big box of guilt, but you have a choice as to whether you accept it. None of us should EVER feel guilty for taking care of ourselves!

[Arts137 1,811]

I really don't want this guilt to sabotage my weight loss efforts!

Sure is AOK by me... So don't!

[Miss Mac 6,261]

I agree with the others on this forum. My sleeve is coming Monday 12/23, and I am well aware now (thanks to all of these posts) that WLS changes relationships as well as bodies, feelings, habits and brains. My guess is that once your friend has her surgery, she will be coming to you for gracious support and feedback since you are on this journey ahead of her. If she is truly a keeper. she will come around.

[Meltzy 11]

Omg you guys are all the best! And soooo supportive!!

Thank you for all of your kind words, has helped pick me up and enable me to forge ahead on this journey ????

We've been friends for 15 yrs and I know she has always had a selfish side but now that it's directed towards me it was kind of a shock.

On your advice I will ride it out and not let her sabotage things for me! I am strong! Haha

[chibabyy 77]

My older sister started this journey before me but she was denied by her insurance because of low BMI and I was approved. I was sleeved 6/5/13 and she ended up paying private and was sleeved 12/5/13. My sister was happy for me even though I cried when I found out that she was denied cos I wanted us to be close in date. I am now there for her for support and advice even though I wish it was the other way around. Your friend should be happy for you no matter what but don't give up on her yet, she might come around. Good luck and be happy cos this is journey that will take you to a place where you have never been before.

Edited December 20, 2013 by chibabyy

[CowgirlJane 14,259]

So, the place I went there was no big long waiting period. All the delays were caused by me....

I think the value of "waiting" is ensuring you are really prepared, and really sure. I actually don't understand these hospitals that make people jump through hoops for a year, but, that was just not my experience.

Anyway, if she isn't in your same program I don't see how you cut in line ahead of her. Having surgery a few months after deciding to do it is very reasonable....

[Ms.AntiBand 2,984]

I agree with the others .. Plus, I'm sure she's just so disappointed that she needs to find fault. Hang in there and have a little patience with her and maybe things will smooth out.