When Life Gets In The Way Of The Sleeve

[VSGAnn2014 12,992]

Hmmm.

I'm thinking about all this.

I've got nothing exceptional to say. But it's stirred something.

Wanting to be left alone. Just wanting plain vanilla privacy. Nothing weird. Just simple, human privacy.

[VSGAnn2014 12,992]

Problem is, when we live in society -- whether that of a family or a small town or corporate life -- we are interconnected.

Anthills.

Ugh.

[BlessedBeyondMeasure2012 296]

At the beginning of my body change the sleeve and attending concerns enveloped the majority of my attention. The struggle to get it going, establishing guide lines, noting progress, mourning slow downs, and in the end, rejoicing exceedingly about my new body.

Now, coming up on my second year, my attention is being diverted by life itself. I am maintaining near my low weight and activity is at athletic level as I promised myself at the beginning. I had an empty feeling period when I asked myself the question, "Now what?"

This new body is just a part of who I am. It is no longer a hindrance, it now best serves me by not drawing attention to itself. It has become a vehicle to take my mind and soul to destinations and tasks. I have energy to express my heart and my body no longer blocks my reaching out.

I no longer have my body to use as an excuse for inactivity and introversion. I no longer hide behind shame. Now is the time to explore the other parts of myself and my relationship with those around me and the world in general. I have made a friend of myself and in so doing have deemed what love I have to offer as worthy to be shared. I have discovered that giving love is the quickest path to getting it.

I have a default eating, drinking, and exercise policy. I may step out for a bit but return to default quickly. I don't kick my butt for it, I am my friend now. If I don't have fun being me I won't be any fun to be around.

My grown daughter called me contagious the other day. It was one of the best things my ears have ever heard.

I want to be contagious too!!! I loved reading your post

I personally can't wait for the day that my weightloss is not the topic of discussion anymore!

Oh man can I relate to the struggle of balance and the guilt of being selfish. I'm struggling to be a good employee, student, mother, and wife on top of being healthy. There's just not enough hours in the day! Even though everything I'm doing is for my family, I feel like I'm neglecting them in the meantime. Ugh!

I could not have said this better myself. I don't know what to do when people can't stopping about how much weight I have lost or how good I look. The compliments are so nice but it has been so long since I have gotten compliments like that that I don't know how to take them. I don't like being the center of attention. I also feel like everything that I am doing is for my family but when I'm out exercising in the evenings after I get home from work I actually feel guilty that I'm not in the house sitting on the couch doing nothing with my family. I feel guilty that my husband has the kids for another half hour to hour without my help. I know taking care of me helps them in the long run it just that... balance.

[Indigo1991 1,612]

So once we are visible, what happens next? I have just had my first truly negative experience because someone said something innocent - but it has triggered my head off in away I didn't expect...

Someone complimented me on my weight loss and said I must be having fun shopping. I agreed and said I had now thrown out 27 bags of clothes over the last 8 months ( :-( I know that's a ridiculous amount!). Then she said "Are you so confident you won't need any of those clothes again and that you won't put weight back on?"

I stood and gaped at her like a goldfish. Don't laugh at me, but I am so convinced that I won't be fat ever again after going through this, that I haven't even contemplated gaining weight. But what she said threw me and made me feel naive and, frankly, stupid. How can I have come this far and not thought that???

So having hit reality head on, can I go back in my bubble? Life has got in the way in the whole time I have been sleeved but I have done my best to pick myself up, dust myself down and move on. So why am I dwelling on this?

[RJ'S/beginning 5,357]

So once we are visible, what happens next? I have just had my first truly negative experience because someone said something innocent - but it has triggered my head off in away I didn't expect...

Someone complimented me on my weight loss and said I must be having fun shopping. I agreed and said I had now thrown out 27 bags of clothes over the last 8 months ( :-( I know that's a ridiculous amount!). Then she said "Are you so confident you won't need any of those clothes again and that you won't put weight back on?"

I stood and gaped at her like a goldfish. Don't laugh at me, but I am so convinced that I won't be fat ever again after going through this, that I haven't even contemplated gaining weight. But what she said threw me and made me feel naive and, frankly, stupid. How can I have come this far and not thought that???

So having hit reality head on, can I go back in my bubble? Life has got in the way in the whole time I have been sleeved but I have done my best to pick myself up, dust myself down and move on. So why am I dwelling on this?

Because in the back of your head somewhere she is right sorta..Every other diet tried the weight lost reappeared with extra...It is one of the major fear of losing weight...It can happen if we get lazy or to confident.. So 2 things are important..

1) Fix the head and the body will benefit from it..

2) never let your guard down. Keep a weight gain number in your head and revert back to the beginnings of the sleeve to lose it....weighing yourself once a week, not becoming obsessive with it...

She said that because that is what everyone does who diets traditionally...You have taken a huge leap to make it permanent. But we both know it will be a life long battle!

[No game 14,436]

So once we are visible, what happens next? I have just had my first truly negative experience because someone said something innocent - but it has triggered my head off in away I didn't expect... Someone complimented me on my weight loss and said I must be having fun shopping. I agreed and said I had now thrown out 27 bags of clothes over the last 8 months ( :-( I know that's a ridiculous amount!). Then she said "Are you so confident you won't need any of those clothes again and that you won't put weight back on?" I stood and gaped at her like a goldfish. Don't laugh at me, but I am so convinced that I won't be fat ever again after going through this, that I haven't even contemplated gaining weight. But what she said threw me and made me feel naive and, frankly, stupid. How can I have come this far and not thought that??? So having hit reality head on, can I go back in my bubble? Life has got in the way in the whole time I have been sleeved but I have done my best to pick myself up, dust myself down and move on. So why am I dwelling on this?

Indigo!

I'm In line at Costco.. But just read this and visibly gasped out loud.

That person lacks a brain and tact!

Move on and spend your energy on someone who counts!

[RJ'S/beginning 5,357]

I personally can't wait for the day that my weightloss is not the topic of discussion anymore!

Oh man can I relate to the struggle of balance and the guilt of being selfish. I'm struggling to be a good employee, student, mother, and wife on top of being healthy. There's just not enough hours in the day! Even though everything I'm doing is for my family, I feel like I'm neglecting them in the meantime. Ugh!

We will see if that is the case especially when people say dumb things or try to compliment you and it comes out not a compliment and your mouth gapes open..Or when they deliberately want to see you because they can't believe you were able to even lose weight let alone look like that!!!! Shock , like never thought you would even get smaller...I really like those I trust because they know the struggles that we go through to do this on a day to day basis..but these other people.....They just get on my nerves...First they used to talk about how fat I was and now..oh my god can you believe it she finally did it..Never thought she would or could....I hate it! I just want to keep the real stuff for people who understand and the family and friends that support me through this journey......

[Indigo1991 1,612]

I think it's because, for the first time in my life, I did this without thinking that failing was an option - I didn't have any alternatives left. And it's an attitude - naive or not - that has got me this far.

Laura, you are right, no more wasted energy on someone who spoke, moved on and won't have given this a second thought... just shaken me up.

RJ, yup a lifelong battle but I feel I now actually have a tool in my armoury that if I do right by it, it will fight alongside me. Maybe it's that hope/belief that has kept me looking forward not back. But a sharp reminder of the power of the mind to bring you down...

[RJ'S/beginning 5,357]

Hmmm.

I'm thinking about all this.

I've got nothing exceptional to say. But it's stirred something.

Wanting to be left alone. Just wanting plain vanilla privacy. Nothing weird. Just simple, human privacy.

I could not go anywhere without someone gawking at me or pointing or laughing..Most made it so obvious that they were making a point that it crushed me and hurt me..To the extent that I wanted to be left alone. i would put my head down in shame or stare at them until they turned away...

I got to dread going anywhere or eating at a restaurant or even going to the gym..

For awhile after surgery no one even knew who I was anymore. I could walk right up to someone I knew and say excuse me can I get that lettuce behind you..They did not have one clue..it was entertaining at first...then things shifted and so and so told so and so and now people are talking..And wanting to get a look at the new me..

I am a new person inside as well..They don't know that or care to know that they just want to see the new shell....I am floored at the ignorance of people and until I can learn to adjust to this part of the journey I just want to be left alone..Have the freedom to go where I want, be who I am and not have someone I know make a judgement...Society...means nothing to me. Society is the excepted understanding of most things whether they are right or wrong, moral or not.....All I need are people who get it..And they are far between..That is what led me to this forum in the first place..Freedom to be the new me and people who understand the pain and difficulties and the victories that come along with the journey....

[RJ'S/beginning 5,357]

I think it's because, for the first time in my life, I did this without thinking that failing was an option - I didn't have any alternatives left. And it's an attitude - naive or not - that has got me this far.

Laura, you are right, no more wasted energy on someone who spoke, moved on and won't have given this a second thought... just shaken me up.

RJ, yup a lifelong battle but I feel I now actually have a tool in my armoury that if I do right by it, it will fight alongside me. Maybe it's that hope/belief that has kept me looking forward not back. But a sharp reminder of the power of the mind to bring you down...

Awesome...means you have not been as scarred as I have..For me it is life or death...Black or white. Right or wrong...I need to save myself from myself and live my life whole..No more past influences...i need to work them out and go forward....

Tunnel vision..i go for that and then all of a sudden I get challenged. The right thing to do is walk away..But I walked away for so long when I was in pain from what people said...

I need time to heal and get used to me before I can deal with anymore uncertainties. I can't trust people not to hurt me right now...It is tough but it is true....

[Indigo1991 1,612]

RJ, I think I stumble on ever hopeful that this time, things will be different when it comes to other people. Sometimes it works, sometimes it doesn't...

But I am sorry that you bear such deep scars. I have mine, but I have spent recent years trying to put things in perspective. That has included removing the people who inflicted the wounds on me out of my life. That helps, no constant reminders. I have also tried hard to set aside the things I can't change no matter how much they upset me. Sometimes you just have to put the burden down, walk away and don't look back.

What you say is so true - time, healing and getting to know yourself are the keys to surviving, then thriving. I hope you feel you are on the way to that, you have inspired me in recent months, hope you feel you are getting the support back that you need too x

[totaloser 75]

Just have to say thanks to all of you! I stalk these threads often and I feel so connected to many of you although I rarely speak up on here. Today I feel compelled to say thank you for the support you have given me thus far through this process. I am only 9 weeks out, dropping weight and feeling great but also scared to death of what's ahead. The physical journey of the sleeve has been okay for me but the mental and emotional part of this is tough. Reading your thoughts and feelings has been such good therapy. Maybe some day I will have more to contribute but for now I am taking it all in and learning so much. It's nice to know I am not alone in this. I so desperately want to get and stay thin but I know for that to happen I have to fix my mind. With support and commitment I hope I will be able to do just that. I am committing myself to make this a lifelong change and if that means becoming obsessed with it then I guess that's what I need to do. Now if I can only figure out how to make that happen. My name is Judy. I am 51. I am happy to be part of this community. I may even get up the nerve to post my picture.

[RJ'S/beginning 5,357]

RJ, I think I stumble on ever hopeful that this time, things will be different when it comes to other people. Sometimes it works, sometimes it doesn't...

But I am sorry that you bear such deep scars. I have mine, but I have spent recent years trying to put things in perspective. That has included removing the people who inflicted the wounds on me out of my life. That helps, no constant reminders. I have also tried hard to set aside the things I can't change no matter how much they upset me. Sometimes you just have to put the burden down, walk away and don't look back.

What you say is so true - time, healing and getting to know yourself are the keys to surviving, then thriving. I hope you feel you are on the way to that, you have inspired me in recent months, hope you feel you are getting the support back that you need too x

I do think I am getting support. Not only from this forum but from the people I love. I have always been an advocate for justice and never held back when I saw something wrong...but when I was being picked on I held my head down and walked away..As time went on it just got to be a habit never to put people in their places....

Once a man who lived down the street stopped his car in front of my house to watch me garden..( hope you have not heard this one) He went home later that evening and told his wife what he did and instead of feeling bad he asked her how I have the nerve to come out of my house because I was disgusting....Now fast forward 5 years...I am bigger and not as healthy anymore and so I had problems getting my yard into shape..It took a lot more work...

I look up and he has pulled into my drive way..I ask him what he wanted and he said he wanted to apologize for what he said to his wife...who by the way could not wait to tell me!!!! I asked him what gave him the right to look a the outside of a person and decide whether they are worthy to live or not...What made him think that he knew me enough that he could make a judgement like that and not expect me to wonder who the hell he thought he was.....He said he understood my position but now that he had health problems and could no longer tolerate chemicals of any kind..He understood that people have all kinds of issues and some would not understand his like he did not understand mine at the time....

I said well one thing I know for sure is that if your children talk like you..you are responsible for them seeing the world and those in it as worth life or not worth a thing...He said please and I said well if it makes you feel better all is forgotten..He said so not really eh and I said take it how you want it...he repeated to me that he was sorry and then got in his car and drove away...

The damage was done....I knew how he looked at me and it got to me as the other experiences unfolded around me over the years...It was pure abuse, nothing less....

Why these people think they have the right to say what they think and think what they say...i never did anything to him..I never beat his kids, stole from him or killed his dog....He had an issue with me because society says it is okay to poke fun at anyone that is not the same. A cut out of the same cookie cutter as themselves....I have no tolerance for those people anymore. He was not a child of innocence. He was a full grown man who thought I was worth nothing because I was fat...

So many more things like that happened to me over the years...I don't know why. But I knew it every time it happened and I felt it like a knife in my heart...

Now the sleeve and the interest in the results....They really have no right to have any opinion good or bad...They need to mind their own business..And I am telling them so now...Like one of my sisters said last week..( You finally found your balls, good for you.)

I have such strong emotions against abuse of any kind..But because of my own experiences in life I saw good people and I saw bad and I can now identify the bad no problem...When they come up and want to gawk at the new me they can hit the pavement......I no longer will stand by with my head lowered and watch as people are abused because of weight...No one has the right to pass judgement of humans..Hitler did it and look where it got him....

Strong I know...but righteous indignation.....that's how I see it..

Thank you for reading my reply...

[gmanbat 5,889]

I have learned a lot in my 64 years. The main thing I've learned is that I have a lot more to learn. The next thing I've learned is that I am not obligated to teach others what I know. Rude questions, innocent questions...no matter...still my choice.

I don't have to tell anyone anything unless they are my wife with an Iron skillet raised over her head.

[Sleeved in Seattle 280]

RJ, you make me glad to read your posts. Maybe you need to borrow Gman's wife's skillet when you are out and about in town.