When Life Gets In The Way Of The Sleeve

[No game 14,436]

I also consider myself a food addict. I think about food constantly, before and after the sleeve. I feel lonely with the sleeve, because I can't come home pop open the fridge and binge my head off. I want to just go through the drive through, or eat a normal dinner. I sometimes feel bad that I have to count Water intake or Protein. I feel blessed to have the opportunity to lose weight, but this is hard. I actually get mad when I feel full and I can't eat anymore, my head is screaming that I am still hungry, it's not enough!! I am scared that once I am able to eat, I will fail at this. I feel like the only thing stopping me from eating poorly is the fear of harming my sleeve. I am working on these issues, but it is difficult sometimes to come on here and see so many people absolutely love their sleeve and love their lives, like their road is really easy. I do love the sleeve, and I do love my life. But sometimes I just want to say THIS SUCKS, but I fear people will dog on me for that. I'm not ungrateful, I am frustrated and yes, whiny, and being a baby about stupid things. Thank you for your post, it's nice to know other people feel the sleeve can be all encompassing. Also, if one more of my co workers ask if I can have this or that yet (all bad foods), I am going to scream.

It can be hard yes.. I guess when I went into this I had an attitude that I was taking my free will away for awhile... And I needed that. I could not be trusted with food emotions and endless capacity.

I think it's hard for a lot of people the first few months. Weight loss aside you have to sit with your emotions, boredom, stress, without turning to food and that can be uncomfortable..

I'm glad you are getting help. It does go hand in hand, having the sleeve and seeking therapy for disordered eating.

I'd be lying if I said I have never had moments especially in the beginning that I wished I could put the sleeve away for awhile so I could pig out (binge) just for the sake of pigging out...

[Nurse_B 270]

It can be hard yes.. I guess when I went into this I had an attitude that I was taking my free will away for awhile... And I needed that. I could not be trusted with food emotions and endless capacity. I think it's hard for a lot of people the first few months. Weight loss aside you have to sit with your emotions, boredom, stress, without turning to food and that can be uncomfortable.. I'm glad you are getting help. It does go hand in hand, having the sleeve and seeking therapy for disordered eating. I'd be lying if I said I have never had moments especially in the beginning that I wished I could put the sleeve away for awhile so I could pig out (binge) just for the sake of pigging out...

I feel that way about "putting it away", I just feel a ton of emotions about the sleeve. I wouldn't change it, I love the weight loss, I just wish I didn't miss food so bad. I think the biggest thing for me is finding out why I'm so attached to food, it's really making me see things differently. It can be freeing, and great to replace food with other things I enjoy, but then I get sad as well. I am learning so much about myself, so I have the sleeve to thank for that. I think we all could use a non biased third party to talk to, I know for me there isn't any hiding behind my humor or weight anymore when I need to deal with an issue. Thank you for opening up, and for allowing me to get my thoughts down. It feels glorious to be honest without the fear of judgement.

[Brighteyes 237]

Laura-ven - I almost saw this train wreck of sleeve/real life balance coming into my own life prior to being sleeved. I push perfection in so many areas of my life, particularly work/career. My perfectionism is just fear and shame. It's my way of tricking myself into thinking I am in control. So prior to being sleeved I took a big step. I gave myself permission not to advance in my career for the next year. I am focusing on myself and maximize the benefits of this sleeve. It's not always easy and it's put me in my therapist office more than normal. But the further I get into this the more I am seeing the importance of this balance. Not everything in my life is going to advance at the same time. I hope you find that balance for yourself in your journey.

[RJ'S/beginning 5,357]

Last night I went and picked up some new clothes....When I went into the store I told the clerk that I needed a new belt, mine was too big..She said what! What are you doing....I told her eating more Protein and watching what I eat and of course smaller portions...

She said you lie..I said what? She said we all know your story around here and none of us can believe the transformation. I said what, I don't understand. 3 stores are owned by the same company and so they interchange employees all the time so they have all talked about me to each other..I just stared at her and could not believe my ears...

She said how old are you anyway..I told her and she said I looked like I was 42...I laughed and said thanks but I can't give you a tip for that...She said seriously..You look fantastic...I don't remember you now but I have worked here 8 years and I cannot remember what you looked like before.....I told her that we used to talk a lot and she said she can not place me...

I left the store with a new belt and a huge fear in my body...People are talking about me...People are waiting to see me...People are looking at me..People are making judgments about me. I just wanted to become invisible...No one would look at me because I was no longer morbidly obese..It does not seem to have happened.....I was scared!

Now the reason I am posting this is because it sent me into a frenzy and I ate all day and did not care at all....I kept saying to my daughter..Why do people keep looking at me and expecting something extraordinary to appear before them.....

I turned to food today as my comfort...No I could not eat a lot but I ate all the wrong things and I did not care....This was one of the reasons I put up my wall in the first place so that I would not get attention...unwanted attention...

I am having so much trouble coming to grips with this new life sometimes and the fear and pain of the past thinking grabs a hold of me and squeezes until I feel sick....sick at heart too....

I wonder if I will ever kill the beast that keeps me going back and forth with self loathing and hatred. People even noticing me.....Sends me into a huge panic...I thought that I was ready for what ever came my way..But today showed me I am not ready...I am still struggling with my inward fears of tearing down those walls....

I always started to put weight back on when people started to make comments about how I looked...I am quite sure my head is not on straight!!!!

Edited December 12, 2013 by RJ'S/beginning

[Butterthebean 8,146]

........ I am working on these issues, but it is difficult sometimes to come on here and see so many people absolutely love their sleeve and love their lives, like their road is really easy....

Nurse B. I just wanna say.....I'm 19 months post op, and you just described me. I love my sleeve and I love my new life.

BUT....the road is not easy. Don't ever think you are the only one struggling with it. You're not alone. Sometimes I bite my tongue and try not to complain about the things that are hard....not because I'm so positive and optimistic, but because I'm trying to convince myself how much I'm loving it. But in reality, there are days I'd like to eat my weight in chocolate.

[No game 14,436]

Last night I went and picked up some new clothes....When I went into the store I told the clerk that I needed a new belt, mine was too big..She said what! What are you doing....I told her eating more Protein and watching what I eat and of course smaller portions... She said you lie..I said what? She said we all know your story around here and none of us can believe the transformation. I said what, I don't understand. 3 stores are owned by the same company and so they interchange employees all the time so they have all talked about me to each other..I just stared at her and could not believe my ears... She said how old are you anyway..I told her and she said I looked like I was 42...I laughed and said thanks but I can't give you a tip for that...She said seriously..You look fantastic...I don't remember you now but I have worked here 8 years and I cannot remember what you looked like before.....I told her that we used to talk a lot and she said she can not place me... I left the store with a new belt and a huge fear in my body...People are talking about me...People are waiting to see me...People are looking at me..People are making judgments about me. I just wanted to become invisible...No one would look at me because I was no longer morbidly obese..It does not seem to have happened.....I was scared! Now the reason I am posting this is because it sent me into a frenzy and I ate all day and did not care at all....I kept saying to my daughter..Why do people keep looking at me and expecting something extraordinary to appear before them..... I turned to food today as my comfort...No I could not eat a lot but I ate all the wrong things and I did not care....This was one of the reasons I put up my wall in the first place so that I would not get attention...unwanted attention... I am having so much trouble coming to grips with this new life sometimes and the fear and pain of the past thinking grabs a hold of me and squeezes until I feel sick....sick at heart too.... I wonder if I will ever kill the beast that keeps me going back and forth with self loathing and hatred. People even noticing me.....Sends me into a huge panic...I thought that I was ready for what ever came my way..But today showed me I am not ready...I am still struggling with my inward fears of tearing down those walls.... I always started to put weight back on when people started to make comments about how I looked...I am quite sure my head is not on straight!!!!

RJ, I've done the same thing so many times I go out on the world and get good feedback I'm giddy with happiness and I come home and stuff!

It took me many years to even recognize that one..I knew I ate to comfort but the joy or happy I look good eating confused me..

I'm having small victories with this one lately and it's a good feeling.

[Sleeved in Seattle 280]

Laura, again, a wonderful topic, thank you

My life seems like it's more in balance, but I feel like it is definitely getting in the way of the sleeve. I've been back to work full time for 6 weeks and after 3 years of working part time at home, it has been a sea change. Just relearning how to plan ahead in feeding myself during the day has taken some getting used to, forget about accommodating other people in my life. I was much happier in my little cocoon of sleeve-land.

[RJ'S/beginning 5,357]

Last night I went and picked up some new clothes....When I went into the store I told the clerk that I needed a new belt, mine was too big..She said what! What are you doing....I told her eating more Protein and watching what I eat and of course smaller portions... She said you lie..I said what? She said we all know your story around here and none of us can believe the transformation. I said what, I don't understand. 3 stores are owned by the same company and so they interchange employees all the time so they have all talked about me to each other..I just stared at her and could not believe my ears... She said how old are you anyway..I told her and she said I looked like I was 42...I laughed and said thanks but I can't give you a tip for that...She said seriously..You look fantastic...I don't remember you now but I have worked here 8 years and I cannot remember what you looked like before.....I told her that we used to talk a lot and she said she can not place me... I left the store with a new belt and a huge fear in my body...People are talking about me...People are waiting to see me...People are looking at me..People are making judgments about me. I just wanted to become invisible...No one would look at me because I was no longer morbidly obese..It does not seem to have happened.....I was scared! Now the reason I am posting this is because it sent me into a frenzy and I ate all day and did not care at all....I kept saying to my daughter..Why do people keep looking at me and expecting something extraordinary to appear before them..... I turned to food today as my comfort...No I could not eat a lot but I ate all the wrong things and I did not care....This was one of the reasons I put up my wall in the first place so that I would not get attention...unwanted attention... I am having so much trouble coming to grips with this new life sometimes and the fear and pain of the past thinking grabs a hold of me and squeezes until I feel sick....sick at heart too.... I wonder if I will ever kill the beast that keeps me going back and forth with self loathing and hatred. People even noticing me.....Sends me into a huge panic...I thought that I was ready for what ever came my way..But today showed me I am not ready...I am still struggling with my inward fears of tearing down those walls.... I always started to put weight back on when people started to make comments about how I looked...I am quite sure my head is not on straight!!!!

RJ, I've done the same thing so many times I go out on the world and get good feedback I'm giddy with happiness and I come home and stuff!

It took me many years to even recognize that one..I knew I ate to comfort but the joy or happy I look good eating confused me..

I'm having small victories with this one lately and it's a good feeling.

I did not feel giddy...i felt horrified that I am being talked about or even noticed...The biggest thing I wanted to happen was for me to become invisible..No one staring at me or making fun of me or even men coming onto me because they thought I was maybe easy or desperate....

I really thought that once i lost some I would be lost in the crowd...But it is not to be.....And it is ruining my dreams of not being ever seen...

I don't know maybe I am not making sense but it got me so upset that I ate crap all day.....grazed my way through the day and did not give a care...Now I feel lousy and like a failure again...Big or small...same issues, same outcome.....crap!

[No game 14,436]

I did not feel giddy...i felt horrified that I am being talked about or even noticed...The biggest thing I wanted to happen was for me to become invisible..No one staring at me or making fun of me or even men coming onto me because they thought I was maybe easy or desperate.... I really thought that once i lost some I would be lost in the crowd...But it is not to be.....And it is ruining my dreams of not being ever seen... I don't know maybe I am not making sense but it got me so upset that I ate crap all day.....grazed my way through the day and did not give a care...Now I feel lousy and like a failure again...Big or small...same issues, same outcome.....crap!

Well I will say, that the way that was said to you was stalker like. So I would be a little weirded out too.

But speaking of the invisible thing?

I've thought about that and really I was more visible when I was obese.. I thought I was hiding in plain site but the fact of the matter I was in plain site but not invisible.

I think that's why when I started losing weight I felt uncomfortable with compliments..

If they notice then crap! I wasn't hiding they still saw me and they saw me HUGE!!

Much more invisible now.. I blend in quite nicely as matter of fact..

RJ you fell into an old behavior for a minute but all is not lost. You are recognizing what got you there today.. now you can work on dealing with it differently.

Edited December 12, 2013 by laura-ven

[ReDbEaN 654]

RJ, I've done the same thing so many times I go out on the world and get good feedback I'm giddy with happiness and I come home and stuff!

It's insane! Why do we do that?! I do that too and then feel worse:(

I'm sorry you're havin a hard time RJ...i think you're wonderful and apparently an inspiration to more than us on here:)

[RJ'S/beginning 5,357]

RJ, I've done the same thing so many times I go out on the world and get good feedback I'm giddy with happiness and I come home and stuff!

It's insane! Why do we do that?! I do that too and then feel worse:(

I'm sorry you're havin a hard time RJ...i think you're wonderful and apparently an inspiration to more than us on here:)

All these woman who work at these stores would be considered over weight by our cruel society but it is not that I am an inspiration...It is that I have changed so much in one year that no one can keep up it seems..First I am being looked at like a circus freak and now people are discussing me at their places of employment.....I wanted so badly not to be seen and to just fit in with the crowd...You know like Laura said hide in plain sight...but it does not seem to be happening....Hence the cookie indulgence today...

[ReDbEaN 654]

All these woman who work at these stores would be considered over weight by our cruel society but it is not that I am an inspiration...It is that I have changed so much in one year that no one can keep up it seems..First I am being looked at like a circus freak and now people are discussing me at their places of employment.....I wanted so badly not to be seen and to just fit in with the crowd...You know like Laura said hide in plain sight...but it does not seem to be happening....Hence the cookie indulgence today...

I'm so sorry. I hope today is a better day. Hugs

[Arts137 1,811]

RJ's, and all:

You said:

"People are talking about me...People are waiting to see me...People are looking at me..People are making judgments about me. I just wanted to become invisible...No one would look at me because I was no longer morbidly obese..It does not seem to have happened.....I was scared! "

One of the few GREAT things about being fat was invisability. All people would see is "oh, there's a FAT guy" and never look further. And I LIKED being invisable. But no more (though being an OLD guy is not bad for the same reason).

Again, a GREAT and honest thread.

In the end, what choice do I have? Really... The choice for me is life or death, and I still want a little more healthy years. The payment may feel steep, but all in all it's a fair trade.

PS, I love you all... all my "newly visable" compatriots!

[Roo101769 742]

I think the fact we had bariatric surgery is part of why people talk. Let's be honest here, it is still considered a "dirty little secret" by many. It isn't right or fair, but it is. People judge and condemn a person for being obese, wondering how on earth we let ourselves get in such condition. There is little empathy or compassion from non obese people for those who have simply lost control. ( for whatever reason) Yet when we choose to finally take back that control, do something real and meaningful to get our health and lives back, tongues start wagging. I think there is a whole host of reasons why. Everything from believing we are lazy and taking "the easy way out" to jealousy and envy. But you know what? We are probably some of the strongest people in the world. We aren't weak for having doubts or fears, we are warriors for caring enough about ourselves to get up and DO something! This is far from a simple, easy road to take. It is a mountain to climb each and every day. But we are on the mountain, so why not enjoy the view? Yes, they notice. Yes, they talk. Because in their small world you are the biggest "new" thing to discuss. I just encourage all to hold your heads high and be proud you are you. Our lives have all been turned upside down and inside out from all the change we are experiencing, but continue to have strength in knowing you are worth caring about yourself. The rest of the world be damned!!!

[Nicolanz 1,484]

I personally can't wait for the day that my weightloss is not the topic of discussion anymore!

Oh man can I relate to the struggle of balance and the guilt of being selfish. I'm struggling to be a good employee, student, mother, and wife on top of being healthy. There's just not enough hours in the day! Even though everything I'm doing is for my family, I feel like I'm neglecting them in the meantime. Ugh!