I was diagnosed with depression when I was 11, and haven't taken any medication for it since, although I probably need it. I've been dealing with it ok by myself, but lately I think it's been getting worse. I've got NO energy (not really surprising, tbh), and absolutely no motivation. It's a herculean effort to get up and get ready in the morning, I can't pay attention in class, and forget about homework. I get headaches every day, all I ever want to do is sleep, and I've started getting leg cramps almost constantly.

My suicidal thoughts have gotten worse, along with my cutting.

And I haven't even lost 10 pounds!

I can't go to a doctor. I'm 18 and live with my mom, who doesn't believe that mental illness is a real thing, and won't pay for any kind of treatment. I'm a college student with no job and no car.

I don't know what to do.

Are there any clinics close to you...Can you take a taxi to one..Or call a help line in your area....Please hang on, your about to make your life over again and it will be worth it....Depression is a horrible illness. I to suffer from chronic depression.

Know that you are still recovering from surgery and you are healing. That puts a lot of strain on your body. It will take time to heal and your body will tell you if you need rest....

Please, please seek the help you need okay....

Did you have any psyche counseling before having your surgery? I noticed you were self pay and wondered whether as part of the package, they supply this for you?

Did you have any psyche counseling before having your surgery? I noticed you were self pay and wondered whether as part of the package, they supply this for you?

No, I went to Mexico. They didn't do any psyche evaluations.

Firstly I would discuss it with your Mum. If she paid for the surgery - or at least assisted in it - then she might be more receptive to assisting you with the post operative issues you may be having.

Secondly, I would go and talk to the health professionals based at your college. They might be able to provide you with some direct assistance, or at least put you in contact with people who can help you for free. As RJ has advised - depression is no joke and should be addressed and treated as quickly as possible.

Thirdly, you had surgery on 15th November. You are still so freshly out of it and are rightly struggling with trying to hold activities down when you're eating so little. If you can rest as much as you can when you're not at college and be mindful of the nutrients you're putting inside you - maximising the protein/vitamins/ minerals and most importantly, H20 - it should help matters. If you feel your energy dropping, take a little food/protein on board.

Despite all this, your mental wellbeing is the most important issue and as such, should be treated immediately and only by qualified professionals. Your college absolutely have a duty of care to help you with this.

I wish you the best.

Hi Chris (I remember reading one of your other posts)

I was a cutter when I was younger..

I did it to release the pain.

This surgery will not make us happy, as a matter of fact it can mess with us a bit..

Do you have anyone you trust?

Rainbow,

I suffer from depression as well and understand how you may be feeling right now. You have reached out on this blog and I believe you want help.

I strongly recommend that you call the National Suicide Prevention Hotline 1-800-273-8255 as soon as possible and talk to someone.

I was diagnosed with depression when I was 11, and haven't taken any medication for it since, although I probably need it. I've been dealing with it ok by myself, but lately I think it's been getting worse. I've got NO energy (not really surprising, tbh), and absolutely no motivation. It's a herculean effort to get up and get ready in the morning, I can't pay attention in class, and forget about homework. I get headaches every day, all I ever want to do is sleep, and I've started getting leg cramps almost constantly.

My suicidal thoughts have gotten worse, along with my cutting.

And I haven't even lost 10 pounds!

I can't go to a doctor. I'm 18 and live with my mom, who doesn't believe that mental illness is a real thing, and won't pay for any kind of treatment. I'm a college student with no job and no car.

I don't know what to do.

Do not do nothing! Contact your local mental health agency and get the help you need. My parents don't believe in it either so I went untreated until in my twenties. . Long enough for me to screw up my life. Get help, your mom doesn't need to know and it won't cost anything. Good luck

I understand depression all to well. Everyone has made great suggestions but I did want to point out that since you are 18 your mother can't control your medical health anymore seeing as you are an adult. Best wishes.

Check for a Crisis Center in your area. Call the suicide hotline and they can direct you further.

Take action. There is help out there.

The fact that you're here asking for help speaks volumes.

First, you're 18 which means you're an adult. If there is an MHMR clinic around or something similar, contact them ASAP - you don't need permission or your mother's blessing for it.

Depression is so hard to deal with to begin with, and then going through it when you're going through the struggles of your surgery ... Yes, you need help as soon as possible!

PLEASE keep us posted, sweetie. Sending hugs and prayers your way!

The only problem is, doctors and clinics cost money, which I don't have. I'm on mom's insurance, which doesn't cover mental health. I also can't afford for her to kick me out of the house. Which is highly probable, should she find out I'm cutting again. Last time she did I was 15, and she told me that she wouldn't "have that kind of shit in her house", and threatened to send me to live with my dad. Now that I'm 18 she can just kick me out, and there is literally no way I can support myself.

Thanks for all the encouragement guys, I appreciate it. It's a nice contrast to what I get at home.

<p>The only problem is, doctors and clinics cost money, which I don't have. I'm on mom's insurance, which doesn't cover mental health. I also can't afford for her to kick me out of the house. Which is highly probable, should she find out I'm cutting again. Last time she did I was 15, and she told me that she wouldn't "have that kind of shit in her house", and threatened to send me to live with my dad. Now that I'm 18 she can just kick me out, and there is literally no way I can support myself.</p>

The suicide hotline is free and they can direct you to any free aid in your area.

The only problem is, doctors and clinics cost money, which I don't have. I'm on mom's insurance, which doesn't cover mental health. I also can't afford for her to kick me out of the house. Which is highly probable, should she find out I'm cutting again. Last time she did I was 15, and she told me that she wouldn't "have that kind of **** in her house", and threatened to send me to live with my dad. Now that I'm 18 she can just kick me out, and there is literally no way I can support myself.

You should qualify for free mental health services from your county. Google your county' name with mental health services. As others have said there afoul also be a free crisis hotline. Please do this right away...people are worried for you and we are pretty helpless out here in Internet land. Let us know you are ok, because we are interested in supporting you.

Also, most universities have an on-campus clinic that you pay for with your tuition, so there's no out of pocket to you. Have you looked into that? Good luck. We are all pulling for you.