Things I heard yesterday. ..

-is it ok for you to eat that?

-oh.. none of that for you!

-I thought you couldn't eat that?

-nope.. not for you!

ARE YOU KIDDING ME?

So in the middle of dinner I stood up and said, 'Listen, I do not need any of you to police what I'm eating. You need to pass everthing to me like you always have and I am perfectly capable of choosing for myself whether or not I can or can't eat it. It's my choice! And if there is one more comment I am leaving'!.

Well, everyone was a little shocked but the comments stopped and I was able to really enjoy the rest of the evening without feeling like I was under a microscope. Geesh!

I said that because some days I have felt like my problems with food are not the "norm" around here.

I guess I needed to step back and see the big picture here.

Not everyone here has "food issues"

As a matter of fact a lot of people here just plain old said to me

"nope, I just ate big portions, and or bad food that's all"

No underlying issues (as I assumed wrongly)

We are all different people, different weights, different reasons for this surgery...

For every person that is like me there are twenty that are not..

I guess I said "fucked" because I was jealous of the ones that just had bad nutrition..

I cannot claim that particular ignorance.

Oh well, so much for the neat boxes..

"nope, I just ate big portions, and or bad food that's all"

yeah, well, dont believe everything you read. if that was all, then having major surgery wouldnt have been needed. i assume almost everyone here is either an emotional eater or a full blown food addict. people who arent dont need this kind of help. dont compare your insides to anyone else's outside, you dont know whats going on inside anyone else, except for the clues in their behavior.

"nope, I just ate big portions, and or bad food that's all"

yeah, well, dont believe everything you read. if that was all, then having major surgery wouldnt have been needed. i assume almost everyone here is either an emotional eater or a full blown food addict. people who arent dont need this kind of help. dont compare your insides to anyone else's outside, you dont know whats going on inside anyone else, except for the clues in their behavior.

I agree with what you said....except your assumption that it's "almost everyone." It may very well be, but we have to be careful putting everyone in that box. I do believe ......and we've discussed it before....that there is a heck of alot of denial floating around this forum. But it's not all denial. There's also a probably a healthy dose of lack of self awareness, and I do believe there is a difference. Denial implies that someone knowingly denies the truth. Lack of awareness (to me) means they have no clue.

And to make things even more convoluted....I think both qualities can coexist in the same fat brain. We may have issues we deny....and others we aren't even aware of....all contributing to the problem.

I said that because some days I have felt like my problems with food are not the "norm" around here.

I guess I needed to step back and see the big picture here.

Not everyone here has "food issues"

As a matter of fact a lot of people here just plain old said to me

"nope, I just ate big portions, and or bad food that's all"

No underlying issues (as I assumed wrongly)

We are all different people, different weights, different reasons for this surgery...

For every person that is like me there are twenty that are not..

I guess I said "fucked" because I was jealous of the ones that just had bad nutrition..

I cannot claim that particular ignorance.

Oh well, so much for the neat boxes..

"nope, I just ate big portions, and or bad food that's all"

yeah, well, dont believe everything you read. if that was all, then having major surgery wouldnt have been needed. i assume almost everyone here is either an emotional eater or a full blown food addict. people who arent dont need this kind of help. dont compare your insides to anyone else's outside, you dont know whats going on inside anyone else, except for the clues in their behavior.

Actually I don't assume that. I assume we all got fat different ways. Many of us do have underlying issues, both physical and emotional that led us to where we are, but I don't assume it's all emotional addiction or full blown food addict. Talk to the PCOS crowd, the yo yo dieters crowd, the hypothyroid crowd and see how easily we put on weight by eating 1200 calories of the wrong food.

On a forum, it's very hard to tell if people are in denial, lying to save themselves a little pride or privacy, or simply ignorant/lack self-awareness. I feel like the way we can support each other is to take what others say at face value. If their statements start to contradict each other, it's okay to gently point that out and often that does happen. We do contradict ourselves and people pointing that out helps.

But going into a discussion with a mindset that the other person "must be" something...must be an addict, must be an emotional eater, must be in denial....

how is that different from when others look at us and assume that all fat people.....must be lazy, must lack will-power, must be out of control, must lack hygiene, or must be weak?

I think--and I'm not directing this at your moonlite but speaking theoretically--but I think assuming we know others better than they know themselves is a dangerous trap to fall into.

I would also like to think that this is a safe place. That people take me at face value here. That I don't constantly have to demonstrate my honesty and self-awareness on this forum. That if say something, I've given it some thought unless I'm clearly asking for advice or help. And that I'm not in denial. I may well be ignorant or lack self-awareness, I may well need help, but I may well not be exactly like you, whoever you are.

Isn't that what empathy is about? putting yourself in someone ELSE's shoes and seeing things from their perspective? It's not just assuming your perspective is relevant.

So...no I don't assume we are all food addicts or emotional eaters.

I assume that we are all overweight and have chosen surgery as our best way forward. That's all that I think is safe to assume. For everything else, I have to listen with my ears, eyes and an open heart to another person before I know or can assume.

Thanks for reading this far...if indeed you made it this far

Again not directed at an individual, just sharing a thought perspective.

i am the same way. i never ever ate that crap. interested to know what you mean about feeling fucked, cause i dont feel that way.

I said that because some days I have felt like my problems with food are not the "norm" around here.

I guess I needed to step back and see the big picture here.

Not everyone here has "food issues"

As a matter of fact a lot of people here just plain old said to me

"nope, I just ate big portions, and or bad food that's all"

No underlying issues (as I assumed wrongly)

We are all different people, different weights, different reasons for this surgery...

For every person that is like me there are twenty that are not..

I guess I said "fucked" because I was jealous of the ones that just had bad nutrition..

I cannot claim that particular ignorance.

Oh well, so much for the neat boxes..

You've heard the politically correct term "differently abled" yes? I think we're all "differently fucked up"

We've been on this struggle to lose weight for a while. Some of us have done some level of work and "healing" on one issue and may be "ahead" while also being"behind" on another issue. Maybe some of us had the nutrition part worked out but needed to work on the emotional part, maybe vice versa. So who knows? Like I said...differently messed up but still messed up

i personally assume that all of us have disordered eating in some form or another. YMMV.

Getting back to the food police. This was one of the reasons I told no one except my husband about the surgery. For the most part people are not watching what I eat so much. Even though they obviously know I have lost alot of weight. I take a little bit of everything and eat what I want and most people are involved in conversation and not watching my plate like they might if they knew about my surgery.

Getting back to the food police. This was one of the reasons I told no one except my husband about the surgery. For the most part people are not watching what I eat so much. Even though they obviously know I have lost alot of weight. I take a little bit of everything and eat what I want and most people are involved in conversation and not watching my plate like they might if they knew about my surgery.

I respect your decision to keep it private. I am an open book. I don't mind questions and concerns just hate being policed. Tonight I pored myself a cup of tomato Soup. My daughter asked if I could eat that much now then immediately appologized for "policing" me. I told her that asking me a question is different and explained why I could consume more liquid than solid food. It's a fine line isn't it?

Thanks everyone, a great thread since I am recently focused on the "fat brain". I agree that we are all different. That said, I also think that we all have "our individual" fat brain that wants us to be comfortably FAT, soothed by our drugs of choice. We got there differently, and our triggers are different, but I doubt that many of us were mentally healthily fat...

But while I might comment openly here, I never comment on other's eating out there in "the world". I'll talk with anyone if asked a question, but if not, I am just silent. Primarily because I personnaly do NOT appreciate unsolicited comments, preferring to follow the old adage:

"If I want your opinion, I'll beat it out of you"

I am sorry you had to deal with the food police on Thanksgiving. In maintenance, I allow myself two "free days" per year. That means I eat the stuffing and white potatoes and a bit of pie in addition to the proteins, which I never eat during the year, on Thanksgiving and on Christmas as well. I would have been upset if someone made a comment about my eating on Thanksgiving. I did have a couple of times of food police when I was first newly sleeved, but NOTHING like what you have endured! It was only a couple of times when I was like 1-2 months out and I think it was more out of concern they thought my staples were going to come undone or something lol. I don't blame you one bit for speaking up! Sounds like the food police needed to be put under Internal Affairs investigation!