Bad Answers To Frequent Questions.....

[gmanbat 5,889]

To entertain myself I thought up bad answers to frequently asked questions posed to WLS people:

"Is the food OK?" (asked because you ate so little)

Oh, yes, I haven't had food this good since the Turkish prison.

"Isn't weight loss surgery the easy way out?"

Yes, it is. I was going to shoot everyone smaller than me to make myself look average but there is an ammo shortage.

"How did you get so fat in the first place?"

I was stranded on an island with a group of sumo wrestlers. I had the only gun. A year later I was the only one left.

"How could you afford this operation?"

Well, I got this e-mail from a Nigerian widow...

"How could you do this to yourself?'

I originally wanted to do it to you but couldn't get a Brazilian visa.

"How did you lose so much weight?"

I sent myself in a suitcase on American Airlines. They lost it.

"How did you get those scars on your belly?"

Picked up by a Pterodactyl.

You wise guys got any?

[AmandaRaeLeo 2,145]

So funny! Idk why but the pterodactyl one cracked me up!

[Indigo1991 1,612]

Do you miss the weight?

Yes, so much so that I am considering strapping a small child to my back just to recreate the old feeling...

Couldn't you have tried harder to lose weight ?

You are so right, 30 years just wasn't long enough to know if I could have done more.

Haven't you lost a lot of weight, you can see it's come off your face.

If you could tear your eyes away from my face, my arse is actually worth a look now

[Fluffnomore 1,235]

Remember when I told you I could lose weight, but you'd still be ugly?

[gmanbat 5,889]

You'se guys is my people! Wisenheimers!

[Indigo1991 1,612]

:-)

[Butterthebean 8,146]

Q: How much weight have you lost?

A: How much have you gained?

[NtvTxn 1,262]

Laughed out loud!!!! They're are all funny, but the ammo shortage really cracked me up!!

To entertain myself I thought up bad answers to frequently asked questions posed to WLS people:

"Is the food OK?" (asked because you ate so little)

Oh, yes, I haven't had food this good since the Turkish prison.

"Isn't weight loss surgery the easy way out?"

Yes, it is. I was going to shoot everyone smaller than me to make myself look average but there is an ammo shortage.

You wise guys got any?

[lsereno 2,525]

Heard at least five times in the first month post-op:

Q:"I thought you had weight loss surgery?"

A: "Yes, but they don't cut away 100 lbs of fat, just like they can't cut stupid out of you!"

And, some other favs:

Q: "How much are you going to lose? You are too skinny already."

A: "As much as I want to. Too bad I am now thinner than you and you need a new fat friend to make yourself feel better."

Q: "Are you allowed to eat that?"

A: "Are you my doctor?"

Lynda

[Arts137 1,811]

Why did you have surgery?

I wanted to practice my Munchaunsens Syndrome... (look it up)

[Indigo1991 1,612]

Lynda, just snorted my drink out my nose (in a coffee shop!) at your last answer. If I had a pound for every time one "friend" says "are you allowed that?" I would be rich. I think I have always been the fat friend that makes her feel better about her weight..

To date, what I want to say but could never say out loud is "When you weigh less than me, I might consider listening to you" but your answer would pull her right up!!!!

And Arts, not sure you are even on this planet, lol, but it's funny...

[Arts137 1,811]

Lynda, just snorted my drink out my nose (in a coffee shop!) at your last answer. If I had a pound for every time one "friend" says "are you allowed that?" I would be rich. I think I have always been the fat friend that makes her feel better about her weight..

To date, what I want to say but could never say out loud is "When you weigh less than me, I might consider listening to you" but your answer would pull her right up!!!!

And Arts, not sure you are even on this planet, lol, but it's funny...

I am rarely on this planet,

... he is mad. Tis true... Tis pity tis true; tis true tis pity,

And pity tis tis true...

Hamlet

[Indigo1991 1,612]

You are very well read despite being slightly unhinged ????

[M2G 1,836]

When I was in the losing phase someone (another mom at the school where my kids went) said to me:

"Girl what kind of crack coccaine are you on...because you are getting so skinny!"

I replied with:

"OMG, crack would have been soooooooooo much easier than what I did"

And then I didn't elaborate because we were just having the exchange in "passing"...lol

[Fluffnomore 1,235]

Now that's one I have to remember!