To entertain myself I thought up bad answers to frequently asked questions posed to WLS people:

"Is the food OK?" (asked because you ate so little)

Oh, yes, I haven't had food this good since the Turkish prison.

"Isn't weight loss surgery the easy way out?"

Yes, it is. I was going to shoot everyone smaller than me to make myself look average but there is an ammo shortage.

"How did you get so fat in the first place?"

I was stranded on an island with a group of sumo wrestlers. I had the only gun. A year later I was the only one left.

"How could you afford this operation?"

Well, I got this e-mail from a Nigerian widow...

"How could you do this to yourself?'

I originally wanted to do it to you but couldn't get a Brazilian visa.

"How did you lose so much weight?"

I sent myself in a suitcase on American Airlines. They lost it.

"How did you get those scars on your belly?"

Picked up by a Pterodactyl.

You wise guys got any?

These are all great! I have to remember them for the dumb questions we're all getting way too often.