A change is coming.....

[Rawnuncut 8]

Appreciate the feedback. But if i do recall i was asking a question and not for advice. Just saying..

[chibabyy 77]

Appreciate the feedback. But if i do recall i was asking a question and not for advice. Just saying..

I am very very sorry, please forgive me. No need to roll your eyes, I got the message. Good luck in everything.

[Rawnuncut 8]

Is that what that smiley face is doing? I thought it was just looking up and down. And actually my comment was not directed at you. No worries. we all have our options which is fine. I just wanted to be clear i was not asking for advice merely a question.

[2Big2Skate 328]

My wife is overweight, but not enough to qualify for any medical options. I worry that my feelings for her may change when i start losing weight and she's still big. I'm trying to prepare but I dont know for sure what will happen.

There's a lot of emotional junk rolled up into this surgery for all of us. Would I trade my marriage for some better health and appearance? Noooo, I ... arrggggh this stuff's hard.

[No game 14,436]

My wife is overweight' date=' but not enough to qualify for any medical options. I worry that my feelings for her may change when i start losing weight and she's still big. I'm trying to prepare but I dont know for sure what will happen.

There's a lot of emotional junk rolled up into this surgery for all of us. Would I trade my marriage for some better health and appearance? Noooo, I ... arrggggh this stuff's hard.[/quote']

This is the saddest thing I've read in awhile...

Why would this worry you? Did your love last this long based on weight? Did she love you less as you got bigger?

I'm sorry but I have a hard time seeing love and marriage based on a partners weight..

I made a commitment to my husband and he to I, to go through this life together, to know each other through all of our changes..

We are not the same as we were 13 years ago and 13 years down the line I'm sure each of us will have made more changes. The most beautiful gift you can give to a person is to say I want to be there by your side to witness the joys, sorrows and changes with you for the rest of our lives..

Call me silly, but I love that I have known my husband through his ups downs and yes aging.

He has loved me through the same and his loved never changed as my weight went through extreme fluctuations.

[Fat Pat no more 89]

This is the saddest thing I've read in awhile...

Why would this worry you? Did your love last this long based on weight? Did she love you less as you got bigger?

I'm sorry but I have a hard time seeing love and marriage based on a partners weight..

I made a commitment to my husband and he to I' date=' to go through this life together, to know each other through all of our changes..

We are not the same as we were 13 years ago and 13 years down the line I'm sure each of us will have made more changes. The most beautiful gift you can give to a person is to say I want to be there by your side to witness the joys, sorrows and changes with you for the rest of our lives..

Call me silly, but I love that I have known my husband through his ups downs and yes aging.

He has loved me through the same and his loved never changed as my weight went through extreme fluctuations.[/quote']

Good reply Laura-Ben

[PrettyLilButterfly 124]

I've been married since July 1 2013 but we have been together for 12 years. The most we have in common is we both like to eat and eat good. I have already battled issues with my husband of wanting to go out and do things as a family. He's reluctant and lazy. Its sad to say even thou i'm starting my 6 month journey until the surgery but i can not see myself staying once its done. I'm dong this surgery to live life and enjoy it. Is it wrong for me to plan not only dropping my personal weight but his as well? I know to death do us part but i'm tired of complaining. I want to feel good and be with someone who makes me feel good too. I feel like our issues are in stone and I can not recover. Has anyone experienced feelings of departure with their spouse post op?

I have/am experiencing the feelings of departure. I feel so disconnected from my partner at times. Like you, we connected over food. We loved going out and trying new places to eat. And through no fault of hers, that has stopped for me. food isn't what is used to be, it's not my life focus. And it still is her for. I had hopes that when she found out she was diabetic a few months ago, she too would change and we'd be ok. But it hasn't. She wakes up asking where we should eat that day...my mind isn't on food. And as we're getting ready for the day, she's already thinking of dinner or a meal for the next day. I would say this is all just me and what I chose to do with my life. But a comment she made a few weeks ago made it clear to me, she's feeling it too. She said "when we met we both loved food, we bonded over food. Now that you don't eat, what do we have in common". Yes that was a kick in the groin. I'm thinking "umm we shared other loves but food".

I am still struggling with how i feel about her. I won't lie and say watching her eat doesn't sometimes disgust me, but again I made the choice to change my life. I cannot condemn her for what she's choosing. Will it ultimately split us up, deep down I think so. We're struggling to find other ways to connect. I never thought food would be the demise of a relationship...but apparently it is.

So my darling, that is my personal answer to your question.

[peachie86 63]

I have been married for almost 27 years and like someone else posted it is never 50/50. We have gone to counseling through our church, and professionally. Once we participated in a Weekend to Remember. The Weekend to Remember was very helpful. We have two children and were committed to each other and divorce was and is not an option. Please pray, and get some couples counseling to work on your marriage. Just a note: I plan all our trips and events he just likes to show up and enjoy! But he is very helpful with things that many men will not be involved with. None of us our perfect.

[Rawnuncut 8]

I understand COMPLETELY what you are saying 2big! Honesty is part of this journey. If we can't be honest with ourselves and how we feel then what's the point of living. This is reality for some of us. Which is why i started this topic. I wanted to know did anyone else have those same thoughts. Yes marriage is a sacred bond through think and thin. However no one will understand unless you are in that person shoes. If you have a happy marriage then kudos to you. I thnk mine was formed out of love and convenivence for both of us.I have 6 months to go before i get sleeved. i'm taking this time to learn me again and what i really want in life. No regrets and no excess baggage on this ride.

[Rawnuncut 8]

I have/am experiencing the feelings of departure. I feel so disconnected from my partner at times. Like you, we connected over food. We loved going out and trying new places to eat. And through no fault of hers, that has stopped for me. food isn't what is used to be, it's not my life focus. And it still is her for. I had hopes that when she found out she was diabetic a few months ago, she too would change and we'd be ok. But it hasn't. She wakes up asking where we should eat that day...my mind isn't on food. And as we're getting ready for the day, she's already thinking of dinner or a meal for the next day. I would say this is all just me and what I chose to do with my life. But a comment she made a few weeks ago made it clear to me, she's feeling it too. She said "when we met we both loved food, we bonded over food. Now that you don't eat, what do we have in common". Yes that was a kick in the groin. I'm thinking "umm we shared other loves but food".

I am still struggling with how i feel about her. I won't lie and say watching her eat doesn't sometimes disgust me, but again I made the choice to change my life. I cannot condemn her for what she's choosing. Will it ultimately split us up, deep down I think so. We're struggling to find other ways to connect. I never thought food would be the demise of a relationship...but apparently it is.

So my darling, that is my personal answer to your question.

Thank you for your honesty telling your story. I never thought about food vs relationship before but I can see how it can affect it. Thats a tough spot to be in. I wish you well in whatever decsion you make. Just know you can't live for someone else. I'm getting off my soap box.