I'm so excited! I'm having a lower body lift in 7 hours. For the cosmetic surgery challenged, that's like a tummy tuck combined with a butt and thigh lift. Ya, painful! I'll post some before/after pics soon. But rest assured, they'll be HOT!

my .02...not that anybody cares or asked....

I'm 31, and married and monogamous. Before I was married, I dated, I had sex with people, sometimes super meaninful and loving, sometimes not. Sex can cloud your emotions. It can make you think you care for someone when really you just enjoyed some temporary intimacy. This was the same whether I was fat or thin. When I really loved someone. sex could be amazing. But, guess what, had some pretty great times when I DIDN'T have love there. That's just physiology! Sex feels great!

I'm trying to repsect your religion and ethical background. But I also see (as Stacey Z said) just another independent woman. Except you are totally overcome with guilt and shame!! Why? Not to go all political, but I'm totally at ease with my life and choices. God loves me! I'm going to heaven! Mutual agreement to enjoy each others bodies in a safe and honest environment isn't the issue! Now, hurting people, hooking up with nearly married men...not cool. But that's not the fault of sex. That is just poor decison making. It's not about the sex!! I think there is something in you that wants to be reckless and rebelious -- maybe because your entire food/eating/exercise world is so structured. So you're selecting something relatively pleasurable and naughty. Ask yourself why you need to feel rebelious or reckless? What is REALLY going on in your life that you feel you need to break away from?

Is it the church? Your family? Your past? It's a tough question.

Puddin'. I think you're great. I read your blog for so long and followed your struggles with this...please don't take offense to anything. Just my opinion and how I see things. You are a wonderful, precious human being WORTHY of God's love....My opinion...He doesn't care how many people you've slept with. He just wants you to treat others (AND yourself) with honesty and respect!

pelorojo,

I totally agree... "You're worthy of god's love and he doesn't care how many people you've slept with, he just wants you to treat yourself and others with honesty and respect"

Evilah

Puddin - I just want you to know that I can relate to how you feel... going from the invisible fat girl to the desireable, sexy girl is difficult to wrap one's mind around. I've been ignored my entire life... no high school boyfriend, no college boyfriend.. just everyone's buddy. As the weight comes off I become a little less invisible. I am obviously a little freaked out by the attention, but dammit after being invisible all these years, its nice to be seen isn't it? I thank you for sharing your struggles and I don't judge you. You are obviously an intelligent, hard working, determined young lady with a wonderful moralistic and religious foundation, you WILL pull it together. I have great faith in you. Thanks again for sharing your struggles and know that I am here if you need a friend. We deserve to show ourselves all the respect that we show others. Just respect yourself and your beliefs, it will pull you through. <BIG HUGS>

what the heck! gone for a few weeks and...

Puddin, you know WE think your great, and have such respect for what you have done to get to the weight you are at. we all talk about lapband being a tool, and that is what it is. you had to have inner stregnth and will power to get to this point, I KNOW that! so you do have the inner power to overcome this addiction as well. we both know about change, but what about the inner acceptance of ourselves once this weight comes off. the protective layer that kept us safe from these decisions all these past years. now that layer is gone and we have to learn about ourselves and our new place in the world as if we were young teenagers again. just dont learn without actually learning a lesson. there is consiquences for all actions, and lessons to be learned from each lesson. Mine is not sex, (hubby wishes) it is the putting up with less crap from people. I live in a small town, so word travels quick! bitch out one person and your a bitch even those others dont know the situation or conversation. I put up with disbelief and lies because I didnt want to cause a seen, well, seen it is! cuz look at me know as I put you in your place I am willing to be seen and heard more so than before.

ok. fun note, am coming to SL first week in June. daughter graduates May 27th from high school. my youngest, so we are coming to SL to shop for school clothes as she starts cosmotology school July 8th and needs all black stylish clothes. look out, momma has the credit card!!! We will stay at the Mariiot with the starbucks in it, downtown. other daughter works there. so I will let you know what days and PM you with my cell so we can hook up! propabaly Tues or Wed for about 5 days. Got plans? Got time?

Talk to you soon, I will also bring you the materials we talked about too!!

Wow Puddin,

You give me inspiration and hope that after I get banded I too can really live life. You also have reinforced that the lap band is not magically going to make me lose weight and solve all of my issues. Through you I see that diet AND EXERCISE will have to become part of my daily routine. The lap band will help me with the diet part but I realize now that I will have to really work on my exercise routine AND my self esteem. When you said " You Be Who You Want To Marry" and " You Be THOSE Qualities".......it hit me like a ton of bricks. I have lost alot of weight in the past and had struggled with self esteem when I received alot of attention from men. Since then I have gotton married and have a beautiful little 3 year old boy. I have gained about 70 lbs. since the wedding and the marriage is hanging by a thread. The marriage is not working for many reasons and my weight isn't the reason but instead it is the side effect. I initially wanted to have the lap band so that if I get divorced I will have a chance to have someone fall in love with me again but reading what you wrote made me realize that I really need to work on myself if I want to feel love again. It would be a shame for me to lose the weight and STILL not feel confortable in my own skin ( even if it is saggy). Your writings make me realize that I need to lose the weight Because I love myself and Not so someone else can love me. I need to feel comfortable in my skin at this weight and at my goal weight. Thank you for not just sharing the physical person you are on the outside but also being able to open up and share the person you are on the inside...struggles and all. I don't know you but I feel like you are really special. Thank You!

Hello Puddin,

I forgot to comment on something. You mentioned in a past posting that you felt more emotionally stable when you were fat. I don't know you personally but I believe that you had an addiction to food to fill up your empty feeling. Now that you are thin, I believe that you still feel empty and you are trying to fill it up with an addiction to feeling physically pretty and having men desire you sexually. Don't get me wrong, you have worked extremely hard and have earned the right to enjoy your new body. But please don't do it at the detriment and torment of your soul. You are also pretty on the inside and I hope you let that part of you shine also. Good Luck in your journey.

On a different note... Puddin' how much do you eat? because you are extremely active, so you need more calories, but are banded, so how does that work?

Puddin-

I have to disagree with some of the earlier posts. God does care that you are having premarital sex. With that said it doesn't mean that you cannot be forgiven and that He does not love you. We will all have to be held accountable for all of our unforgiven sins one day, whether it's sexual immorality, lying, cheating whatever it may be. God sees all sin the same and He forgives all sin the same. Once He has forgiven you He has no remembrance of the sin anymore. Isn't that awesome! He is such a loving and gracious Father! But remember God wants to see true repentance in your heart which means changing the choices you have been making. No matter what He will continue to love you and accept you as long as you have made Him Lord of your life. That doesn't mean you have to be perfect, but as His children we should do our best to walk in righteousness. I just want to encourage you that you can make these changes for yourself and it will feel better in the long run than any sexual encounter. God bless you!

Puddin-

I have to disagree with some of the earlier posts. God does care that you are having premarital sex. With that said it doesn't mean that you cannot be forgiven and that He does not love you. We will all have to be held accountable for all of our unforgiven sins one day, whether it's sexual immorality, lying, cheating whatever it may be. God sees all sin the same and He forgives all sin the same. Once He has forgiven you He has no remembrance of the sin anymore. Isn't that awesome! He is such a loving and gracious Father! But remember God wants to see true repentance in your heart which means changing the choices you have been making. No matter what He will continue to love you and accept you as long as you have made Him Lord of your life. That doesn't mean you have to be perfect, but as His children we should do our best to walk in righteousness. I just want to encourage you that you can make these changes for yourself and it will feel better in the long run than any sexual encounter. God bless you!

Puddin-

I have to disagree with some of the earlier posts. God does care that you are having premarital sex... I just want to encourage you that you can make these changes for yourself and it will feel better in the long run than any sexual encounter. God bless you!

I agree. Puddin, you seem to be crying out for help--you know what you are doing is not in line with your beliefs. Find someone with those same beliefs to help you on a daily basis right now. Have you talked to your Bishop? Can you? He is there to understand and guide you through this period. Give him a chance. I'm happy that you are not willing to change your beliefs to accommodate your behaviors--that shows your courage and strength. You are an amazing woman who has accomplished great things and can accomplish much more. Seeking help is not a sign of weakness, it is a sign of strength. Be strong. "For God hath not given Puddin the spirit of fear but of POWER and of love and of a sound mind." You are in my prayers. Let us know how you are doing.

Puddin, I just had a breast lift with implants and a lower body lift on May 1st. How long did it take for aal of the swelling to go away? I mainly just see it right above my incision directly above my pubic area. My lower tummy is sticking out a little more than I like and I assume that it's swelling. It looks like it. I am just over three weeks post op and I am wondering how long until that goes away. Did you notice that your weight dropped a pound or two once your swelling was gone? I have to keep in mind that my implants added about three pounds to my weight. I would love a reply from someone who knows what I just went through. It really wasn't that painful though! Thank God!

Puddin i have enjoyed following you blog but now there is a sign in!!Help I really want to keep following. Kellie

me too! me too!

Ditto.........

Hi you guys

I sort of stopped posting here because I just felt like I was bringing everyone down with this stupid addiction. Anyhow, if any of you would like access to it then just PM me with your google account and I'll give ya access. Sound good?

And Brenda, woman, where's my PM with when you're coming to SLC???

Brandy... congrats!!! Do you love it? A good majority of my swelling is gone now, but it's been 5 1/2 months post-op already for me, and I heal quickly. I was told 6-12 months for the swelling to completely disappear. You're in it for the long haul, woman!