I'm so excited! I'm having a lower body lift in 7 hours. For the cosmetic surgery challenged, that's like a tummy tuck combined with a butt and thigh lift. Ya, painful! I'll post some before/after pics soon. But rest assured, they'll be HOT!

Spldgrl: Wow, you are doing great! How long has it been since your surgery? Have you been exercising every day since you posted about how frustrated you were with your progress after PS? I'm really impressed that you are displined enough to keep at it. Congratulations!

You guys are FUNNY! Maybe I'll eat some kimche before, that stuff makes your breath unbearable.

Brenda, woman, I am so proud of you. And now that your excess stomach (and boobs, for that matter) is gone you'll be able to push it so much harder. Running with a flabby stomach is not the easiest thing in the world. I bet you work that 13-minute mile down really, really quickly. And 13 minutes is AWESOME! Disneyland sounds like SO much fun, too. Your husband's a rock star. I wanna go with you guys!

Ok, so here are the blanks filled in: I went to a mission reunion last Friday. My old mission prez kept grilling me on how I was doing. I took one last look into the man's eyes after telling him everything was "fine" and confessed all my sins LOL! Oh my, so he took me into a room and gave me an interview, so to speak. I guess once a mission president always a mission president. He told me to dump Jacques. Uh yup. He said, "He's not good enough for you." I don't know where he got that as I did the same thing HE did, but the man is inspired, he's never steered me wrong, so... that's what I have to do. It's going to be hard and Jacques won't see it coming, but I have to do it. Raaaaaah! Why is this SO HARD??!!! The thing is that I won't even know what to say to the man. I have no reason to break up with him except that my mission prez told me to do it and I respect him.

Anyhow, went out with Travis (Seth's bro). He's pretty amazing you guys. Actually a GOOD GUY! What the heck??? No makeout, just cuddle action. We're going out again Friday. We've been talking on the phone a lot. I really like this guy. He's just everything I'm looking for, and, according to him, I'm everything HE is looking for. I'm trying not to get my hopes up with this guy, but it's hard not to. He's a slow mover, though, which is good for me. The man has serious self-control. He has made some mistakes, like me (though not quite as serious), but we're both working through them. So I guess that's where things stand right now.

Karey, thanks, the work out schd hasnt been so great as I have been traveling alot. 1 week vegas & AZ now Disney, but then its 4x's a week for the rest of april. that will be the test, either I am strong or dead!!! I have been pretty good at going, that is the only time I work out is with the trainer 3x's a week it is enought for my sched. for now.

Puddin, sounds like things are working out, and you are on the path of finding whats right for yourself. thats great. Funny how the advice of someone you trust and that has an established basis for his advice is such an inspiring thing you are able to determine what is right. not always the most fun, but right. I have been in those "meetings" and the tension is great, yet relieving at the same time. good luck on that front.

Maybe you need sex aholic or something. better yet, get married have kids the desire is not so strong if you havent slept in days! haha

Have a great week,

Puddin: Sounds like your mission president is a wise man. Good luck with the new guy. He sounds respectable and that's a good thing.

Puddin: Sounds like your mission president is a wise man. Good luck with the new guy. He sounds respectable and that's a good thing.

THANK YOU!!! I'll post an update after our date on Friday.

Hey Future, I did get your message. Did you get my response? It's possible I never sent it and it's still open on my computer at work!

Okay, so tonight I went on a little pre-date date with Travis tonight. He came over, we went to dinner, came back to my house, popped in a DVD, and made out. Dammit! It went too far again. Hands down his pants, my shirt off, lots of grinding, and even worse things I won't get into here... it never got to intercourse or any oral sex or anything, though I know he really wanted that. But oh my oh my oh my. I don't think I should date this boy after our Friday date. I thought he was a good boy. Actually, he might be. Oh hell, if I keep dumping these guys after making out with them there will be no men left! The thing is that I really genuinely like this fella. He seems to match my personality pretty well. He's very goal-oriented, incredibly active, fun to be with, has spiritual goals, etc. Why do I keep screwing this up. Shoulda never invited him over to my house after dinner.

You know what's funny? Seth called me just 10 minutes before Travis came over and said, "Don't get into trouble with Travis tonight, okay?" That's the pot calling the kettle black! Apparently he called Travis and told him the same thing, only he said to him, "It would hurt my feelings if you got into trouble with her." So weird. Maybe because Seth and I used to date. Anyhow, we kept freakin apologizing to each other tonight after each "episode" and finally I said, "Stop saying 'I'm sorry', let's just not do it again." But we kept on doing it! We're still going out on Friday. I said, "Let's not go back to anyone's house after, okay?" That will make it easier to resist the temptation to make out. Funny thing is, I don't think it'll be a problem on Friday. I've been through this before. Make out on the first date, and there's no funny business on the 2nd date. It's like we got it all out on the first date.

So hopefully the man is still interested in me. I said, "I like you, so I didn't want to make out with you tonight." He said, "The feeling is mutual." He likes me, a lot, I think. Anyhow, I'm rambling now. Probably because he left 5 minutes ago and now I'm just... thinking.

Do you have anybody you can double-date with?

Do you have anybody you can double-date with?

Ya, I just asked my friends to double with us for next week and then the week after that we're going to a musical with a group of friends. I know we'll get together in the meantime, but we'll lay down the law. In fact, he called me this morning, apologizing over and over. He said, "I am so embarassed. I'm so sorry, Georgia. I'm so sorry. I think where we went wrong is telling each other about our past." But he wanted us to get our "stories" straight for Seth, because he knew Seth would call both of us and ask how things went last night, because he'd called us and "warned" us before we went out last night. I'm starting to think Seth might be a tad inspired. Just a tad, though, LOL. So Travis's story for seth was "We cuddled, kissed a little, and when things got a little heated I said 'okay let's stop.'" WHAT??? So his story is that HE was the one who put on the brakes? Oh HELL no! In reality, it was ME who was putting on the brakes most of the time and him who kept pushing it after that, saying things like, "It's hard to stop now because the damage has already been done. Come on." Sorry to be graphic, you guys, but he wouldn't stop until he got off. Even when I said, "Okay, I can't do this any more. I'm a conflicted woman," he just had to keep going until he was done.

This morning after Travis called I just dropped to my knees in despair and prayed. I can't do this on my own any more. I don't know how to stop on my own. I don't want to be alone forever, but I don't want to keep screwing things up with men, and especially men like Travis who have been "clean" for two years. TWO YEARS and he's pushing it like you wouldn't believe with me last night. This was not the behavior of someone who has been good for two years. Well, I guess it could be, and he had it all pent up. I just don't know. I want to keep dating him, but I also want to be able to cuddle without going so far. I'm afraid if we did it again it would be sex next time.

I think double dating and public places may be the best way to go.

stick to public for now. If you are going to be alone together you might want to wear lots of layers. lots and lots of layers. With many many buttons and hooks and stuff. I hear they do make modern chastity belts Maybe kissing and cuddling aren't such good ideas... Or you could keep a ruler with you for slapping away wandering hands. I remember when my DH and I first started dating. And making out. And how I would have to slap his hands away from under my shirt until I was ready for them to be there. Good times...

This is why I like masturbation. I swear it really does help control those urges.

Puddin: Stay strong and remember the advice your mission president gave you. This guy might be a good guy (probably is), but he is disrepecting you.

Thanks you guys, for the advice. I truly do appreciate it. I know it sounds like I ignore it, but I'm taking it to heart.

Bring on the sorrow. Today is guilt day. Major, major guilt day. Met with my bishop tonight after Institute (like bible study). He didn't disfellowship me, like I thought he would. But it will be a long time before I can have all the rights and privileges that go with being a worthy member. I have really screwed this up. Let's say Travis and I decide to get married in 6 months or so, hypothetically speaking. We couldn't get married the WAY we wanted to because of the decisions that we made. Here's where I have to pay for what I've done. I also have to pay in terms of relationships. I'm sure Travis doesn't see me the same way as he did before. I'm certain I've lost my luster to him. He's lost luster to me, too. I'm just done with this crazy crap. It's too painful. I'm having one serious talk with that boy tomorrow and it's going to go like this: "Travis, I like you and I want to continue to date you. But if we can't control ourselves then I can't date you any more.":faint:

Puddin: You are on the right track. You are a beautiful young woman and you will become on spiritually too. You're doing the right thing. I wish you the best. I hope that you can stay strong and true. Warmest Regards.

Hey Puddin', Stay strong. I know this is really rough. I've been there myself. You've accomplished so much and I know that if you put your mind to this issue, you can work it out. The guilt just isn't worth it.

I'm routing for you!

Sam

Oh thank you guys! I want to be able to see through these men before it gets to this. Travis just used me. I feel incredibly used by him. Travis didn't stop the other day until TRAVIS was done, regardless of the fact that I said "stop!" This was the first time since Kori that I've felt date raped and incredibly, incredibly used in the worst way.

He called his morning to talk. I told him I was upset about the other day. He told me that I'd lost my "mystery and luster" to him. What an a#%hole! He said, "Let's not go out tonight." He was just using me. I truly believe that now. He was biding his time until he got what he wanted. I don't know if he's being honest when he says it had been a long time since he'd even made out with a girl. Well he was pretty quick on the draw the other day for someone who hasn't done that in awhile!

I have kind of lost hope if myself and in men. The good ones are... gone. They're married now, to the skinny girl they met at church LOL. I'm stayin single after my date with Brady on Tuesday.