I'm so excited! I'm having a lower body lift in 7 hours. For the cosmetic surgery challenged, that's like a tummy tuck combined with a butt and thigh lift. Ya, painful! I'll post some before/after pics soon. But rest assured, they'll be HOT!

Hey Puddin-

Like I tried to explain to my daughter, that inner voice, the one that says dont do this, listen to it, guide yourself by it. I have learned over the years and lots of times I wish I would have listened, there is a reason it is there. some call it the "still small voice" I just call it my inner self, telling me what is right when I'm headed the wrong way. I listen and when my head and gut are telling me no, I dont do it. sounds like your voice is telling you things and you are not listening. you are headed for a crash if you dont listen. I have to tell ya, my 17 daughter experienced it sat. night. her friends wanted to go to this party out of town. she drove, that voice kept telling her not to but she wanted to be cool, it is hard to stand up and, I understand that, however, the phone call at midnight that she was in a ditch and we needed to come was terrible. she kept telling us something told her not to go, not to drive but she wanted to be with her friends. she rolled her trailblazer 1.5 times in a ditch with no seat belts on 3 kids. all alive. all ok just scared. the new car is totaled. there is no back end and the roof is at the dash board. she kept saying she could hear my voice telling her to come home, but she didnt listed....

moral of the story, listen to the voice... you have a second chance now that the weight is gone and you are self confidence you didnt have before use it to benifit your life. did you think when you were heavy that if you'd only lost weight you could find Mr. RIGHT... do you realize you settled for stuff, let things slide, because your self worth was in your weight??? Now your there, the obsticle you thought was in the way may have been saving you from big decisions like men. am I babbling???

I was LDS until 17 when my life changed. I got married had kids all out of the church, and not been active since then. I can tell you from that, times like these, I go back to the teachings I do believe in. like the small voice, like god has a plan for us, and wonder what did this event mean, and how can I change whats going on from here. If my daughter had made it to the party would they have drank? yes, and drove, yes, and probably be dead, yes./ so I am trying to explain this second chance issue with her. she is really lucky to be alive, we looked at the car and she realizes she was lucky, but it hasnt sunk in yet. kinda like you, your second chance to change the things in the past that put you where you are, and improve your life for yourself, not your friends or your men, just yourself. ok ok babbling...

good luck and try to love your inner self cause if you dont, who will???

Brenda

What an incredible experience for your daughter. Even though we sometimes don't listen to that voice, when we don't it just reaffirms why we SHOULD HAVE and makes us more likely to listen the next time.

Here's the thing, though: I'm not sure that I'm sick over this because I'm just worried that a. he'll reject me, or b. he'll try to make out with me and he goes too far with it. In a way I want to go out with him so he'll invite me on his river rafting trips and his other extreme sport adventures. He has really fun friends. But HE is kind of a jerk. Have you ever seen Elimidate? He was on it. You know how those guys are that have the women pining for them on the show? That's exactly how he is. Beautiful... but cocky, in the worst way. This modeling agency set him up with it. And he has ADHD, which he uses as an excuse for his erratic behavior constantly. We talk for hours on end, but it's mostly me telling him that he's messed up, or swapping sports stories. But then there's also the phone sex... yeah, I know. He calls late at night, like midnight, and we talk until 4 AM, and it ALWAYS involves phone sex more than once. He kind of likes the abuse from me, though, I think. He says I'm a "cool girl," but he has no idea I was the fat orchestra nerd in high school and he was the coolest kid in school - we just DON'T match up. In a way I want to just get it over with and finally go out with him. The boy had hernia surgery a couple weeks ago, so I don't think he'll try to have sex with me. It would hurt too bad for him.

Anyhow, I think I'll pray about it. If I still have that sick feeling I won't go out with him... or his good brother, I guess. His brother does triathlons and isn't ADHD and isn't NEAR as cocky, just picky, and is religious. He tells me his bro is still a virgin, and he's 29. I really, really wanna date this guy. I get along better with him. But dammit, Seth is the connection. He says he won't tell his bro that he went out with me or about the phone sex. Seth claims to have an 80% marriage success rate with his set-ups LOL, and he thinks I'm perfect for his bro, and I'd have to sort of agree. So WHY does he have to go out with me first??? He's freakin crazy.

Ok Puddin, Seth is just USING you. Im so mad here although its not my problem. But girl you are worth more than be ok with late phone sex/abuse, dont you realize it? Why dont you hang up on him, why do you play his game if you dont like it...or did I miss that you like it?

Im sorry I dont know the rules of your Church but are men superior,so that you have to behave like he wants you to???(Seth) Or that you cant contact a man by yourself??? (his brother)

Ok maybe I sound harsh, sorry if I do, but I cant understand why such a nice,intelligent and pretty young woman would behave this way??

xxx Eva

Puddin: I have to agree with everyone else. You're letting guys take advantage of you and your taking advantage of them. If you really want a relationship that will lead to marriage you need to base it on positive things to begin with! You need to stop playing games and be honest and truthful with men. I think that you don't feel worthy still and that's not true! You're worthy if you act worthy and feel worthy in your heart. You were worthy at 350 pounds and you're still worthy of a good relationship. Looks are nice, especially when you're on the "hunt," but you need to get things into persepective. I can say this because I'm contemplating plastic surgery, etc and I think that losing weight probably makes me a little more selfish and self centered. I don't expect I'll stay that way, because that's not who I am, but I'm going with the process. Because you were over weight and are now a beautiful babe you have a lot to process. Puddin, go with your core values that have always been there. Pray to Heavenly Father to understand your true value! I'm blogging here and going on and on. Sorry about that. I'm glad that you're still going to church, keep going and listen to the still small voice that wants to guide you. You are loved by Heavenly Father no matter what you do, but I know that you want to feel good about yourself and your relationship with your Heavenly Father. I wish you the best. Keep on posting, everyone cares about you!

Ok Puddin, Seth is just USING you. Im so mad here although its not my problem. But girl you are worth more than be ok with late phone sex/abuse, dont you realize it? Why dont you hang up on him, why do you play his game if you dont like it...or did I miss that you like it?

Im sorry I dont know the rules of your Church but are men superior,so that you have to behave like he wants you to???(Seth) Or that you cant contact a man by purself??? (his brother)

Ok maybe I sound harsh, sorry if I do, but I cant understand why such a nice,intelligent and pretty young woman would behave this way??

xxx Eva

Eva, girl, you don't sound harsh. But the truth is he's NOT using me for anything except the fact that he wants to go out with me. That's it. I'm a totally equal participant in the phone sex, too. In fact, I probably instigate it more than he does... well that's stretching it. I am very, very, very attracted to this boy - probably partly because he IS a bad boy and the other part is just his looks. The phone sex is my total weakness and any time I do the phone sex with a guy it's a pretty much guaranteed hardcore makeout session, usually involving some type of sex (though not intercourse) the next time we get together. This is why it has got to stop. Anyhow, I can't contact his brother directly because I don't even have his number. Seth is just doing what Seth does... DATE.

And yes, I am behaving quite childish. I'm acting like a player. I know it. I really am using guys. I feel bad after I do, but when we both want it it's SOOOOO hard to say no. I realize that's a stupid excuse. It's hard for everyone to say no. And perhaps I do have a sexual addiction like my ex thought I did. I went out with a guy last Friday, a first date, and yes, we made out pretty hardcore at the end of the date. But I stopped things before the pants came off. He just laid there and said, "I have GOT to be good. It sucks putting the brakes on, though." I just can't seem to WANT these guys after I've made out with them like that.

Karey, I don't feel unloved or even unworthy of a good guy. And I'm not letting them take advantage of me. It's entirely mutual. It wasn't really mutual with my ex, to be honest with you. I felt date-raped by him the first time. But then it just got easier and easier. Jacques, believe it or not, is a really good guy, despite the fact that we did have sex. I feel bad for letting it go as far as it did - he hasn't done it since he joined the church (at 23 years old). He went on a mission a year later, became A.P. on his mission, came home, has been just an awesome, awesome strong guy, in every way. We just made a mistake. I wasn't using Jacques. I have genuine feelings for him and he does for me, too... I would probably marry him and move to Denmark if he asked me tomorrow. Not because I'm desperate or feel the need to marry immediately, but because he's wonderful and I know he'd make an amazing husband.

And I realize that my Heavenly Father loves me no matter what. I realize that I can repent of this. But first I have to have Godly sorrow, and I just don't yet. But hitting bottom sucks. When I broke up with my ex I hit rock bottom, felt the Godly sorrow, and repented... but here I go again, seemingly unable to remember the pain or sorrow for the sin, despite the fact that the word 'remember' echoed in my head for an entire two months, and I didn't know why. I know why now I should have sought the meaning to that word, but I never had 'time'. I don't want to wax Freud on you, but I wonder if this is somehow a subconscious effort to bring myself down to the level of my ex. I'm still in love with the dirty bastard but I was just... better than he was.

Anyhow, I'm blogging, too. You guys, I'll most likely cancel with Seth. I bet we'll talk tonight and I'm sure the conversation will be turbulent like it usually is. At one turbulent point I'll just say "Seth, you're a cool guy, but I don't want to go out with you." End of story.

Puddin,

sorry you have sooo much to think about. sometimes the thinking just hurts huh??? I have worried and contemplated every outcome of the last 2 days and my daughters lack of what I think is the appropriate response. but then. what is appropriate to one person is not to the other and without being IN their shoes it is hard to understand whats going on. kinda like you! you say whats going on, but I know that only so much can be put into words and especially typed out.

Awhile ago I mentioned talking to someone, yes, professionally. do you think this might help? I used to work with women in abused situatioons, and your comment about "date raped" makes me flash back to some of the women I worked with that due to an experience they felt less worthy. subconsiously, in words they talked themselves into making it excuseable. I teach a theory called, Investment In Excellence, it is through the Pacific Institute in Seattle Washington. Their web site is www.thepacificinstitute.com look it up. the theory is teaching you a thinking technique to focus on the positives, set goals, and plan thru future successes not just to that success or you get stagnet in your life. My awahh moment was when I was asked if my days seemed the same. I wasnt setting goals, not in this manner, I wasnt focusing and celebrating the positive in my life- you know what, never mind, look at the site and let me know if you want more info. I am 1 or 2 liscensed trainers here in Montana and have seen the proof in the Puddin- get it Puddin--ok my joke sucks but hey it does work and makes lots of sense if interested PM me.

Puddin: I guess sorrow is the first step. I'm sure your sexual urges are strong, but I just wonder what else might be going on. I just wish you the best.

Puddin-

I've been reading your posts regularly, but have finally decided to give you a shout. First of all, congratulations on your weightloss. Amazing. I feel so motivated by your changes, in appearance and in lifestyle (although I won't be training for any triathalons, I want to start being physically active!).

Although I am not LDS, I am a Christian and, when I was young and single, I lived how I wanted to live at the moment... feeling like I could be good once I got married. I struggled with a lot of the same things that you describe here (sex!).

I realized that living that way wasn't going to allow me to be on a path to finding Mr.Right- because Mr. Right wouldn't want a girl who was living immorally.

As soon as I cleaned up my act, I met him. We've been married for 12 years now and just adopted 2 beautiful baby boys.

Start as you mean to go on.

Now, back to BandTalk.... when do we get some updated pics? Remember, you are such an inspiration so don't be shy about giving us more pics!!!!

Hello Puddin!

How old are you? I was actually looking at the before and after pics and came across yours and then saw your ticker which said you were in a size six and wanted to your updated photos... and then I was led to this post. I have a daughter who is 19 and she sounds a bit like you. I can not give you any advice only some things to think about. I understand that now you have this beautiful body and you like all the attention you are getting. Of course, who wouldn't!! I say I have a daughter who is 19 -- most people see me and find that unbelievable. Not only am I short 5' I look pretty young, and so does she, she is often mistaken for a 15 year old (poor thing). Anyway, I was 18 when I got pregnant with her and it was a very hard struggle for her and I. I had no idea how to be a mother and no real means to support her at that age. I gave up all my years of youth to be a mother. I do not regret it... just understand she was not planned. Here I am 38 and living some of the dreams I had when I was 18-- like going to college. I have been going for three years now and know it had to of been easier to go when I was 18!! Wanting to be desired is one thing but to be promiscuous is another. Just some things to think about and I am sure you have already been lectured enough. So... post some pics so I can see the new you and be inspired. I am not yet banded but am counting down the days!

Puddin! You look GREAT!! I found your link http://www.flickr.com/photos/puddinpie/413377762/in/set-72057594129356316/ you are an inspiration!! The new man is HOT@!

Oh yeah I also saw you are 28 so disregard everything I said before. =)

Puddin,

One more thing, reference the tummy tuck. Did you do that self pay? How much was it? Did you have your thighs done as well? They also look thinner in the after pic.

Thanks... Angie

Thank you all for being so concerned. I'm concerned, too. And I've just decided to change. I'm not happy doing this crap. I know it's not right, it's causing a lot of internal conflict and heartbreak. I'm not going to really date for awhile after this week. I have the trip planned with Jacques (the guy on my flickr photo site) in July. I expressed to him last night that we HAVE to behave ourselves on this trip, so maybe we can stay in hostels with other people in the room. I know there will be opportunities to be immoral with each other, but he's a good, strong guy. I know if I set boundaries and we talk about them, he'll respect them... He doesn't know what I've been up to here in Utah. I feel badly about that, not because we're exclusive or anything, but because I just feel like I've deceived him. I'm sure he thinks I'm more involved with him than I really am. I don't know if I ever want to tell him. I just want to not do it any more.

Anyhow, Angie, THANK YOU! The new guy is Jacques and he IS hot He's not really new, I guess. But yeah, the link you posted is a few weeks old, but I was in a solid 8 then. The swelling has gone down even further, that's why I can fit into a tight 6, except my thighs are still big, so I have to get "curvy" 6 jeans. But it's still unreal to me.

Oh yeah, and sorry, Angie, yes, I was self-pay. The lower-body lift was $8,500. A tummy tuck alone would have been, I believe, $4,500. I didn't have my inner thighs done, but a body lift does an outer thigh lift by default. I didn't have lipo done on my legs, I just lost like 15 pounds after the surgery.

Hey Puddin,

You are looking absolutely fabulous these days!!! I can't wait for big results on my end. I was banded on Feb. 9th and I am down 20 pounds so I am pretty excited! My first fill is scheduled for April 14th so I hope to continue loosing.

As far as the dating issues, just be you and enjoy your life. Don't give these guys what they want. Make them work hard for you and leave some mystery about yourself. The don't need to know your past or how you truly feel unless you are wanting to get serious with someone. Just have fun and leave them hanging every once and while. Seth is use to getting any girl he wants so don't be another notch on his bed post. Make him sweat a little. Go for his bro because he seems better anyway. I know what you mean as far as it being hard to resist a "hot guy" but your way hotter so make em sweat!!! Some guys will make out with just about anyone who is cute or not cute for that matter. Be the one girl that doesn't give in so quick. Be the one that they really want to keep chasing. Make them respect you as a strong woman and not some cheap quickie. I know you have urges because we all do but try not to put yourself in a situation that is hard to say "no". At the same time, have fun because you are young and single but stay true to you!

Good luck girl!!

okay ive sat quiet here...i dig puddin alot and shes been inspiring to me on many levels. You rock on shaka khan!

But i have to say it. I am having a low energy day and ive not read everything but I just cant keep quiet on this one anymore.

Here it is.

I know there are very strong moral components to your personality that you wish to keep in tact. Im not opposed to that, but there is something going on here. You are rediscovering your sexual self and trying to not conflict that with your Moral self and thats tough business!

My official advice is to go directly to your church and grab a councelor or priest and really talk to them. These days they are more open than before..usually, but it depends on your church. Having said that, let me pose this:

I am almost forty years old. I was beautiful at 18, and had a LOT of fun then that i cant post on here. Ive been married for almost 20 years, faithfully. Yeah its great and all that.

IF I KNEW...that the last time i rolled around in the muck was going to be the last time, i would have rolled around harder, or longer, or just enjoyed it more. Love my husband, no doubt. but theres been MANY long long nights where ive lied awake wondering "what if..".

Doesnt mean that will happen to you, you will have a very fulfilling and long flurishing life. Its just that you are so young. Youve done SO MUCH work to get yourself where you are, and you know GOD LOVES YOU. i cant believe he would want you to suffer or be alone or deny yourself pleasure when you have gone through so much pain.

If it were me, id totally have fun with it.

But you are you, and you gotta do whats right for YOU. You are still a great inspiration to me, regardless of how you progress or if you choose to give the good looking guy a tumble.