Just ate a bagel with butter

[jograves 2]

So tonight I ate one of those big costco Bagels. It went down fine. And it was a weak moment. But I'm nervous at how much it takes to 'stretch' the sleeve? Would it typically happen from eating more than what makes you full just one time? Or would it require chronic 'eating more than your sleeve should hold' to stretch it out? Hoping I haven't done any damage. In my occasional weak moments, I will indulge until I'm overly full - which is something I am working on with a therapist and trying to get a grip on. It's not like I eat a foot long subway...but at my worst, I will maybe eat a half cup of chili, and then an hour later eat a full bagel with butter. I did that once (tonight) and wonder if I'm stretching my sleeve. Clearly this is not something I want to repeat. I have a child with a terminal illness and the stress just piles up sometimes - and I fold. It's tough to partner grief with self-discipline. But I'm trying and am being real and honest in an effort to get rid of this behavior.

Overall I'm doing pretty well, all things considered. I've lost 37 lbs in 2 months (inc. 1 week of the pre-op diet.) And I feel good about that. In general, I feel so much better and have more energy, and such a better attitude about life. It's just these tough moments that are hard to get through without food. I'm trying to keep trigger foods out of the house, but who knew a bagel would be a trigger food! My kids were eating them today and my mind just started turning in that direction. 'Oh man, that bagel looks good!' It's the night time when everyone's in bed and I'm alone that get to me. Those were my old 'pack the food in' times.

Thanks for the ear.

[TES 858]

How long did it take you to eat it? I am just wondering what is going on with your sleeve, because even pre-surgery, I obviously was obese and I couldn't eat a whole one of those costco Bagels or I would feel uncomfortably full. Our RD says if you are really craving a bagel, you can eat 1/4 of one (but that's a regular sized one, so for costco it might be 1/6 or 1/8--or maybe you could scoop out some of the guts and do 1/4). What if you told yourself you could have 1/4 with guts scooped out if you REALLY want it AFTER you've eaten your Protein for that meal? I play little mind tricks like that on myself and then most times I won't end up eating the coveted food. I did that last night at dinner based on what my husband was eating--first I had Protein, then broccoli, then I had no room left for Pasta (I don't really even like Pasta but for some reason it looked good last night, I think bc I couldn't have it).

I'm so sorry that you are fighting the head hunger battle--I think that nearly everyone does. It's GREAT that you are working with a therapist. Wishing you all the best.

[Arts137 1,811]

It's not "stretching the sleeve" that you need to worry about... it's figurinjg out how to "work around" the sleeve limitations... drinking with meals, lots of slider foods eaten often, etc.

Like said above, fight the head hunger, cause head hunger is powerful. I know that some hate to hear this but the sleeve IS a tool that YOU have to use to lose and maintain your loss. Good Luck...

But try to be good to yourself, you family battles are so sad. Hang in there...

[RJ'S/beginning 5,357]

To me it is no wonder you are having difficulties with the whole food issue. I don't know if I could do as well as you if I was facing what you are....if you must eat a bagel.....Eat a 1/2....Too many worries on your plate now...I am not making an excuse for you...I just wonder if I were in your place would I be doing as well as you......

I think you know your triggers and why you are doing this....Switch your intake of things to the Kirkland nuts or seeds at night...At least it is Protein....

Please take care of you because.......well you have enough on in your life to make you slide.....

[clk 3,519]

The issue isn't stretch - Arts137 is absolutely spot on. Just a few posts down from here is a great post from Doug that you should probably take the time to read.

Your sleeve does ONE thing. It cuts down your capacity. If you eat around that you can easily consume in excess of 2,500 calories day. If you make it a habit, you will have a problem. You won't just stop losing, you will experience regain.

We all go through stressful points or times when we just want to eat, because that's the old, ingrained habit. The fact is that you have to learn how to cope differently, or you will not achieve goal and maintain.

Counseling can help, as can tracking calories religiously (it's a wake up for many) or just working on behavior modification - whatever you choose, it's clear there's a problem that you need to address. I'm a bereaved parent myself - if you aren't already in a group or one-on-one counseling you really need to be. Find a mentor here or in the real world that understands what you're experiencing.

The food choice isn't bad. Bagels aren't forbidden food. It's how you're eating enough to be full, waiting a bit, and eating some more.

I am not trying to be tough love. You have a lot on your plate. But if you allow the emotions and stress of this to sweep you up it's easy to lose yourself and what's best for you in all of it. You had a major operation to improve your quality of life. Do not let life stop that, even though it's incredibly difficult right now. Nobody expects you to be perfect. Just don't allow a bad habit to become so ingrained that you can't break it later on.

Best of luck on the diet - and my thoughts are with you on the rest,

~Cheri

[Reigo 110]

Great post clk. I think you summed everything up really nicely. I am sorry to hear about your situation. Life can be so stressful. Will keep you and your family in my thoughts.

[jograves 2]

Thanks for your input everyone, and your compassion. My son's illness (Mitochondrial Disease) is what contributed to me piling on the pounds in the first place. It's a chronic, progressive disease and he's now 8...not suspected to live to his teens. So it's really quite tricky trying to get any mojo when we are facing this daily. I've battled through depression, and self medicated with food for 8 years. But I have 3 other kids and with the help of a great counselor I am realizing that 'my' life is not over...even though I feel like I'm dying with him. So it's been wonderful, and painful to try to 'live' again -- but I'm committed and I know my family needs more of me than they've been getting all these years. But yes, it is extremely daunting to try to work up the will power within this situation. Curious - many of you said it's not stretching the sleeve I need to worry about - why is that? Obviously I don't plan to continue to 'cheat' I am more worried in retrospect. I am back on track and have decided I won't be downstairs by the kitchen past the kids bedtimes from now on. But isn't stretching the sleeve the big taboo?

[lsereno 2,525]

If your surgery was done correctly, the sleeve is only going to stretch so much. Yes, it is better to keep it smaller so you eat less, but even if you eat more, it will only stretch so much. That is why everyone is addressing the head hunger, slider foods, and grazing. Those are the issues that will cause the weight loss to stop and regain to occur the fastest.

My thoughts are with you jograves. One thing you might do is make a list of things you find soothing. When you are tempted to eat, look at your list and see if something there won't fill the need instead. My list includes calling a friend, applying lotion lip gloss and perfume (the good smell and feel really does me good!), playing a computer game, drinking a cup of tea with splenda, and playing with the dog.

Lynda

[TES 858]

Most of the stretchy part of your stomach is what's removed when you have the VSG....

[jograves 2]

Ok that makes sense - thank you for explaining that. That's a relief.

[AmyInOrlando 348]

Please understand... I'm not being insensitive. I'm a Nurse, and I know the worst thing in the world is losing a child. My Boyfriend tragically lost his 20 year old son. That said... A large costco bagel is not going to make your child better and not going to keep you healthy. It has no nutritional value. If you don't take care of yourself, you won't be able to take care of him. Protein and veggies should be your first option. You've got a tiny stomach. Fill it with healthy, nutritious foods. That will help in preserving your energy to take care of what you need to do. If you don't bring the Bagels into the house, you can't eat them. Find things your family enjoys that don't trigger your cravings.

[jograves 2]

Yes, I am keenly aware that costco Bagels have no nutritional value. It is an occasional moment of weakness that I find I slip since my sleeve. On the whole, I've done quite well with Protein and stopping when I'm full. And I realize that eating a bagel will not 'help' my son. The reasons we eat are not linear, obviously. When I am highly stressed or sad, there is an attraction to carbs. It's just biology. I think we 'think' that what we need in those moments is food - because it feels self-nurturing and we 'feel' like we are 'taking care of ourselves.' When in reality - truly taking care of ourselves - is done by not turning to food and, rather, making a healthy choice to deal with the stresser like connecting with a friend, praying, going for a walk, or whatever.

[SueJH 205]

I am so sorry about what you are having to face on a daily basis. I cannot relate, but can empathize. You need to do what is right for you, but the only small suggestion I can make is that instead of butter, which as you know is nothing but fat, why not put a little Peanut Butter on there. At least you'll be getting some Protein in as well. And of course, not the whole bagel.

Best of luck to you!

[need2bthin! 235]

I was just at the supplement shop close to my house and he had some Bagels that had 30g of Protein in them!!

[clk 3,519]

Yes, I am keenly aware that costco Bagels have no nutritional value. It is an occasional moment of weakness that I find I slip since my sleeve. On the whole, I've done quite well with Protein and stopping when I'm full. And I realize that eating a bagel will not 'help' my son. The reasons we eat are not linear, obviously. When I am highly stressed or sad, there is an attraction to carbs. It's just biology. I think we 'think' that what we need in those moments is food - because it feels self-nurturing and we 'feel' like we are 'taking care of ourselves.' When in reality - truly taking care of ourselves - is done by not turning to food and, rather, making a healthy choice to deal with the stresser like connecting with a friend, praying, going for a walk, or whatever.

Food is comfort, food is always there, food makes us feel good, food helps us hide from our emotions - food is more than sustenance for most of the people here. Not everyone admits it to themselves, of course, but most of us have disordered eating.

I know the poster that OP is responding to here had good intentions. The people that have said the most hurtful things to me said them with good intentions (or so they tell themselves) but that doesn't make it any less insensitive.

Why are we all here? We are here because we wanted to extend our lives. We had a drastic surgery to lose weight and in most cases comorbids that were shortening our life spans. We do it to because facing our mortality and knowing that we're shortening our lives is scary and we want to change things.

Before anyone else who has not faced a similar situation says anything else unintentionally offensive or insensitive, I ask that people consider how they would cope if faced with not only their own, but their child's mortality on a daily basis. A terminal illness is difficult enough to endure when it is a grandparent, parent or a spouse, but YOUR CHILD? Every parent's worst fear is burying their child and for most people this is a remote, fringe thought - that thing you see in a movie that makes you tear up and gives you an opportunity to hug your kids before you FORGET and MOVE ON.

That is not the case for the OP. That is not the case for me, either. Until you have survived something like this and made it over to the other side, please do not pretend it's the same as eating because you got dumped, had a bad day at work, or your pet died. Losing a child, facing the impending loss of a child - that's one of the most terrible and painful things a person can endure in this life.

I can tell you, being fat is the least of this woman's worries. I applaud her efforts to stay on top of things and lose weight using the sleeve. I applaud her coming here to "confess" and get reassurance that this isn't a huge deal. It's not. She is not eating to help her son. She is probably eating because it makes her feel better, because it is an ingrained habit and because what else are you going to do? There is no escape from the pressures and stresses here.

OP, I'm thankful you have family, other children and a counselor to help you through.

This is not the end of the world. Not any of it. This is a minor hiccup and it's one that almost everyone faces - we all eat "badly" at one point or another; we all need to learn our sleeves limits and I've personally read hundreds of posts by people scared they'd stretch their sleeves with one poor choice.

You're fine. This is fine. This is small potatoes. Focus on more positive and soothing activities and don't let it become a habit and it will be perfectly fine.

Be well,

~Cheri