gain goal regain How was your 5:2 day today?

[Oregondaisy 2,019]

Did Sheryl write that, or Zelly?

 

That is some powerful writing!

 

So much going on with with everyone . I have to leave to take  a friend home. Her car broke down when she came for a wedding. She lives down the coast 2 hours,  almost to CA. So , I'll be gone all day.

 

Hope everyone has a good eating day. I have to do well.  I am up 2 pounds. AND

Water. I am so constipated. I am tired of it. I take the chia seeds and flax and I don't know what else to do. I don't want to take Miralax regularly, since I read it causes kidney damage with long term use.

[CowgirlJane 14,259]

Did Sheryl write that, or Zelly?

That is some powerful writing!

So much going on with with everyone . I have to leave to take a friend home. Her car broke down when she came for a wedding. She lives down the coast 2 hours, almost to CA. So , I'll be gone all day.

Hope everyone has a good eating day. I have to do well. I am up 2 pounds. AND

Water. I am so constipated. I am tired of it. I take the chia seeds and flax and I don't know what else to do. I don't want to take miralax regularly, since I read it causes kidney damage with long term use.

Now I don't know what post you mean. Who is zelly?

[CowgirlJane 14,259]

I am not sure I now know which post we are talking about

[sarsar 824]

Pretty sure Denise is talking about what Kelly wrote the other day.

[sarsar 824]

Denise, my doctor gave me a script for a med called Linzess. It's for Constipation. It seems to be helping me. My dr said she has prescribed it before for her patients and most have great results from it. I wouldn't say my results are great but it's better than it was before taking it.

[UK Cathy 977]

Had to share, a banksy has appeared overnight in Cheltenham, where I live. We have GCHQ here which is our spy service and they are supposed to monitor all calls etc in order to keep us all safe. So Banksy has taken this as his theme and constructed the art around a public call box.

[Globetrotter 1,340]

Cathy - what the heck is a banksy?

Kim - you are a more giving woman than I, I could not love a person like that, and it would slowly poison me to paper over such abuse, devaluing my own pain with, "he doesn't know how to properly apologize". It's fu**ing called learning, and if he hasn't changed by now, he simply isn't going to. Petty, bitter, and SMALL are the words I would use to describe the kind of person who tears a person down, rather then build them up. And you have a show coming up you say? Big surprise then, that he chose now to unleash his cowardly barbs...

If all of this sounds like a bit much wrath for a relationship I have no part in, it is because after what I have been through, I'm just not afraid anymore. Not of people, and not of their cruelty. I see them for what they are and their poison, is not my problem.

[CowgirlJane 14,259]

Had to share, a banksy has appeared overnight in Cheltenham, where I live. We have GCHQ here which is our spy service and they are supposed to monitor all calls etc in order to keep us all safe. So Banksy has taken this as his theme and constructed the art around a public call box.

Say what?

[UK Cathy 977]

Banksy, is a street artist (google him), he appears in the night and puts his art on walls - usually it will have a message included in the picture. No one has officially seen him but there are rumours as to his identity. His art has become quite famous but obviously not in the USA. Well it is quite exciting for Cheltenham to have one.

[Chimera 644]

Thats awesome that you have a new Banksy in your neighborhood Cathy

 

This is a personal favorite - 

http://www.ebay.co.uk/itm/Banksy-Street-Artist-Buried-Treasure-on-Sand-Print-Canvas-A4-A3-A2-A1-/290690332992

Edited April 15, 2014 by Chimera

[CowgirlJane 14,259]

I thought banksky was another "cuteyfied" English word....like brekkie for Breakfast etc.

I ate 3 meals today...feeling normal. Like, it's cool to lose 5# in a week but I know it is the wrong way and can lead to bad things so it felt good to be hungry and eat without feeling ill.

Counselor today told me she thinks I am not depressed but hit with overwhelming grief. Maybe. I just want to come out of this soon...but today was ok sorta anyway.

[Georgia 2,908]

Banksy, is a street artist (google him), he appears in the night and puts his art on walls - usually it will have a message included in the picture. No one has officially seen him but there are rumours as to his identity. His art has become quite famous but obviously not in the USA. Well it is quite exciting for Cheltenham to

 

Pretty Cool!!!   I love it!

[Georgia 2,908]

Sheryl, I dont know if it is grief or just "what it is".  I think many of us hit a place in life where sometimes you just "give in" to just not wanting to be the super strong women we have had to be for so long.  I have bouts of this also and can totally relate.  As I said late last year, I finally gave in and went back on a low dose anti depressant because I didn't like the "me" that I had become and couldn't seem to pull myself out of it to the place where I didn't lose it quickly over the least thing.  It has helped.  Not 100% because it's def not a "cure all" but I can certainly tell the difference.  I wish for you the best.  AND, I've NEVER lost 5 pounds because I was depressed.    I can only wish!   Mine goes the other way!!!! 

 

Speaking of losing weight.  I've lost a little the HARD WAY.  I went to bed Sunday night and woke up about 2 hours later sick.  Vomited and retched for 10 hours!!!  Let me just say for the record, having a very small stomach that produces a lot of stomach acid is absolutely disgusting!   It burned all the way up my esophagus!!  Wow!  Like liquid fire - since there was not much in my stomach I just kept retching up this acidy fluid.  Then was sick all day Monday.  Back up and walking today - wobbly - but up and at work.  Very strange.  I think it might have been some cantaloupe I ate.  Sounds strange but I think it might have been "tainted" or something.  Nobody else got sick and nobody else ate cantaloupe. 

 

Kim, I'm sorry the hubs struck out at you.  They certainly know just where to throw their darts when they want to really hurt us, don't they?  Been married 40 years to the same guy and he has verbalized in his "roundabout way" of apologizing that he "goes for the jugular" when we are into a fuss.  It is what it is.  Relationships are HARD.  Very.  I hope that he finds a way to be honest enough with himself and you to apologize for his actions. 

 

All the other gang, love to you all!!!!!   Proud of each and every one of you. 

[CowgirlJane 14,259]

Cathy, now I can see the photo of the banksy... that is what I hate about this site and using mobile devices, you miss like half the info. That is very cool!

144 today - first time in my life I have lost weight from being "down" or troubled. I am making myself eat - I am not trying to lose weight this way, it is just that when you have to force yourself to eat, not surprisingly, you apparently eat less.

Georgia - I don't know if I am getting better or worse. I thought i was getting better but yesterday I went to a half day seminar - very small group, very interactive. I was fine during it... participated, was engaged, wasn't super social but hanging with things. Got home, and was paralyzed and basically went to bed at 3:30. I had to get up to feed horses and made myself eat a Protein Bar but it was all I could do yesterday. It scares me. I have never gone through anything like this - when my little dog died I felt like this for 2 days but then the fog started lifting and I was okay. Even after Linda died, I was able to make myself stay living and doing. I think that part of it was the kids needed me to "fake it" and keep going. Living alone, it is like, what does it matter? It matters to me, I hate being like this, but apparently that isn't enough motivation to make me get moving.

What I have noticed is that as my counselor is trying to make me name how i feel, I think grief and anger are two things I recognize. Problem is, they aren't very useful emotions as they seem like they are about things in the past that just "are"

I felt alot better after seeing Steven on Sunday but

#1 That is not a solution; regardless of him or anyone else. This issue is from within and needs to be solved by me and I cannot, will not fall into the trap again at looking to someone outside to somehow make me feel alive. and

#2 He is not great at this "being there for you when things are rough" kinda guy. That is why he doesn't want a regular girlfriend, he just sucks at that and doesn't want to do it. I don't mean to say he is unkind but he just tends to pull back when things get "sticky". I am intentionally avoiding him right now because I have a way of saying things I later regret when i am in this mindset - which I think he finds as a relief frankly until i am myself again. He is actually the least of my issues right now.

my core feeling is that of being alone, even when I with others. It is a sadness that i feel like I have to somehow resolve before having another really substantial relationship because I need to be myself before I can make a choice to connect with an emotionally healthy man. Steven is not that emotionally healthy (in a well rounded kind of way) but what he has going for him is he KNOWS it and has created boundaries around his life that recognize it. It sucks for him, in my book, as he will always be alone except for a million superficial relationships (I don't mean with women, in general), but that is what he thinks he wants so not really my problem, but I want better for myself.

Florinda - how are you doing in Germany? Did you get the tests you wanted?

Brown - how are things? Haven't heard from you in ages.

Everyone else? Exciting/good news from anyone?

I am forcing myself to do fun things. I am signing up for a dog training class with a friend and we are going to a workshop at the end of May to learn to do cowboy mounting shooting - you got that right - killing ballons from horseback using old style guns loaded with something other than bullets.

[CowgirlJane 14,259]

Had a long phone chat with someone considering the sleeve. I hope I helped..but doesn't it feel like a bit of pressure? I mean we in this group are pretty darn successful but no guarantees. .. I still am amazed at times myself at how well it worked for me.

I went out to eat alone... at my favorite restaurant tonight because I just could not eat today but realized I was craving their shrimp skewer. Wonder how many calories 5 med shrimp are? Honest I am not doing this on purpose. ..just no appetite. I hate it... feels like disordered eating.