Yes, I caught my husband trying to secretly videotape me. But let's dial it back...

We have a 15 month old daughter, so we don't have as much nookie as we used to. I'm too busy and not mentally interested. Sometimes, however, I will work out a quick and dirty O with my vibrator before I fall asleep to relax me. Masturbation is relaxing, I don't have to worry about performing and so forth. But then I discovered my husband, who I thought was out in the other room at the time, would lay next to the door outside the bedroom and listen and jerk off. Even if I wasn't doing anything! It was such a sad and desperate act that it kinda turned me off even more. Maybe some women would be flattered, but not me. I started leaving the door cracked open so he'd stop.

Then a few months ago he started a job on a different shift and wasn't around in the evening. I was getting ready for bed and looking to see if my pants were clean for the next day, and went to check a pile of clothes on a chair nearby. The clothes were all burning hot, and when I pulled them back I discovered my husband had set his laptop up with the webcam recording under a pile of clothes. It was pointing to the bed. I guess he was hoping to catch some sort of show -- like I go into frenzied masturbatory gymnastics when he's not around or something.

I got pissed at him. Super pissed. Thought he got the message. Around this time I also confronted him about what he was doing with my cheese grater and mesh strainer and why they were in the dishwasher, and discovered he was making some sort of synthetic drug. Insists he only did it once.

Well, at the end of April my mother passed away from pancreatic cancer. I now have a 75 minute commute so I can drop my daughter off with my dad so he can watch her. Less than two weeks later I'm getting ready for bed and my husband is pissed that I don't want to be intimate, and freaks out on me, accusing me of having an affair. There's a guy that I work with, barely ever talk to and have only seen a couple times, but I think is attractive. I was looking at his Facebook page and made a few jokey messages to a friend about him. Apparently my husband had been going through my phone, laptop, and Kindle and read through all of my messages, checked my Facebook account, browsing history, etc. I've had to password protect all of them to maintain any privacy for myself and change some of my passwords.

Then the other day I was going out with my girlfriends and he was acting suspicious. Gets all annoyed any time I want to go out now, and I can't go ANYWHERE with him because he's miserable the entire time. He tried to check my phone again and lied about it right to my face when I SAW HIM on the couch with my phone turned on to the lock screen next to him.

My husband worships me like a Goddess -- does what I say, tells me I'm beautiful, etc. Hates himself. Hates life. Hates his job, his car, is unappreciative and thinks everyone is an a*****e and everything is a piece of ****. But I flat out told him I'm not going to live my life under suspicion, so I guess we're going to marriage counseling now. Ugh. Cuz I don't have enough going on to have to work that into my schedule, too, because he wants to act like a psychopath.

And I don't think it's just the weight loss, this is just crazy. Part of my feels bad, though, cuz to be honest -- part of me really really does want to have an affair. It might be nice to sleep with someone that actually enjoys life and has some sort of passion.

Nothing is wrong with masterbation. But there is something COMPLETELY wrong when a married woman must do so in secrecy...and there something completely DISTURBING with a married man sitting outside of the bedroom door pleasuring himself while spying on his wife. I'm sure his odd behavior has a lot to do with his Aspergers...but the whole "making synthetic drugs in the kitchen" thing is scary. Like others have said...there are clearly deep issues here. And your first concern should be the welfare of your child

Sent from my iPad using VST

I gotta say I disagree with this part. Sometimes a man or a woman just wants the release without having to involve another person. I don't think the OP was trying to HIDE it from her husband; she just doesn't want to put on a show for him.

First off, dude making drugs in the house is a major red flag! Keep your eyes open. That being said, most guys who read this will also ask, how long have you denied your husband marital relations? Keep in mind, he does have physical needs too. So at this point, he's probably desperate, which results in desperate measures, thus the sneaking around. He may even feel left out or like a non-factor. You're getting yours, but he's not getting his. That's a little selfish. And, that can play on anyone's mental. However, if you have not denied him and are just having a personal moment, that's different. He needs to back the hell up! Everyone needs their own space! And by no means should he ever videotape you without your consent! WTH!! In addition, without living in your shoes it's difficult to understand your mental and emotional state. Not to mention the fact that post VST patients are known to have a change in sexual desire. At least during the initial transition as they learn to identify with their new reflection. Some increase activity and some decrease. But the bottom line is, you have to figure out what it is you want. If that does not include your husband, then you should make it known. If you do want your husband, then maybe you guys need that counsel! Just make sure that all of this is not a result of the new attention that you may be receiving from other men now that you are losing weight! Or that your new social or physical status and/or desire is now above your husband's status! Meaning, he's no longer good enough.

What the hell kind of synthetic drug do you make with a cheese grater and strainer.

Not that I know anything about drugs (just incase the Feds are looking) but I've heard(indirectly) of people (not people that I know of course) using a cheese grater, a strainer and an organic solvent to extract cocaine from cocoa leaves. Craziness!!

Omg .. I thought these forums were to talk about surgery not to talk about your personal life .. I'm out

Omg .. I thought these forums were to talk about surgery not to talk about your personal life .. I'm out

Maybe you should look and see what chat room this is first. It says powder Room, Ladies Gone Wild.

Maybe you should look and see what chat room this is first. It says Powder Room' date=' Ladies Gone Wild.[/quote']

For real lol!!!!

Wow! You sure do have a lot going on all at once...wheew...i hope everything resolves or gets better for u and ur kids.

I agree with some of the others. When you deny your partner intimacy they will eventually try and fulfill that need somehow. Not everyone feels like romping all the time, esp with a 15 month old! BUT, you have to find a way to heal that part of the relationship. Whether through counceling or just sucking it up and giving the guy some action when you don't necessarily feel like it. Something has got to give. Imagine the rejection he feels. You'll bust out the vibrator but not give him affection? I'd feel terrible about myself too if my partner did that. Relationships are a two way street.

Wow. I'm sorry that you are having to deal with all of these difficult aspects of your life right now. I have to strongly disagree with some of the responders. You are not responsible for your husbands insecurity. You should not be made to feel guilty about seeing to your own needs. And you are in no way responsible for what your husband chooses to do. I expect that in therapy, that will be brought up. What you do need to do, is determine what you are willing to put into the relationship and what you are willing to accept from the relationship. If you aren't happy in the relationship, that's okay, you just need to decide if you are willing to work on it or not. If not, that's okay too. I would just recommend against having an affair, no matter how appealing that might sound occasionally, because that will just create a whole new level of complication in the relationship and in your own mind that will be difficult to deal with.

I do agree with the other posters regarding the drug making... That sounds like much more than a relationship problem, and hopefully you will address what precipitated those actions in therapy.

Best of luck

My ex was a nightmare but I had no idea until after I divorced him he got diagnosed schizophrenic. I left abruptly 7 years ago with my little girl and never looked back. Now I am newly married to a wonderful guy who is light years better than my ex. Staying married to someone who acts like that is a slow death and jeopardizes your child. It is not worth it.

I agree that there issues going on here that counseling could help you. Affairs are not worth the Guilt and is not an excuse. You could be left holding the emotional bag. From your husband and the person you have the affair with as well as your own stuff. And your husband could use the affair as leverage over you in the end. Instead of repairing the marriage. Affairs can damage you personally, a lot faster . This is my just my opinion!

I think it is time for you and your husband to have a long serious talk. I would also for your childs sake consider marriage counseling to help you guys get back on track. Marriage in itself is work in progress sometimes. My husband and I went through marriage counseling ourselves 2x and have been married now 18.

As for the possible drug issue that needs addressing especially with having a small child. Good luck.

Honestly I am very concerned for you. My husband began doing weird things (oh the stories I can tell you) until after we go divorced he got diagnosed schizophrenic. I'm not saying your husband has a psych problem but his behavior is so out of the norm its kinda scary. It is not worth years trying to shove a round peg in a square hole. I'm here if you want to talk.

As a therapist and a certified sex therapist I notice that ur husband is a wacko. Laying by the door masturbating and recording u over the Internet is totally gross. These are deviant behaviors and could adversely affect your 15 month old. Does he have a mental illness? What are ur reasons for being with a man with these types of behaviors? Of course I haven't heard of ur part of this relationship. Hope things get better.

So what happened?