Yes, I caught my husband trying to secretly videotape me. But let's dial it back...

We have a 15 month old daughter, so we don't have as much nookie as we used to. I'm too busy and not mentally interested. Sometimes, however, I will work out a quick and dirty O with my vibrator before I fall asleep to relax me. Masturbation is relaxing, I don't have to worry about performing and so forth. But then I discovered my husband, who I thought was out in the other room at the time, would lay next to the door outside the bedroom and listen and jerk off. Even if I wasn't doing anything! It was such a sad and desperate act that it kinda turned me off even more. Maybe some women would be flattered, but not me. I started leaving the door cracked open so he'd stop.

Then a few months ago he started a job on a different shift and wasn't around in the evening. I was getting ready for bed and looking to see if my pants were clean for the next day, and went to check a pile of clothes on a chair nearby. The clothes were all burning hot, and when I pulled them back I discovered my husband had set his laptop up with the webcam recording under a pile of clothes. It was pointing to the bed. I guess he was hoping to catch some sort of show -- like I go into frenzied masturbatory gymnastics when he's not around or something.

I got pissed at him. Super pissed. Thought he got the message. Around this time I also confronted him about what he was doing with my cheese grater and mesh strainer and why they were in the dishwasher, and discovered he was making some sort of synthetic drug. Insists he only did it once.

Well, at the end of April my mother passed away from pancreatic cancer. I now have a 75 minute commute so I can drop my daughter off with my dad so he can watch her. Less than two weeks later I'm getting ready for bed and my husband is pissed that I don't want to be intimate, and freaks out on me, accusing me of having an affair. There's a guy that I work with, barely ever talk to and have only seen a couple times, but I think is attractive. I was looking at his Facebook page and made a few jokey messages to a friend about him. Apparently my husband had been going through my phone, laptop, and Kindle and read through all of my messages, checked my Facebook account, browsing history, etc. I've had to password protect all of them to maintain any privacy for myself and change some of my passwords.

Then the other day I was going out with my girlfriends and he was acting suspicious. Gets all annoyed any time I want to go out now, and I can't go ANYWHERE with him because he's miserable the entire time. He tried to check my phone again and lied about it right to my face when I SAW HIM on the couch with my phone turned on to the lock screen next to him.

My husband worships me like a Goddess -- does what I say, tells me I'm beautiful, etc. Hates himself. Hates life. Hates his job, his car, is unappreciative and thinks everyone is an a*****e and everything is a piece of ****. But I flat out told him I'm not going to live my life under suspicion, so I guess we're going to marriage counseling now. Ugh. Cuz I don't have enough going on to have to work that into my schedule, too, because he wants to act like a psychopath.

And I don't think it's just the weight loss, this is just crazy. Part of my feels bad, though, cuz to be honest -- part of me really really does want to have an affair. It might be nice to sleep with someone that actually enjoys life and has some sort of passion.

I read this when it was originally posted and have thought about it quite a bit and have read all the responses. This is the women's room I know but I have to throw in a couple thoughts here. Mods feel free to delete but it will be nothing inappropriate.

First and foremost, I would evaluate the drug issue for the safety of the child. I am not sure what it would be but regardless I would be concerned.

Secondly. There seem to be a ton of trust issues here, and on both sides. You are not sure about the drug situation and it seems to me that he is not fully trusting of you either. Now it appears that there are circumstances that may be giving him reason to be concerned with your activities. Maybe he already thinks you are having an affair and the video taping is an attempt to catch something and not just a means of him trying to get some jollies. How long has it been since you have engaged in sexual relations with him?? Answer that and if you are giving him other reasons to think you are doing sutff you shouldn't be then....... As far as the masturbation goes, just think about it. If he was doing it and refusing you sex (if you wanted it), how would you feel??

The sneaking with passwords etc throws up another flag that you may not be completely honest with him and that is another reason to go hmmmm. I am not saying you are but something does not sound right to me.

How long have the animosity and separation feelings been going on?? The longer it goes without being addressed the worse it gets.

Now in regards to your thoughts of an affair, thinking that much about it thorws up another flag. If you are that far into really thinking about it and don't like your husband that much, just go get your divorce and save the guy some heartache and everyones dignity. I can tell you that that is one of the worst feelings ever. My EX wife cheated and I can tell you that had it not been for some major major self control on my part, things could have been a lot different. I have never been so hurt in all my life.

Moral of the story. I understand there are always two sides of every coin. I don't think it is fair to try to blame all this on him when you may be just as responsible as he is. Both parties probably need to take a step back and look really hard at where you are and where you really want to be. Don't assume some of the things are all him and his mental state. Forego the affair as that will solve or prove nothing for anyone except that that is what you wanted.

Good luck in whatever you decide to do but remember that there are three of you to think about.

Mystie...you have some SERIOUS psychological traumas. Go get help. Now

Any updates?

well by now it probably has gotten a lot worse or a lot better. just a thought, paranoia and suspicion are classic symptoms of drug use especially cocaine and methampetamines. you seem very far apart. what is happening? the events you describe are strange in many ways . I also see a lot of projection, the player is always accusing the partner of playing around it seems.good luck. protect yourself. love sara

Whew!!!!

It appears that Mystie posted here for 2-3 days in June 2013 and that was it. For all we know, it was a hoax.

I'm trying to figure out what this has to do with Bariatric Surgery. This is Bariatric Pal not a "General" discussion forum.

Damn!

@@jessdawn37 and anyone else who didn't see the deep depths of the site they may have entered::

powder Room - Ladies Gone WIld

This is a place for ladies to discuss everything from Gastric Sleeve Surgery (VSG) complications, diet, and concerns, to any other off-topic subjects.

So this is a general forum.

As for @mystie - I have been through the spying and hurt as well with the father of my 18 month old daughter. It's hard. You blame yourself, but in the end a lot of it is symptom of their disease (my fiance is ADHD and was very jealous, insecure, and skeptical even without any aid from me). We are still trying to work through it but the medication he was put on, as well as the couples' counseling has helped a great deal. I know for me at this point it could go up or down from here - I'm hoping better for you <3