1. Would you go out on a date with someone who wasn't interested in you before you lost weight?

2. What do you think it says about a person if he/she didn't ask you out when you were heavy but does ask you out when you are thin?

3. If you are dating someone who never knew you when you were heavier, and you gained weight and they dumped you, do you think they are of poor character?

My answers...

1. If I knew and liked someone as a person and he asked me out after I lost weight, I would most likely go out on a date with him.

2. I don't think that a man who is not attracted to heavy people is of poor character. I don't expect a man to ask me out if he isn't attracted to me physically. BUT, I think how a man treats or talks to/about heavy people is very indicitive of his character.

3. If I was in a relationship and I gained weight I would expect him not to dump me. If he did dump me then I would think he had poor character and I would be insulted.

Sooooo, just wondering but if they don't ask me out fine... can I still have sex with them? Nothin' like the bounce in my ounce!

Would you date a women who wouldn't go out with you until you hit the lottery?

Note: Not a reply to anyone in particular

Hey guys:

I grew up in a very "high and mighty" society..where the way you look is the way you are treated. My mother (who is the queen of diet and fitness) always nagged for me to lose weight..until one day I turned around and told her " Can you imagine how I feel inside for you to be able to see it outside" many of us got to be so heavy because something was (or is) missing in our lives, and we tried to compesate for this with food.

Can you imagine dating somebody who wouldn't date you at your heaviest......as soon as you stop meeting his/her espectatives you'll be history....

Yes Lord!!!

Can you imagine dating somebody who wouldn't date you at your heaviest......as soon as you stop meeting his/her espectatives you'll be history....

Yes Lord!!!

My wife has made very plain to me that she never would have gone out with me if I was morbidly obese (as I am now) when she met me. Yet she has stuck with me through this weight situation. I feel very bad about the fact that I have inflicted my grotesque body on my dear wife for the last few years, and I am very grateful that she has continued to love me.

So my question is, now that I realize how shallow she was at the time I met her (since she would not have dated me if I was morbidly obese), should I leave her now? After all, who would want to be married to someone who was so shallow that they would not want to date a morbidly obese man? After reading this thread I feel like my only viable option is to file for divorce immediately, now that I realize how shallow my wife was at the time I met her.

Marion, I agree with your sarcasm! I won't date someone I'm not physically attracted to, and I'm not attracted to obesity. That being said, if I married a man I was physically attracted to, I know those feelings of love and attraction change. I've been with in relationships with attractive men whose good looks became secondary to who they were inside after knowing them and loving them. That luxury isn't afforded if you never first had the attraction and started dating.

Nope...... no shallow hal for me.

I had a guy ask me out after I lost 150 lbs YEARS ago....before that he wouldn't even give me the time of day. Screw that !!!

If you went out with him and you started gaining the weight back....do you think he would dump you? IMHO....yep, in a heart beat !

JMHO

NO definately NOT!

Ever see the Movie Shallow Hal??? Perfect example. If a man did not want me when I was heavy, no way would I give hi mthe time of day when I lost weight and believe me it has happened to me several times since I lost weight, men that never gave me an ounce of attention when I was heavy now think they can flirt with me..I dont think so!

This is one of the issues that I am painfully working thru BEFORE I have this surgery. I wish that it was a perfect world of acceptance and forgiveness of flaws...but it isn't. And, I wish that this didn't bother me so much. I am angry at the human condition. I am angry at the people who think of me as the jolly friend or their mother just because I am overweight. I don't want to be angry at them for something that is mainly my own fault.

When I have been at my thinnest I used my body to get what I wanted. Was I any better than the people who are only attracted to me when I am thin? I sometimes think I built this wall of fat around me to keep people away.

I want to be sure that I am as mentally healthy as I am trying be physically healthy. There is no surgery for that.

This is going to be quite a journey...

Good post 1bunni4me. I think the key to resolving the issues we all have is to acknowledge our own responsibility for our physical condition. By our own choices we have turned ourselves into physically unattractive, disabled people. To blame others as "shallow" because they don't find us attractive is to blame others for our own destructive choices. If people are not attracted to us when we are morbidly obese it is not because there is something wrong with them.

To tell you the truth, if someone were attracted to me in my present condition of morbid obesity I would seriously question whether I would ever want to date them at all. I would have to question why this person would be attracted to someone who is obese and disabled. Do they have a control complex? Do they have a savior complex? Why would someone choose this? I'd be very skeptical about ever dating them at all.

I have been with men who:

1. Have low self esteem themselves

2. Think fat chicks are less work...a.k.a. easy

3. Think fat chicks are disposable

4. Have a Saviour complex

5. Want someone that is abusable since it appears we already abuse ourselves

I have also been with men who say they like me because I am funny, comforting and have "such a pretty face"...was this any better? Nothing seems to feel right because it all pointed out the obvious.

I would like to just be with me for a while and like me just because I am, not because a man validated me. Unfortunately, we are not really like that for most of our lives, if ever. It takes much maturity and sometimes pain to get to that point.

what a great topic!

I think for me, part of the key is that I do not believe we are the same person. I think that for many people, the journey will change them. I know that for many, losing weight brings on a new set of confidence and self apreication.

I think people are attracted to confident people.

I did not want to start dating my husband. I didn't want to fall in love with him, and I faught it tooth and nail. (silly me) It was hard for me to face how shallow I was for not wanting to date a man who weighed more than 400 pounds. I just did not want to go there.

I did not want to start dating my husband. I didn't want to fall in love with him, and I faught it tooth and nail.

I remember that story! You said he had a lot of skin tags!

I'm with VQ, I can't really consider myself at nearly 400 lbs the same person as when I get to 180, or even now at 260. Every day we read stories here about someone finally having the courage to go on a date, or by a flashy outfit, or try something new in bed, or whatever. As of that moment, these people aren't the same people they were before. Yeah, the genetics are all still there and in a row, but there's a significant personality change, and that's our character.

I don't think you can hold it against someone if they do not find you attractive while you are obese. While I can understand the propensity to call them shallow, I am not convinced that is true for everyone that isn't attracted to overweight people.

Attraction is a mix of a physical, emotional, and intellectual connection between people. I have met my share of hard bodied hotties that I wasn't attracted to and wouldn't date. I do not think that makes me shallow. I don't think I would have dated my husband had he been morbidly obese when I met him. But since I met and fell inlove with him emotionally and intellectually, I certainly wouldn't leave him if he became fat.

I for one, do not find obesity sexy. Maybe that's why I was eager to get the band and do something about it. As people lose weight, they most often begin to project themselves differently in public. It could very well be that the someone asks you out after losing weight, becuase they sense that.

I don't think it's shallow. Generally speaking, fat isn't physically appealing. And, at least in the beginning, physical appeal is the majority of what dating is about. E.g. the foot in the door. There are, of course, always exceptions.

I don't think you can help what you like, but I still think it's shallow. That can go way beyond fat people, really skinny people, ugly people, etc.

Have you ever taken the time to get to know someone and they even started looking better to you? I have. I dated this one guy that kept asking me out for about a year or so. I wasn't attracted to him @ all....I ended up getting to know him and he was a great guy. We weren't a good fit, but he had a great personality and I even started to think he looked better.

I was being shallow. I knew he was nice guy, just no facially attractive. I was afraid about what my friends and family would think.

I have changed a lot though. I have dated a lot of nice looking guys that were losers.

And about fat not being appealing. There are plenty of people that don't feel like that even though America wants us too. One of my bestfriends married a really attractive overweight guy. She likes fat guys. I have another friend the same way.