Well, 4 days down, 3 to go! My date is March 7th and I couldn't be happier. The only thing on my mind that is bothering me has nothing to do with the surgery...

So my friend and I have been trying to lose our extra weight for some years now after our children. I have been trying with no luck at all for nearly 7 years. She has been trying and has lost about half of what she needs to for about 2 1/2 years. The difference is I have done this before, with my first child I dropped the excess within the first 3-4 yrs. I was 20 years old for goodness sake. My kids are 8 1/2 yrs apart. I had my youngest at 28, nearly 10 years after the first. I'll turn 35 on March 6, the day before my surgery. Things are not the same this time. Everything I did the first time is NOT working. Trust me, I have ALL the willpower in the world and motivation. My weight is literally on my mind 24/7! This time I have Hypothyroidism, PCOS, Metabolic Syndrome & I'm Pre-Diabetic! She has NONE of these and I had none the first time.

About two years ago I had looked into LapBand, she was onboard, even emailed me pics of people she knew of before & afters. She once even told me she was doing this even if she had to gain extra weight! I didn't get LapBand, which now I know was a blessing, and neither did she. Since then she has lost quite a bit of her weight on her own.

The point I'm getting at is now since I have decided to do this, she keeps calling me a CHEATER. The first time she said it I couldn't believe it. But now she even has her daughter, which is my dd's best friend, calling me that too. I just feel irritated and like a failure before I even get started. This weekend while on my pre-op diet, she saw how tough it's going to be and I thought "Ok, maybe she's going to see how tough it is and stop?" No, now she's telling me this isn't worth it, that she likes food too much and am I sure I know what this entails. She also proceeds to tell me what yummy food they're eating out as she knows I'm sipping my broth! She's the ink one giving me this kind of grief, yet she's one of the people I'm closest to.

I guess I just needed to write this down to get it out of my head and maybe now I can let it go. Thank you to everyone for all the support on this forum. You guys/gals have helped me so much and I am very excited for all of our lives to be changed for the better!

I would sort of frame it this way" "I am very sorry that your and your daughter cannot support my decision to become more healthy and live a better life. It is disappointing that our friendship is not in a better place. I've made the decision that works best for me and will be moving on with my life once I have completed this step. I would appreciate your friendship and understanding' date=' but if that's not something that you can do, I will understand. You will always be my friend regardless." Then move on.[/quote']

WOW I totally agree with this post hit the nail right on the head

Comments like that are hurtful, and I'll never understand why people say things like that. But then again....sometimes say/think things that I probably shouldn't. I want some slack when I do, and I try to remind myself of that when others irritate me.

Have you asked her clarify why she is saying you are "cheating"? Maybe she doesn't really understand. As others have said, it's still up to us to do the work. I don't think I fully understood that until I was post op. I knew the surgery wasn't magic and I would have to work, but now I really get it

Sounds like you have been friends for a long time, and it might be worth a discussion with her .I like the way johnlatte summed it up. If she can't support you, then I would distance myself from her because you are going to need all positive support you can get! You are making the best decision for you, and deserve to surround yourself with people who really have your best interests at heart. No added stress needed. Good luck

1. She's jealous.

2. She's being a shitty "friend."

3. You need support and encouragement. If she's not on board' date=' cut that anchor loose.[/quote']

Ha!!!!! You summed that one up perfectly! Couldn't have said it better myself!

I fully believe in holding people accountable for their bad behavior. Call her on it. Directly. Tell her support or silence.

Amanda Rae

This^^^^^^^^

I am glad everyone thinks "this" is so easy! I still fight for my weightloss and if I f-up the scale reminds me. It is still a challenge after surgery and is not a cure for fatness. If not used correctly one can fail. I think it is horrible that her friend is being down right disrespectful.

I have to agree with you! If anything we (those who have had the surgery) have to deal with being under the microscope and work harder to lose/maintain than those without the surgery.

I believe that it's time to take a break from her. I would tell her that it hurts me when you call me a cheater and it makes me not want to be around you. You are not a cheater, this is a tool and you will definately have to work hard on this too. It doesn't really matter whether she's jealous, fearful, or angry, if she can't be supportive of your decision, then it's time to take a time out with your friendship. A friend will support you no matter what.... so set a boundary with her and tell her to stop be a b**** about this, and for pete's sake, stop role modeling this behavior for her daughter..... You don't need this.....

Comments like that are hurtful' date=' and I'll never understand why people say things like that. But then again....sometimes say/think things that I probably shouldn't. I want some slack when I do, and I try to remind myself of that when others irritate me.

Have you asked her clarify why she is saying you are "cheating"? Maybe she doesn't really understand. As others have said, it's still up to us to do the work. I don't think I fully understood that until I was post op. I knew the surgery wasn't magic and I would have to work, but now I really get it

Sounds like you have been friends for a long time, and it might be worth a discussion with her .I like the way johnlatte summed it up. If she can't support you, then I would distance myself from her because you are going to need all positive support you can get! You are making the best decision for you, and deserve to surround yourself with people who really have your best interests at heart. No added stress needed. Good luck [/quote']

Thank you all for your every wise words. I guess you just have to know the type of person she is, that's why I'm trying so hard not to let this bother me. She's hard to explain. She's the type of person everyone sees as being very sweet and having it together. But she talks about people right in front of them where the people don't realize she's talking about them. I know she does it to me, so even though we are "close" as far as we see each other a lot, I really don't let her in for those reasons right there. She is very witty and sometimes extremely rude but people just don't hear it. I do. I know what she's doing. So, I guess all of this should not bother me, but it does and I guess I'm going to have to pull away. She doesn't just act like this with this issue, it's kind of everything. She's the person that brings all the white elephants in the room to light. I can't be around someone that's trying to bring everyone down all the time. I really think it's to make herself feel better about her own insecurities. It just makes me sad...

I remember telling a relative about my surgery before I had it and the look of "what the heck are you doing" was so obvious and she was not the only one. That very instance you start second guessing yourself and all it took was me walking up the stairs at work and feeling worn out and it starts to remind me the number of reasons why I decided on this approach and put everything into perspective. Not everyone we encounter are going to be on board with us or understand, some may not at first but may as we educate them, and others will be supportive because they care if they understand it or not. I have to admit years ago I never thought I would be doing this but then I did not know about the sleeve. I am sorry for you that your friend has chosen to be so rude, and she truly needs a lesson in compassion. We are not all the same and we all use different tools to get to where we need to be. We chose the sleeve and she needs to get over it. Wish you luck with her, she needs educated.

Real friends are the ones who are going to be supportive of you when you undertake something like this. They'll be worried for you when you're in surgery, they'll be glad when you're up and about, and they'll cheer on your milestones, regardless of how much they themselves weigh or where they might be in their own weight loss journey. Nobody who has gone through this process would ever call it an easy decision or a cheat.

Her own insecurity is trying to drag you down with her. It's possible that she's not *trying* to sabotage, and that (unless you've brought this up with her) she's unaware of the damage what she's doing is inflicting. It's possible she's that clueless. I'm a skeptic and would say "nah" but you never know. I'm a pretty up front person and so I'd tell her either get on board or get out. You're doing what's best for you, no reason to drag a naysayer along on the journey.

Thank you all for your every wise words. I guess you just have to know the type of person she is, that's why I'm trying so hard not to let this bother me. She's hard to explain. She's the type of person everyone sees as being very sweet and having it together. But she talks about people right in front of them where the people don't realize she's talking about them. I know she does it to me, so even though we are "close" as far as we see each other a lot, I really don't let her in for those reasons right there. She is very witty and sometimes extremely rude but people just don't hear it. I do. I know what she's doing. So, I guess all of this should not bother me, but it does and I guess I'm going to have to pull away. She doesn't just act like this with this issue, it's kind of everything. She's the person that brings all the white elephants in the room to light. I can't be around someone that's trying to bring everyone down all the time. I really think it's to make herself feel better about her own insecurities. It just makes me sad...

Wow - given this I don't think you will be missing much by distancing yourself. It is unfortunate that you have daughters who are friends - but if the daughter is anything like the mother not a bad idea to distance them too. Otherwise, onward and upward, there are no "rules" that say just because you have put up with her antics in the past you are required to continue.

You are not a cheater....maybe you need to stay away from her for a while you need to have people on you side she is very jealous

person ...The sleeve is a tool there is still a lot a lot of work to be done by you and only you this is for you and your health..I am a yo yo dieter also.

that is so hard on your heart so keep people like her out of your life you will need all the support and support group around you.Good luck to your new life!!

Thank you all for your every wise words. I guess you just have to know the type of person she is, that's why I'm trying so hard not to let this bother me. She's hard to explain. She's the type of person everyone sees as being very sweet and having it together. But she talks about people right in front of them where the people don't realize she's talking about them. I know she does it to me, so even though we are "close" as far as we see each other a lot, I really don't let her in for those reasons right there. She is very witty and sometimes extremely rude but people just don't hear it. I do. I know what she's doing. So, I guess all of this should not bother me, but it does and I guess I'm going to have to pull away. She doesn't just act like this with this issue, it's kind of everything. She's the person that brings all the white elephants in the room to light. I can't be around someone that's trying to bring everyone down all the time. I really think it's to make herself feel better about her own insecurities. It just makes me sad...

With all that said, she can ot feel good about herself unless she's putting everyone down at their expense. This truly is not a friend, she's very toxic and it will only get worst as you get thinner.....Take care of you and let this toxic person go.........she will only sabotage your efforts and could possibly hurt your kids by her toxic behaviors....... Keep rockin forward and can't wait for you to join us on the big loser's bench........!

Well, she really doesn't know anything about the surgery if she thinks this is cheating. Nor does she understand the body and mechanics of it. She is jealous of the step you are taking. People will get jealous of you and relationships will change, even ones you think won't. My husband got jealous of all the attention I was getting and ended up having the surgery, just for the attention. He knows now how rough it was for me and feels bad that was was his driving motivation (to get back attention). Some of my friends act like they can't eat around me. I still am human and have to eat, but they limit themselves because they don't want to look like the "piggy" in the group by eating more than I do. It was okay for me to be the fat one out of us, but not okay with the tables turned. I don't take it personally anymore. If that is how she's going to act, you need to tell her that you need support through this and if she can't support you then she needs to reevaluate herself and her own issues before you allow her to degrade your decision for a better and healthier life. This is for you, your family, your health, your happiness, etc... You can't let her make you feel bad for that. Best wishes!!

Thank you, I keep thinking jealousy is possibly the thing here too, but why? She's done most of hers on her own. She's seen me struggle FOR 7 YEARS! What's there to be jealous of? Sheesh, I just don't get it!

why you ask... she is afraid that you will succeed and surpass her on this weight loss journey.. as long as you keep struggling and supporting her while she is loosing, she will be happy but the relationship will change and she knows it .. you will surpass her and that is what she is afraid of. Just a thought .. just saying.

Thank you' date=' I keep thinking jealousy is possibly the thing here too, but why? She's done most of hers on her own. She's seen me struggle FOR 7 YEARS! What's there to be jealous of? Sheesh, I just don't get it!

why you ask... she is afraid that you will succeed and surpass her on this weight loss journey.. as long as you keep struggling and supporting her while she is loosing, she will be happy but the relationship will change and she knows it .. you will surpass her and that is what she is afraid of. Just a thought .. just saying.[/quote']

I think you're completely correct...as soon as I told her she said "Crap I guess I have to break out the treadmill again or you'll be skinnier than me faster since you're doing it the faster & easier way". I just laughed and said "Honey you've never been close to my weight and you never will be. I promise you surgery and being fat for 7 years compared to 2 1/2 is nowhere close to being "faster & easier"' It's weird because one day she says she so worried I'm having surgery and then the next it's things like this. Whatever, I don't have time for this. My husband has never really liked her, but her kid is like a daughter to us. I just told him this morning about what she's been saying. He wasn't shocked at all and said "That's exactly why I can't stand her. She's rude and jealous and we are only supposed to Celebrate how beautiful and talented her daughter is and how wonderful she is, but honey, never ever does she congratulate us. She's not a friend." I need to listen to his wise words more often ????