I am going to a business dinner and want to eat some fish at the dinner.. what fish is light and tasty , I would like to eat a healthy portion.. I don't feel like explaining my self to strangers on why I eat so little. any ideas?

eeek I worry about this logic. I understand why you are asking but honestly, you might just consider soup because think about this - if you do this, order some fish with the mindset that you are trying to eat a larger portion than normal, and you get sick and end up in the bathroom for an extended period of time that will be SO MUCH WORSE.

I agree! I really can't get my head around why all the shenangan's some go through, hiding what you eat, the concocted stories about what surgery you had. Any time you have to put that much effort into something to benefit others it is in my opinion unnecessary stress. Oh, Snapper is a very tasty fish.

Not to be confrontational but let me maybe share with you why I relate to people who don't want to tell people about their surgery.

A few years ago I had a lapband, I told everyone, because I had that same mentality that you seem to have, might as well be honest right? Everyone knew. Well, I started having extremely serious problems with the band and eventually gained all the weight back. EVERYONE KNEW. It was embarrassing and I learned a lot from it, but everyone watched me cut myself open, do all that to myself, suffer so much, only to have a very obvious failure. This time around I am NOT doing that to myself again.

I am a little more stealthy than some, and I dont need to come online usually to ask strangers how to help me hide things because I can manage on my own just fine, but I understand them. If you had experienced public humiliation like that you might understand a little better why some people just will not share this information with people who are not our close confidants.

There's also something to be said for not over-sharing Over-sharing is so common these days with the facebook mentality that everyone has. Wanting a little privacy is OK, and I think its a healthy thing to maintain some privacy.

I am a little more stealthy than some, and I dont need to come online usually to ask strangers how to help me hide things because I can manage on my own just fine, but I understand them. If you had experienced public humiliation like that you might understand a little better why some people just will not share this information with people who are not our close confidants.

There's also something to be said for not over-sharing Over-sharing is so common these days with the facebook mentality that everyone has. Wanting a little privacy is OK, and I think its a healthy thing to maintain some privacy.

I'm not one to over-share, and like you I believe privacy is very important. On the other hand, I also feel that lying and concocting fabricated stories takes too much energy. I don't believe in lying. I won't/don't let others opinions of me and my life choices bother me, but then again I'm not the type that will cower and allow others to humiliate me either. I get it that others may not have to strength or courage to stand up for themselves, not me. I guess I'm just a confident person and refuse to be anything else. Oh, and no worries I didn't take your post as confrontational.

Nobody can make you feel inferior without your consent - Eleanor Roosevelt

If it's really a concern,you could always say you ate a little while earlier and not really all that hungry

The type of fish isn't going to affect the portion size. You're not going to be able to eat more of one kind of fish than another.

Actually Stef, for just this once I have to disagree with you. I find denser fish (halibut in particular) much harder to eat than salmon or rock fish or even cod. Then if you go with cheeks, gad that's like eating scallops and I might get one down. For halibut I tend to have about an ounce to an ounce and a half, but for salmon I can eat three if it's moist (cooked correctly).

I'm not one to over-share' date=' and like you I believe privacy is very important. On the other hand, I also feel that lying and concocting fabricated stories takes too much energy. I don't believe in lying. I won't/don't let others opinions of me and my life choices bother me, but then again I'm not the type that will cower and allow others to humiliate me either. I get it that others may not have to strength or courage to stand up for themselves, not me. I guess I'm just a confident person and refuse to be anything else. Oh, and no worries I didn't take your post as confrontational.

Nobody can make you feel inferior without your consent - Eleanor Roosevelt[/quote']

Not telling people private health information does not equal lying. It aldo doesnt mean that you are somehow more confident and comfortable with yourself than I am so lets not draw these false equivalents.

Not telling people private health information does not equal lying. It aldo doesnt mean that you are somehow more confident and comfortable with yourself than I am so lets not draw these false equivalents.

Urgh, can you tell me where in my post did I state that I am more confident and comfortable than you? My statement " I guess I'm just a confident person and refuse to be anything else." is a general statement about ME and my views, not directed to you. I'm sorry if you felt that it was an attack against you it was not, I was simply stating my opinion. Sigh........

My dear Gemini,

It was definitely implied in your statement.

But I'm sure nurse Grace can handle herself on this one.

Another thing the op asked about fish. Not what you thought of her philosophy on the matter of telling strangers or not.

Some tell everyone.. some don't .

I personally reserve the right to change my mind everyday as to tell someone or not.

It has nothing to do with ones love and confidence in ones self.

My dear Gemini,

It was definitely implied in your statement.

But I'm sure nurse Grace can handle herself on this one.

Another thing the op asked about fish. Not what you thought of her philosophy on the matter of telling strangers or not.

Some tell everyone.. some don't .

I personally reserve the right to change my mind everyday as to tell someone or not.

It has nothing to do with ones love and confidence in ones self.

As I stated initially " Any time you have to put that much effort into something to benefit others it is in my opinion unnecessary stress." and I stand by that statement. AGAIN, My statement " I guess I'm just a confident person and refuse to be anything else." is a general statement about ME and my views. I can state my views, just like yous stated yours. It's not personal, and if either of you think that....so be it. Enough said, I have nothing further to add to this topic.

Urgh, can you tell me where in my post did I state that I am more confident and comfortable than you? My statement " I guess I'm just a confident person and refuse to be anything else." is a general statement about ME and my views, not directed to you. I'm sorry if you felt that it was an attack against you it was not, I was simply stating my opinion. Sigh........

Maybe you dont feel that way, and I'm not here to have some kind of beef but as laura said, the way that was written it was implied so heavily its hard not to take it as meaning that, and its constantly stated in more plain terms all over this site that those of us who don't share with anyone and everyone are somehow less confident, lying, etc.

The fact is that me, having gone though weight loss surgery once before and experienced what it can be like long term (even before I started failing) have experienced all kinds of things that would make me not want to really share.

You may grow to regret the day you told everyone in your life (If you did, that is a general statement I know) and I can't help but be more careful now, knowing what I know.

On a positive note.. I like your new profile picture

Gemini.

As do I

There's also something to be said for not over-sharing Over-sharing is so common these days with the facebook mentality that everyone has. Wanting a little privacy is OK, and I think its a healthy thing to maintain some privacy.

Ditto that. Its noone's business what you are eating or if you had surgery. It is a total irrelevant overshare IMO.

Also, people do watch what others eat, particularly women. I know men might not have experienced it, but there are social expectations and sanctions on women's eating that are often very, very subtle. Just like a man can be overweight by 50lbs before he statistically sees loss in pay--for women, its much lower.

Women are more likely to have faced stigma while eating hence the desire to appear as normal as possible. Besides who likes there eating habits to become the center of the convo?

Devils advocate...or is that gemini's advocate I think what she was saying is that it becomes challenging to make excuses verses just saying whatever it is you need to say. I personally wasn't going to tell anyone that I was having surgery but as the dates got closer I was finding that in order to keep it a secret I was going to need to lie to my friends more and more as I couldn't do some of the things I normally would have with them (ie dinners etc). I did the "we're busy" a couple of times, but it was going to turn out looking like we just didn't like people or we were going to need to lie like a sheet, which I didn't feel comfortable with.

That said, at a meal you can say you're just not that hungry, etc (which is true) when it's a situation you don't want to share in. But I was recently in a situation like that and I still found that saying "I literally can't eat that because of a recent surgery" was much easier than mousing around the subject as food was passed. In this case they were all recent acquaintances and likely are people I'll never see again (aside from a couple) but I still found it easier to say what was up verses fibbing my way around the subject. When it's multiple meals with the same people you can't really get away with the "not hungry" thing more than once or twice.

I'm looking forward to the day when I'm able to eat a reasonable amount (ie a cup) so I can eat a bit more normally in social settings. At my work everyone knows I had the surgery, so it's not an issue, but I'm also the boss so that helps I totally get someone not wanting to share too much in those circumstances. It's a hard road early out and both ways have their merits. I'd just say that sticking to phrases that aren't lies is going to be easier than saying "I've got the flu" or something similar.

But one thing I wouldn't do...is worry about portion sizes (ie the fish issue). I would stick to whatever I am able to normally eat and not push it because to do so might end up with you barfing up your pretty fish which would be a lot worse than just eating a bit less! I personally find that the way something is cooked makes a huge difference in how much I can eat. Overdone salmon...I can eat a bite and know it's not going to sit well, but cooked perfectly...I can eat a decent amount. So to plan to eat a certain amount would be difficult for me unless I really knew the restaurant.

I would request a piece of sole