...If you are/were anything like me?

I spent 7-8 years hiding from the world. I stopped seeing old friends because I was ashamed of what I had done to myself. Eventually they would give up on me because I was so flaky. I stayed in my home for the most part, even worked from home, and made excuses not to go out and do thIngs or be social, but the real reason was always my weight. I was 250 lbs, 5ft 3 in, and size 24.

I guess I just feel like I wasted such a big part of my life, my twenties. I wasted this huge chunk of time where I could have been cute and pretty and happy, and instead chose to be reclusive and dependent on food as my comfort and entertainment. I was even diagnosed with agoraphobia. I am by no means done losing weight, but I am 192 and a size 16, and it's a big difference. I am STARTING to feel and look like my old self again. I have been growing the confidence to go and do things again. However, I am just at a loss as what to do. I'm 31, I have a boyfriend and a son. When I was younger in high school/college I was involved in a lot of things. I used to sing and dance and play clarinet and do colorguard, and etc. I stopped everything, including college itself, when I got over 200 lbs and my self esteem plummeted into a dark abyss. Then, like I said, I let 8 years go by. Time really flies by when your life is uneventful. I did force myself to go through cosmetology school last year, because I always thought it would be fun to do hair for a living. It was a blast being the old fat girl in a sea of beautiful thin 19 year olds. I just don't know what kinds of fun or social things adults can get involved in that don't include the bar/club scene. I want to experience life as a thin person. I want to stop living in the past and sulking over the happy memories that are drifting further and further away. I wish I could go back in time and get a do-over. Since I can't, I want to create new happy memories. I do have my kid, yes, and I am involved in his life, but everyone still needs to do things for themselves.

So what are some things that you are doing/ want to do now or when you lose the weight? Simple pleasures, bigger things, changes, dreams, or etc? Does/Has anyone else felt the same way or am I just weird? All I have thought about over all this time being fat was that I WISH I was skinny...I WISH I was normal, sexy, etc. i'd DREAM about getting wl surgery and plastic surgery to fix everything that is so terribly wrong and disgusting about me. I hate being invisible. Ironically the fatter you are, the more invisible you are made to feel.

I don't know. I'm just rambling I guess. Thoughts?

I find myself asking the same questions sometimes. Only unlike you prior to surgery I didn't have a bf or kids. I still have no kids, but I have met and gotten engaged to the most wonderful man, so he fills a lot of my time now.

I also go to school part time (although with taking 3 classes it might as well be full time it feels). I still haven't figured out a major exactly, but it's either going to be something with english or nutrition.

Find time to do something for yourself. Do something small maybe like get a pedicure every two weeks or go for a walk.. Take pictures of the beautiful fall scenery. Do something for YOU!

And congratulations on all you have accomplished!

I felt the same way you did, I went from 160 in high school (I'm 5'11") to 334.4 lbs on the day of my surgery 4 months ago, you basically stop living when you get that large. I have already dropped 82lbs and I am doing things that I haven't been able to do in years, I almost cry when I'm sitting in church and I can cross my legs, thinner people just think everyone can do that, but that's far from correct! And when I cross my arms I look around to see if anyone else notices that I'm excited! And my relationship with my husband of 32 years has only got better (it has always been good, he's the love of my life that I married when I was 16) but intimacy is so much better now, he's like a kid with a new toy! I am so glad that he's happy with my changing body (I still have 77 lbs till I get to goal) but most of all I am happy with my body! Thank You to whoever it was that figured this whole sleeve thing out!

WOW.. congrats on your weight loss girls... and Danielle congrats on your engagement.

I wasted a huge portion of my adult life being and battling being overweight. I was even so ashamed that I stopped visiting family and have lost contact with many of them. Of course it doesn't help when they say something stupid like..." boy you are gaining weight" or "you sure are getting fat" etc... like I don't already know that!

Anyway, I get sleeved in 3 more days so hopefully things will get better.

As far as things to do... I teach scuba, another thing I have cut back on because of weight issues, but I still love to scuba dive. We have a scuba club here in Dallas/Fort Worth, TX that includes several women that have been sleeved or are using HCG to lose a lot of weight. It is nice to see I am not alone in the scuba world. So maybe even try scuba if you enjoy the Water.

There are so many things you will learn to enjoy... I love going on Disney trips with my grand kids and even without them. Disney has so much to be involved in while on the cruise. You could make that a fun reward for yourself after such a weight loss.

What are things you think you would like to do? Any dreams?

Missmachine - you are most certainly not alone in these thoughts & concerns. I am 42 & spend the better part of the last 10 or more years hiding from friends & sometimes family. I can't believe I've wasted so much of my life. I'm glad to see you have a 10 year head start than me! Anyway, I'm not sleeved yet & really don't know how I'm going to get back into the excitement of life, but I plan to start with a website called www.meetup.com It has groups of people with infinite amounts of common interests. I just started browsing through all the groups that are in or around my city & was amazed at the possibilities. I think it might get those creative juices flowing for you & you'll start thinking of things you'd like to do. Then, as you broaden your circle of acquaintances & friends, you'll naturally fall into doing new things you might not have thought of on your own.

I started bowling on a mixed league. And Omigosh, I am terrible! Haha but I didn't give up & ppl started to know who I was. I went from "that chick with the 37 avg" to having made a ton of friends, probably bc of my never-say-die attitude abt my crappy avg! Lol

I also just made a list of things I wanted to try. I started painting again, & joined a local art group to do public shows. I started singing again & put some focus on my music, & now I have a whole other side of life to express myself through.

I lamented, too. & mourned. For so long. The best advice I can give is to stop doing that, and start living!!

347*294/285/135 (*347HW/294SSW)

I never really socially isolated myself, but I'm finding out now that I was, for all intents and purposes, invisible before. Invisible to men, invisible to the job market (self-employed), and invisible to my kids, all because I was so fat that I let myself not count for much. I'm really seeing the difference now, even though I've still got 50 pounds to goal.

Dealing with the changes is very tough. I'm more self-confident, which means that I won't allow people to treat me badly or ignore my needs. I'm finding that as I express myself more, though, people respond more to me. I've expanded my business into new areas and started culling relationships that don't serve me at this point in my life.

As for what to do now? What did you like to do before? What did you wish you could do that you couldn't or wouldn't do before? Make a list and then do them. If it involves changing or expanding parts of your life, so be it. This is a mental journey every bit as much as a physical journey. Even if you have to start your list from the negative, i.e. I don't want to xyz, you've at least made a start. Once you're started, you can turn those negatives into positives, i.e. I want to xyz plus abc.

Good luck to us all. Our futures are so bright, we need to wear shades.

Thanks everyone. I'm really feeling embarrassed now for posting all of that, though. It's incredibly revealing and soul bearing. I appreciate the words of encouragement, though.

Thanks everyone. I'm really feeling embarrassed now for posting all of that' date=' though. It's incredibly revealing and soul bearing. I appreciate the words of encouragement, though.[/quote']

Don't at all. I'm sure a LOT of people on here that have been obese/overweight their whole life feel the same. At least I know I do! I want to get sleeved so bad so that I can still enjoy my twenties--I'm 24 with a 2 yr old and married. I never socialize anymore and don't even want to go to work... I missed so many friends I could have had bc of not wanting to do anything bc of my weight. I've been living in a new city for 5 yrs and don't have really even 1 friend. I wouldn't even know where to start since I'm done with college---try work? Happy hours to get to know people or a Saturday hike? Meetup.com is great.

I hope to be on the other side next year enjoying my life bc I feel confident and can fit anywhere and have appropriate clothes for different occasions!

All great ideas given here! I just wanted to add, if you live in a metropolitan area check out continuing ed classes at a local community college. It's a great way to try out something new AND meet new people!

And don't feel the least bit ashamed about bearing your soul here... That's what the board is for! So we can learn and grow together!

Congrats on the loss.

I cant wait.

for me its pure motivation and i have a list that grows.

Looking forward to doing some mma, riding a horse, going to a football/baseball game (fitting in the small seats), getting a motorcycle(big goal), hunting (walking long distance without getting tired easy), running( mud run/ jail break run with fam), back to playing paintball, scuba dive the list goes on and on. Those are thing i enjoyed or want to try. I have always been the big guy and flaked out do to my size. My defense was to make a joke about the situation.