I'm not sure if this is wrong but I've been with my boyfriend for almost 5 years and he knows I've been looking into surgery but he doesn't know that I'm currently doing all the pre op exams for surgery. To be honest m sure he'll support me 100% but I've been thinking of telling him the day before the surgery or maybe not telling him at all. We dont live together. Anyone pre or post op facing or faced a similar situation. Please give me your opinion. Thanks!

How would you feel if something this important and life-changing was kept from you until the day it happened?

I don't see how you could hide it from him. How will you explain going from being able to eat a lot and then getting full eating like a bird?

I am not sure why you wouldn't tell them. Are you afraid that he will leave you? Are you ashamed of getting the surgery? Are you afraid that he will try to talk you our of it or sabotage your journey? I can't imagine being in a long term relationship and not discussing this with my sig other. But then I lie about shoes I buy so who knows.

I think it's not a real relationship if you are thinking as you are. If I were him I'd leave you because you sprung it on him that way.

Yes. I just put myself in his shoes. I definitely agree with you.

How would you feel if something this important and life-changing was kept from you until the day it happened?

I think what bothers me is the fact that i am not close with his family. He tells them EVERYTHING and i am a little afraid that they will judge me about choosing surgery. (its okay to lie about shoes! As long as you lookk good in them) lol

I am not sure why you wouldn't tell them. Are you afraid that he will leave you? Are you ashamed of getting the surgery? Are you afraid that he will try to talk you our of it or sabotage your journey? I can't imagine being in a long term relationship and not discussing this with my sig other. But then I lie about shoes I buy so who knows.

Yes i can see this being extremely awkward and impossible to hide.

I don't see how you could hide it from him. How will you explain going from being able to eat a lot and then getting full eating like a bird?

This is a major surgery. What if you were having another procedure done that required a 2-3 day hospital stay and a removal of part of an organ? would you tell him then? Please don't judge yourself for having this done and please don't let your partner make you feel bad about yourself for doing something that is right for you. I can tell you from expereince it is better to be alone than in a relationship with someone who is not supportive and does not put you first. Lots of overweight people would love to have this surgery to help them but can not due to insurance and money if you so blessed to be having this surgery be happy and proud and I hope once you have lost the weight you will feel so great about yourself you will only surround yourself with those who support you!

So what. People's judgements can rule your life or you can. Who do you prefer rules your life.

I guess I haven't been thinking realistically. Especially since i've been slacking on pre-op exams and stuff. I know I will tell him. and I thank all you guys for making me realize how stupid it would be and selfish to keep it to myself. My question should have really been HOW do you tell your significant other about your decision. I basically asked him if he would be comfortable with me doing the surgery.

I've heard a lot of stories of relationships going south after surgery... That kinda scares me a bit.

Well, then maybe say something like this. "I have something to tell you, but I really, really don't want you to mention this to your family." And then tell him. If he asks why tell him you are afraid they will judge you - just like you told us.

I was in the same situation as you. I told my boyfriend while I was completing the insurance requirements, and he became so difficult about the surgery, that I felt I couldn't deal with it anymore. We broke up a few weeks before the surgery. Because we don't live together, I was able to focus on the journey without having to worry about what he was feeling. This was about me getting healthy, not about his insecurities. We started dating again, but it hasn't been easy.

If they go south after the surgery they were already pointed in that direction Hun. Sometimes relationships change, for many reasons, but if weightless kills it, it just wasn't one to begin with

I'd only tell him if he could keep his mouth shut to his family. If he can't I'd suggest you move on anyway.

Thank you. Your words are very inspirational! I am lucky to not have to do this out of pocket and I'm glad my family supports me. Thanks!

This is a major surgery. What if you were having another procedure done that required a 2-3 day hospital stay and a removal of part of an organ? would you tell him then? Please don't judge yourself for having this done and please don't let your partner make you feel bad about yourself for doing something that is right for you. I can tell you from expereince it is better to be alone than in a relationship with someone who is not supportive and does not put you first. Lots of overweight people would love to have this surgery to help them but can not due to insurance and money if you so blessed to be having this surgery be happy and proud and I hope once you have lost the weight you will feel so great about yourself you will only surround yourself with those who support you!