What Are Friends For...no Support

[evonnrae 39]

Soooo....I have a good friend who has been my weight loss buddy for the last 4 years. We have some of the same struggles except she is 165 lbs and has only 10lbs to lose. Meanwhile I'm 300+ lbs and need to lose a good 100 +. O work out try and eat right and she doesn't. I thought by sharing my decision to get sleeved would bring the same amount of support....well not so much.

At first my friend was happy and encouraging. I guess She has now taken sometime to think abt it and decided to call me to tell me my decision is a bit extreme and risky. She suggested to eat right and workout hard since I had done it before. What she failed to remember is that I was also on phentermine and now have gained 30 of the 80 lbs I lost. She then went on to say my skin is going to sag , I'm going to lose too much weight, and I basically have mastered being sexy for my size so I need not focus so much on the # and to lose 50 lbs. I'm kinda pissed by all of this. This is one of the reasons I allowed my self to become so overweight because people have made it acceptable for me to be comfortable in my "bIg sexy " skin.

So I just wanted to see if anyone has experienced this from friends and family and how you dealt with it. It was a bit discouraging yet I thanked her for her opinion, told her I was still going thru with it and disconnected the call.

[iggychic 1,405]

Honey, I had the same conversations with my dear friends. They love me as I am, I'm beautiful, something could happen....all of this was said with immense love and in the end after an hour long lecture on the beach over a bottle of champs, they agreed to set aside their fears and be there for me however I need them.

But you know what? I was wrong. All the impossible happened and I nearly died. They were right. Now this is when you know you have a true friend. They have taken my boy sailing, horseback riding, crabbing, etc. one is hosting a charity dinner for me because I will still be in bed sept 15. They're doing they can to help me.

They had to assimilate the process. It is extreme, they're right. Give her a little time. If she is a true friend her worry will turn back into support, but she is fair to worry.

[dpeeler28 24]

family and friends can be a real let down sometimes! my cousin(who is like my sister and i love to death) was extrememly supportive wheni told her i was getting the surgery. but while having a convo with her mom, she was telling me how depressed my cousin was. all my cousin kept saying was that she was going to "be the fat one in the family now". that hurt! all these years, i have been the heaviest set cousin, but to hear that it depresses her to that extreme that i'm going to be thin......COME ON!!

BUT, everyone has their insecurities, and even the people who we think are our "rock" will sometimes crumble when things change. my cousin was always comfortable going out, shopping and rockin the "big girl curves" with me, and after thinking about it, i think she is scared to face that fact that she needs to change something or she truly will be the "fat one of the family"! (i really didn't mind having that title, until i wasn't the only one calling myself that lol!)

give your friend a while to adjust to thought, and then if she still can't be supportive.....well then i'd say" don't let the door hit ya where the good Lord split ya"!!! just know, you are not the only one who's friends/family just can't/won't or just don't know quite how to get behind you on this one!!

[pinkiguana 12]

I withheld telling anyone until like one week before I went to get the surgery. I also had a hiatal hernia that was getting fixed so I just basically told everyone that I was going for that. As expected, I heard from my fat friends, "Well, I am going to do it the hard way and not skip out on the easy route" (P.S. they are still fat.) People LOVE you to be miserable because they can feel better in your presence. Your friend is threatened by your imminent success.

Side note, I went in at 287 on April 24th, am now 225 so the weight does not just fall off and the skin doe snot sag if you work out. (I do like 40 minutes a day).

[VerticalMorey 31]

Soooo....I have a good friend who has been my weight loss buddy for the last 4 years. We have some of the same struggles except she is 165 lbs and has only 10lbs to lose. Meanwhile I'm 300+ lbs and need to lose a good 100 +. O work out try and eat right and she doesn't. I thought by sharing my decision to get sleeved would bring the same amount of support....well not so much.

At first my friend was happy and encouraging. I guess She has now taken sometime to think abt it and decided to call me to tell me my decision is a bit extreme and risky. She suggested to eat right and workout hard since I had done it before. What she failed to remember is that I was also on phentermine and now have gained 30 of the 80 lbs I lost. She then went on to say my skin is going to sag ' date=' I'm going to lose too much weight, and I basically have mastered being sexy for my size so I need not focus so much on the # and to lose 50 lbs. I'm kinda pissed by all of this. This is one of the reasons I allowed my self to become so overweight because people have made it acceptable for me to be comfortable in my "bIg sexy " skin.

So I just wanted to see if anyone has experienced this from friends and family and how you dealt with it. It was a bit discouraging yet I thanked her for her opinion, told her I was still going thru with it and disconnected the call.[/quote']

Your friends love you and are concerned like you mentioned she is half your size so it is natural for her to not understand and they know and love you how you are. Most of my friends were very supportive it was the man I had to struggle with but he loves me and was the pre-op on operation day and is still here and ill be 3 weeks post op mon. Make your decision give it to god and keep moving

[pinkiguana 12]

Your friends love you and are concerned like you mentioned she is half your size so it is natural for her to not understand and they know and love you how you are. Most of my friends were very supportive it was the man I had to struggle with but he loves me and was the pre-op on operation day and is still here and ill be 3 weeks post op mon. Make your decision give it to god and keep moving

Most of this answer is about you and how great you have it. This woman was reaching out for help not your brag bag.

[COnative 192]

I don't know what to say because all but one friend was super excited for me. The other just wishes she could do it with me. I would be devastated if one of my friends reacted the way yours did. I personally think you deserve better and hope you move on if she doesn't turn herself around. My friend and I sound the same- we've worked out years together but now I've decided to so something more for my self because exercise and diet aren't working anymore. I wish you all the best. So should your friend.

[VerticalMorey 31]

Most of this answer is about you and how great you have it. This woman was reaching out for help not your brag bag.

Maybe you should Reread what I said and if no one was there for you or you don't feel you could tell anyone I see why your a total b***h I wouldn't support you If you were going to save the planet. Nastiness gets you know where!

[pinkiguana 12]

know where?? Do you mean*no where? I hope your man supports you in a phonics class. So much for go with God. I knew you were a fraud. Just like calling them out. Later hater.

[iggychic 1,405]

know where?? Do you mean*no where? I hope your man supports you in a phonics class. So much for go with God. I knew you were a fraud. Just like calling them out. Later hater.

What is wrong with you?

[VerticalMorey 31]

To continue I had people say no you shouldn't your fine, but they were also half my size and didn't understand my struggle I started at 321 on the day of my surgery I was 297 and now I'm at280 I was sleeved 8/13/12 keep your head up and surround yourself with positive supporters which will make it a lot easier on you

[VerticalMorey 31]

What is wrong with you?

It's ok she is just another one of those negative people on here... I'm on my iPhone so excuse the typos didn't know this was a grammar correcting forum

[dar1983 750]

Some people love having someone fatter than them in their life...makes them look good. Your "friend" sounds jealous and petty. Lose her.

[VerticalMorey 31]

know where?? Do you mean*no where? I hope your man supports you in a phonics class. So much for go with God. I knew you were a fraud. Just like calling them out. Later hater.

You sound like the hater I have no reason to hate I have a fan base and supports sounds to me you're the hater. You're the misery that loves company! Ha are than any typos? Such a loser negativity doesn't bring me down only makes me better

[evonnrae 39]

Honey' date=' I had the same conversations with my dear friends. They love me as I am, I'm beautiful, something could happen....all of this was said with immense love and in the end after an hour long lecture on the beach over a bottle of champs, they agreed to set aside their fears and be there for me however I need them.

But you know what? I was wrong. All the impossible happened and I nearly died. They were right. Now this is when you know you have a true friend. They have taken my boy sailing, horseback riding, crabbing, etc. one is hosting a charity dinner for me because I will still be in bed sept 15. They're doing they can to help me.

They had to assimilate the process. It is extreme, they're right. Give her a little time. If she is a true friend her worry will turn back into support, but she is fair to worry.[/quote']

Iggychic....thank you for sharing. I'm sorry things didnt go so well. If you don't mind me asking what happened? I hope things are getting better.