evonnrae

Again here I sit after having the same insane conversation with myself that I've had a BILLION!!! times, it makes me feel so CRAZY and disfunctional to have this same exact internal conversation, as to should I have this or shouldn't I have this wls. I must admit I was like...yup it's time seriously..it's time to have it done, I had abandoned all fear and thought to myself..self you can do this you NEED to do this your so young, blah blah blah. Then I read a post that for the life of me I CANT ESCAPE!!!! I don't know how to do all that cool stuff where you attach the thread sorry:( but anyhow the woman is pretty much in hell trying to recover from her surgery and has been an unfortunate 1%'er. So I have slowly slipped back into the I can just work out and eat better..ha who am I kidding? I know I want this sooo bad and need this soo bad but I just can not rationalize putting myself and my family through this. It's only the 3 of us my hubby and awesome 11 y/o daughter who has finally accepted that things will be good for me if I do this. I'm realizng that my own loss of my Mother has me paralyzed with fear that I could leave my daughter Motherless or caring for a mother way to early in her young life. For the most part I'm very hea;thy other than the weight thing;) and I know many of you will comment that I could get hit by a car and die that way, or that I could die from a comorbidty related diease. Urrghh I'm so tired of being so tired and pretty much don't want to give up but really who am I kidding. I'm ready to do this but soooooo terribly scared what "doing this" could mean for my family and me if things don't go as planned. Anyone out there that can shed some light or expereince I would appreciate. I have been off the baords for a week or so becuase i'm just so confused? thx