I Have Fallen Off The Wagon. I Need Help.

[Julie76 251]

Hi everyone. I hate to be posting this but I really need some help getting motivated again. What I don't need is hateful remarks from anyone. I don't mean to be rude but a lot of people on here have been very negitive and that's why I have strayed from this website in the past.

My problem... I have become a grazer. I eat close to 1300 calories a day at last count and I only started counting because I felt the weight coming on and started weighing myself again. I have gained 10lbs from my lowest. This has all happened in the last month.

I have been under a lot of stress which has contributed to the problem but I thought I was past the emotional eating crap. Part of the stress is some negitive stuff from my boyfriend... part is bills that have increased since my boyfriend... well, lets just face it... the stress is my boyfriend. He quit a job making good money just to come home and be with me because he thought I would cheat on him. His salary was cut by $30,000 easy. Crazy huh? Yeah.... Stressed? Maybe a little!

Now the question is... How do I get around this? Get rid of him? IDK! He really is a great guy.

It seems I put food in my mouth just so I won't say what's on my mind.

Has anyone been herein this situation before? What did you do? How did you cope?

Thanks for reading.

[Wildflower 35]

I have been there for many years, I think that is why I ended up needing the sleeve to start with its way to easy to say leave him, so i won't bother, I am still with mine too. I am only a month out post -op too but i do know I could eat ALOt more than I do and I still find myself wanting to comfort with food.. but I did change the law in my home and kitchen and I don't ever plan on breaking it. Buy yourself healthy snacking options .. you know your gonna graze and snack so do NOT buy the things you used to use like lays and ice cream or brownies or what ever. I have several bags of bean chips.. high Protein chips , they are pretty yummy.. I am basicly living on cottage cheese. I feel for you hunny and all I can say is if it isnt there you cant eat it.. and prepare for those moments while your shopping maybe?

much love sister good luck

[chitowngirl 884]

Ughhhh.... Relationships can be so stressful. First as women I know we can tend to bare the brunt or responsibility and stress, without even being told. So I'd say don't automatically assume any additional stresses. Because your bf took a big paycut don't pick up any additional financial responsibilities. Trust me I've done this with my husband and it just gets worse. This is one reason me my husband have separate finances. I can easily graze all day if I allow myself. Maybe you can up your exercise to supplement your extra calorie intake? Or find some other activity to occupy your mind. However I feel the best option for you is to be honest let your bf know that his insecurities are really stressing you out and potentially ruining the relationship. This is something you should be very vocal about, don't do it durning a heated (argument) moment. I've noticed that a lot of time I expected my husband to know how i felt or why I was mad, this is unfair on my part. So I now am very detailed with my husband I tell him what bothers me, why it bothers me, and what I think can be done to aliviate my frustrations. Best of luck to you!!!

[4ALongerLife 329]

How long have you been grazing? Is it just since he's gotten home? Or did you start if/when things changed in your relationship?

I am a grazer, especially whenever I am stressed. It's really easy to let it go and get out of hand so kudos to you for coming back when you feel like it's "out of control" at only 10 lbs.

To me, it sounds like much more is going on in your life and I suggest telling him what kind of stress this has put you under. If he doesn't listen, or if you can't talk rationally... I highly suggest counseling. For you separately (for food issues) and for you and your boyfriend (for couples counseling). You mentioned that he quit his job because he's scared you'll cheat on him. You guys have much more going on that what we can help you with here I assume. That emotional thing with food, I have it too. It's a truly hard thing, I am in no way "cured" but I think talking to someone about it can help. Especially whenever it comes to your bf leaving his job and putting you under 30k less income - that's a lot of stress.

In the interim, make sure that you only have "good" Snacks - make a list of what you can graze on and stick to it so that you are remaining at your 1300 calories a day (i.e. carrots, celery, sf Jello, 100 cal snack packs in moderation, etc). I use my fitness pal to track my intake. I'm no where perfect but I'm honest with what goes in my mouth. That might help you as well - tracking it and seeing where you are doing and when you are doing what you are doing (how you are feeling when it's happening). It's made me see it.

Are you working out in any way? I just ask because do that whenever you find you are grazing. And ask yourself "am i physically hungry or just wanting to eat"? If you are physically hungry, ok. If not, go for a walk! Do anything else.

Sorry IDK that I had much for you on answers.... but I hope my post helps. Best of luck and kudos to you for trying to address this now, before it gets out of hand.

[Chris S 7]

The emotional rollercoaster does have a way off. It's difficult because the easy thing to do is to kick your boyfriend to the curb. I have to be honest. I have never understood why anyone would stay with someone who is just convinced that they will be cheated on. It sounds like his desire is to control you. You've obviously got some diffcult decisions to make. I truly wish that I had some motivational stuff to say to you. Just something to get you over the hump, but sadly, I don't. I'm trying to find a way to help my wife who has gained some weight back and just know that she needs my support. Keep looking forward. You know what needs to happen food-wise. You can make it happen.

[favoredone 590]

I feel you!!! I'm so there!!! This week I'm doing Diva's boot camp and I'm planning my meals, super hydrating and journaling to find my triggers.. I'm also making an appointment to see my therapist... I'm 8 months out and not losing like I should.. Granted, I am a slow loser, however I know I'm not working my sleeve like I should..

As far as negative comments, sometimes it's good to take a step back from a public forum and surround yourself with your core people who are supportive, but honest!!

[Julie76 251]

Thanks you guys. I think control issues are the deep root of the problem. He is just so scared of losing me now that I have lost the weight. Crazy because he is fit and has never had any issue with weight.

I know this is really my problem and I choose to change my life once and I can do it again. I think the working out instead of eating is a great idea. Just thinking before I put it in my mouth will help. I will be more conscience of what (healthy vs. bad, bad, bad) I put in my mouth.

Thank you again and please keep them coming.

[Nate 292]

Not trying to turn this into a relatiionship counciling session or anything but... From first hand experience and observations of various friend's relationships, when a partner starts getting insecure/jealous and going to drastic extremes it's usually to cover for their own monkey business. Kinda trying to mask their guilt by projecting their false sense of insecurity onto their partner. Thats just a theory though. so don''t read too much into it.

As far as the grazing goes. Try to find something else to do when you get that urge. When I get that feeling like I have to eat I throw 2-3 pieces of sugar free gum in my mouth and chew awah and it really seems to help. I also go for a walk if I have the time when the urge to graze arises. Find something you like to take your mind off the eating. You can do it!

[Julie76 251]

"As far as negative comments, sometimes it's good to take a step back from a public forum and surround yourself with your core people who are supportive, but honest!!"

I do have some great ladies that I meet with offten and I think they have helped me keep my sanity.

[notime 340]

Congratulations to you for asking for help! You have received a lot of good advice here already.

[Sleeved&Hopeful 182]

Girl you can get it under control. I agree with maybe going for a walk or drinking a glass of green tea when you are stressed. I've seen some people graze on mushrooms or broccoli when they are feeling stressed instead of candy or something. One lady said she grazes on a large cucumber when she's feeling the "snack bug" and she can't even finish it all and there are only 34 calories in a large cucumber :-). I personally eat some beef Jerky for a snack because it's high protein-low carb AND low fat and doesn't have a lot of calories. As far as your boyfriend--that is a tough situation. He seriously needs to figure that out because he is insecure. I hope you guys can work through it.

[Piplula 709]

Hi Julie!

So sorry to hear you are having a hard time. Do you feel if you take care of the relationship/money issue that the emotional eating will stop? Money issues are the number one reason couples divorce/breakup/separate ect. I am wondering if working on the relationship stuff will stop the emotional eating because the stress will be eliminated.

[Julie76 251]

I'm sure working out the money situation would deffinatly make it better however, he has some control issues he will have to work on. I think every woman likes her man to be a little jealous but he has become over the top.

[Piplula 709]

I'm sure working out the money situation would deffinatly make it better however' date=' he has some control issues he will have to work on. I think every woman likes her man to be a little jealous but he has become over the top. [/quote']

I am sure that is very scary for you as well. Would he be willing to go into counseling with you? Sometimes that helps defuse stressful situations.

[Ms skinniness 3,003]

The reality of this is that you have this hot new body and have made so many drastic changes in your life right now that your BF is fearful of losing you! Yep, he is. This is not your problem so don't take it on. I do agree that this would be an excellent time to seek couples counseling to get your relationship back on track and to also address your emotional eating patterns. This is a team effort for both you and your BF and so now is the time to get back on track with everything. You can do this!