Has Surgery Changed Anyone's Marriage? Good Or Bad

[SpecialK1960 252]

I did want to add one more comment. I re-read your post and have to bring one thing up. You said, "what if I am not fun anymore?" That is a crazy thought. Fun is Fun and you make it anyway you want. You do not have to drink and be loud to be fun! Seriously, I hang out at sports bars a lot. I now drink tea. And I swear everyone in the bar has gone deaf. I am amazed at how loud people are, especially late in the evening (more liquor = more volume). I actually think I have more fun now. I get to make fun of more people (one more Yeager bomb and she is going to fall over)... and make catty remarks (would you look at those shoes), and remember all of them the next day!

But you know what? Even though I am not drinking I still go, I still have fun, I am still funny - and Lord knows I am almost good looking again... another few months and the chunk will be a hunk.... but for now and everyday until I am People's sexiest man, I will be having fun. You can count on that.

There is not a reason in the world not to be FUN! Well, maybe one reason and a good laxative will cure that (that is an entirely different post).

FUN is an attitude and, if you do it right, a way of life.

[becky444 11]

I can absolutely understand your concerns. I think you should talk about them with him. You are right, when one person experiences a period of growth for any reason, the other person can feel left behind. If you talk about it with him, though, you can both be conscious of choosing to compromise on some areas. Does it really matter if you spend the money on a place if you can't eat much? Probably not if it makes him happy. Are there activities you can do together that aren't intense activities or where you can be intense and he can be less (like him riding a bike while you jog)? Sure, and he may be willing to spend some time each week doing that to keep your relationship good. You won't know unless you approach him with it though!

[303Gal 1]

I don't know how to thank each and everyone of you enough. Thank you! I needed to hear all of that. 4 days till surgery!

[Wolfgirl1978 256]

The unfortunate statistics are that the divorce rate is signifigantly higher in couples when one person in the relationship loses a large amount of weight.

This can be attributed to many things' date=' a few of which are.

~ views on health no longer aligning (diss agreements on lifestyle)

~ your partner becoming jealous/possessive

~ the "loser" becoming more confident and thus demanding better treatment than was previously accepted

~ your partner feeling that you are now out of his/her league- afraid you will be seeking someone "better"

I do know that reassuring your spouse that you are there for the long haul & that you have no interest outside of your relationship goes a long way.

[/quote']

I worry about all these things...

[15Kgold 22]

We have thrown away food in the past because I could not eat much. Now when we go out I tell him what to order and eat from his plate. I exercise on my own and he respects that. I refuse to go to buffets because it's a waste. We have an all inclusive vacation coming up. I will try to stay on task. Statistics say couples that were feuding usually end up in divorce court. I explained to my husband my health needs prior to surgery. I remember my.vows.til death ...... for better ..... in sickness...... remember why you married in the first place.

[1920-Zeta 64]

We have thrown away food in the past because I could not eat much. Now when we go out I tell him what to order and eat from his plate. I exercise on my own and he respects that. I refuse to go to buffets because it's a waste. We have an all inclusive vacation coming up. I will try to stay on task. Statistics say couples that were feuding usually end up in divorce court. I explained to my husband my health needs prior to surgery. I remember my.vows.til death ...... for better ..... in sickness...... remember why you married in the first place.

Soror you said that.

"GOD IS WORKING ON YOUR BEHALF ,SO Keep having faith.Your Sleeve Buddy

[1920-Zeta 64]

My biggest fear is that this surgery will ruin my marriage. My husband is supportive and all (now)' date=' but will my lifestyle change affect my marriage to the point of no return? My husbaNd is a bigger gentleman, but not unhealthy. A lot of our lifestyle revolves around food. We have no children, so we indulge in vacation time, trying the new hip restaurants, even a few weeks ago we took a cooking class. When we first met, one of our connections was that we are not mountain bikers or hikers, in short, we are not terribly active. The thing is, I think I'm not active because I'm fat. So what if when I have the surgery and im thinner, I want to be more active and he doesn't? What if i dont want to waste time or money going to expensive restaurants since I will not be eating as much ( and not getting my money's worth) and it irritates him? Is our all inclusive vacation going to be a waste since i wont drink or eat so much? What if im just not fun anymore? :0( It saddens me to think this, but even my shrink said that relationships change when one makes such a big lifestyle change. Has anyone gone through this? Would like to hear good and bad stories, please. Thank you![/quote']

My husband supports me. He is my best friend. We have been married 6 years. He gets my food and meds together for me before he goes to work.

About 2 weeks ago the office manager at my surgery was very rude to me.I ended up going off in her. I asked one of the ladies in the front for a note for school. The office manager started going off about me eating liver. Which was not the cause of me being sick. Before I left the office I got everything straight. I told my husband what happen he called the doctors office and told them that could never happen again. He let them know that, they are suppose to uplift patients and not tear them down. They Apologize .

This has been the hards thing that I have ever had to go through. I've been in and out the hospital since my surgery on June 26 . One week my liver, gallbladder, my cycle, and dehydration.

The next week I need a blood transfusion, im dehydration, shortness of breath, cycle, throwing up and can't eat.

On and on er visit and hospital stay.

My husband is in the er holding my hand and asking questions. Sometimes getting less than 5 hours of sleep.

Praying, talking and keeping other out of our business works for us. Like my Sorority sister said " Your husband promise to care for you.

"GOD IS WORKING ON YOUR BEHALF ,SO Keep having faith."

Your Sleeve Buddy Zeta

[15Kgold 22]

Great advice and you have a jewel

[kmbrlycool 214]

I'm three months out and if anything it has improved our marriage at this point. My husband is still free to do whatever he wants... Meaning im not letting my surgery change him. He eats what he wants and we still go to restaurants he wants.

Plus he sees my sef esteem and sense of self worth increase so I think he is happy because of that.

In addition with the more weight I lose and the more time that passes, he realized its that we are just that much closer to tryin to conceive, we both really want children

I still cook his regular meals and we still have sex just as often as before... Things are good. More energy. More sex positions (tmi?).