I'm 20 days post-op and I've explained as much as I could to my friends and family what this surgery is all about. But no matter how much I explain it to these people, they keep asking me the "When can you have ____?" questions. You know, "When can you have ice cream again?" "When can you have hamburgers again?" "When can you drink alcohol again?" It seems all they're interested in is when I can start eating/drinking certain foods again.

They just don't get it. I've tried to be patient and explain to them that it's not just a surgery, it's also a lifestyle change. But they seem to fixate on the whole "timeline" aspect of it. And they never stop to consider that the last thing I want to do is think about all the foods I can't have yet (or can't have anymore). And god forbid I tell them something like, "I can't have soda anymore," they respond with that wide-eyed "No!! Oh wowwww!!!" in a tone that clearly indicates galactic doom. It's just not what I need right now and I've had to brusquely tell them to stop talking to me about it. I feel bad, but I can't take it anymore.

Has anyone else encountered this phenomenon?

^ This!!! Except it's not confidence, it is bit*hyness. I'm having this killer mood swings.

I have occasional right now but people in general just thought I would turn into some egotistical (sp?) beeotch overnight and I would stop associating myself with everyone that was now bigger than me. It is ridiculous because before the surgery, I experienced being morbidly obese! I know how awful I felt and why would I EVER treat someone poorly is beyond me. I'm no better than anyone else!

To add another...when people see you eating something and they question you about whether you're allowed to have it...when did they become the expert all of a sudden? And I was just told today that if everyone would just follow the diet I'm on right now, everyone could lose weight easily. Who in here would honestly be able to eat 1/4 of a cup of food BEFORE surgery and feel satisfied? ..............Yeah, me neither.

I am gonna play the Devil's Advocate here so bare with me...

I am not sleeved at this time but I am doing a lot of research and asking a lot of questions of people that are willing to help answer them. I only know a couple people personally that have had the sleeve. One is only a few weeks out and one is a little over a year out. I ask them questions all the time, questions regarding everything really surgery related. I refuse to go into this uneducated and uninformed. I am not that kind of person, never have been and never will be, so...

Maybe these people are asking you questions due to really wanting to know. A lot of people don't understand what all is involved. I know I didn't and that is why I ask. I don't do it to be annoying or pressuring at all. Maybe they genuinely are concerned and would like to know things that may help them if they are contemplating surgery.

Now if it's "I can't believe you would do this knowing that you may never _____________" over and over again, I can see your point of if possibly being a pain. I mean that would get old I suppose if it's on a daily basis from the same person. Maybe they can't give up ______?? That is up to them. There is a lot of ignorance on the subject out there. I mean that in the truest form of the word and not in truely stupidness lol! Some are just not informed.

If you are sleeved at this time, there was a time that you were not. There is a really really good chance that you had the same questions and concerns as well. Lets not forget that and lets not forget where you came from.

Just my opinion.

Dave.

Having been on a thousand diets and failed, I knew this was a lifestyle change also. The major reason I failed before was because I didnt change. With a lifestyle change there are clearly things I will never eat or drink again. Weight Watchers teaches all things in moderation BUT still acknowledges we all have our set of "red light" foods; things we can't even taste because we can't exercise that moderation. I think even people considering the surgery want to know how much THEY have to change to make this work. That's why the response of I can eat that when I want to regain the weight is so spot on!

I am gonna play the Devil's Advocate here so bare with me...

I am not sleeved at this time but I am doing a lot of research and asking a lot of questions of people that are willing to help answer them. I only know a couple people personally that have had the sleeve. One is only a few weeks out and one is a little over a year out. I ask them questions all the time' date=' questions regarding everything really surgery related. I refuse to go into this uneducated and uninformed. I am not that kind of person, never have been and never will be, so...

Maybe these people are asking you questions due to really wanting to know. A lot of people don't understand what all is involved. I know I didn't and that is why I ask. I don't do it to be annoying or pressuring at all. Maybe they genuinely are concerned and would like to know things that may help them if they are contemplating surgery.

Now if it's "I can't believe you would do this knowing that you may never _____________" over and over again, I can see your point of if possibly being a pain. I mean that would get old I suppose if it's on a daily basis from the same person. Maybe they can't give up ______?? That is up to them. There is a lot of ignorance on the subject out there. I mean that in the truest form of the word and not in truely stupidness lol! Some are just not informed.

If you are sleeved at this time, there was a time that you were not. There is a really really good chance that you had the same questions and concerns as well. Lets not forget that and lets not forget where you came from.

Just my opinion.

Dave.[/quote']

Most of us here respect honest questions from people that have a genuine interest.

The problem comes in when, the question is posed in such a way that it's not about the process as much as it is about appearing "normal".

"Normal" for most of us is eating way too much of the wrong stuff & that's exactly what got us here & many of us simply don't want to relive that life.

I for example have no before pics & no progress pics. I don't want to acknowledge the old me ever existed.

Another thing to consider, I'm not trying to justifiy this but it is a reality. As we rapidly lose weight estrogen is released into our bloodstream from the fat that has been burning.

This will make us a bit more apprehensive to questions people pose & their intents. I originally felt that this wasn't affecting me, however after talking to my wife, it seems I am a bit more testy than usual.

I am gonna play the Devil's Advocate here so bare with me...

I am not sleeved at this time but I am doing a lot of research and asking a lot of questions of people that are willing to help answer them. I only know a couple people personally that have had the sleeve. One is only a few weeks out and one is a little over a year out. I ask them questions all the time, questions regarding everything really surgery related. I refuse to go into this uneducated and uninformed. I am not that kind of person, never have been and never will be, so...

Maybe these people are asking you questions due to really wanting to know. A lot of people don't understand what all is involved. I know I didn't and that is why I ask. I don't do it to be annoying or pressuring at all. Maybe they genuinely are concerned and would like to know things that may help them if they are contemplating surgery.

Now if it's "I can't believe you would do this knowing that you may never _____________" over and over again, I can see your point of if possibly being a pain. I mean that would get old I suppose if it's on a daily basis from the same person. Maybe they can't give up ______?? That is up to them. There is a lot of ignorance on the subject out there. I mean that in the truest form of the word and not in truely stupidness lol! Some are just not informed.

If you are sleeved at this time, there was a time that you were not. There is a really really good chance that you had the same questions and concerns as well. Lets not forget that and lets not forget where you came from.

Just my opinion.

Dave.

For me, it has nothing to do with genuinely wanting to know the answer to something. I answer questions even though they annoy me because the people asking me questions may know someone or are looking into doing it themselves. When I get annoyed, it's when people question everything. I was asked the week I returned to work if I've hit the depression stage yet. I didn't know what he was talking about and he said his son got it and EVERYONE that gets the surgery goes through this horrible depression because they cannot eat anymore and yadda yadda. It made me a little upset and I asked him if he was trying to pull me down when I was already up. I am HAPPY! I agree you should go into the surgery informed. I wouldn't go into any surgery without knowing what I was getting myself into.

For me, it has nothing to do with genuinely wanting to know the answer to something. I answer questions even though they annoy me because the people asking me questions may know someone or are looking into doing it themselves. When I get annoyed, it's when people question everything. I was asked the week I returned to work if I've hit the depression stage yet. I didn't know what he was talking about and he said his son got it and EVERYONE that gets the surgery goes through this horrible depression because they cannot eat anymore and yadda yadda. It made me a little upset and I asked him if he was trying to pull me down when I was already up. I am HAPPY! I agree you should go into the surgery informed. I wouldn't go into any surgery without knowing what I was getting myself into.

I was also told that I would mourn the fact that I cannot eat quantities of food and spiral into depression. Nothing could be further from the truth. I'm eating better than I ever did as a morbidly obese person. Yesterday I had grilled sirloin and huge scallops -- for lunch :-) For dinner I had roasted chicken, broccoli and lemon meringue Protein ice cream. This weekend I'm going hiking and to the beach.

Yeah, I'm REALLY suffering.

I have experienced the huh look from waitress/waiters too when I don't order a drink. It was so annoying that now I just get Water. It was like a major deal that I didn't want a drink.

I do the same thing. Every time I said I didn't want a drink they looked at me like I had two heads, so instead of paying for a drink and wasting the money I just started ordering water. When me and my husband go out I don't order food most of the time, I just eat from his plate, that makes people look at me weird too. If I want something different I will sometimes just order an appetizer and take home what i don't eat to munch on for the next few days.

When me and my husband go out I don't order food most of the time' date=' I just eat from his plate[/quote']

Is he really OK with this? I eat very little now, and I still can't imagine someone else eating off my plate. Much less having to order something that someone else likes just so it can be shared.

I think once I hit goal it will be different but for now I think they are surprised that a fat girl isn't wolfing down a huge plate of food. I usually still order my own plate but only eat a tiny bit and take the rest to go to eat for a few other meals.

But the looks that skinny girls give me, like I am doing not eating so I don't look fat or something.

I do the same thing. Every time I said I didn't want a drink they looked at me like I had two heads, so instead of paying for a drink and wasting the money I just started ordering Water. When me and my husband go out I don't order food most of the time, I just eat from his plate, that makes people look at me weird too. If I want something different I will sometimes just order an appetizer and take home what i don't eat to munch on for the next few days.

Is he really OK with this? I eat very little now, and I still can't imagine someone else eating off my plate. Much less having to order something that someone else likes just so it can be shared.

My husband and I eat off of each others plates all the time. Unless he really has something in mind we will happily share a plate and he says, "Order whatever. I like what you like anyway." Sometimes, especially at Mexican places we will just order communal food ala carte or combinations and split them. We like to get two Entrees and each get half of one. I'll get scallops and he'll get steak. I give him some scallops and he gives me some streak. It's more fun that way. Sometimes we will order separate and we both take home food because for a construction worker, he eats surprisingly little. Hmmm. Must be the beer.

My daughter is the only one who is territorial about her food.

This type of harrassment is exactly why I telling only 3 people in my life. My husband, my daughter in college, and my best friend. Not telling my parents, brother, sons, friends or co workers. When they offerme junk, i'll just say, no thanks, i have changed my eating habits and want to eat healthy foods in reasonable portions. I rarely drink, so that wont be an issue How can you argue with that? And if they say "awe common it won't hurt". I'll just say, you should try what i'm doing, it won't hurt either.

I've had those questions too. I'm a little over 5 weeks out and my standard reply is "I can pretty much have whatever I want, and I just don't feel like having (insert food here) right now. It's easier than going into a whole explanation of the sleeve, especially if I'm around people who I don't wish to know I've had WLS.

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I was also told that I would mourn the fact that I cannot eat quantities of food and spiral into depression. Nothing could be further from the truth. I'm eating better than I ever did as a morbidly obese person. Yesterday I had grilled sirloin and huge scallops -- for lunch :-) For dinner I had roasted chicken, broccoli and lemon meringue Protein ice cream. This weekend I'm going hiking and to the beach.

Yeah, I'm REALLY suffering.

hey Cat,,where'd ya get the ice cream?

I get sick of an ex that tells me this is the easy way out. I told him its not the easy way. I still have to exercise, and watch what I eat just like a person who hasn't had wls. I told him the difference between me and someone who hasnt had wls is my food is always portion control because of my smaller tummy. He's a real jerk & thats why he is an EX....

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