female only Girl Code

[CraftyV 61]

So an old friend of who has never met my husband and has a pretty crappy husband has reached out twice to my husband on Facebook via private messages. The questions where asking about me and how I was doing. I am capable of answering these questions and I wonder why she is asking him and not me. When it happens my husband tells me immediately and tells me that he thinks its weird.

I always brag about him because honestly he is freaking awesome and handsome. Not sure what to think. Can you guys share your input?

[Wheetsin 714]

Is your friendship currently in good standing? Do you think she thinks it is? My first thought is that she is truly curious about how you are doing, but for some reason feels uncomfortable approaching you directly. If it's generically how you're doing - my first guess would be that she thinks something is askew in your relationship. If it's specific to something like weightloss - maybe she's not sure YOU are comfortable talking about it. Just guesses though.

You seem suspicious of her motives. IMO there's nothing wrong with what she has done. Putting myself in your shoes (at least what little I know of them from what you shared) I don't think I would be threatened or weirded out. I mean -- she's FB "friends" with your husband (I assume, since she can send him messages) so they must know each other at least a little, right? It's not like they have no idea who the other is, and this is coming out of the blue. She's asking about you, not about him or them or anything that seems fishy.

If you feel you have a good friendship with her, ask her about it. If you don't feel that your friendship is strong enough for that, maybe she doesn't either, and that's why she's asking him. *shrug* I really don't know. Just trying to share what it seems like from my ignorant perspective.

[shellbell33081 115]

sounds like she is using you as an excuse to talk to him. i think she is hoping your relationship is suffering and she can be the "sympathetic" friend. maybe you should talk to her and let her know it bothers your hubby.

[Pookeyism 1,143]

Not enough info and would still probably be open to interpretation. I had people do that that some were being nosey an dsome were interested but embarassed and some wante dto be postitive to me, but also wanted to make sure "underneath" I was handling things.

[Wheetsin 714]

Just re-read that she's never met your husband. But they're FB "friends" right? To some people, that's virtually the same as being RL friends. So she may also feel like she knows him more than she actually does, because of whatever connection/communication they have through FB. I've had friends' spouses send me FB requests as though they know me (which they sometimes don't), and then chat it up like we actually know each other. It's one of the weird things about social media.

ETA: I should also add that mentally & in terms of relationships, I'm much more guy than girl.

I don't easily get jealous or assume ulterior motives unless something is just plain off. But most of women I know, do. Almost rabidly. I think in your situation a lot of women would jump to the conclusion that "she's after my man." Whereas I would tend to think - she's not comfortable talking to you for whatever reason, she's trying to form a friendship with him and maybe you're the neutral territory, she thinks they're closer friends than he does, etc.

[Pookeyism 1,143]

Um, one question - has your hubby spoke up to her and said "ask her yourself (please)"? Or is he having convo's and then later telling you about them? That is an aspect you might consider, IF you feel thatm well it is something you need to consider...

That sounded so PA but wasn't meant to!

[O.T.R. sleever 3,386]

This could defiantly be taken a few different ways.

I know if you ask me how I'm doing (unless the world was crashing in) you'd get a positive response pretty much every time. I have a pretty positive outlook on everything.

If you ask my wife how I'm doing, she can recall every little problem I've had and what it took to heal it. She is very nurturing.

So if you wanted to know if I could use any help or if I was ready to do a certain activity, you'd better ask her.

Does this in any way sound like you? Is your husband the "note taker" and you the type that once the problem is over its time to forget about it?

Of course there is the other obvious conclusion. But then you have to ask yourself, would your best friend really do that?

[Mzluvee 41]

I agree with the other responses, I think that it can be interpreted in different ways. I personally would suggest that you observe the situation a bit more. If she did it again, I would contact her directly and say hey I appreiciate your concern for my well being but you can contact me directly rather than my hubby. This will elminate any confusion and basically let her know that your hubby does communicate with you and you are very aware of her so called "concern".

[5DoxieMom 87]

I think that no matter what the motive, if it makes you uncomfortable, your husband shouldn't be taking part in it.

[CraftyV 61]

Is your friendship currently in good standing? Do you think she thinks it is? My first thought is that she is truly curious about how you are doing' date=' but for some reason feels uncomfortable approaching you directly. If it's generically how you're doing - my first guess would be that she thinks something is askew in your relationship. If it's specific to something like weightloss - maybe she's not sure YOU are comfortable talking about it. Just guesses though.

You seem suspicious of her motives. IMO there's nothing wrong with what she has done. Putting myself in your shoes (at least what little I know of them from what you shared) I don't think I would be threatened or weirded out. I mean -- she's FB "friends" with your husband (I assume, since she can send him messages) so they must know each other at least a little, right? It's not like they have no idea who the other is, and this is coming out of the blue. She's asking about you, not about him or them or anything that seems fishy.

If you feel you have a good friendship with her, ask her about it. If you don't feel that your friendship is strong enough for that, maybe she doesn't either, and that's why she's asking him. *shrug* I really don't know. Just trying to share what it seems like from my ignorant perspective. [/quote']

I get what you are saying. I am pretty open person with her and we talk about everything and for hours. When she requested to be friend with my hubby on fb he told me and I said ” just accept her because I don't want her to get her feelings hurt” he didn't want to but did cuz I asked him to... I just don't understand why she asks him questions even though he never replies to her. I trust my husband so I am not too worried but I just hope there is no hidden agenda here.

[CraftyV 61]

sounds like she is using you as an excuse to talk to him. i think she is hoping your relationship is suffering and she can be the "sympathetic" friend. maybe you should talk to her and let her know it bothers your hubby.

this is what I was thinking but didn't want to think. I am glad that she lives very far from us but she does have family here. Hmmm.. Just a lil shady!

[CraftyV 61]

Not enough info and would still probably be open to interpretation. I had people do that that some were being nosey an dsome were interested but embarassed and some wante dto be postitive to me' date=' but also wanted to make sure "underneath" I was handling things.[/quote']

I am hoping one of your suggestions is the case! She knows I have no shame she can ask me anything she has no shame either we joke about out all the time.

[CraftyV 61]

Um' date=' one question - has your hubby spoke up to her and said "ask her yourself (please)"? Or is he having convo's and then later telling you about them? That is an aspect you might consider, IF you feel thatm well it is something you need to consider...

That sounded so PA but wasn't meant to![/quote']

He is not having convos with her and he knows I don't want to hurt her feelings so he just ignores her hopping she will stop asking him questions...lol its how he deals with stuff... He ignores!

[CraftyV 61]

This could defiantly be taken a few different ways.

I know if you ask me how I'm doing (unless the world was crashing in) you'd get a positive response pretty much every time. I have a pretty positive outlook on everything.

If you ask my wife how I'm doing' date=' she can recall every little problem I've had and what it took to heal it. She is very nurturing.

So if you wanted to know if I could use any help or if I was ready to do a certain activity, you'd better ask her.

Does this in any way sound like you? Is your husband the "note taker" and you the type that once the problem is over its time to forget about it?

Of course there is the other obvious conclusion. But then you have to ask yourself, would your best friend really do that?[/quote']

You make a lot of sense!but my hubby is like my nurse so I guesse he would be the one to ask. But u know I would never put my guard down. Being gullible is NOT my middle name!

[CraftyV 61]

I think that no matter what the motive' date=' if it makes you uncomfortable, your husband shouldn't be taking part in it.[/quote']

He doesn't. He ignores her.