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Dating With My Sleeve ;)



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Hi ladies!

Hope ya'll are doing great in which ever stage you are at! Now that I am post-op and 60 lbs lighter-- all of a sudden I really feel ready to date! Not like I wasn't ready before, but at the weight I was at, I was nowhere near comfortable with myself and never had a guy be interested.. sad, I know. I'm 22 yrs old and never been on a date.. my life is straight outta the movie Never Been Kissed! ;) I just feel so much better about myself and my body now!

Anyway, how have you ladies handled going out on dates (eating-wise) with your sleeve? Do you explain that you've had the surgery right off the bat.. or should I just continue saying 'I've changed my lifestyle, started seeing a nutritionist..' that I have been telling everyone else in my life? Only my immediate family know of my surgery.. do I tell a guy right when I meet him? Does it make everything easier to be up front?

So many questions! If you have any tips on how to reel a guy in-- I'd appreciate those too! hahaha

Thanks for your help :)

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I suppose you do what's comfortable for you. But, for me, I stay silent on it all together for a while. They don't know the "you" before...so you don't have to introduce them :) I avoid dates surrounding food and recommend coffee, a drink (where I may or may not drink alcohol). If they ask about food I say I had a big lunch, aren't hungry, etc. once you get farther out you can eat, but won't eat as much and can use the same excuses. Good luck!

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I'm not planning to off the bad. I doubt a guy would notice how much I ate, and even if he did notice, I think it's unlikely he would ask about, and on the off chance he did, you could say that you feel full, that the meal wasn't as great as you expected, or you could just push the food around and make it look like you ate a lot more.

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I have only told one guy I've dated since being sleeved, but it came up while he was telling me how much he likes BIG girls. I let him know that I'm on my way down the scale, not up. We haven't been out again, but it's not a big deal.

Usually, I just order something small, and I've been lucky that most of my dates have been with guys I've known for a long time, so they already know about my sleeve. Most of my friends, male and female, already know about the surgery and call my sleeve by his name, Rex. So, we have three way conversations, me, them and Rex. ;)

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you could say that you feel full' date=' that the meal wasn't as great as you expected[/quote']

Gaaahhhh!! Don't do this, especially if the guy chose the location. Talk about bruising an ego, we take you places that we think will impress you. You might as well ay "your taste sucks" because that is likely what we will hear.

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Simple solution: Don't go to dinner for your date!

Or....

Go get late night appetizers at a nicer resturant so the food is sleeve-friendly and portions arent a big deal. Always check the menu before hand.

Or....

Eat family style

And as always...

Flirt and smile, use your best manners and always wear cute undies!

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I've been married for over 16 years so it's not like I'm out dating, but I have been in situations where I've been concerned that someone would question my eating habits. What I have learned over the last 20 months is that people are WAAAAAAAY more interested in what THEY are eating than in what YOU are eating.

I've also learned to pace myself, otherwise, my 3-4oz of food doesn't take long to eat. So I talk a lot, rest my fork a lot. Restaurant portions are OUT OF CONTROL, and I think most "normal" people end up with a box to bring home anyway, so that usually doesn't raise too many suspicions.

I wouldn't fake a tummy ache or say the food was bad, just that you are full, and want your leftovers for lunch the next day. And it's up to you if you want to share with your date about your sleeve. I think if it was me, I would wait to share until I knew the guy really well. But you have to do what works best for YOU! Have fun dating!

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I replied to another post about this because I've been worried about the same thing... I don't want to lie to the guy if I'm going to get into a relationship with him but it's not first date conversation for me.

I started talking to someone right before surgery and have hung out a few times now post-op. I've just been trying to avoid dinner dates. He knows I had surgery but no more and knows I cannot drink for a while. We've gone to the pool, to see live music, watched movies at home. I say take the planning out of his hands or at least make suggestions... the guys I've dated would love that because I know there's a lot of pressure with planning dates. I always used to be a beer and sports bar kinda date so I'm having to get creative and doing some research online for things to do in my city. I like the appetizers idea, or coffee, or a "drink".

It's up to you when you tell a guy. Timing may depend on where you at with your food/diet stages and your weight loss. At 25 days post-op it might be necessary for me to tell a guy sooner than if I was a year post-op and at goal (which is why I'm avoiding dinner dates)! I definitely plan on telling my new guy soon but I like to do that in person and I never know how to bring it up! He's lost 150 pounds himself (idk how yet) so I'm hoping we get comfortable enough to start discussing our weight problems/solutions soon.

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Def start out with coffee or drinks. That way you get to know him a little and see if you even want to go out again. You could try movies, bowling, mini golf - not dinners at first. Good luck

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Hi ladies!

Hope ya'll are doing great in which ever stage you are at! Now that I am post-op and 60 lbs lighter-- all of a sudden I really feel ready to date! Not like I wasn't ready before, but at the weight I was at, I was nowhere near comfortable with myself and never had a guy be interested.. sad, I know. I'm 22 yrs old and never been on a date.. my life is straight outta the movie Never Been Kissed! ;) I just feel so much better about myself and my body now!

Anyway, how have you ladies handled going out on dates (eating-wise) with your sleeve? Do you explain that you've had the surgery right off the bat.. or should I just continue saying 'I've changed my lifestyle, started seeing a nutritionist..' that I have been telling everyone else in my life? Only my immediate family know of my surgery.. do I tell a guy right when I meet him? Does it make everything easier to be up front?

So many questions! If you have any tips on how to reel a guy in-- I'd appreciate those too! hahaha

Thanks for your help :)

Fitbottomedgirl,

I suggest eHarmony. I have already met two really nice guys.

After talking on the phone for two weeks,

this Saturday, I will have a first date with a guy that I met on eHarmony.

We will be going for dinner.

So, I have the same question as well.

Not sure just how I will handle it but I figure I will decide after

we have our first date.

Good luck!!

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I have decided that dating is the hardest thing in the world regardless of your size! I am finding that the longer I go from surgery, the less I care who knows and who doesn't. I told the guy I have been seeing on our first date that I was sleeved. He asked me to pick the restaurant on our next date. Just be your true you from the beginning. Now if anyone does have all the rules of dating, feel free to write that puppy up and you will be a bazillionaire in no time! I would pay big bucks for that information! :-)

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This year will be my 15th wedding anniversary and DH and I were together for 3 years before we got married so I haven't dated in a LOOOOONG time butif I were dating now with my sleeve, I would not bring it up on the first date unless it was specifically questioned (i.e. You didn't eat much, did it taste ok?) and even then I wouldn't share that I'd had sleeve surgery. I'd probably answer roundabout.

There are some things I think people need to be up front about. There are some things they do not. Private medical past is one of those. You don't need to tell him you've had VSG surgery any more than he needs to tell you whether or not he has his appendix. It's just not relevant to what's going on, and if anything would probably make for an awkward time (chances are, though not necessarily).

Anyway, how have you ladies handled going out on dates (eating-wise) with your sleeve? Do you explain that you've had the surgery right off the bat.. or should I just continue saying 'I've changed my lifestyle, started seeing a nutritionist..' that I have been telling everyone else in my life? Only my immediate family know of my surgery.. do I tell a guy right when I meet him? Does it make everything easier to be up front?

So many questions! If you have any tips on how to reel a guy in-- I'd appreciate those too! hahaha

Thanks for your help :)

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Thanks for all your responses!! Great advice! :)

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I'm not dating, but i feel like this surgery is such a private thing, that I wouldn't disclose that i had thus surgery especially on a first date. I would encourage u to order and eat slowly and whatever u can. Order an appetizers or the lunch portion so its smaller. Whatever u don't finish, take home with u. I used to take doggie bags home with me even prior to surgery so its not a huge deal.

Best of luck to u

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drinks or coffee might be hard on your sleeve if you're nervous. Remember you can order tea at most places that have coffee; it might be a little easier on your tummy acid-wise. You might not get nervous; I seem to remember being kind of flipped when I went to meet my now-husband for the first time. :-)

If it was dinner, I probably wouldn't just come right out with the fact of my surgery early, but it's hard to know what this old married chick would do. LOL I know when I've been on business dinners with new friends/colleagues, I haven't really felt like "going there," so I fall back on my usual restaurant routine--

1. Order Water so the waitperson will not worry about you not having a drink.

2. Order a side salad as an appetizer and Soup or appetizer for your main course. I always say something like this: I'd like to start with a side salad, please, dressing on the side, and for my main course, I'd like the appetizer shrimp cocktail (or cup of soup), please. Then I smile and hand them my menu. Nobody bats an eye.

3. When the salad comes, push it around, nibble, enjoy it but don't eat until you're full. Nobody will care--I promise, if they notice, it's not going to be a big deal if you still seem like you're enjoying yourself and are relaxed.

I did have a colleague once ask me why I wasn't eating very much, and I said that I didn't like to eat big meals when I was working (which is true, although sort of evasive). He teased me about "being good," and I just laughed and went on. No big deal. I have also said, which is also true, that big meals make me sleepy, and I like to stay sharp when I'm working. People understand that completely. Ironically, the smaller I've gotten, the less people seem to notice that I'm not eating much--wait staff are all very unconcerned that I'm sharing my husband's meal--they just bring an extra plate and no big deal. I think it's pretty common these days, with restaurant portions being so huge.

I also like the tricks of putting down my fork/spoon often, talking, enjoying the table conversation, really having time to listen to my dinner companions. You might get the reputation of being the nicest date in town--a cheap date (you don't drink alcohol and don't eat much!) who really pays attention to her companion!! Best wishes!!

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