Spouses And Surgery

[sdb1147 54]

With respect to men supposedly not being able to express themselves, think genetics. We are different in many respects. And "norm" is subjective.

[SweetTee 448]

sbd1147, by norm I mean for so long we've been obese that it's now the "norm" in the eyes of so many. In other words it's our "norm" when indeed its not normal at all to be unfit and obese.

[twoplusone227 13]

Some people seem to think that losing weight is easy, and that all you have to do is diet, and exercise.... My Hubby is one of them. Although, I am so thankful that he agreed to pay for my upcoming procedure, July 27th, I know that he thinks it's insane, and drastic, that I am having SURGERY to lose weight. But, then, I also know that he looks at me differently since having our child, and gaining this weight. I'm a stay at home Mother of a rambunctious two year old. I have no time to exercise. My child is constantly under my feet, or glued to my side. I LOVE my child with all my heart, but, I can't focus on myself since becoming a Mother. I've tried losing weight other ways, and it doesn't work. Anyhow, my point is that I think many of us have partners who aren't as supportive as they could be. I'd love to go into my procedure feeling like he supported me. But, I know that isn't going to happen. I have decided to seek counseling for us to start on after the procedure. I know it will be good for us, and for me. People who aren't overweight don't understand the difficulty we face feeling huge, not wanting to go anywhere , etc... I pray my procedure goes well, and that I'm back to my happy, positive, outgoing person , the person I use to be before gaining all this weight. I know that family and friends are going to criticize and judge me. So, I'm not telling anyone . Good luck with your Husband. Reading these forums, I see that we aren't alone in having less than supportive spouses. Best of luck to all who have had the procedure, and to those who are going to have the procedure! : )

I so agree with your post. It's not that my husband doesn't agree with the surgery. In fact, he says that he's happy that I'm taking control of my health. HOWEVER, he's the kind that says this, then turns around and says indirect comments that are in direct conflict with this. For example, prior to my revelation about the surgery, he would comment about people on TV or overweight people, in general, not having the will power to lose the weight. That overweight people make excuses for not losing the weight and that "skinny" people have just as hard a fight to stay in control of their health. Of course, when I tell him that when he talks about "those people", he's talking about me, he says, "You're different."

Little things i forgot to mention...

1. My husband's never been overweight. In fact, he was a body builder, a personal trainer, and he's in the military (where they have to stay fit).

2. I've always been overweight. My current weight is 276, I'm 5'6 and addicted to sugar.

So, you might say that in the area of health, we've always spoken different languages. I haven't scheduled my surgery yet (hopefully in the next two weeks); but I can't help but to feel alone in this journey. But, I know I've got to do this for me.

That aside, all of the stories and posts I've read here give me the fuel I need to press forward. So, thank you!!

[Papa Jack 86]

Spouse's think that we can just diet, we just need to try harder, just like every one else does. Very few people understand what it is like to be fat & need WLS. If you hear anything about WLS it is bad. Plus your spouse is scared for you. They think it is a big risk. They look up on the internet problems that could happen. My family was not on board with this & my wife & I had a big fight about it. BUT she came around when she saw the pain I was in. My family now knows what a blessing this was. My girls told me they were proud I had the WLS after they saw I was OK. I think the loved ones are more concerned because they love us. So once they see there world have not come to an end & life is better now they will come around. Good luck.

[TJ1 9]

I'm trying to focus on the light at the end of the tunnel. This isn't easy for any of us. This pre-op diet, then the post -op.... Good Lord ! But, it'll be worth it for all of us! My Hubby will see that it isn't just a matter of having surgery, then magically losing weight. This will be hard work, and a major life style change, along with crazy power . I can't wait until I'm fitting into old clothes, and feeling good again . Wish I could fast forward to the good stuff. But, all this hard stuff will make me work harder to not allow myself to be fat again!! : ) Good luck to ALL of us! ~

[smb 75]

But' date=' then, I also know that he looks at me differently since having our child, and gaining this weight. I'm a stay at home Mother of a rambunctious two year old. I have no time to exercise. My child is constantly under my feet, or glued to my side. I LOVE my child with all my heart, but, I can't focus on myself since becoming a Mother. I've tried losing weight other ways, and it doesn't work. Anyhow, my point is that I think many of us have partners who aren't as supportive as they could be. I'd love to go into my procedure feeling like he supported me. But, I know that isn't going to happen. )[/quote']

My husband supports the procedure for the most part, but he also believes "all I need to do" is exercise more. I do, for sure, but I hear you loud and clear about having trouble focusing on yourself. I would love to find time to visit the gym like I used to, but I work full time and have 2 kids under 3. What the hell, I don 't know how some people do it.

Wishing you a lot of support! Do it for yourself, don't worry about your husband or what he thinks for now. Do what you need to do.

[smb 75]

That overweight people make excuses for not losing the weight and that "skinny" people have just as hard a fight to stay in control of their health. Of course' date=' when I tell him that when he talks about "those people", he's talking about me, he says, "You're different."

[/quote']

Hahaha! My husband does this too!!

He'll see some actress on TV who's older and maybe has gained weight, he'll say "wow, she got really fat!" and I'm like "what? STFU." He'll say "but you're not on TV!"

I try to take it with a grain of salt, but deep down it really bugs me.

[twoplusone227 13]

The best is, recenty, I've started to reply to these things sternly saying, "Reserve your comments for someone else. I don't want to hear it." And his response is, "Ooh! Why are you do sensitive?". I give him a blank stare and think of saying, "Because you're an idiot and your words hurt my feelings." Instead, I just walk away confidently without a word.

Anyways, at the end of the day, this is my journey because it's my health. Yes, I'll need his help and support along the way; but I need to keep my goal in perspective.

Good luck everyone!

[Christy<3AL 14]

My husband is 1 day post op and I can tell you from the other side of the coin what he might be feeling.... At about 2 months pre op I started to feel a little neglected by my husband. And let me tell you, he is usually very attentive to me. I guess I started feeling jealous of the time and attention he started putting into preparing for the surgery. I supported him 100% and i am willing to help him all the way, but I did feel like something was already coming between us. one day I sat him down and talked to him about this, and he reassured me he is still interested in my life too. I quickly got over it and we were back to normal. I have been by his side from the beginning and will always support him, like I know he is for me

[Pre-OpLoser619 36]

My hubby has been acting "off" for a bit now... Maybe he's feeling neglected too. I'm always on my phone either my fitness pal or this forum, if not that attending to our 4 yr old daughter. Thanks for us a look at the other side. I'll sit down and have a talk with him.

[Christy<3AL 14]

Im glad I could help

[dithdith26 3]

I am actually so thanfull for everyone sharing their thought on this subject. I am very relieved to say that I spoke with my husband and he was afraid of me leaving. Now I am focusing on my post op diets!

[Christy<3AL 14]

^ im glad to read u spoke with ur hudband, hopefully u continue this open communication because you will definitely need his support post op...... Keep ur spirits up (^;^) have a grest day!!

[TL4264 8]

ChristyAL......glad you commented. My wife and I had a very similar experience with my surgery plans. She was a bit stand off-ish about it for a while. I had to reassure her through the process the best I could. Finally, I get to my surgery date....and I could not have done it without her!!! She is my rock!!! She is also my biggest fan and is almost ready to submit for ins approval for her own surgery. (she is borderline...hope she gets it)

I hope like everything I get to be there for her and we get to get healthy together!!!

[dithdith26 3]

I am tryng to be reassuring that I am not leaving....even made a joke and told him "divorce is not and option". But apparently, within my wording and loud Italian voice, it came across more of a threat. So that now is a joke with us and the mood between us went from tense to lightheartedness! He even told me he took off for a week. But I think that is more to see what I am going through. I am hoping he will get this surgery.