male only Bummed Beond Beleif . . .

[Smoggy 152]

Well I was surprised when I went home for lunch (I work only 2 miles from home) and my wife was not there. I called her on her cell and she said it was already done, they were both gone. The vet said HIS tumor was likely invading his anus or bowel and causing him a lot of pain and a few quick test showed that SHE was indeed getting hard of hearing. She made the decision that it was best just to let them go than to subject them to further operations or procedures. I was shocked my wife didn't call so that I could come join her and say goodbye to the two wee beasts. I'm really struggling with feeling resentful towards her for not calling me.

This noon wave after wave of grief came over me - more than warranted for a couple of dogs, I'm afraid like most guys I've kept things bottled up since way before my mom passed away about 3 years back. I think it started when I had a few weight related health concerns (ALL fixed via the VSG) and through the operation itself and subsequent life change afterwards, my mom's death and a life changing crisis of faith about a year ago. It all caught up with me this noon. Here I am at work trying to choke back the tears and not doing such a good job of it.

Well it feels like a little relief to just write about it. Thanks for the well wishes. I don't think there will be any more pets for us for a long while, it takes a while to heal from the loss of the old one to properly bond with a new one. Being childless they were all we had.

Oh Rootman (((HUGS))) my heart goes right out to you. Hang in there.

[lsereno 2,525]

Rootman,

Sending loving thoughts your way. I am so sorry for your loss. You have been such a source of strength for me and so many others here. Your kind words and sensible way of looking at things have helped me so much on my journey.

If you can, maybe a little trip with the wife. Buy yourself a present, or a present for you and your wife.

Walking outside helps me too. I love being outdoors in the sunshine and the exercise helps me feel better. Writing is also good for me when I am sad. Sometimes I just write something in Word and don't even save the document. Just write whatever I'm feeling and then delete it. It helps me.

Thinking of you,

Lynda

[NancyJerry 139]

This noon wave after wave of grief came over me - more than warranted for a couple of dogs,

No such thing. I'm not able to have children either, and our family is our family. Allow yourself to go through all phases of grief (more than once if/when necessary). Lean on your wife when you can. On some level she must have thought she was protecting you. Remember them happy and healthy!! They are no longer in ANY pain. If we wish anything for family members it is that they know no pain. Know that your VSG family is here to support you too.

Empathic Hugs!!

[tjmom 200]

Rootman .... I am so sorry you are going through this...i too am an animal lover and in my 59 years have had to put down many "family members".. that is what they become, kids...they have our entire heart and soul....

I feel your pain, frustration and confusion .... Sending hugs your way to you and your family...

[Ms skinniness 3,003]

Well I was surprised when I went home for lunch (I work only 2 miles from home) and my wife was not there. I called her on her cell and she said it was already done, they were both gone. The vet said HIS tumor was likely invading his anus or bowel and causing him a lot of pain and a few quick test showed that SHE was indeed getting hard of hearing. She made the decision that it was best just to let them go than to subject them to further operations or procedures. I was shocked my wife didn't call so that I could come join her and say goodbye to the two wee beasts. I'm really struggling with feeling resentful towards her for not calling me.

This noon wave after wave of grief came over me - more than warranted for a couple of dogs, I'm afraid like most guys I've kept things bottled up since way before my mom passed away about 3 years back. I think it started when I had a few weight related health concerns (ALL fixed via the VSG) and through the operation itself and subsequent life change afterwards, my mom's death and a life changing crisis of faith about a year ago. It all caught up with me this noon. Here I am at work trying to choke back the tears and not doing such a good job of it.

Well it feels like a little relief to just write about it. Thanks for the well wishes. I don't think there will be any more pets for us for a long while, it takes a while to heal from the loss of the old one to properly bond with a new one. Being childless they were all we had.

This is really sad. It has me crying and I am trying not to let my tears out. The loss of a loved one brings back many of our losses that we haven't healed from. There are 10 stages that flow in different orders. Hang in there and please share with your wife how you feel about her making that decision without giving you a chance to say goodbye to those loved ones. She meant well but was beside herself making those decisions.

[thinoneday 445]

Rootman, I can so relate with you. . .the loss of a pet is the most painful thing. 4 years ago we had to put our very beloved dog down because our community has a no bite policy and our dog got out and bit a lady who slapped him. . that was the most painful thing ever. . it was like I lost my own child. . I cried for days/weeks/years. . . (tearing up) I will never get another pet, it's like I would be replacing my child. . .can't do it. . . so I got fish instead. . . them you can just scoop out and toss out. . . lol. . . don't go back to eating, that doesn't help and you know it, it just makes the pain alot worse. . . blessing to you and your family. . the path is never an easy one to walk, but we must all walk it. . . (((hugs))) to you and yours. . .

[kimbernada 190]

Rootman, do you think you could possibly write a goodbye letter to your furries? I know it isn't the same as telling them this in person, but maybe just writing it out will help you have some closure? I am so sorry that you are having to go through this.

While I know that this is so very heartbreaking, at least you know that they passed on peacefully - something that I wish all of my loved ones, furry or not, will have the chance to have when their time comes.

They may be gone physically, but I'm positive that their spirits live on in your home.

(((hugs)))

[Parker's Dad 50]

Rootman,

My thoughts go out to you man. It is very hard to lose your little four legged buddies. I have lost a couple over the years and it is very very difficult for sure.

They love you, they listen when noone else will, and they never ever judge you. They just love you. When you have a bad day they can be the only thing that you can sit down and make you feel better. You loved them and you wanted the best for them man. You would not want to see them suffer beyond anything that you could reasonably do for them. You had to love them and respect them as much in death as you did in life. It takes a lot of pain of heart to be able to let them go respectfully and with dignity instead of us using our selfish human heads to let their pain linger. As hard as it was, it was probably the best decision you could have made for THEM. I am sorry for your loss bud.

I am sure the wife was hurting just as badly and that trip that she made was one of the longest drives she has ever made man. You have her to talk to and to love. Forgive her, talk about the good times, and know in your hearts that you guys did what was right for your loved ones. Don't dwell on the negative the way we sometimes do and let that negativity live in you and eat at you.... it's not worth it. It's like a cancer that can make you very ill. Very sorry about the situation.

And this too shall pass.

[strawberrysoul 32]

I lost my baby wolf ( one of his many pet names) in November and think about him everyday.. It has gotten easier. But still 12 years with my baby Casper were a blessing. I wish you the best at this tough time

[Ms skinniness 3,003]

I have been thinking about how awesome it is that those little 4 legged critters were able to share such a wonderful home with such caring loving people. You brought them into you home and you gave them love. How lucky they were. To be honest, when my time comes, I don't want to linger on, I would like to end my life in a peaceful way and not have to suffer. You have been a godsend to those critters as well. It still hurts your heart, but they are still in your heart and will always be there next to you.

[New1 201]

Just sending thoughts of peace and prayers your way.

[Rootman 1,101]

Thanks again for all the well wishes. Man is the house quiet now! We actually slept with the bedroom door open last night for the first time in years, normally we kept it closed with the doggies in their crate out in the living room - the moment they heard either of us stir, even turn over in bed they would bark. We both slept through the night and didn't have to get up 3 or 4 times to comfort them, it was getting pretty bad the last week, both of them were pretty inconsolable at night.

I am now feeling such guilt, I KNOW it was the right thing to do, HE was suffering as his tumor had grown to the size of an apricot and was doing some harm pressing on his anus and colon, he could not poop and could not eat and was having a lot of discomfort. She was getting practically frantic as first her eye site failed then her hearing started to go. I feel so guilty ending their lives but I know as a good steward of these little beasts I have to take on the responsibility of their lives in total. There was nothing we could of done for HER while HE would of required pretty extensive surgeries.

I know I was wracked with guilt at the last time we put down a dog and then we waited too long and he really suffered with a brain cancer or some disease that caused him neurological damage. He would look right at you and seem to say "I think I know who you are but I'm not sure".

I took all their stuff to the local animal shelter today and donated it, it hurt so bad just to look over and see the empty crate and their blankets and stuff. I knew the shelter could use it all.

Man I cannot even imagine what it would be like to lose a child, just losing a pet is so hard.

Thanks again guys, the notes you've posted meant a lot to me.

[LilMissDiva Irene 3,281]

I can't offer any more advice as everyone here has done such a fabulous job of that already. Just that I completely and whole heartedly understand all of the emotions that result from having to make that ultimate decision on letting one of our precious little furbabies go.

I had rescued a cute little baby from the local shelter. She was set to be put down several times by the shelter but the lady had grown so attached and for some reason kept putting it off. I immediately fell for her, she was absolutely a sweetheart. Had crystal clear and pouty eyes, so I took her with me. It made the shelter lady happy as can be!

Well long story short I ended finding out she had FIV. *cry* So I knew our time together would be short. I did everything I could for her until I felt it was really time for her to go. I cradled her all the time and babied her. I also had to keep her away from my other furbabies because it can be contagious to them. She would always climb up my shoulders to fall asleep.

Man, do I ever miss her. I cried for weeks when I had to do the final goodbyes... it was just time. I still to this day wonder if I did it too soon? It just hurts and it's been 4 years now. I have the most beautiful photo of her encased in one of our cabinets. She was absolutely precious and I'm more thankful than sad to have given her a most happy and loving home for her last 18 months of life.

*hugs* to you and your Wife. You both did the right thing.

[Ms skinniness 3,003]

We love our furbabies so much, like our children. I have always second guessed myself when making a decision like that. There is no right time. I know that when our babies our suffering to such a great extent and have medical illnesses like tumors, it is really hard on them. My daughter's ferret died yesterday and it was really sad for her and I. She was such a joy to us. It was hard to see her suffering and we did all we could for her. She's in a much better place now, no pain and she has been released from her physical body and has no pain now. We will always miss our beloved critters and have them in our hearts. How lucky were we to have their love and companionship with no judgements.

Hugs to everyone, especially Rootman and his lovely wife! :wub:

[skye 46]

Never say no to more pets what you will give to another dogs life long or short is priceless it hurt to see them go but you made thee life special and happy read purpose of a dog and running in the rain it helps another dog is waiting for someone to love even in there short live span oncea dog lover always a dog lover gods blessing to,you in your grief