female only The Sleeve & Martiage.

[Sannah 258]

How has the sleeve affected your marriage ? Especially when your husband doesn't want to loose weight ( but supports your journey).

The good? The bad?

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[massindex 346]

Everyone starts the journey when they are ready. If your husband isn't ready, don't push it. As long as he is supportive, that's half the battle. One thing that moves he's decision process along ill be your change in food choices. Slowly start introducing healthier food choices and before long he'll notice feeling better. Positive reinforcement will move the process along.

[Sannah 258]

Hello!!

Thank you or giving feed back. I do not want to push him. I feel if he wants to engage weight loss he will on his terms.

But he seems to have a fear that my weight loss could negatively impact our marriage. Can you speak to this? I was asked if I would "get skinny" and leave. This is an odd thought to me. Our marriage is good and has been solid. So this idea is a bit out of sorts.

I did some reading about wls surgery and marriage. It sounds like the biggest challenge is that the partner who had weight loss wants to go out more, and this causes friction in the marriage.

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[massindex 346]

It really does change the normal give and take of marriage but only in that the topics that we compromose on. My wife said the same things (although she wanted to be sleeved also and eventually was). You will have more energy and want to do more so you'll have to find common areas to compromose together. I went head over heals into exercise and started to push my wife in that direction before i realized that her interests lie elsewhere. Our compromise - she lets me follow my passion and I scaled it back some so that we could spend more tine together, If anything, our marriage is better than before. There isn't a simple answer here but like marriage, it takes work to find the right solution. I'm sure you guys will make it successful!

[xraylinny 11]

My husband said the same exact thing to me! He was and is extremely supportive but now that I'm down about 53 pounds and 4 pant sizes I think he's starting to love the new and improved me,and any fears he may have had about me leaving are gone. I think if hubbys and wives see that we are still the same person as before wls,we are just an improved and healthier version,they're worries of us leaving will disappear. It's a big adjustment not only for us but our loved one as well...and we should give them all the room they need to adjust,just as they've given us....whew...I can really talk huh!? Lol

[Heatherr 149]

My husband isn't overweight. He was worried at first because he'd rather have me fat than not at all, but now that the surgery part is over and I"m my old self, the self he married again, he is thrilled. I think he's mostly thrilled because he sees how happy I am and that it really didn't affect our lives all that much aside for a few months. Sex is better, so he's happy about that. Also, he wondered if I were doing it for another man. He's a jealous bastid that way, but he now sees I really did do it for me. I also think he is enjoying the newer sexier me because he now likes to go shopping with me and "suggests" things for me to try on. He came home with a dozen new thongs for me, so yeah, he's happy.

[LilMissDiva Irene 3,282]

Hello!!

Thank you or giving feed back. I do not want to push him. I feel if he wants to engage weight loss he will on his terms.

But he seems to have a fear that my weight loss could negatively impact our marriage. Can you speak to this? I was asked if I would "get skinny" and leave. This is an odd thought to me. Our marriage is good and has been solid. So this idea is a bit out of sorts.

I did some reading about wls surgery and marriage. It sounds like the biggest challenge is that the partner who had weight loss wants to go out more, and this causes friction in the marriage.

Sent from my iPhone using VST

Only time will help him to understand whether you will leave or not. If you are planning to keep the marriage working even when you are losing weight, then you will have to show him. I always do my best to show my husband that he's the only guy for me. He was very supportive of my choice but he would make comments sometimes in the beginning of worry I'd leave him if I got thin. Well I just kept proving to him over and over that I wouldn't and I didn't.

I've been at goal now going on a year and we are still going strong. He is no longer worried. It just take a lot of time and a little bit of extra effort on your part to show him otherwise.

Take care!

[Wheetsin 714]

I could tell my husband that i want to shave my eyebrows into little dinosaurs and he'd support me, so I'm not sure I can say that it has affected my marriage, at least not in that way. The effect I have seen was in his attraction to me, physically. Love me or not, a fit body is usually more attractive than a 400lb body. We're still a fairly amorous couple and there were sexual positions & things we could try that I just couldn't physically do, or that were too uncomfortable, because of the extra bulk my body took up. So that was another change -- just more sexual freedom and liberties. Things we hadn't really been able to since I'd gained weight (I was not fat when we met).

And I felt better about myself, so my confidence/esteem changed completely. That changed our relationship as well. For the better. But I'm not sure if these are the types of experiences you're looking for...?

DH is all for me losing weight, for various reasons. I do know that in my experience (99.999999% of my friends are guys and most of them are married or in long-term relationships) that when a guy doesn't want a woman to lose weight, it's usually his own insecurities. Or a fettish.

I'm not sure I understand how he could support the journey but not the outcome. Surely he understands you're not going through sleeve surgery so you can maintain your current weight? So I'd have to say - if you don't know already, find out why he doesn't want you to lose weight. Then you'll know what you can address. Is he insecure? Jealous? Does he truly just like a fatter figure? Is he worried about what it will do to you? Etc.

Couples grow. You can grow together, like || or you can grow apart like \ / but the growth is a guarantee.

How has the sleeve affected your marriage ? Especially when your husband doesn't want to loose weight ( but supports your journey).

The good? The bad?

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[topgun 63]

Part of a comprehensive psych eval is to make us aware of the possibilities that our undergoing a radical weight loss may have a negative impact on our marriages or relationships. Statistically, the divorce rate for bariatric patients is higher than average. I would think that those husbands and wives who are not supportive are either insecure about their marriages or about themselves.

[Sannah 258]

It has been great to hear of other peoples experiences!! Thank you for sharing.

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[kyllfalcon 768]

My hubby is a jewel. It was he who first suggested the surgery, a couple of years ago, and of course, it hurt my feelings and angered me that he would suggest something I considered so dangerous (thinking only of bypass, unaware of band or sleeve at that time).

But when I on my own became interested, he went with me to the informational seminar, stayed by my side during the surgery and recovery, and is ever on the lookout for something new that he thinks I would like to eat.

During all this, he has abstained from his usual fatty and fast-food diet, never complaining or even mentioning that he misses it, and eats what I eat, but more of it. He has dropped about 40 pounds himself since my surgery, and is near his ideal weight.

We are somewhat past the "amorous" stage in our marriage, having settled into the old friends routine. But I now find him gazing at me and when I ask "what?", he tells me how pretty I look these days.

What a guy. Wish he had a gazillion brothers so I could pass them out to all my friends!

[CdnExpat 49]

My hubby is a jewel. !

Sounds familiar. It was my husband who suggested that since I couldn't diet my way to a slimmer me, maybe I should ask for help? He's been absolutely awesome. We're Culture Vultures & Foodies, and I was really worried about how being sleeved would change our lifestyle, but we've worked together to adjust to my new needs AND still do the things we love. DH has also dropped everything I can't eat from his diet (except cheeseburgers) and he's lost the 20 pounds he's gained since I met him in 1980. (He also adjusted a lot of things when I spent a year in a wheelchair because of my MS) Now when we go out (96 days post op and we're going out again!) he orders what he wants and I nibble off his plate. We still get our beloved Foodie experience, our regular dates, and the treasure of shared enjoyment.

We were married 30 years last month, and I don't regret staying through the tough times when I wondered what I was thinking in marrying him (we were both 18). I'm so thankful I stayed and did the hard work that's paying such big dividends now.

Having said all that, I can say if we weren't BOTH committed to our relationship and to the need/space for personal growth, we wouldn't have made it. If the relationship had been one-sided in any way - emotionally, physically, mentally, or psychologically, it would have collapsed. A satisfying and fulfilling relationship is only possible with reciprocal investment by both partners. (This is partly what I do professionally... ;p)

Just want to say my husband, friend, lover, coach, handyman is a jewel, too.

CE

[CdnExpat 49]

Sounds familiar. It was my husband who suggested that since I couldn't diet my way to a slimmer me' date=' maybe I should ask for help? He's been absolutely awesome. We're Culture Vultures & Foodies, and I was really worried about how being sleeved would change our lifestyle, but we've worked together to adjust to my new needs AND still do the things we love. DH has also dropped everything I can't eat from his diet (except cheeseburgers) and he's lost the 20 pounds he's gained since I met him in 1980. (He also adjusted a lot of things when I spent a year in a wheelchair because of my MS) Now when we go out (96 days post op and we're going out again!) he orders what he wants and I nibble off his plate. We still get our beloved Foodie experience, our regular dates, and the treasure of shared enjoyment.

We were married 30 years last month, and I don't regret staying through the tough times when I wondered what I was thinking in marrying him (we were both 18). I'm so thankful I stayed and did the hard work that's paying such big dividends now.

Having said all that, I can say if we weren't BOTH committed to our relationship and to the need/space for personal growth, we wouldn't have made it. If the relationship had been one-sided in any way - emotionally, physically, mentally, or psychologically, it would have collapsed. A satisfying and fulfilling relationship is only possible with reciprocal investment by both partners. (This is partly what I do professionally... ;p)

Just want to say my husband, friend, lover, coach, handyman is a jewel, too.

CE[/quote']

That should say we were both 18...

[KingOxNyc 22]

I guess I'm one of them few where it's affected my marriage...I have always had a big head my wiifm says it got bigger. She thinks I have a girlfriend which I don't. But she keeps pushing and asking I may as well get one (I'm just kidding). I have become a little less tolerant of our fights and how I am treated I want and expect more now. There is a lot of outside the relationship distractions i have been getting a lot of attention from other ladies nothing I have or will act on but it's there and the wife has picked up on it and she doesn't like it which she has all rights not to. But I can see a really big change in the both of us she loves me healthier but for the sake of us I think she. Would like me still heavy.

[CdnExpat 49]

I guess I'm one of them few where it's affected my marriage...I have always had a big head my wiifm says it got bigger. She thinks I have a girlfriend which I don't. But she keeps pushing and asking I may as well get one (I'm just kidding). I have become a little less tolerant of our fights and how I am treated I want and expect more now. There is a lot of outside the relationship distractions i have been getting a lot of attention from other ladies nothing I have or will act on but it's there and the wife has picked up on it and she doesn't like it which she has all rights not to. But I can see a really big change in the both of us she loves me healthier but for the sake of us I think she. Would like me still heavy.

I'm sorry some of the side effects of getting healthy have been a little painful, KingOxNyc. Change is scary because it's heading for an unknown destination, and we tend not to like this very much. Makes us prickly and cranky. (Or suspicious and insecure). It sounds as if your wife is suddenly confronted by the fact that what's she taken for granted (she's the only one who wants you) is changing. And if she's got any insecurities about why you're with HER, trouble ensues. This is a great time to make space for the "We" that is created by both of you. Maybe find someone in your area who does the Prepare-Enrich Couples Assessment?It's a great, non-threatening way to identify the strengths you have and areas of growth/flux.

Both of you investing in "We" will probably make it come right. Good luck and congratulations on the changes you've already made.

CE