Thought I Could Trust My Husband!

[MGM 140]

I told my husband not to tell my mother being as tho she wants nothing to do with me anyways and how about he did I was PISSED and he dare not to tell his brother he don't want him talking **** oh ur wife had to have weight loss surgery to get skinny blah blah blah my husband want to keep that to himself an when I'm done losing it all he wants to show me off he says It's always a competition and I'm feeli f some type of way

Sounds like you live in my family! That's why I didn't want them to know. I haven't seen inlaws since Christmas 2011 and hopefully won't see them until Christmas 2012! And we all live less than 10 miles away!!!

[MGM 140]

No' date=' any woman that doesn't feel supported should obviously start flirting at work and take up sexting with an old fling.

In re. to WLS leading to a higher divorce rate.. you all think it's because the partner who didn't have surgery changing and not liking a healthier spouse? Hmmm me thinks maybe a lot of the partners who have to WLS suddenly feel like they can do better and/or want a little taste of the grass on the other side.

If you are in an unhealthy marriage, get out. If you are in an unhealthy marriage and have an attitude that once you lose a bunch of weight you will then leave... well...[/quote']

If we don't make it, it won't be because of wls. The whole 20 years has been a struggle, and we are both getting tired. In my situation, it won't be because I lost weight so I'm gonna go get a new man. I married him thin. So was he. I gained 140lbs. He's gained 50. It's not about the size it's about his personality, our inability to communicate with each other, his life views, and his family. He's type a, and I'm not...so we may or may not stay together in the grand scheme of things. If we do divorce, it won't be because of wls, it's just another branch on the bumpy highway. But, well always be friends. Sometimes, that's the way things should have stayed.

[gramaof4 58]

MGM....Love ya chickie...new friends can be very supportive especially when they understand and have been or are wearing the same shoes, as uncomfortable as they may be.

I love my husband, but I NEED for him to love me fat or thin...not just thin... and not just on his terms....

I have not taken offense to ANYTHING anyone has written, in fact almost the exact opposite...everytime from here on out, when my hubby does something to disrespect me...I am going to think of a wild Grizzly Bear....LOL Thanks Patric...I will tell you the first real good belly laugh I have had in a flipping long time...OMG it was so funny I had to share with my friends who watch me and my sadness with how my hubby treats me.

So Thank You for a well Needed laugh...

[MGM 140]

MGM....Love ya chickie...new friends can be very supportive especially when they understand and have been or are wearing the same shoes' date=' as uncomfortable as they may be.

I love my husband, but I NEED for him to love me fat or thin...not just thin... and not just on his terms....

I have not taken offense to ANYTHING anyone has written, in fact almost the exact opposite...everytime from here on out, when my hubby does something to disrespect me...I am going to think of a wild Grizzly Bear....LOL Thanks Patric...I will tell you the first real good belly laugh I have had in a flipping long time...OMG it was so funny I had to share with my friends who watch me and my sadness with how my hubby treats me.

So Thank You for a well Needed laugh...[/quote']

Love you too Grama! I agree with what you just posted 100%.

People who are feeling like things posted by anyone is offensive to us, LIGHTEN UP! We all vent from time to time!

[Jlewis229 191]

I have deleted all my inlaws from Facebook. I have tried for 20 years to fit in. But I'm not a drinker and partyer so...

MGM-

You don't need to fit in with them anyway! I enjoy talking to you so much on here, you have a great sense of humor & are just easy to talk to!

[MGM 140]

Awe my sweet Johnathan, thanks!

[Jlewis229 191]

Both of you MGM & Gramaof4 are amazing women to have held it together for so long without the support of your husbands! You are both going to do great with this surgery & have extremely happy lives no matter what happens. Of Course I want everuthing to work out for you but sometimes it just doesn't work. My mother has been divorced twice! Both of them were jerks!

Patrick- Your wife is extremely lucky to have you! You gave great advice to these ladies!'

And for those of you that are having a coronary about people having a laugh, get over it, these ladies have no problems with anyone having a good time, nobody was making fun of anyone's situations.

Johnathan

[Wheetsin 714]

OP I read your first post but have not read through all responses, so I hopethis is still relevant.

When I had my lapband surgery in 2006 I was very open about it, but I asked my husband not to mention it to his family or his co-workers (most of whom I know). I just told him it was my story to tell,not his. Guess who he told. His why -- he was so proud of me for taking such a big step toward a better quality of life that he completely forgot.

I also told my mom the same thing. Don't tell the family (I'm not close with most of my family) and... just don't tell anyone. My mom is a horrible gossip. Horrible. So I show up for a family event a few months later and one of my aunts, who I particularly cannot stand, asks, "So how's the rubber band thing your mom told me about?" Then I go to get my hair done and she has told my stylist. She "didn't think telling family would be a big deal" and told my stylist (my mom gets her hair done at the same place) because she knew someone who was thinking about getting it. Like that makes sense.

I was more angry with my mom than DH but in both cases I felt that my trust/confidence had been betrayed.

I told DH this time around - not a peep. And so far he hasn't. I told my mother not a peep as well, and she says, "What am I supposed to tell people if they ask?" "Tell them they'll have to ask me."

It's hurtful, but it sounds like you have some other issues that might be exacerbating it. I'm reading a lot of built up tension and animosity in your message. I would make it clear to him that he has hurt you and why. His reasoning doesn't matter. He will own his mistake, or he won't. But he needs to understand that it has emotional consequences.

SUPER PISSED!!! I told my husband in the beginning of my final decision that I DID NOT want his family to know about my weight loss surgery I'm going to have. I feel like I haven't been accepted at my worst, then they don't deserve me at my best. Anyway...we were just talking about the subject again, and I reiterated to him I DID NOT WANT THEM TO KNOW. IT'S NONE OF THEIR BUSINESS AND NOT HIS PLACE TO TELL THEM! He already did...two weeks ago! M A DDD!!

[BAYOUSLEEVE225 4]

MGM and Jan:

I CAN'T WAIT FOR YOU TWO TO TELL US NEXT YEAR THAT YOUR DIVORCES ARE PENDING.

The kind of disrespect you two have described is simply unforgivable, ESPECIALLY FROM A SPOUSE.

"Good father", "good grandfather": whatever. Jan-what did your husband teach your son by getting the candy bars and throwing them in your lap? That doesn't sound like a good anything to me.

No one deserves to be treated like this.

Your husbands feeling "insecure" is absolutely no excuse for this. They have no respect for you, and shame on you if you let them treat you this way ever again.

I sincerely hope that when you two lose the weight and feel better about yourselves, you realize that YOU ARE BETTER THAN THAT, AND IF THEY WON'T TREAT YOU WITH RESPECT, DIGNITY, AND LOVE, F--K THEM and go get the person you truly deserve.

Sorry if I sound bitter, but no one should be treated like that, and certainly no one should treat someone like that in front of their children.

Prepare mentally NOW for what may be inevitable.

This is great advice!!! You deserve the best!!!

[SMP1126 76]

I had a long talk with my wife & kids about my decision to have this surgery and my wish that noone else, family or friends be told about it. My kids are 28 & 26 and our 30th anniversary is coming up this month.

Let me say first that MGM, I so sympathize with your situation and it seems that you have every right to feel the way you do. OK so, I had the surgery on 6/25 but prior to that, I had a go-around not with my wife, but one of my children who thought it best to tell my family just in case, God forbid something went wrong in surgery. I said that if something went wrong, then fine....let mom tell 'em that I went for this to try to get healthier and something went terribly wrong, etc. and I didn't want anyone to know before so noone would have to worry. Long story short, it came down to me laying down the law and saying this is my business and don't you dare open your mouth! Luckily so far as I know, it's been obeyed. As for my wife, I can't say enough about her, she has been more than supportive, she's been truly my better half for 30 years, Bless her heart! She even took off the week I had the procedure to stay home and help take care of me if I needed it. I thank God every day for her and as we come upon our 30th anniversary I can say proudly that I would marry her all over again!

[bakawaka 59]

I have observed that weight loss by one person makes others insecure - it is the courage to change. It occurs with spouses, life partners, friends, co-workers, etc. Individuals who are not self-empowered can get discouraged by others who are self-empowered.

[chad2rad 491]

I have observed that weight loss by one person makes others insecure - it is the courage to change. It occurs with spouses' date=' life partners, friends, co-workers, etc. Individuals who are not self-empowered can get discouraged by others who are self-empowered.[/quote']

I saw this with coworkers yesterday, discounting someone who lost weight and looks awesome. Petty insecurity.

[Catracks 865]

Makes me love my husband even more. Yeah, I know there is more than one side to a story, but even insecurity is no excuse to treat a person like crap. I wasted more than a few years with a person that treated me so horribly that I want to kick my own ass for putting up with it for so long.

Whatever happens, you do need to surround yourself with stable, decently happy and supportive people. I wish you the very best.

[dar1983 750]

When I first told my husband about the surgery, he said" We don't have to tell ANYONE , only the 4 of us need to know (my 2 daughters). We'll do this together". HAHAAHAAAA! He tried to keep it shut, but men are such gossips! I think every one of his customers and family know EVERYTHING!

( I feel you on the in-law thing...)

[SMP1126 76]

Another reason some people act that way is simple jealousy. Believe it or not, we all have "friends", family and co-workers who don't want to see us succeed. They either want to maintain the impression that they are better than we are, or better off than we are or have a better life than we do, etc and to see such a drastic improvement is a threat to their bubble of superiority.

We all know who they are and that's why, when you get to where you wanna be, those are the ones you're gonna feel most confident in front of!