I have noticed several new things in life. Some people that I thought were friends really only liked me because I was the "Big Guy". I was safe to be friends with because I didn't threaten to take away attention from them. That hit REAL close to home. My own wife actually said that I couldn't do any better than her. WOW! REALLY? Now as I am going to prepare for work soon I sit here at my laptop. Mind you, my belly is still large. However, I have made some marked improvements. While I am still approximately 100lb from goal I feel great physically. Just to let everyone know, the emotional toll can be very tough. Moreso than the surgical aftermath.

I keep telling myself that there aren't many 440lb 80 year old men walking (or lying) around. What's the point in staying big to appease someone else's ego? People like that (friends or otherwise) don't care. As you leave they usher in your replacement. Do yourselves a favor and only be concerned about what YOU think. What makes YOU happy. What will keep YOU alive, healthy and in love with yourself.

Be your own joie de vivre!

Have a great day, VST!

Wow, it is really painful when we discover our friends just liked us because we were less threatening. I'm thinking that these people really would like to have a surgery to help them lose weight. I believe that some of our friends are so side swiped by our decisions and loss of weight, they don't know what to say. However, I do have a friend that made me really upset due to her telling me I'm in starvation and I can't keep doing this. What does she know? Where is she getting her information? She is always putting down the medical profession and now she's citing them! I have just decided that I don't need this anymore and will see her alot less often! She has just challenged me in so many ways. SHe's very competitive and I don't really want to be that way with my dear friends. I do forgive her for alot of her stupid remarks that she gives no thought too. Oh well, I'm sure I will find more of these people......

As for your wife saying that you couldn't do any better, perhaps you can't. I'm not putting you down, just saying that maybe she really IS the perfect person for you! :smile1:

I agree with Lissa about the wife thing. Your spouse should be the BEST you can get, or at least YOU should feel that way, IMHO.

My husband has told me for years that I could do bettter than him, and I've always told him he is wrong because I can't imagine anyone better for me than him. For me, he is the perfect man, and I can't do any better. I have no interest in even trying.

My thoughts on this is that when we are big, we are part of the "outcasts club". No one wants to be in the outcasts club by themselves. It makes us feel less like outcasts when we are around others like us.

When we are big, it is easier to be treated as inferior. And that means sometimes that someone gets to feel superior when they are around us.

When we lose weight, we leave the outcasts club and so relationships change. It's sad, but true.

Being fat is like living in a prison and when we lose the weight, we are released from prison. But our overweight friends are still in that prison. It is hard to keep the relationship going.

A quote from a "friend"

"I am so sick of this sh*t......just don't f*cking talk to me! If you are not fixing the problem maybe you are causing one. Why have friends when they are only happy when you are not....."

Like I was saying, a lot of people never had a problem with me when I was stuck at 440lb. The hypocrisy is at an all-time high! It still leaves a sore spot because someone I knew for nearly ten years never displayed this behavior until recently.

A quote from a "friend"

"I am so sick of this sh*t......just don't f*cking talk to me! If you are not fixing the problem maybe you are causing one. Why have friends when they are only happy when you are not....."

OMG! When the dynamics change it seems to bring out the worst in people. I've been lucky so far. The only weirdness I get is at work and a lot of them have severe issues anyway. I came in to drop something off and one woman who always sneered at me before, would not even look at me. In fact, she almost jarred her neck avoiding me.

Aren't people weird?

A quote from a "friend"

"I am so sick of this sh*t......just don't f*cking talk to me! If you are not fixing the problem maybe you are causing one. Why have friends when they are only happy when you are not....."

Like I was saying, a lot of people never had a problem with me when I was stuck at 440lb. The hypocrisy is at an all-time high! It still leaves a sore spot because someone I knew for nearly ten years never displayed this behavior until recently.

Daaaaaang, that's harsh dude. I'm sorry that's happening to you. It's sad to see what people are really made of sometimes. From the overflow of the heart, the mouth speaks. Just pour out love to him for his hatefulness and heap the burning coals on his head.

A quote from a "friend"

"I am so sick of this sh*t......just don't f*cking talk to me! If you are not fixing the problem maybe you are causing one. Why have friends when they are only happy when you are not....."

Like I was saying, a lot of people never had a problem with me when I was stuck at 440lb. The hypocrisy is at an all-time high! It still leaves a sore spot because someone I knew for nearly ten years never displayed this behavior until recently.

I am just curious what context this was in. I am not following what the person is talking about. What problem are you supposed to be fixing or causing? Why is he unhappy, if it is a HE. Just curious. Tam

I am just curious what context this was in. I am not following what the person is talking about. What problem are you supposed to be fixing or causing? Why is he unhappy, if it is a HE. Just curious. Tam

OH ya, good point...IS it a he?

No. This is a woman. And the problem is that the focus is not 100% on her.

No. This is a woman. And the problem is that the focus is not 100% on her.

(Ok ladies don't throw rotten e-tomatoes at me but...) We women DO tend to be that way. Nothing gives a woman more pleasure than to see her friend gain a few pounds. (I just read that yesterday on someone else's thread.) It's too true. We are catty and jealous and spiteful. Especially when it comes to how we look compared to others. We can have a lot of trouble rejoicing in a friend's good times and victories. Most guys are like "Hey you look great! You've lost weight! Isn't my big belly awesome??" Us? Not so much. It really is HER problem. Turn it back on her. Ask her how she'd like to be treated and lavished with good wishes and compliments if she lost just 10 pounds. I guarantee she'd want a parade. I hope she comes around. YOU...are doing great!!

I don't think she's going to come around. We decided to end the tumultuous friendship this morning. She fluctuates between 130-145lb. She is obsessed with being the weight she was at 20 years old. I have seen her at 175lb and she looks AMAZING. The smoothness of her skin, the way she smiles.. I could go on but suffice to say I have no problem with her size nor did I have a problem with her wanting to be a certain weight. All I say to her is to do it because you want to NOT because it's what you think people will like you to be. The only time I get on her is HOW she wants to lose weight. Starvation has often a paradoxical outcome. She already has some health issues and not eating isn't helping them.

Her last reply was this:

"I will work extra hard on my day off getting over our friendship maybe you should do the same"

I've decided to just force myself to not contact her until it becomes habit. Then I won't want anything to do with her.

And let me just say this: In no way do I think all women are this way. Dooter's point may be valid but I'm only focusing on this person and no one else.

And let me just say this: In no way do I think all women are this way. Dooter's point may be valid but I'm only focusing on this person and no one else.

Well, I'm just saying we all have these tendencies. Not all of us and not all the time. I'm glad you've not been embittered to the whole gender! God Bless you in your time with this.

This is an apt topic for me at the moment.

I have been surprised by the people who are now in my corner, my cheerleaders. Alot of these people were not my closest friends before t he surgery.

The people that I called my closest friends I now struggle with, not necessarily because I am loosing the weight, but more because I respect myself more, and expect more from the people I am close with. Before I did not expect or receive the same respect that I extended to them. So now I think I deserve it. It is making me evaluate my closer friends more than before.....definitely need to widen my friends pool.

It definitely takes an emotional toll on you, but I am starting a new life and I deserve the best.

No. This is a woman. And the problem is that the focus is not 100% on her.

I know self-absorbed people. Despite what Dooter says, I don't play the catty games. Maybe that's why I can count my women friends on one hand with plenty of fingers left over. Just saying ...