Still Struggling With Decision 1 Week Out

[Writergirl 230]

I'm one week out from surgery and I'm on an emotional roller coaster. One day I'm at peace, the next day i'm in tears. I began using food as a coping mechanism more than 40 years ago, and I associate food--large quantities of food--with all my happiest and saddest memories. I'm not ONLY about food--I know this. And yes, I'm looking forward to being able to wear pretty clothes and do things again. But I keep trying to envision a "me" that feels like "me" without the food, and I'm having a really hard time. I spent 3 months doing low carb and lost 34 pounds in prep for my surgery, and now I'm wondering if I should just keep going with that. The nice thing is that while on that diet I still went out every two weeks and had whatever I wanted. The knowledge that those meals were coming kept me going! I am riddled with fear and uncertainty. And yet... I am so overweight I can barely walk, and I know every diet I've ever tried has eventually ended.

I'm a strong woman who has been through so much in life. I know I'm strong. But I also wonder if maybe sugar was the glue that was holding me together all these years!

Are these fears normal?

Can anyone share some thoughts that will convince me this is going to be ok?

[Rootman 1,101]

Yep, and it is highly unusual to NOT have the fears and doubts. It's completely rational and normal. Once I got back to my hotel post -op I just collapsed and had a good long cry. The urge hit me a few times more after that, but soon the weight started coming off, I was healing and getting energy back.

Now I wouldn't UNDO (if one could) it for the world!

[SmilinGal 11]

I can not tell you that things are going to be okay because I am going through the same thing. I have been a wreck trying to make up my mind about having this surgery- not to mention going to Mexico to do it. I finally committed to a surgery date last night by booking my flight tickets. But here is what I have decided. It is not about looking good, smaller clothes, etc. That will be nice, but I want to feel better. I don't want to lug around an extra 100+ pounds anymore. It is weighing me down mentally and physically. I could lose 30 or 40 pounds, just like I have every year of my life, then regain it all plus more. And then I would have wasted another year. We are not giving up food. Just our dependence and over-indulgence on it. And I need that. As I told my daughter- I can have a piece of fudge next Christmas- just not the entire pan! And that's a good thing!!!! I think all of your fears are normal. It is for sure a life change- but one I am looking forward to (today.... Tomorrow I will probably be panicking again).

[Writergirl 230]

Thank you, Rootman and Lainini. As I've gone through this process I've clung to the hope given by all those on this board who have said they'd never go back on their decision, even though it's been hard.

I just made an appt with a therapist. She had gastric bypass 6 years ago, and she answered the phone when I called and talked to me for a long time. I made an appt for 3 wks out, and I feel better knowing I've taken that step.

Lainini, I like what you said about just giving up our dependence and over-indulgence. We can do this!!!

[Becca 108]

Your fears are normal. food has so many emotional ties and it can be hard to let it go. You wouldn't have had the surgery if you knew deep down you could do this on your own. We all can lose weight on diets but keeping it off is the hard part. The sleeve be there for you all the time helping you to change your life. You will enjoy food again, just in way smaller amounts. Once you see your body transforming, your feelings will change. Living life is so much better than eating it away. Hugs. You will get through this.

[Writergirl 230]

Thanks, Becca!

[LilMissDiva Irene 3,281]

Hi there writergirl, EVERYTHING you are feeling and questioning right now is completely normal. I just want to let you know that I also went through those same emotions. Post op is extremely tough. But remember this, nothing worth having is ever easy!! We will have to fight for what we want, and also remember that the more struggles we endure to get to where we want to be will result in an ever more rewarding completion. May it keep you from ever forgetting because its when we become complacent and forget that we are doomed to repeat our old mistakes.

Do what is working for you now and ride it out as long as you possibly can. This is going to be a bumpy road and what may work for you for months down the line may suddenly stop and you will need to shake things up to get the weight loss moving again. You ARE blessed!!!

Xoxo

[circa 333]

I can relate to this. But remember, its not you without food - its you with LESS food. You won't be drinking only Protein Shakes and chicken broth for the rest of your life. Its you in control of that food, not the food controlling you - all while you wear those pretty clothes! There's a light at the end of the tunnel, and its not a train full of cheesecakes plotting your demise. Its the daylight of a new dawn - you in control and you doing everything you want in life and not having to be a slave to food. It will get better - keep your eye on the future Hang in there!