Will I ever not feel like a fat girl?

[aaa 3]

I suppose this is kind of a weird question. Anyone out there further along and perhaps at their goal weight, do you still 'think fat'?

It's strange. I remember clearly how it felt to be nearly 400lbs. It was horrible. I could barely move. I was constantly miserable and barely left the house. Now I'm nearly 140lbs lighter. I have nothing but energy. I actually enjoy going out in the sun, going for walks and to the gym. Still a long way to go weight loss wise, but getting around is so much easier.

People are always complimenting me on how well I look. I know my body's changed for the better in so many ways... but deep down, I sometimes still feel like that 376lb girl. I find myself scooting over on bus seats to give the person next to me room when there's actually enough now. I have no sense of how much I weigh in comparison to other people. I still look at big people and smile as I know how tough it is, but now it must look like I'm being rude and staring because they're larger than me. I was talking to my brother about our upcoming trip to Florida and I was expressing concerns about which rides I'll fit on and he was just like, "Everything. I don't think you realise how much weight you've lost!"

It's not something that really affects me, but I suppose I just thought all the head self-image stuff would sort itself alongside the weight loss. I guess not! Sometimes I guess I just look down at all the loose skin and the big belly still to go and get myself down as I start to worry it'll never go and I'll never be a healthy weight and I'll still look fat at my goal weight. It's something I'm still working on. Just wondering if anyone else can relate!

[settebee 11]

I would love to hear other people's responses bc I too still feel like "fatty patty" even though I have friends, family and even my clients telling me otherwise. My sister in-law asked me the other day, "How does it to feel to be little?" I just laughed it off! I still have a bit to go, but I have gone a long way. My highest was 325 lbs! I have currently lost 123 lbs with only about 40 lbs to go! You would think even after losing a whole person it would sink in, but nope!! Maybe one day my head will catch up with my body.

[KristeyK 3]

I can't relate YET. However, I can tell you through a lot of research that I have done for a school paper, it is a common theme among people who have lost a substantial amount of weight. Be cognizant of the fact that you know it's only FEELING like the fat girl. Also, if you are able to, talk to a professional. They would have suggestions as to how you would be able to overcome that feeling, and see your new body in the mirror, not the old one.

Good luck, and CONGRATULATIONS on your success. You're doing great!

[snowfie9 6]

First of all, it's incredible how much you've lost and you should be so proud of yourself (I don't even know you and I'm proud of you! LOL).

I think the question of how one perceives one's self has as much to do with how long you were overweight as it does with how severely overweight you were.

I have been obese, literally, my entire adult life (and most of my childhood). I will always perceive myself in that lens because it's so ingrained. but that doesn't mean I'll keep seeing myself as "the fat girl" because for a long time I didn't see myself that way. Sure I was overweight. Sure I wore plus sized clothes, but I wasn't so overweight that it kept me from participating in life. That was a fairly recent event as obesity does invariably get worse with age. If anything, as I approach a normal weight, I imagine I'll perceive myself as anorexic or TOO skinny (and the sagging skin won't help I'm sure). normality for me has always been obese and (hopefully) those norms will change with time.

[sunnyd 32]

When I lost a bunch of weight before and worked out all the time and was thin I always still felt huge . Unfortunately I think it takes the brain a long time to catch up with the body. I would love to be that size again and enjoy it this time! Hopefully someday!

[RickM 1,747]

This is a common theme amongst WLS people, even long term. I've been going to support group meetings for about 8 years, though was sleeved only last month (my wife was DS'd six years ago) and it's very normal to see your reflection in a mirror or store window and think "who's that person? - Oh, yeah," My wife reports that that is fading, and she resolved the "can I fit thru that space, or in that chair?" mindblock some time ago. But just last year, when we were at a gathering of friends who never knew her before, she told me she had the thought of "these people don't know who I really am... - wait a minute, I'm still the same person!" It takes time for our brains to catch up with the rest of us.

[Wheetsin 714]

The brain is slow to change with some things. I never actually hit my goal, but I got close. Some of the things I remember:

-- Walking past a window, or mirror, and thinking I was seeing someone else's reflection because it wasn't the "fat me" that still exists (and yet, doesn't exist at the same time) in my brain. Or seeing myself in a picture, and being like "Who's that chubby girl who looks like really fat me... oh that's me..."

-- Buying clothes based on size, but looking at them and thinking There's no way it's going to fit..., only to have it fit.

-- Being out with a girlfriend and getting really sick & tired of this guy who kept staring at me. I just knew he was doing it in a negative/mocking/disgusted way. I was getting ready to go say something (not nice) to him when she reminded me, "You're not that girl anymore. OF COURSE he's staring at you, you're a cute, tall, redhead."

It will take a while for your brain to relearn yourself. Ever made a drastic change to your hair, and it takes a while to get used to it? Same idea. VIsually, you will need to relearn you. Physically, you will need to relearn you (how many of us dreaded or avoided situations like movie theaters or restaurants that had chairs w/ arms because we knew we wouldn't fit comfortably, if at all). Capability-wise, you will need to relearn you. The first time I climbed four flights of stairs and was on my way down the hallway before I realized -- I'm not breathing heavy!...

[SFOTraveler 42]

First o f all congrats! You have achieved some amazing weight loss!!!!

Second, what you are experiencing is pretty common from what I understand. And I did go through a bout of it a few months ago but now I am reveling in the fact that I can fit into things I never thought I could (or cannot remember!). I had someone say to me "you're a skinny minnie now!" and that comment really threw me for a loop. A) I have NEVER EVER thought of myself as skinny, and although I am happy with my looks at the moment I certainly wouldn't call myself skinny.... so maybe yes my mind is warped also???

Either way I feel 100% better so that's what I try to focus on!

[settebee 11]

I love everyones comments!! Thanks for the feed back! I am very happy with my success, but right now it just so surreal, but my brain will catch! It funny now when I look at pictures of myself or even in the mirror, I see my little sister! Lol Thanks again!

[myrori 55]

Today I went to Old Navy and got a size 10 skirt and large tank top to try on,,, I cringed the whole time I was putting them on and the was SHOCKED to see the person in the mirror wearing that skirt! So the brain does take way longer if ever to catch up!

[Maddie 9]

I am at goal and still catch myself looking for "the widest spot" on the park bench. Some of those old habits die hard.

[aaa 3]

Thanks for all the replies. So glad to hear this is a common thing and people can relate. Thought I was going insane!

I can totally relate to the trying on new clothes thing - when I first went to buy some new clothes, I thought it'd dropped maybe a couple of sizes. Turned out I'd dropped SEVEN sizes. You just don't realise until something like that happens, I think.

It's interesting that someone mentioned about being able to cope correlating with when you put the weight on. I can kind of believe that. I've been fat all my life. I was probably 6 or 7 when I was last at a normal weight (I'm 28 now). I've NEVER lived my adult life as a person of a normal weight, so it's almost like becoming a whole new person. It's like I'm being given a second chance at my adulthood and I'm like a fish out of water!

The good thing is now my friends cut me no slack now I'm just a bit overweight. I have no excuse any more. I'm not 200 to 250lbs heavier than them any more so I don't have any excuse when it comes to trying new things or keeping up with them in terms of exercise etc. Not that I mind. I love being able to do things that everyone else can do now.

I think it'll be a while before I step into a room and not think I'm not the largest person there, but I'm working on it.

[To Be Thin 2011 80]

Wow, great posts here, and very incouraging to see such high numbers of weight loss with the sleeve...

Thank you Lex for posting and sharing,, I truly felt I was alone in my thoughts like yours. I can understand what it is like to the be the biggest person in the room or at a party, etc.. I still have a long way to go... I look at some of the posts on this forum and most have started their WL journey at a lower weight than I am yet to be.... frustrating at times, but little by little I am plugging along.

I feel sure it will be a long, long time before my head ever catchs up to my weight loss.

[LilMissDiva Irene 3,281]

Yes, I'm no different to this myself. I just recently woke up the other day and it hit me like a ton of bricks... I'M NOT FAT. If you can imagine how this felt to me. It was the morning after I was able to get into my Size 6's. No one that can fit a size 6 is fat. It was the strangest feeling in the world!

I still have a hard time coming to grips with how I look on the outside as opposed to how my brain thinks of me. I still have to constantly remind myself of the new me.

That said, I feel great, and I just know it's probably going to take years before I can fully grasp the concept. Being patient with myself is really important right now.

[Lanette 124]

While I still have a ways to go, I will say that I am constantly trying to get past this because I KNOW that the mental stuff is what got me to this point in the first place. I can remember being called fat when I was in 1st grade and it continued for years. I was a VERY small child and was NOT overweight. I can distinctly remember beginning to believe that about myself. Throughout the rest of my life, I can remember feeling like the fattest girl in the world and then a year or two later I would look back at pics and WISH I were only that size again.

I am trying SO hard to enjoy the way down and change my way of thinking about each step. I have never been a really observant person about other people's looks, but just recently I've been trying to take a closer look. What has been really cool is that when I look around at my son's baseball games I realize that I just look like any other mom......just normal........BLISSFULLY NORMAL!!! I have started noticing that I am smaller than people that I have never once considered "fat"....all these years when I would look at those people they just looked normal and now I'm smaller than them!

Now, all that said....I still have huge issues with my "default mode" of worrying about breaking a chair, looking at weight limits, etc. But I am trying to remind myself daily that so much of this is a head game and I have GOT to get that part right this time. Good luck working through it and try to find little ways every day to remind yourself of how normal/small/healthy.....(you get the idea) you are.