Tough Topic

[sarsar 824]

This is a tough topic but I need to talk about it. I am being sleeved on the 24th. I am having the hardest time leaving my children. I am scared that I might die and leave them. I am trying not to dwell too much on this but I know that with any surgery death could happen. I don't feel like I have more of a chance dying being sleeved, it's just that I could die. I could even die on the plane but for some reason that doesn't scare me as much. I think this is even more on my mind because I am going to Mexico and I will be so far away from them, I live in WI.

I was wondering how you all are dealing/dealt with this?

I was thinking of writing a letter to each of my 3 children and my husband just in case something does happen. But then I think maybe that is too much and I am making a big deal about this. Then again, I am not telling my 2 younger sons I think about how upset they would be if something did happen and I didn't tell them anything.

Thoughts??

[Lola11 0]

Just go with you gut feelings, maybe writing ur children a letter will ease your nerves, I went through the same thing up until mins before my surgery, the only thing that made me feel better was knowing that I had spoke to my husband and expressed to him that if anything were to happened to me during surgery, that he would make sure our boys would never forget me. I pray for you and your family sweetie.

[1-4-Many 2]

I think your worry is normal. We all know we could drop dead at any moment. It's unfortunate but we could. But I, for instance, am a very worried flyer. Because when I get on that plane I know that everything is out of my control. Of course some people believe you are always without control and that a higher power is driving. But I don't see it that way, I believe that higher power is only creating the energy and how we use it us up to us.

That said, you are using your energy to make a better life for you and those kids. Yes, for a brief window of time you will be out of control and you are at a higher risk than normal for a problem. But that's almost always the situation when there is great gain to be had....a window of possible great loss.

You know that going to Mexico for this procedure is risky but also very safe -- if that makes sense. I'm sure you've done your research. And man do you ever hear the praises of the Mexican facilities on forums like this. The worry is normal. But try to keep it in perspective to the level of risk which to me, would be to be concerned, ask questions, pay attention to what's going on and move forward.

Regarding the notes, do it if it would make you feel better. If it will make you feel bad, don't do it. I have a journal I keep. And on one page about a week before surgery I wrote the names of about 15 people and a couple of single comments. Like -

Jeanne - thanks for being a true friend. There are not many in this world like you and I am so glad you crossed my path.

I knew my best friend would find it some day and pass the thoughts along. I then left a note explaining where my lawyer's office was and that he had a copy of my will and a few other minor instructions. And that was it. But this is just to let you know that you are not the only one to consider doing things like this and it's perfectly normal.

But I will also tell you this. The surgery was the easy part of this journey for me and if you had told me that the week before I would have never believed you. I was very afraid before the surgery. Now I wonder why I was so fixated on worrying about that when it was the next two months I should have been concerned about. ( There...maybe that will take your mind off the fear of surgery...give you a new place to put it! )

Hope this helps. And I'll be happy for you when you are done, home and sick to death of food that passes through a wire strainer. Good luck.

[susnl 17]

I was sleeved on Monday 05/09. I have a teenager who knew what I was doing and strongly opposed it. I also have a three year old.

For my teenager, I told him I had to do this for me. I asked him, if something happened to please stay close to his brother. He told me that if something happened, he was going to be mad. I told him that was ok. He is strong and getting ready to graduate, so I knew he would be ok.

For my little one, I struggled. I didn't say anything, even on the way to hospital, I just told him I had to go to the doctor. I had thought about it since I made my decision but it really hit me the night before surgery. I completely lost it while trying to read him a bedtime story. I managed to choke down tears and kiss him good night. I made it to my bedroom and broke down into sobs. The thought of him having to grown up without me and ask his daddy "where's mommy", just tore me to pieces. I prayed to God for peace. I was reminded that I was doing this for him, so I could be around to watch him graduate, get married and have kids of his own. And so that he doesn't have the burden of caring for a very sick parent (like I currently do for my mom).

Of course, I lost it again after I dropped him off at a good friend's house on the way to the hospital. My husband reassured me that I had done everything I could to make sure there was the best outcome as possible.

For me, in the end, I had to put my trust in God and know that He is in control.

Good luck.

[AnewMe@28 38]

I don't know your beliefs, but what helped me was prayer. My Godsister came over the night before and prayed with me. My surgeon came in and prayed with me before surgery. The patient educator came in and prayed with me before surgery and the chaplin came in and prayed with me before surgery. Prayer and whom I belive in helped me make it through that time.

[swizzly 901]

I don't have any kids, but I felt really guilty pre-surgery because I never even told anyone in my family that I was having it (still haven't). I figured if something went wrong and I kicked it, they would be doubly pissed and upset that they didn't even know I was having an operation. But THEN I figured, well hell, I live very far away from them and only see them every couple of years usually, and in the between times, anything could happen to any of us, at any time. Surgery in a nice hospital with good doctors and surgeons should be the least of my worries, but somehow it crystallises as this big scary thing. I think it's just because it's entirely out of our control.

I am agnostic, so I just focused on the skill of the surgeon and anaesthesiologist and knew they would do their job well. I told my husband I loved him, but no big speeches lol -- I just told him to tell my family I loved them if anything happened to me. No new wills or just-in-cast letters though. I got more worked up about it all when I had my hysterectomy a few years ago, that was a 'bigger' surgery in many ways. Fact is, just like fearing flying but reaching your destination with no problems, the vast majority of people will also come through surgery just fine as well. So statistically, you've very, very little to worry about. Maybe that's not comforting to anyone else, but running the numbers like that always makes me feel better.

[meggiep 57]

I put this in another thread and will attach it again- I totally understand your fear but know everything is amplified right now. Letters sound good in your case as yu are not wanting to tell your youngest sons directly. I thin the main reason for writing them is for YOU- to get whatever you are feeling out. This is for you, this surgery is for you and them- remember that!

BTW I even told my husbsnd to post here if anything happened. The oddest things came up! It is all normal.

"They are such hard things to discuss! It was really hard for me but the night before my surgery I had talks with both my husband and my son. Zach is his step-son and I wanted him to promise to always take care if him like his own- they are close and always have been, for 10 years- but I needed him to promise.Also a silly thing- not to stop feeding the feral cats in our neighborhood! It is odd what will come up. Then I told Zach NOT to think something was going to happen as the chances were uber remote- but that if it did- to remember I loved him with all my heart, would always be with him, and to try to make choices at least considering for a moment what Mama might have thought.

This was VERY hard. My husband flat out thought I was almost bonkers to be filled with that much fear. I have had three other surgeries so this was not a new concept. Yet I felt it was needed, and had done something similar before. The interesting thing is that this time was a little bit more intense because my months here on VST have cracked me open in a new and different way.

I have always been open, and expressive of my feelings. But one area I had never really allowed to surface, was my pain at being obese. Suddenly among these people here, the feelings started coming, the pain I had lived with for so long. SO having thought I wore as much of my heart on my sleeve as was possible I discovered there was more, hence the heightened talks.

Know this- those talks comforted me. I said what I thought I needed to say, at least in the somewhat emotionally askew condition I was in- after 2 weeks on liquids and the night before major life altering surgery!"

[Valentina 2,642]

I come from a family with a long list of surgeries and my mother was a nurse. We were always told that what God has intended for us, we can not change. We tried not to dwell on all the bad things that could happen, but to look for the light.Each of us when we reached the proper age were incouraged to have a living will. With that came letters to the immediate family "just in case".

After that, we never had the heart twisting conversations before a surgery or before a long trip. My family always felt (and still does feel) that those tearjerking conversations only excellarate negativity --especially for the younger children. Our children know we love them. Our spouses know we love them. Our faith in them will see them through in case The Lord should call us Home.

Write your letters, put them in a security box and let your mind and heart be at ease.

You have a wonderful family. Go on your surgery adventure with that in mind. You have a wonderful family and they have a wonderful YOU. Leave the drama for the soap operas. Have only positive, happy thoughts of your wonderful, healthy life ahead.

My thoughts,

Valentina

I put this in another thread and will attach it again- I totally understand your fear but know everything is amplified right now. Letters sound good in your case as yu are not wanting to tell your youngest sons directly. I thin the main reason for writing them is for YOU- to get whatever you are feeling out. This is for you, this surgery is for you and them- remember that!

BTW I even told my husbsnd to post here if anything happened. The oddest things came up! It is all normal.

"They are such hard things to discuss! It was really hard for me but the night before my surgery I had talks with both my husband and my son. Zach is his step-son and I wanted him to promise to always take care if him like his own- they are close and always have been, for 10 years- but I needed him to promise.Also a silly thing- not to stop feeding the feral cats in our neighborhood! It is odd what will come up. Then I told Zach NOT to think something was going to happen as the chances were uber remote- but that if it did- to remember I loved him with all my heart, would always be with him, and to try to make choices at least considering for a moment what Mama might have thought.

This was VERY hard. My husband flat out thought I was almost bonkers to be filled with that much fear. I have had three other surgeries so this was not a new concept. Yet I felt it was needed, and had done something similar before. The interesting thing is that this time was a little bit more intense because my months here on VST have cracked me open in a new and different way.

I have always been open, and expressive of my feelings. But one area I had never really allowed to surface, was my pain at being obese. Suddenly among these people here, the feelings started coming, the pain I had lived with for so long. SO having thought I wore as much of my heart on my sleeve as was possible I discovered there was more, hence the heightened talks.

Know this- those talks comforted me. I said what I thought I needed to say, at least in the somewhat emotionally askew condition I was in- after 2 weeks on liquids and the night before major life altering surgery!"

[Disney 20]

It is very hard, but I totally agree with what Meggie said, things are amplified right now and you always (at least I do) consider the worst possible scenario when something major is about to happen. Like this surgery. It is completely normal and the only thing I can add to what others have said is, just try and keep yourself busy and focus on as many other things as you can. Watch a movie on your laptop, listen to some music on your ipod, just keep busy. I will tell you this, I noticed you are going to Dr. Aceves, well you will be at ease as soon as you meet him and Dr. Campos. I felt so comfortable during/after the "talk" he gives right before surgery. As soon as he was done, all my worries just went away and the next thing I knew, I was waking up and I was on the glorious other side of my life. My new life. One that will be better, not only for me, but for my little girl and DH, too.

I won't event tell you to relax. That's just a word, but keep busy till you get there and then just listen to Dr. A and everything will fall into place. Just look at all of us who have been in the very room you will probably stay in at the hospital. Accidents can and do happen, but hey, look at the Good Dr.'s track record, it speaks for itself.

Hang in there.

BTW, go ahead and write the letters, it might help you feel more comfortable about going ahead with the surgery. When you get back home, just tear them up. Done.

[sarsar 824]

I want to thank each and every one of you who responded! You don't know how much the things that you have said mean to me. Each of you said something that touched my heart! It is so good to know that I am not the only one who has gone through this!

I think I am going to write things down and see if I feel better. I am going to pray more and try not to worry about this any longer. This is such a hard thing to talk about but I already feel better just getting it out.

Thank you so much!

[Amanda131 214]

I want to thank each and every one of you who responded! You don't know how much the things that you have said mean to me. Each of you said something that touched my heart! It is so good to know that I am not the only one who has gone through this!

I think I am going to write things down and see if I feel better. I am going to pray more and try not to worry about this any longer. This is such a hard thing to talk about but I already feel better just getting it out.

Thank you so much!

I wrote letters a couple of years ago before my first business trip after my daughter was born. I keep them with my will in our safe. Having those letters gave me a sense a peace before this surgery. I will warn you though that I just about bawled my eyes out when I wrote those letters and I wasn't near as emotional back then as I was right before my surgery. So, be warned that the letter writing, while cathartic just might wring you out emotionally! Best wishes!

Amanda

[crosswind 134]

This is a tough topic but I need to talk about it. I am being sleeved on the 24th. I am having the hardest time leaving my children. I am scared that I might die and leave them. I am trying not to dwell too much on this but I know that with any surgery death could happen. I don't feel like I have more of a chance dying being sleeved, it's just that I could die. I could even die on the plane but for some reason that doesn't scare me as much. I think this is even more on my mind because I am going to Mexico and I will be so far away from them, I live in WI.

I was wondering how you all are dealing/dealt with this?

I was thinking of writing a letter to each of my 3 children and my husband just in case something does happen. But then I think maybe that is too much and I am making a big deal about this. Then again, I am not telling my 2 younger sons I think about how upset they would be if something did happen and I didn't tell them anything.

Thoughts??

Okay. First of all, you are not going to die. No one thinks you' re going to die. Your surgeon especially does not think you're going to die, because if he did, why would he operate on you?

The second reason you are not going to die is because I promise you won't. You have the crosswind guarantee that you will not die on that operating table and this is how I know: go read the literature. The chances of death from this surgery are hilariously small. They are overall hiliarously small -- and even smaller given the picture of your current health, comorbidities, etc. If you are significantly overweight, you have a much better chance of waking up tomorrow in the throes of cardiac arrest than you do of dying from this surgery.

People who die from this surgery usually do so later, and the usually do so because the ignore their own symptoms for some outrageous period of time. Any other complication that could result in death is close to zero in likelihood after you get home from the hospital. If you monitor yourself; and something seems wrong -- you go the ER and they patch you up. And you won't die.

Second of all. However you're feeling now, I also give you the Crosswind guarantee that when you get there, they are going to get you so high you are not even going to notice you're gone. I'm obviously a little substance happy personallly, but I had never been under general anesthesia before and I was sort of looking forward to it. There is something intensely, sinfully restful about laying down on a cot and letting the various opiates commence. In fact, everything in my experience prior to the surgery was an "induction" strategy to get me to show up on that table without losing my mind. The night before they told me to party it up, eat whatever I wanted and have some drinks, and then before bed it was 2 mgs ativan; then first thing I get another dreamshot, then another ativan, then...I'm trying to remember what they called the Big Blue Pill, but the point is -- go ahead and worry now because once you get there you are going to notice you suddenly feel perfectly marvelous.

Finally -- when we see dramatic depictions of hospital dramas on television, the patients are *already dying*. So we hear Code Blue and crash cart and all these armchair-clutching tv moments where there is a chance the patient might take off for the hereafter. This is not your situation. You are healthy and you are undergoing elective surgery. People who die from this surgery are already seriously comorbid and are often more at risk the higher their bmi. Write the letter if you need to, but I promise you, you're going home.

[marymoon 18]

You're going to be in great hands with Dr. Aceves & I echo crosswind in saying you are NOT going to die on the table. He is a great surgeon with many, many VSG operations under his belt and his experience will pay off for you in the long run.

I thought about writing a letter to my children (10 and 7) only because I was worried about my plane crashing. I didn't have one ounce of fear about undergoing surgery. Not a single, solitary bit and this from a woman who lost her dad on the surgical table 7 years ago. He was very sick with heart disease and the operation was extremely risky and we expected complications anyway, but it still leaves a scar. I admit, the first surgery I had after he died scared the crap out of me because I was worried I would never wake up, too, but the happy juice/pill you get really does make you not care. I've had 5 more surgeries since then and the VSG was by far the easiest and least worrisome for me.

Congrats on your surgery!

[Roseib 13]

Yes if writing a letter gives you some peace of mind do it. I am single no children. I did a living will to make sure my practical efficient nurse cousin didn't pull the plug too soon. I made another cousin the "decider". Hehe. But I made it through in great shape age 62 and BMI of 60. Sounds more like fear of the unknown than fear of surgery per se. Crosswind is right about the very low risk of any complication. If I made it through find at my age and weight, you will too. Wish you peace of mind.

[imawhodat 3]

This post brought tears to my eyes. I am struggling with the same feelings. My 3 teenage kids know I'm having surgery and are excited for me. My 7 year old is excited as well...her words "I want to have a healthy mama, but I love you no matter what." I have a 3 year old and the thought of something happening to me terrifies me. I've had several surgeries, some pre-kids and of course I had anxiety, but somehow having children ampliflies that fear of something happening. I had thyroid surgery last summer and went through these feelings, so I should be over it by now.

Know you are not alone in feeling this way. Having this surgery is a huge change in our lives but its one that will be such a wonderful gift to ourselves and our kids.

Hugs

Leanne