10 weeks out today

[SarahS 13]

Today is 10 weeks since my date of surgery. I stepped on the scale today and was at 293!!!! I was SOOOO excited that I recently got under 300, but now I am blowing thru the 290's, LOL. I lost 5 pounds this week, for a total of 63 pounds since surgery!!! I lost 13 pre-op so that makes a total of 76 pounds!!!! Sometimes I think I am not losing fast enough, but then I look at the weight I have lost and am like, WOW! I started at a size 30/32 and sometimes couldn't even fit into a 4X in tops. But today, I am wearing 3X tops and even some 2X in mens t-shirts. I am wearing a 24 in jeans I am so glad I got this surgery. I have hard days, but overall, I am so happy and excited I did it, and it feels soooo good when clothes get lose on me and I have to go down another size :) My goal was to lose 100 pounds by 6 months and I think I will have no problem with that and might even lose the first 100 before that mark.

I am not sure if these are normal feelings, but sometimes I get scared that I am losing the weight. It sounds kind of dumb, but I feel safe being overweight. Don't really know how to exactly explain it. I feel more vulnerable at a lighter weight. But I know I will be heathier when I am at a healthy weight. Also, I know its normal, but its so strange, that I don't see the weight loss like others do. I can feel my clothes getting lose, but I don't see it in the mirror. It's so odd. I also fight everyday the "bad" thoughts in my head, the bad stupid eating disorder thoughts of "just don't eat today, you will lose faster" , or "throw that food up, you ate too much". I wish those thoughts would LEAVE forever, but I am doing pretty well at fighting them. Its an everyday battle. Keeping track of calories and weighing myself multiple times a day can get obsessive. I also feel kind of guilty for having the surgery, or a failure because I coudln't lose it on my own. I know that is stupid and I don't know why I feel that sometimes. After surgery my surgeon said my stomach was HUGE, he even had to make an incision bigger to get it out, so there was probably no way I could have ever lost the weight on my own because I would have always been hungry. I also haven't been following my diet the nutrition gave me. I have been eating Cereal a lot and I feel like I am cheating. But I am still losing so I guess its not hurting me. Maybe I could lose faster? I think I am one of those people that can still lose on carbs... well obviously I am. I think my body just functions better getting carbs.

I know all that sounds like a lot, but I am glad I had the surgery. I am sure I would be even closer to 400 pounds now if I wouldn't have had the surgery. My eating was so out of control. I can't believe how much I use to eat....how much I could eat. I have a lot more better days than bad right now. I am glad I can walk to my mailbox and not get out of breath. I am glad I can take a shower and not have to sit down right when I get out. I am glad I can play more with my dogs. I am glad I save LOTS of money at the grocery I am SOOOO glad that I didn't get bypass. That was my first choice before I know about VSG. The surgeon actually suggested VSG. I am SO glad I went with it. I would do it all again.

My goal for the next few weeks to is start exercising!

Hopefully over the next month or so I can get to the half way point!!! Only 20+ more pounds till half way, WOW!

[AutumnLily 77]

Wow what a great upbeat posting! Keep us posted on your continued success.

[Kimz 1]

I'm so excited for you! You're doing awesome! I love getting on the scale and seeing weight loss instead of wt gain! I'm sure you'll meet you goal in no time! Take care!

[twoboysandagirl 109]

Congrats! You are doing great.

[steph025 0]

Wow Sarah! That is fantastic! Congratulations!

[sleeveorbust 11]

way to go sarah! Your doing great!!

[sleeve 4 me 910]

Whoo hoo!

[M2G 1,836]

Congrats on the weight lost, it's amazing how quickly you are losing! I'm only a few weeks behind you in having vsg and I'm hoping to lose about 60-70 lbs at 6 months out. You are doing great, keep those voices quiet, and work on a plan that works for you.

[SassynDirect 2]

Congrats on the weight lost, it's amazing how quickly you are losing! I'm only a few weeks behind you in having vsg and I'm hoping to lose about 60-70 lbs at 6 months out. You are doing great, keep those voices quiet, and work on a plan that works for you.

Wow! 63# is a great accomplishment. I loved the advice above about "keeping those voices quiet". I know it's hard to do because I've had so many of the same thoughts as you, especially about being a failure for choosing surgery. But we all do what we must for ourselves and our families. Be proud of your achievements and take it day by day. Looking forward to hearing when you hit that half-way mark. Congrats!

[Tiffykins 672]

You've done amazingly well, and please don't feel stupid, or guilty for having these emotions. I'm a huge advocate for people to realize it's "Okay" to have feelings, and to express them. Vulnerability was a new emotion/feeling for me. I felt absolutely "weird" about being skinny, and being referred to as "skinny". I started thinking about "friends" and the world around me differently. I always took "command" of a room, and felt like I had to be the "fun fat chick" for people to like me. I soon found out that I could still be me, but not SO OUT THERE. People were closer to me without me having to use humor, wit, and sarcasm to win people over. .

You're entering into a whole new world, and you'll find out so much about you, and the world around you. Embrace the changes, do not allow speed bumps become road blocks, and I had to battle "self-sabotaging" habits a lot because I just wanted to succeed so badly.

You are worthy all the successes that will come your way ! ! !

[PamelaAM 16]

You are doing GREAT!!! And it is so nice that you are able to articulate your thoughts and emotions about your weight loss. We are all feeling it. It is definitely the journey of a lifetime! My only regret is that I didn't have this done sooner :-) Keep it up!

[trinitymi 0]

Congratulations on your amazing weight loss! I think those voices are the voices we have when we are over weight/fat. As we all know in our society "fat is bad". I see my surgeon on January 5, 2011 and will schedule my sleeve then. BUT what I would like to share is that for me-I am over obese because of my relationship with food. I do not eat to survive, I survive to eat...if that makes sense. I believe people who are obese have a relationship with food meaning that food is serving some other purpose than fueling our bodies. Why don't diets work? It would be amazing if losing weight were as simple as following the instructions of a diet. This is why they fail. I went to therapy for my eating patterns and I found that I was eating every two hours-medicating myself with food-ADDICTION-food addiction-not vicodin, alcohol, marijuana, percocet, cigarettes-my addiction is food. You will lose the "fat mentality" and finally be free of all that obsesity bound you of....

[LilMissDiva Irene 3,281]

Hi Sarah!!

Wow, what can I say – you are really doing an amazing job here!! You are very inspiring.

I’ll tell you what though; I sincerely appreciate your candor. You keep it real and you explain that even though you are losing really great, it’s really hard sometimes.

Congrats on reaching Twoterville! It sounds like you are going to move right through it. Good for you!! I believe too you will reach the Century Club sooner than you set for your goal. At least I’m hoping for you! Even if you didn’t though, you are doing such a great job, you should feel nothing but proud of how much you have already accomplished.

I do understand your feeling too about losing weight. It was like a cocoon to me, and food was my shelter too. I have noticed that since I can’t eat to satisfy my feelings rather than only physical hunger, I find that I am much more moody. My husband agrees, but I think eventually I’ll settle down and become more normal. At least I hope so!

I also go through the whole thing where I look in the mirror and still see the old “fatter” me. Seeing as I’ve lost nearly 100 Lbs from my heaviest, there’s no way that’s true, but it is what I see in the mirror. I am overly critical of myself in my photos too. I literally have to place the photo side by side to see any make up from where I was. It is a very classic signal from those suffering from eating disorders, which I too suffered from.

I have to be very careful with myself. There are many different ways in which folks have to strive to have a healthy relationship with food and self. Though I never forcibly made myself vomit (and only because I dread this more than most other things) I would still do many other things to rid myself of too much food. It’s not easy to admit, but I think just doing this is the first step to correcting this behavior.

Weighing daily or even more is also an obsessive behavior that I have to be careful of as well. I actually put my scale in the garage where I know I won’t sneak on it in the morning. It’s too cold!! I don’t know what I’ll do once the freezing weather is over though… LOL

All the best to you Susan! May you continue on your journey of success and becoming a better you!!!