Dealing with family

[Lori21769 14]

I am going on vacation in a few days, and will be staying with my parents. I only get to see them once or twice a year, so I am looking forward to it.

In the past however, when I have lost weight- they have not commented on it. It is as if they didn't even notice once when I lost 70 lbs! That is really disheartening and discouraging.

Yesterday I posted my 4 month pictures on my Facebook page, and my sister made a comment. She said, "I see you have rearranged the furniture again." Not one word about how I look!!!!

I am wondering if I should make some sort of statement when I arrive at my parents house- either asking them to acknowledge my loss, or give me a word of encouragement so i don't stew over it for my entire ten days?

I talk to my mother twice a week on the phone, and she never, ever asks about my weightloss. I sometimes will tell her how many lbs. I am down- and she barely responds. Usually, its something like, "um, hmm."

Suggestions? I hate that their approval means so much to me, but they are my family....sigh.

[MlkPas 5]

Seems like you have two choices. First choice is acknowledging that the only person whose thoughts and feelings and behaviors you can control is you. You can tell yourself "My family obviously has some crazy hang-up about acknowledging my weight loss, and that's their deal, not mine. I know I've lost a ton of weight and I look great and feel great, and although I would prefer to have a lot of praise and appreciation from them, I can live without it." Repeat to yourself as needed (constantly, if necessary), and enjoy the visit without hoping for their approval.

Second is to take the bull by the horns, sit them down, and say "Guys, we need to talk. I've had this major surgery and am losing a ton of weight, and I'm really excited about it. And I have to admit, I've been surprised and disappointed that nobody in the family seems to have noticed or cared about my weight loss. So I am telling you, up front and out loud, that it would mean the world to me if you would support me by acknowledging and complimenting my hard work and the results I've gotten so far."

If they respond positively to the second approach, great! If not, then you're going to have no choice but to go back to the first approach and remember that you're doing this for yourself, and not to gain their approval.

Oh... here's a third approach. You can be really bold. When you say "Mom, I'm down another five pounds," and she says "uh-huh," you can laugh and say "Mom! I said I'm down another five pounds! I'm sure you meant to say 'wow, Lori! That's great! That's fantastic! Great job!' And then make her repeat it. I've actually done this with my DH and if you can manage to pull off the right lighthearted tone, it works really well!

Good luck to you! I feel your pain and I think you're doing a wonderful job!

[MINI-Me 196]

I can sooooo relate. Here's a post I made last month http://verticalsleevetalk.com/general-vsg-support/7193-why-cant-they-just-say-congratulations.html

Just try to stay focused on the hard work you are doing for yourself. It hurts like crazy when you aren't supported by the ones who love you the most. Just know that while we are virtual strangers, we do support you and think you are doing awesome!

[Lillie24 2]

I am more of a communication person so I would have a heart to heart with my mom or my sister, whichever your closest with. Maybe it is that they are afraid to be supportive because it might throw you off coarse. who knows why people do what they do. But I think you will feel a lot better if you talk to them. I have a wonderful support behind me but I think it has a lot to do with having open communication.

[pumpkin07 32]

I have not had that reaction from family BUT I work with a lot of Christians and some of them NEVER comment on my weight loss unless they do not know I had surgery. If I then tell them I had surgery, many of them just don't say another word like I said I had an abortion or something. It is so weird. So I finally, in my hard headed and very open state, learned to just start saying I am not eating as much these days...

[Qured 3]

MlkPas couldn't have said it better really.

[Lori21769 14]

I'm happy to report my husband solved this problem for me. Upon arrival at my parents house, he simply said, "doesn't my skinny wife look fabulous?" They had to say something! LOL. Case closed. Thanks for the input!

[pcindy 8]

I hate when people comment about my body, thin or fat. I feel like my body is none of their business. Maybe your family doesn't know if you're sensitive about it, and are trying to respect your privacy and not put you on the spot or make you feel self-conscious.

[mp8btpc 32]

I'm happy to report my husband solved this problem for me. Upon arrival at my parents house, he simply said, "doesn't my skinny wife look fabulous?" They had to say something! LOL. Case closed. Thanks for the input!

I LIKE HIM ALREADY!:001_tt2:

[lamsunshine 2]

I'm happy to report my husband solved this problem for me. Upon arrival at my parents house, he simply said, "doesn't my skinny wife look fabulous?" They had to say something! LOL. Case closed. Thanks for the input!

I'm glad you husband helped out with this situation. I know you feel so much better. Good job on the weight loss, keep up the good work. :001_tt2: to the husband.