It took me a lot to write out that title. I'm 20 years old and I've never had a boyfriend. Lots of people tell me, "oh you just need to have more confidence." Yeah, well I used to have confidence until I couldn't get a boyfriend. UGH. People tell me differently, but I'm so tired of never having a relationship.

You may think this thread is stupid, but it's a valid problem that I have with myself. Don't tell me that I just need to have patience ugh.

It may be selfish, but I want people to think I'm attractive. I know that people like my face, but that's not the full me. I want to get double-takes from people that I actually find attractive. I want to have a MUTUAL attraction just ONCE would be nice. ugh.

Every guy that I've ever liked has always just found me unattractive/disgustingly fat, OR they're gay. lol My gay-dar is horrible and I can never tell. I just want to be liked and I want guys in general to find me attractive (I know I sound pathetic, but that's what I want, and if I can't post a rant like this on these boards, I don't know where else I'd post them.)

I actually have a great sense of humor and I can make anyone laugh after we hang out for a while. I make friends really easily. My only downfall is the way my body looks, and it depresses me to no end.

well sweetie, the only thing i can tell you is that your trying too hard. Why want a boyfriend? They are nothing but trouble, they cheat on you, they use you, abuse you, then throw you to the curb, not to mention you could end up pregnant without a father for the kid and even worse, HIV/STD or syphilis and they don't give a damn. . .you don't want that either I'm sure. . .work on yourself, be kind to yourself, love yourself for the person you are and like you've heard soooooo many times, your young, enjoy your life and once you stop trying so hard, they will come to you. . . don't run to them. . .you know what that may make them think. . . and yes, I know what i'm talking about, been there, done that.

Sbrinham, you will be so sassy in a few months. Losing the weight gives you a lot of confidence, and with that, the guy's will follow. Don't worry. You are in for a big suprise, just don't get too cocky when your that gorgeous thin chick. )

Sbrinham,

I have no doubt that once you start this journey, begin losing weight and working out you will have such a boost in confidence. That boost in confidence in your appearance will be evident to others. You will be amazed how attractive others will find you once your confidence is boosted. You are young and this is a great time to lose weight and become the attractive young person that I am sure that you already are on the inside.

Just to let you know I am 50 years old, been married for 23 years and had my surgery 14 weeks ago. I am a lightweight but have already lost 50 lbs and today at work I looked smoking hot! Got lots of compliments from men and women. I came home and told my husband all about it. Way fun. So you young thing just have fun with this and enjoy the journey and the rest of your life!!

Best of luck, Frankie

Hi sweetie. My best advice is right now focus on YOU. Get your mindset on the surgery. In a few months after surgery you'll probably have to beat off with a stick..... LOL.

Take time now to know yourself.. the boys will always be there. Trust me! In the end you will be able to have a longer lasting realtionship when you have a firmer idea of who you are. Treat yourself with the same kindness you would give your best friend! :crying: I am pulling for you!!

You'll emerge a beautifuil butterfly after vsg with confidence and with that you will need to be ur own person that loves yourself! The rest will follow.

Thanks, everyone :thumbup: I had had a really bad day when I posted this, and I really like that you guys took the time to answer my rant! Thank you so much!! My appointment with my surgeon is this friday! I'm excited and soooo ready. He still has to send a letter to the insurance, but I'm right back up to where I started with lapband and I shouldn't have a problem getting approval. I'm glad I can talk to you guys about everything, even this! And, I'm so ready to be able to start beating guys off with a stick lol

Yeah...you better get that stick ready. It is kinda weird - but you will attract more men when you lose weight. I don't think every man wants his girl to be a stick figure, men like curves, but perhaps we all look healthier at a somewhat reasonable weight. For whatever reason, the world seems to work thataway.

If only we could only attract the ones that are good for us - a good time to think about the most important qualities you are looking for. Get ready to be picky.

Its so normal to want what you want. There's no way you could be a healthy 20 year old and not want to have a boyfirend or have people look at you. Hell... I'm 44 and thats what I want.

Hang in there.... life will change drastically when we emerge from our cuccoons.

I completely understand where you are coming from. I am 27 and have never been in a long term relationship, unless you count the love of my life from age 7-10! Anyway, I've dated here and there but never have I had the "title" thing going on. Most of my friends are already married and/or have kids so I'm really the oddball out! It's funny that some days it bothers me to no end and then other days I am sooo grateful that don't have the stress and headache my friends have. I'm going to just be content and know that when it's time for me to be with that special man, it will happen. If I don't enjoy being alone with myself, nobody else will!

It took courage to write that post! And you're right, if you can't let it out here, you can't let it out anywhere! I was heavy from age 12 and I never had a boyfriend until I lost weight on some pills a doctor gave me when I was 17 (heaven knows what he gave me). I met my first boyfriend as a senior in high school and married him right off. Dumb. We ended up divorced 6 years later and I was left raising 2 (beautiful) little boys by myself. I was like a one-dimensional person at that time. No confidence, no experience, immature and naive.

I've learned a lot of lessons since then, and read a LOT of books on improving self-esteem. I had a dysfunctional family background, so I read a LOT of books on that too. If you like to read, go to the library's self-help book section and get a few books by different authors on subjects you would like to improve in yourself.

When you lose weight, the guys will come around. The hard part is PICKING the right kind of guy! When you get to that point, and you WILL, I've got lots of advice!!!

Learning to love ourselves, no matter what we look like, can be the challenge of a lifetime for some of us.

Does any of this make sense to you?

@breezy: it makes a lot of sense! And, if you don't mind, I may take you up on the offer about getting advice from you :smile1: Like I said, I've never had a bf and I really don't know how to pick the right one at all. Thank you :wink1:

listen, this was me 10 years ago, and when the first guy paid attention to me, i jumped in his boat. . . DONT DO IT! hahaha. I can laugh now but those couple of years were baddd and I refused to see it while in it. took as many years to get over it as i was in it! now i dont even look. someone will find me one day. it is their search not mine.

I am 25 year old and never had a girl friend.. I am handsome to look at, and I think i am intelligent and have a good sense of humor. But still, I was shy to approach girls coz i am fat.

Well, I am sleeved and ready for my first kiss next year!

I get butterflies in my stomach just thinking about YOU both having your first kiss. What an NSV (nonscale victory) that will be!