I'm in Freaking hell

[Bklyn Lady 0]

SteveO: Thank you for the compliment. I see you are due to get sleeved on the third. Good luck and keep the faith. I have no words of wisdom to offer as I don't get sleeved until June 15th. Let us know how you are doing. Wishing you all the best.

Stella

[notsofluffy 3]

Phatcurves,

I believe I went the opposite of you in my relationship choices. I have been obese my entire life which defiantly effected my relationship choices. I have lived alone for 12 years and have never lived with a boyfriend. My longest relationship was 3 months, 2 of those months trying to figure out how to leave him.

These things have made me rather militantly anti-jerk. Believe me that living alone is not a negative thing to experience, but a revaluation into how strong a woman can be. Many woman in our situation tend to gravitate towards the men we think we deserve. The unique reality of our situation of drastically changing our physical appearance and our self perception can increase that unique strength that we had suppressed by of all things a layer of adipose tissue.

I must agree with the other ladies that your boyfriend needs to be sent on his way to mentally abuse someone else. I hope that you don't have to deal with this type of situation further. Good luck.

[Stacy160 201]

I'm sorry again to be so blunt, but we've been through this before... your boyfriend's an asshead, you realize it, you know he's holding you back, and still you let him do it. Kick the jerk to the curb, get to know yourself, force yourself to be strong and take care of YOU, and then you'll have room in your life for a good, strong relationship (obviously, with someone else). Until then, you're enabling him to keep stomping you down.

[Globetrotter 1,340]

As my favorite sex advice collumnist-podcaster would say, "DTMFA - Dump the M*** F*** already". :tongue_smilie:

[modegirl68 0]

if it quacks like a duck and walks like a duck , its a loser!!!!!!! dump his butt!!! start living! leave him there and enjoy your new life. there is nothing to be scared of because a door will open when one closes... Im not talking about another man either.. just life in general.

[morningkiss 0]

Phatcurves - from your pix, you look like a hottie:) I'm 40 years old, never been married and have been alone for what seems like forever - we need to meet in the middle - you have some quality 'me' time and I need to relax, lol.

I have a boyfriend who makes me laugh because he's always teasing me about the food I can't eat. I remember my first trip to the grocery store - 4 days after surgery. I was on the cell phone with him laughing and crying at the same time. It hurt like hell to laugh but he was so funny. Laughter is such good medicine. If this man isn't making you laugh - trust me there are tons of them that will. Be good to yourself first and others will be good to you too.

hugs,

Dawn

[goodlife 3]

This is going to sound harsh...but honey, this is YOUR problem, not his. He may be a total jerk and may not be the one for you...but he's not holding you down and making you eat things. He may not get it..may not care...whatever. It doesn't matter. This is YOUR body, your problem, and your CHOICE as to what you put in your mouth and when.

You making poor choices about what to eat, you deciding to go on a trip your body wasn't ready for has not one damned thing to do with him and it's not his fault. Those are your problems.

Every one of your posts has a common theme..you're blaming him to justify different things.

You need to work through these things.

I hope you can figure out how to do that before you sabotage yourself.

[CraftyChristie 62]

I really think that is RIGHT ON goodlife, and not harsh but out of love. Girl we all care about you and want to see you succeed at this!!

[AutumnLily 77]

Trust me I have been in several of these types of relationships and the one thing in common was me allowing them to treat me horrible.

Christie is right you should take care of yourself and get rid of the dead weight (no pun intended). He will never change. He will always be this insensitive and you owe yourself to find out who you are. Living on your own for even a year or two will make a world of difference.

I know I am a new woman and will never settle for anyone that does not share my same interests/feelings in life ever again.

[Tiffykins 672]

People only treat you the way you allow them to do so.

If you allow him to treat you this way, he's going to continue to do it. Stand up for yourself, your life, your health, and your future.

You are worth more than a life of misery. You're choosing to be in hell. Choose better, get better. He is not responsible for your happiness, your eating, your choices. Do it for you and no one else. Don't blame him, you need to take control of your life.

[Lillie24 2]

Curves,

I agree some with every post. But I can also relate with you. I was in a relationship for 10 years and it was similar to yours. I can tell you until I am blue in the face to leave him but I know from my own experience that you have to want it and be ready for it mentally and emotionally. I know this time is hard for you. But like someone else said is a very good idea to cause some distance between the two of you. You know that you don't want to be with this guy, but your afraid of being alone or maybe just needing some time to adjust. Either way.... reflect on what you need rght now and in one way or another move forward even if it is in small steps.

[CraftyChristie 62]

Good advice Lillie.

Phatcurves, wherever you are, please come back and post. I hope you know none of us say any of this to be hurtful.

[Betterbytheday 0]

Phatcurves,Please pardon my frank nature but I call it the way I see it. And I see several things going on here.First, no one on earth could force me to eat solids this early out, not him, not anyone, you ate that food, it's not his fault. The sleeve will be just like the band I had previously, it will be a governor, and a cruel one at that. When you exceed its limits, you will pay. Second, if he simply forgot or didn't understand your limitations, that's one thing. But if, on the other hand, he tried to sabotage you, that's something you need to look at, and objectively. Is it because he likes the status quo? Wants you the way you are so you'll never leave him? Just wait until you REALLY start changing drastically, and feeling better about the way you look, become more outgoing and vivacious. When men really start to notice you, hell, he'll then offer you a barbed wire pie!When you change the dynamics in a relationship everyone has to redefine where they stand with it or it falls apart, chances are, you will probably end up tossing him aside as easily as you will your clothes that also no longer fit the new you. However, if you do allow him to be successful in sabotaging your effort to lose weight, you may cause a leak and have to go under the knife again and start the whole process over, or worse yet, risk your life ultimately. Ask yourself if this, or any guy, worth that?But there are some underlying red flags I see, one, your mentioning of fruits and nuts and the like, that's a month away from surgery unless the fruit is blended (by my post surgical protocol), so they're off the table for now in my life. So I'm seeing some behavior on YOUR part that's questionable at best as to whom is sabotaging whom?Your life is your responsibility, where you take it is your choice.Good luck and I wish you the best.B

[Phatcurves 3]

Thank you all for your blunt and sometimes harsh comments. I completely understand that at some point you can not blame the other person you have to blame yourself for staying with them. He and I completely had it out and I said things that need to be said for four years. The main theme was that he is UNHAPPY and his only happiness comes from dragging other people ME, his family etc down into the dumps. We fought for hours and he kept denying and twisting it on me. So yesterday I rented my own apt in secret and started slowly moving things over. I can only do so much because of my doctors Stupid TEN pound or less rule. But With in the next couple of weeks more stuff is going to start disappearing. Geez i have a ton of crap. Anyways He is 43 and i am 34 come this thurs. By now he is who he is and there will be no changing him or his attitude. I really feel sorry for him because I know as a person he is miserable and before I met him I was SUPER happy all the time and I know that he hasnt felt that in years.

Anyways thanks for your coments. I am sure until I am fully out I will have more crap to talk about but hopefully that wont be to much longer.

xoxox

[CraftyChristie 62]

I'm so proud of you! I know it's hard but you are making the right choice for yourself and it's going to be so much easier to meet your own needs now. Wish I could help you move stuff!! Of course I'm only 3 weeks out too lol. I'm seriously just so glad that you are making this move and going to be on your own. Good things are ahead and you will be that super happy person again. *hugs*